Hearts Intertwined
by kittykat2015
Summary: Sequel to IIAS. It's been a year since IIAS, and new challenges await the Del Mar/Twist family. Ennis is drafted to Vietnam and while he is away, tragedy strikes back home, and Jack struggles to hold everything together, even when Ennis returns...
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Notes_

_Hey guys! Here's the third installment! Hope you enjoy it xxx_

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

_December 26th, 1965_

A bright wintery sun shone down on the heather-covered hilltop at the edge of the ranch. Two figures were lying on a blanket, one of them with an arm around the other as they listened to the distant sounds of the city. All was peaceful around them.

Ennis shifted slightly and looked down at Jack. His eyes were closed but Ennis could tell that he was still awake, just about. He looked so peaceful like this and Ennis loved to hold him tightly. Jack had a slight smile on his face as he dozed.

Ennis thought back over the last year. All in all, it had been somewhat better than the year before. Their first year together had been full of ups and downs as they'd tried to find their feet here in Georgia and tried to get used to their new relationship. They had gotten together quite suddenly without warning and they'd had to work at things. And their bad experiences had only made them stronger.

In comparison, hardly anything bad had happened over this last year. Pete Dawson was still in jail and Aguirre was banned from leaving Wyoming, so they hadn't been threatened to the extent that they had been before. Fred Kane was still around but they could ignore him well enough.

Lily was growing in leaps and bounds. In June the word 'mama' had slipped out of her mouth and brought tears to Becky's eyes, and she was thrilled whenever Lily repeated it. Becky spent a lot of time with her and Lily was responding to her more and more. Ennis, Jack and Rose were also having an influence on her and Jack loved to play peek-a-boo with her and make her giggle; Ennis could see how great he was with her.

In August, she had started to take her first attempts at standing up while holding tightly onto the sofa. Becky had walked into the room and gasped out loud when she'd seen it, sweeping Lily up into her arms and exclaiming over her achievement. A month later, she'd taken her first tentative steps towards her mother, which had been witnessed by Rose, Ennis and Jack, who looked on with pride.

The week after her birth, Becky had had Lily christened at the local church and Ennis and Jack were named godfathers, as Becky had wanted. It was a beautiful ceremony and Becky practically glowed with pride.

The ranch was doing well. They were making some money now and were well known in town as successful ranchers. As far as they knew, the nature of their relationship was only known to their group of friends in town, and to Fred Kane, but he didn't matter to them. They had good friends here and knew that they were very lucky to have that. They were settled in now and building a good life together. Everything had come together for them.

Jack stirred next to him, shaking him from his thoughts. He looked back down at him, smiling to himself as Jack stretched.

"Mmm..." Jack moaned softly, stretching like a cat.

"Hey, rodeo, you awake now?" Ennis asked, shaking his shoulder. Jack smiled up at him, blue eyes a little hazy.

"Just restin' a little. Like sleepin' next to you," he murmured. Ennis smiled and kissed his hair, feeling Jack snuggle closer to him.

"I like you bein' next to me, darlin'." He rose up and turned onto his side, propped up on his elbow over Jack. He traced a finger along Jack's jaw.

"You happy, Jack?" he asked softly. He knew that things had been shaky between them, especially in the last few months of their first year together, with the revolutions brought about by their visit to Lightning Flat for John Twist's funeral. He was sure now that they were back on track again and they were happier than ever.

Jack nodded, his hands stretching out above his head as he gazed up at Ennis. "Yeah. Real happy. Love you, cowboy." He twined a finger in the curls at the base of Ennis's neck.

Ennis leaned down, lips brushing against Jack's. "Love you too, Jack." They kissed slowly and leisurely, and Ennis gradually lifted one leg over Jack to straddle him. He pressed his full weight onto Jack and tangled his hands in Jack's hair, coaxing Jack's tongue out to meet his own. Jack moaned into his mouth and tried to pull him even closer.

They broke apart and their eyes met, deep brown of the earth to bright blue of the sky. Jack's lips were a little red from all the kissing they'd been doing up here, a sight that Ennis particularly loved. Jack was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

"Love you, Jack. So much," Ennis whispered, eyes raking his face. Jack smiled widely and pulled him into his arms again, nose buried in the blonde curls.

"I love you too, you know I do." He wrapped his arms tightly around Ennis and felt Ennis hold him close, protective and loving.

They stayed that way for a while, just holding each other, and then soon they were kissing again, more passionately than before. Clothes started coming off. Their mouths were glued together as they rose up and pushed each other's jackets off, throwing them to the side. Ennis held Jack's face in his hands as Jack undid his shirt buttons and removed his shirt, and then Ennis removed Jack's shirt. They lay back down again and rubbed together for a few minutes, their jeans creating a delicious friction. Their jeans were removed and thrown onto the pile. Jack wrapped his legs around Ennis's waist as Ennis slid into him and started a slow, rocking motion, face buried in Jack's shoulder and softly biting his neck.

Their release came slow and sweet, Jack trembling underneath Ennis and groaning into his ear. Ennis collapsed onto Jack's chest and kissed at his skin where he could reach it. They fell asleep for a little while, listening to the distant sounds of the city.

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><p>That afternoon, Jack was busy making dinner when Ennis came up to him and slipped his arms around him from behind, nuzzling into Jack's neck.<p>

"How's dinner comin', rodeo?" he murmured. Jack grinned.

"Nearly done, cowboy. Where are the girls?"

"Becky an' Lily are in the livin' room. My mama's out feedin' Sunset." The barn cat had settled herself in well and Jack was sure that there was a male hanging around; maybe they would end up having kittens. Star and Signal's foal had been born in April and Jack had named her Opal. Jack loved baby animals and spent a lot of time with the foal.

Jack turned the stove down and turned himself in Ennis's arms, wrapping his own around Ennis's neck. "An' what are you after?" he asked, smirking.

Ennis leaned in and kissed him firmly, holding him tight and dipping him slightly so that he had to hold on. Jack grinned into the kiss and they didn't notice Becky enter the room, carrying Lily in her arms.

"Get a room, guys," she said, making them break apart. They grinned sheepishly and adjusted their clothes.

"Dinner's almost ready," said Jack. "How's our little cowgirl?"

Becky smiled and looked at her daughter. "She's good. She loves that dollhouse you got her for Christmas."

"Aw, wasn't nothin'," said Jack, both of them looking a little embarrassed. He came over and tickled Lily under her chin, making her giggle and huddle closer to Becky.

"How are things goin' for her birthday?" asked Ennis. "It's in three days."

"I talked to my mama, she can't make it. Everyone else knows, right?"

"Yep," said Jack, nodding. "The last one I talked to was Kate, she an' Rick are definitely comin'."

"She bringin' her new fella?" asked Ennis. "I know they ain't been together long, but..."

"I'll call her after an' let them decide," replied Becky. "Everythin' sorted?"

"Yep, we still got that table in the barn so we can eat outside; I'll clean it up tomorrow."

"Great." Rose came in at that moment, smiling to herself.

"Hey, mama," said Jack, slinging an arm around Ennis's shoulders. Becky had to bite her tongue to stop herself saying the same. "What's up?"

"Sunset seems happy, an' I saw that other one hangin' 'round in the shadows, probably waitin' for me to leave. The male."

Jack smiled. "Probably entertainin' themselves right about now, then."

Dinner was soon ready and they sat down, Becky feeding Lily her baby food and half-eating her own meal when she got the chance.

"What are we doin' about the cake? We buyin' one or what?" asked Jack.

"Oh, sweetheart, no. I'd be happy to make one," said Rose. Jack smiled widely; he loved his mama's baking.

"Sounds good, mama." They returned to their food, talking about the ranch and how well it was doing. They were financially secure now and had set up a good life here. Lily was first in line to inherit the ranch, but given how young Ennis and Jack still were, it was likely that there would be several more generations to come before they passed on. When Lily had her first child, they would be next in line, and so on.

After dinner, the women went into the living room and Ennis and Jack did the dishes, Jack bumping against Ennis and flirting with him shamelessly. Ennis ended up grabbing Jack and pushing him against the worktop, kissing him and grinding against him enough to make him whimper. He then pulled away with the promise of more to come.

When they were done, Jack led Ennis by the hand into the living room. There was a movie on that they were watching, Becky keeping an eye on Lily who was playing on the floor. The two cowboys sat on the sofa and Jack curled up into Ennis, his legs on the sofa next to him. It was hard to believe that almost a year earlier, Joe Aguirre had stood in this room threatening them. Things were peaceful now.

At seven, Becky noticed Lily yawning and rubbing her eyes, so she took her up to bed, wrapping her up safely in her arms, protective and loving. They had a set of baby monitors, one of which Becky carried with her everywhere when Lily was in her crib. She would strap it to her belt and keep her ears peeled for sounds of her daughter.

Becky worked on the ranch a little bit, mainly feeding the horses and looking after them; she didn't want to stray too far from the house. She'd done plenty of riding in the last few months and was now back to her normal weight. She knew that Rose was proud of her for everything she'd accomplished.

Jack found it hard to believe that he and Ennis had been together for over two years now. They had hit a bump in the aftermath of his father's death, but their love had kept them together and they were stronger. They hadn't had a single argument since then; had had nothing but loving words shared between them.

Jack yawned widely and stretched out. "I'm beat. Think I'm gonna go up." He sat up and gave Ennis a look that said he wanted to do a bit more than sleep when they got upstairs, but his mother and cousin were present so he couldn't exactly say it.

Ennis blushed and looked away, making Jack smirk. "Yeah, think I'm gonna go too," he muttered, hoping that Rose and Becky weren't seeing his red face.

"We'll be up soon, I think," said Becky, flicking through a magazine. The two of them went up hand in hand, looking in on Lily as they passed the nursery and Jack was soon coaxing Ennis into bed, not that he was met with any resistance. They poured themselves into each other and then fell asleep, the sheets a tangled mess around their limbs as they held each other face to face, Jack's head resting on Ennis's chest.

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><p>The next day, they were eating breakfast in the kitchen when the phone rang. Jack was nearest so he picked up.<p>

"Brokeback Ranch, Jack speakin'. Oh, hey Greg." The other three looked up. Jack was silent for a few minutes, during which Ennis's brow furrowed; judging by the look on Jack's face, it wasn't good news.

"Right...so what happens now?" Jack was biting his lip. "Okay. You need us to come down? Alright. Let us know how it goes, okay? Thanks, Greg." Jack put the receiver back and ran a hand over his chin, looking troubled.

"Jack?" asked Ennis cautiously. Jack snapped to his senses and looked around at the others.

"Greg said that Pete's applied for bail," he said, looking distressed. Ennis's eyes widened and he got up, putting his hands on Jack's shoulders.

"So what's goin' on? What did he say?"

Jack sighed. "They're in court this afternoon but they don't need us there, he says. He's representin' us an' he'll let us know how it goes." Ennis rubbed his hands along Jack's upper arms, eyes roaming over his face.

"Alright. It'll be okay, rodeo. Come on, finish yer breakfast." Ennis led Jack back over to the table. They sat down and Ennis took Jack's hand, running his thumb over it as they ate. Jack knew he could count on Ennis to make him feel better.

"Even if..." Becky started, looking thoughtful. "Even if...he does get bail, one wrong move an' he's back inside."

"Yeah, but that one move could be all it takes," interjected Jack. "You know as well as I do what that one move could be. Remember that crowbar?" he said darkly.

"Jack, calm down," said Ennis, squeezing his hand. "Gonna be okay."

"Maybe we could get some kind of court order, one that says he has to stay away from us or somethin'," said Becky.

"Yeah, maybe," replied Jack distractedly. Ennis could tell that it would take a little more to convince Jack. He would work on him later.

In the stables, the pair of them were mucking out the stalls in silence. Ennis knew that Jack had been disturbed by Greg's call and the possibility of Pete being back on the streets, and he was determined to protect Jack this time. When Pete had attacked Jack, it had been in the middle of their problems and everything had been messed up, but now that things were back on track they would be able to deal with it a lot better.

Ennis looked over at Jack; his face was lowered and he was concentrating on his work. His eyelids were low so Ennis couldn't see their usual sparkle. He sighed and decided to give it a try.

"Jack?" he said softly, seeing Jack turn towards him.

"Yeah?"

"Come here, bud." He held out his hand and Jack took it, looking lost and in need of reassurance. Ennis led him over to the bench and sat them both down, turning towards Jack and holding both of his hands in both of his.

"Look, Jack...don't go worryin', okay? Even if he is allowed bail...it'll be okay."

"How do you know?" Jack asked, looking at him with a fire in his eyes. "Like I said, that one move could be the end of everythin' fer us. He could kill one of us, Ennis, you know that."

"But he won't. We're gonna look after each other. An' the girls. It'll be fine."

"Ennis..." started Jack, looking distressed and staring off to the side. "I dunno...you know how he is...he's had it in for us ever since he left."

"Jack," Ennis soothed, bringing a hand to his cheek. "It's okay. Don't worry. Look..." He shuffled closer, bringing up his other hand to Jack's other cheek. "I promise, bud...if he gets bail...I'm gonna protect all of ya best I can."

Jack smiled sadly. "You can't promise that, Ennis. You can't be with all of us all the time."

Ennis nodded, knowing that Jack had a point. "Fair enough, yer right. But...if he...he does hurt you...I swear...I'm gonna be right there lookin' after ya until you get better. Same for the others. Like when he got ya with that crowbar an' I helped ya with those exercises. I'll do it all again. I promise ya, darlin'." He knew he might not be able to keep that promise as well as he would like to, but he wanted to make it anyway. They were married as much as they could be and he felt that he had a duty to Jack.

Jack was touched by Ennis's declaration, and his lip trembled. "Oh cowboy..." he said, with a watery smile. "That's..." He was unable to continue.

Ennis smiled, running a hand through Jack's dark hair. "S'okay, rodeo. I made a promise to you when I put this ring on. To protect you. That's the way it goes when yer hitched, right? You gotta look after yer family."

Jack gave a shaky laugh, tears glistening in his eyes. "I love you, Ennis. Yer so good to me." Ennis pulled his face forward for a deep kiss, and their arms slid around each other, holding each other tight. Ennis caressed Jack's back and Jack played with Ennis's curls.

The sound of their names being called drew their attention. They broke apart just in time to notice Becky running in, looking happy.

"Becky? What's goin' on?" asked Jack, looking confused and still holding onto Ennis.

She grinned. "Greg just called, Pete was denied bail an' his sentence still stands. No change."

Jack breathed a sigh of relief and Ennis felt him relax in his arms. "Thank God." Becky smiled and ran back out. Jack turned to Ennis, a wide smile on his face.

"Thank God that's over," he said, allowing Ennis to pull him back into his arms. Ennis nuzzled into his neck.

"I still woulda done all that I said, ya know," Ennis murmured, running his hands up and down Jack's back.

Jack smiled into Ennis's shoulder. "I know."

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><p>That evening, after a relaxed dinner and time in front of the TV with a bottle of wine, everybody headed up for some sleep, but Jack knew that he and Ennis would be doing a bit more than that; they always did. And he was right, for when Ennis closed the bedroom door behind them, he came up to Jack from behind and slid his arms around him, pulling his shirt out from his waistband and running his hands over Jack's warm chest.<p>

"Mmm," Jack moaned, smiling as Ennis kissed his neck. "Ennis..."

"C'mon, darlin'," Ennis whispered, turning him around so that their eyes met in the darkness. Jack's hands slid up Ennis's chest and around his neck, and Ennis's hands dropped to his ass. They kissed slowly and sensuously, bodies moulded together. Ennis pulled away and without warning, pushed Jack backwards onto the bed. Jack's eyes glittered with lust as Ennis unbuttoned his shirt in front of him and he bit his lip in anticipation. Ennis threw his shirt to the floor and then undid his jeans, pushing them down and watching Jack's eyes darken with desire.

Ennis stepped out of his jeans and came closer, leaning forwards and kissing Jack, his bare erection rubbing against Jack's jeans and making him even more excited. Jack's shirt came off and then his jeans quickly followed.

Jack was whispering Ennis's name as Ennis crawled onto him, both of them leaning back on the bed and moving up to the head. Ennis pressed his full weight onto Jack and let their tongues curl around each other, their saliva mixing together and their naked groins rubbing.

Jack wrenched his mouth away and moaned as Ennis sucked on his neck. "Ennis...want ya inside me...come on..." Ennis rose up and looked down at Jack; his eyes were closed.

"Yeah?"

"God, yeah...please..."

"You sure?" he teased lightly, rubbing their hips together a little. Jack groaned, his neck arching so that Ennis could see a few veins.

"Ennis...come on..." His eyes opened, pleading with him. Ennis cupped his cheek.

"Okay, darlin', just relax," he said softly. He reared up onto his knees, leaving Jack breathing deeply and waiting for him. He quickly slicked himself up and gathered Jack into his arms again, getting into position. Jack wrapped his legs around his waist and eagerly guided him to his entrance, sighing as he felt Ennis fill him up.

"Oh God..." he breathed, his head falling back onto the pillow. Ennis buried his face in Jack's neck and started to rock into him; slow, steady strokes to drive him crazy with ecstasy. Jack opened his eyes and looked down Ennis's smooth back to his ass, which moved smoothly with every thrust he gave. His knees were planted on either side of Jack's hips and his arms were around Jack's back. Jack was aware of Ennis inside him and all around him; the only thing in his world right now.

"I love you," he groaned, his eyes falling shut again. Ennis held a bit of Jack's skin between his teeth, biting softly and then letting go, licking the sore spot.

"Love you too, darlin'," he whispered, picking up the pace slightly, eyes screwed tightly shut as they moved together, the bed squeaking slightly. If Jack was honest with himself, he had to admit that their sex life was never dull; no matter how many times they had done it in the last couple of years, they always looked forward to the next time, and Jack knew that this was because it was never the same. Like with the way Ennis would grab him in the barn and drag him to the tack room in the middle of the day, or come into the office unannounced and end up bending him over the desk. They mixed it up and kept it spontaneous and this was why they always enjoyed it.

The other part of it was the fact that they loved each other so much, and this transcended to their sex life. They loved and trusted each other and could completely open up to each other without any holding back; they could give themselves over to each other.

Jack's train of thought was interrupted by Ennis changing his angle and finding his sweet spot. He moaned aloud and then winced slightly as he thought of his mother, asleep beyond the wall.

"Oh God, Ennis...you fuck so good," he groaned. Ennis grinned into his neck.

"Blunt, ain't ya, Jack?" he murmured. Jack pulled him closer with his hands and feet and started to buck wildly underneath him.

"I love you, I love you..." he panted as Ennis thrust deeper into him, his movement becoming faster as he neared the edge and saw release in sight. Ennis could see the sweat on Jack's forehead and he kissed it away, nuzzling his nose into Jack's damp hair at the same time. Jack shook and was gasping for breath, his hips bucking and affecting what was going on down there, making Ennis groan into his neck.

"Oh Jack..." He continued to bite and suck at Jack's neck, knowing that he would have a hickey there in the morning. He'd asked Jack about this once, if he was okay with being branded like that. He'd worried about Jack thinking he was treating him as personal property, but Jack had told him that it was okay; they belonged to each other and Jack knew that Ennis didn't view him as property. He was happy to have Ennis brand him and was happy to do it to him; it felt good.

Their release suddenly came, the pair of them rising off the bed together as they rode it out, Ennis trembling on top of Jack and then collapsing onto his chest when they were finished. Jack weaved his arms over Ennis's back as he pulled out and they relaxed, breathing deeply and quietly nuzzling each other as their bodies cooled down.

"That was good," Jack said softly.

"Yeah. Real damn good, darlin'," Ennis replied, kissing his neck one last time.

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><p>The next morning, Becky stepped out of the post office into the sunlight, rifling through their mail. It seemed to be the usual bills, along with a letter from her Aunt Maria, and a Hamley's Saddle Catalogue. She was walking back to Jack's truck when she froze in her tracks, staring at the envelope that had been at the bottom of the pile. It was from the Selective Service System, and addressed to Ennis Del Mar of Brokeback Ranch.<p>

_Oh no, _she thought to herself. This could only mean one thing - being drafted to the army, and probably to Vietnam. She stood by the truck, staring at it and wondering what on earth would happen now. If Ennis was drafted, who knew how long he might be away? Would he even come back?

_Don't think about that, _she told herself. _Don't panic yet. He'll have to report first; they might not even consider him capable. _But that was a long shot; Ennis was very fit and would, admittedly, make a good soldier. She bit her lip, knowing that this wouldn't go down well at all. She especially felt sorry for Jack; it would break his heart to watch Ennis leave.

She rubbed her forehead, dreading her return to the ranch.

Ennis and Jack were sat in the office, going over the books and crossing out orders completed, talking about their finances. They were very stable now, had made more than twice what Uncle Harold had left them, and they were quite popular with people in the area, having provided meat and dairy products to them for over two years now. And they were very happy together, looking forward to the future.

"So that's that," said Jack, closing the book and stretching his arms, taking Ennis's hands across the desk.

"Lookin' good, huh rodeo?" replied Ennis, smiling. Their fingers played together, the pair of them just looking at each other peacefully.

"Sure is, Ennis. Things are shapin' up real nice. By the way, is everythin' okay fer tomorrow an' the party?"

"Yep. I'll clean the table up later so's we can eat outside. Everybody knows what time to come, right?"

"Yep, three o'clock. Bet Becky's lookin' forward to it, her baby girl's first birthday."

"Yep. God knows she deserves a bit of happiness. I remember the night she was born," Ennis said quietly. "How Aguirre turned up here."

"Was kinda scary," Jack admitted. "Won't never forget how scared she was lookin' when we came outta the stables an' he was up there, threatenin' her."

"Yeah. But we pulled through. Everythin' turned out okay. Lily an' Becky were both fine an' he's banned from leavin' Wyomin'."

"Yeah, he won't be botherin' us no more, cowboy," Jack said, looking positive. He squeezed Ennis's fingers and leaned across the desk to kiss him. Their lips met in soft, slow kisses and when they pulled apart, Jack's blue eyes were sparkling like sapphires, one of Ennis's favourite sights.

"Come round here, darlin'," he murmured, grinning.

Becky parked the truck in the drive and hurried up the steps to the house, clutching the mail tightly. Rose was sat in her chair and reading to Lily from a picture book that she had bought her for Christmas. She turned and smiled when Becky came in.

"Hey, sweetie," she said cheerfully. Becky tried to smile back but failed.

"Where are Ennis an' Jack?" she asked, pressed against the front door and biting her lip.

"They're out in the office, goin' over the books. What's wrong?" Rose asked, frowning when she noticed Becky's expression.

"This came in the mail," she replied, holding out the envelope. "It's for Ennis." She put the rest of the mail down and took Lily while her mother took the envelope. Her eyes widened when she saw where it was from.

"Oh my goodness," she breathed. "Is this...?"

Becky's lip trembled. "I think so. You know what this means, right? Vietnam," she whispered fearfully.

"Not necessarily. He has to report first, they might not think he's up to it, you know?"

"Oh, mama...I thought of that, but...that's a long shot an' you know it. Look at him, he's more than capable. They're gonna snap him up fer sure."

Rose sighed. "Well, I guess it's just a matter of time. They're gonna come in soon enough. I feel so sorry for them..."

"I know." The screen door in the kitchen banged shut and they heard Ennis and Jack moving around, talking. Becky sat in her chair with Lily, holding her close for comfort and waiting for the reaction.

"Hey ladies," said Jack, as he and Ennis came in, holding hands. Becky looked away, bouncing Lily on her leg. "What's up? We havin' lunch?"

"Um..." Rose looked at Becky, and then back at her son. "Becky just got back with the mail. There's somethin' here for you, Ennis."

He looked surprised. "Oh...what is it?" Rose swallowed and handed over the envelope. Jack looked at it with him and he froze when he saw where it came from.

"Oh my God..." Ennis opened it up, his hands shaking. He knew exactly what this might be. Jack turned away, his hands covering his mouth. It just couldn't be true.

Ennis scanned the letter, his brow furrowing.

"Is it what we think it is?" Becky asked, now looking at the others. He nodded.

"They want me to report to the post office on Main Street in Sandersville...on January 11th...at half six in the mornin'..." His voice trailed off. "I'll report there an' they'll take us to a trainin' camp in Fort Jackson."

"South Carolina?"

"Yeah." He looked up, uncertain of what to do. He came to his senses and looked around at Jack, who was still facing away from him. He bit his lip.

"Jack? Bud, look at me." Jack turned. His face had heartbreak and fear written all over it. He clamped his hands over his mouth again and rushed upstairs to the bathroom, leaving the others to stare at each other in stunned silence.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Jack rushed into the main bathroom at the top of the stairs and was soon on the floor, heaving and shuddering. He'd never felt so terrified in his life. As soon as he'd realised what the letter was about, his head had been filled with all the connotations it carried. Separation, injury and worst of all, the chance of death. His heart would break if Ennis was killed out there; he felt as if his life would be over if that happened.

He finally finished and held onto the seat, gasping for breath and trying to clear his vision. He rested his head on his arm for a moment, and then when he was sure he was okay, he sat back against the door, his knees drawn up to his chest with his arms around them. His eyes filled with tears as he looked around the room, trying to make sense of all his thoughts.

He heard very familiar footsteps on the stairs and his tears spilled. How could he say goodbye to the love of his life?

There was a knock on the door. "Jack? You okay, bud?"

Jack wiped at his eyes. "What do you think?" he said, his voice breaking. Ennis sighed and Jack heard him sit on the other side of the door so that he too was resting against it.

"Darlin'...I dunno what to say...I never expected this..."

"I know. It ain't yer fault, Ennis. Just...came as a real shock. What are we gonna do?"

"I dunno, bud..." They fell into silence. They were both aware of what could happen and they knew they needed to talk about it, but it was a matter of having the guts.

Ennis bit his lip, thinking. "Jack...I don't hafta go."

Jack shook his head. "Yeah you do...you don't got a choice. It's the rules right now. You hafta go..."

"There's ways around it..." he started.

"Like?" Jack asked doubtfully.

"Well...some folks run off...like to Canada or somethin'. To get away from 'em."

Jack gave a shaky laugh. "Yer a real thinker there, Ennis. Canada? We can't do that, we got a life an' a business here...that ain't the answer."

"Jack...I'd do anythin' to avoid hurtin' you. You know that. I can tell yer scared an' don't want me to go..."

Beyond the door, Jack sniffed. "I am. I'm terrified, Ennis...you...you could get killed out there. You know that as well as I do. I'm scared of losin' you..."

"I know...so...if you don't want me to go...I won't. I'll do whatever it takes to get out of it. You...you mean more to me than anythin'."

Jack thought for a moment. "So...if I ask you to...you'll do whatever you gotta to stay here, with me?"

"Yeah, bud. Just say the word."

"They'll tear you apart...yer reputation...they'll find out..."

"I don't care 'bout that, Jack. You're the most important thing to me. I love you."

"I love you too, Ennis...you'd really do that, for me?" he asked hopefully.

"I would. I'd do anythin' fer you..." Ennis said, his heart aching for the man beyond the door.

Jack sighed and smiled slightly. "That's why I love you so much, Ennis. That, right there."

"Huh?" Ennis asked, confused. "What do ya mean, bud?"

"That you'd put me before everythin' else...even yer reputation. That you'd risk bein' called a coward an' havin' people say yer lettin' yer country down." He wiped at his eyes again.

"I'd do all that for you, Jack," Ennis promised.

Jack nodded to himself, his head sorted. "That's that, then. You gotta go."

"What?" he asked. _What's he on about?_

"Ennis...I been worried that you're gonna wanna go no matter what...you hear all the time 'bout guys who are drafted an' just pack up an' go, not listenin' to what their girls want, even if they're worried sick. I know I ain't a girl, but..." He trailed off.

"Jack...you know I listen to you...yer smarter than me."

"Don't start that, cowboy," Jack responded, shaking his head. "Thing is...what you just said...about puttin' me first...that told me everythin' I needed to know. Ennis...yer a good man. I know there's a part of you that wants to go 'cos that's the kind of guy you are. I just needed to know that you'd stay if I wanted you to. That you'd take me into account. I know it's kinda selfish, but..."

"It ain't selfish, Jack. You deserve to know that. Owe you that much. An' yeah, I gotta admit I feel like I hafta go...but if you don't want me to, I won't."

Jack sighed. "That's why you gotta go. I don't need you to prove anythin' to me now. Knowin' all that...I'm sure now. It's gonna hurt like hell to see you go, but...it's gonna be okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I...I realise what could happen, but...we're soulmates, ain't we?"

"Sure are, bud. Have been fer over two years," Ennis said, smiling to himself.

"So...no matter what...we can't be parted. I told you before...I feel like...even if one of us gets...killed...we're always gonna be together. Whoever goes first, we'll wait for the other, right?"

"Yeah...yer right, darlin'. If somethin' happens to me out there...I'm...I'm always gonna be with ya, Jack. I swear."

Jack's eyes filled with tears again and he let them fall. His throat ached with all the crying he'd done and he was unable to speak.

"Ennis...I..." he choked out. Ennis heard him sniffing and knew that he was crying - that was all he could take. He stood up, resting a hand on the door.

"Jack, open up. I know yer cryin' an' you know I can't take it. C'mon, darlin'." Jack relented and stood up on shaky legs. He opened the door to admit Ennis, whose heart sank when he saw Jack's red eyes and tear tracks down his cheeks.

"Oh Jack...c'mere..." he whispered, coming forward and pulling Jack into his arms. He held him tightly and let him sob into his shoulder. They stood there in the doorway of the bathroom, clutching each other tightly.

* * *

><p>After a while of holding each other, Ennis helped Jack to clean up his face as best he could before they went back downstairs. Jack was distraught over his tear-stained face but Ennis assured him that Rose and Becky wouldn't care. After a few soft, slow kisses in the bathroom, Ennis led Jack by the hand back downstairs, where the women had moved to the kitchen preparing lunch. The hands were still on their Christmas vacation until after New Year's, so they were on their own for now. Just as well, for they all needed to talk about what was going on.<p>

The girls turned when they heard them enter the kitchen. "Hey," said Becky cautiously, feeding Lily her baby food. "You guys okay?"

Ennis squeezed Jack's hand and led him over to the table, where Rose handed them both a bowl of tomato soup. "I guess. Just...came as a real shock," said Ennis. Jack clutched at his bowl and spoon, his hands still shaky and throat still sore.

"We talked about it...an'...I'm gonna go," Ennis started. Becky's eyes widened and Jack screwed his eyes shut.

"Oh...really? Ennis, that's...that's a real big risk..."

Ennis nodded. "I know, but...I ain't got much of a choice. I hafta go. So...might as well make the best of a bad situation, huh?"

"That's true...but...Ennis...I'm sure you know what could happen out there." Jack's eyes lowered and Ennis looked over at him.

"I know. But we've talked 'bout that, an'...it's gonna be okay. We...me an' Jack...we're soulmates...we can't never be parted, ya know?"

Becky smiled. "Ennis...you ain't never talked about that before. That so?"

"Uh-huh. We've talked 'bout that. An' we are. Nothin's torn us apart before, this won't either. I know it sounds weird, sayin' that we can't be parted, but..."

"I think it's kinda romantic," Becky replied, smiling. "An' yer right. Nothin's ever torn ya apart up to now, so...maybe this won't either." Both she and Rose could guess the kind of things he and Jack would have talked about, on their own when nobody else was around. A kind of strength did seem to radiate from the two of them when they were together, and it always gave Becky hope because they seemed so strong. What would happen once Ennis left? Would that feeling fade, give way to a sense of loss. How would Jack cope without him? They were joined at the hip, it seemed. Jack would cut a lonely figure out on the ranch by himself.

Rose came over to the table and sat down, looking at her son with a sadness in her eyes. She knew how it would break him to have Ennis torn away from him. He would be worried sick for his safety for however long he was gone. And what if Ennis was killed out there? What would become of Jack then?

"Jack, sweetheart," she said softly, brushing his hair back from his forehead. He looked up at her, his deep blue eyes full of sadness.

"Yeah, mama?" he asked, looking lost, just as he had when he was younger and he'd gone to her for comfort, usually after a beating from his father. He was an adult now with his own life full of love and success, but it was amazing how even the tiniest threat to that could make him look like that scared little boy again.

"It's gonna be okay. Ennis is a smart young man, despite what he says," she said, half-smiling at him. "He's gonna be okay out there. An' all the trainin' they go through, both here an' out there...they train their soldiers so well an' make sure they know how to look after themselves. I'm sure he's gonna be fine." Becky nodded her agreement.

"I guess..." said Jack, looking hopeful. Maybe it would be alright, he tried to reason with himself, but loving Ennis like he did, it would be hard to let go of that fear. Maybe he never would, but that was just the way it would have to be.

"Anyway," said Becky, picking Lily up out of her chair and into her arms to burp her. "What are we gonna do now? Don't ya need a physical exam? I heard that you hafta do that before you report."

"Yeah. I better call Rick," responded Ennis, rubbing at his forehead. "Get an appointment sorted. We better get callin' everyone an' let 'em know. All our friends. They gotta know sooner or later an' we only got two weeks." Jack's heart twanged at the thought. Just two weeks.

"An' K.E. an' Cecilia too," Jack reminded him. "They hafta know too."

"I know."

"You know...maybe we oughta talk to Bill an' Mary. Bill was in World War Two an' he might have some advice. You know, how to look after yerself out there," Rose mused. "An'..." She turned to Jack. "Maybe Mary might have some advice for Jack...about copin' with...havin' him gone."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, maybe. That'd be good. Need all the help I can get." Ennis took his hand again and rubbed his thumb over it. All he could do now was try and help Jack to cope with their impending separation. It would be hard for them to say goodbye, and it would bring back bad memories of the day in Signal, when they had thought that they were going their separate ways after that glorious summer. There would be no momentary reprieve this time and no second chance for them to stay together. This would be it for a long time and Ennis hoped that their connection would keep their lights burning during those long, lonely nights.

He brought Jack's hand to his lips and kissed it, holding it there. Rose and Becky looked at each other and left the room to give them some privacy. Ennis held Jack in his arms again, rubbing his back and neck, trying to pour into him some hope and belief that things would be okay.

* * *

><p>That afternoon, Jack and Ennis were in the office, preparing to call Cecilia, K.E. and Adam and tell them what was going on. Ennis dialled the first number and held Jack's hand across the desk, their fingers interlacing.<p>

"Hello?" came Cecilia's voice, sounding pleasant. Ennis realised with a pang that he wouldn't be around for the birth of her baby. He wouldn't be around for a lot of things.

"Hey, Cecilia, it's Ennis."

"Oh, hey sweetie. What's up? How is everyone?"

"We're good, thanks. How are you guys?" Ennis asked, playing with Jack's fingers absentmindedly.

"We're great. The kids are happy, an' the baby's doin' real well."

"Great. I, um...I got some news for ya."

"Oh? What is it?"

Ennis sighed. "I got a letter this mornin'...from the Selective Service System." He watched as Jack brought their clasped hands to his cheek, kissing Ennis's and looking into his eyes.

"Oh my...does that mean...?" she asked, sounding worried.

"It does. I'm sorry, sis...I dunno what to say. We're all kinda in shock."

"I bet. Oh, Ennis...this is terrible. When are you leavin'?"

"January 11th, two weeks away. Dunno how long I'll be out there," he admitted.

"Right...how's Jack takin' it?"

Ennis looked at Jack. "I ain't gonna lie to ya, sis...he's takin' it pretty hard. He's here with me right now, we're in the office."

"Oh...give him my best, okay? He must be so torn up..."

"I will. I'll call you again before I go, okay?"

"Alright. Ennis...be careful out there, yeah? It's real dangerous, I'm sure you know that."

"I know. You take care of yerself too, huh? Look after that little one."

"I sure will. Bye, Ennis. Give my best to everyone."

"Yep, bye sis." He hung up and waited a moment, looking into Jack's eyes. When he could tear his eyes away, he dialled K.E.'s number.

"Hey, K.E."

"Oh, hey Ennis. What's up? Everythin' okay?"

"Yeah, I guess. We're all fine. How are you guys?"

"Doin' real well. Keith's a handful but he's great. An' Sarah's fine."

"Great. I...I got some news this mornin'."

"Sounds bad. What is it?" K.E. asked, sounding concerned.

"I got a letter from the Selective Service System. Been recruited, probably goin' to Vietnam."

"Oh my God...that's real bad...how are the others takin' it?"

"Pretty bad. Jack's been hit hard," Ennis replied, as he was now caressing the back of Jack's head with his other hand.

"I bet. What happens now?"

"I gotta have a physical exam with my doctor, an' in two weeks I gotta report an' then go to a trainin' camp over in Fort Jackson."

"When do ya leave?"

"In two weeks, January 11th."

"Right...well...will ya call again, before ya go?"

"I sure will. Look, I better go. Take care, okay?"

"Yeah, you too. Bye, Ennis."

"Bye." Ennis hung up and rubbed his hands over his eyes. Jack sighed.

"You okay, cowboy?"

"I guess. Just..." He thought for a moment. "Just when things are really startin' to come together...this happens. Throws everythin' off."

Jack locked their fingers together again. "I know, I know...but...no matter what...things are gonna be okay. I love you, an'..." He looked up. "I'm gonna wait for ya, you know. When you go...I'm gonna be right here, waitin' until ya get back."

Ennis smiled. "Thanks, bud. I'll be thinkin' of ya, all the time." Jack grinned slightly.

"Me too." He kissed their clasped hands and they sat staring at each other for a few minutes. After a while, Ennis picked up the phone again, dialling Adam over in Ohio. He picked up after a few rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Adam, it's Ennis. Cecilia's brother, down in Georgia."

"Oh, hey. How are things goin' down there?"

"Pretty good. How are you guys?"

"Great. The bar's doin' real well, an' we're okay."

"Good. I, uh...I got some news."

"Oh? What's up?"

Ennis took a breath. "I got a letter this mornin'...from the Selective Service System. I'm bein' drafted. Gotta go in two weeks to Fort Jackson."

"Oh my God...Fort Jackson, South Carolina?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Ennis...I got a letter from 'em too..."

Ennis's eyes widened. "You did? You got one too?" Jack raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah. I gotta go on the tenth. I'll get there the day before you, right?"

"Yeah, guess you will. We'll probably get sent to Vietnam together, huh?"

"Probably. Be good to have a friendly face there. Family, right?"

"Right. How's Pete takin' it?"

Adam sighed. "It really hit him hard. He got upset an' he was throwin' up...only just managin' to calm him down some, you know?"

"Jack was the same, took it hard," Ennis said, holding Jack's hand. "But you know...we made our promises an'...it'll be okay. Gonna hurt like hell to say goodbye to him, but...just somethin' I gotta do."

"I hear you. Me an' Pete were up half the night talkin'. I think he's feelin' a bit better about it all. They'll train us real well, I heard, so we might be okay. An' hey...whatever else, we'll have someone to talk about our better halves with, yeah?"

Ennis smiled. "We sure will. If we was on our own we couldn't do that. But we still gotta be careful in case someone over there's into eavesdroppin'."

"I know. We get found out, it ain't gonna be pretty. They're real nasty 'bout guys like us."

"Yeah. So...I better go. Got a lot of work to do today an' we done hardly any. Gettin' that letter messed everythin' up."

"Yep. Talk to ya soon, okay?"

"Yeah. Did you talk to Tom?"

"I was gonna do it later. I'll do it. See ya, Ennis."

"Bye, Adam."

Ennis hung up, relieved that he had gotten through it. He looked up to see Jack, who was now resting his head in one of his hands and looking down at the desk. Ennis got up and went around to his side, leaning over him and crossing his arms around Jack's neck, feeling Jack lean back into the embrace.

"Gonna be okay, Jack," he murmured.

"I sure hope so, cowboy."

* * *

><p>That night, after a quiet evening in front of the TV, they finally went upstairs to rest. It had been a long and taxing day for all of them and they were ready to collapse into bed. Tomorrow would be a new day and they could start to prepare for what was heading their way. It would be the hardest thing for them to part, but they had to make the best of this bad situation.<p>

Ennis and Jack wearily made their way to their bedroom, hand in hand. They were walking slowly and they were drained. They went into their room in silence and Jack turned to Ennis.

"Hard day, huh?" he said quietly, arms folded. Ennis shut the door and walked up to him.

"Yeah. Gonna get worse too, I reckon. But...we just gotta keep goin', rodeo. I guess...if you can't fix it, you gotta stand it."

Jack shifted. "For how long?"

Ennis sighed, placing his hands on Jack's shoulders. "For as long as we can ride it, darlin'. Ain't a lot we can do."

"I know..." Jack placed his hands on Ennis's arms. "I'm gonna miss you somethin' fierce. Can't deny that. Can't keep nothin' from you."

"Oh, darlin'...come here." Ennis leaned in and kissed Jack softly, feeling his lips part to accept his tongue. Ennis held Jack's face in both of his hands and Jack's hands came up to his shoulders. One of Ennis's hand then came down to the small of Jack's back, pulling him closer.

Jack moaned softly into his mouth and squeezed his shoulders. They pulled apart and Jack looked up at Ennis, his eyes full of need.

"Ennis...I...I..."

Ennis brought his hands to the back of Jack's head. "I know, darlin'. I know. Come on." He then took Jack's hand and led him around the bed to his side, crawling on and leading Jack with him. Jack stretched out on his back and Ennis leaned over him, tracing a finger along his cheek.

"I love you, Jack," he said softly. "More than anythin'."

Jack smiled sadly. "I know. I love you too." He ran a hand over his eyes, sighing wearily. Ennis kissed his forehead.

"Jack...it's alright..."

"Mmm..." Jack's eyes opened. "Come an' make me feel better for a bit, take my mind off it."

Ennis kissed the tip of his nose, making him smile. "You got it darlin'. I'll try." He leaned over Jack again, kissing his lips this time and feeling Jack trying to pull him closer. He brought one leg up and over to straddle Jack, pressing down onto him and holding him in his arms. They slowly undressed each other and threw their clothes to the floor, getting under the warm sheets as their bodies tangled together.

After a few minutes of kissing, Ennis pulled away. "Jack..."

"Ennis..." Their mouths met again and the night melted away into a cloud of passion and love, time standing still and the earth moving as they finished, Ennis collapsing onto Jack and breathing into his neck.

"Gonna miss this when yer gone," Jack gasped, staring up at the ceiling. Ennis kissed his neck.

"Me too, baby," he whispered. Jack's heart soared to hear that endearment.

"Ennis...I love you so damn much..." His breath hitched as he filled up with emotion, and Ennis heard it. He rose up and looked down at Jack.

"Darlin'...it's okay. Come on, open yer eyes." Jack did so and Ennis was struck by how deep they were; a deep blue to pierce his heart and soul. Jack swallowed and Ennis's heart was bursting with a need to make him feel better. He leaned down so that their noses touched.

"Jack...tell me how to make ya feel better. Anythin' ya want. Just tell me." Jack's breathing was rocking him up and down as he lay on his chest.

"I dunno, cowboy...dunno if ya can. It...it really hurts knowin' that yer gonna be leavin' me behind in just two weeks..."

"I know...gonna be real hard leavin' you an' the girls. You know I love yer mama an' Becky, an' Lily too...but...I'm gonna miss you most, darlin'." His throat worked and he ran his fingers through Jack's hair.

Jack's lip trembled. "Ennis...I'm gonna miss you so much." Ennis leaned down and nuzzled their faces together.

"Shh...shh...it's alright, Jack. I'll be able to call ya from the base camp, you know. An' I'll write ya letters as often as I can."

"You gotta be real careful, though. There's gonna be loads of guys around an' you won't be able to talk about me...what about when they all start talkin' about their girls an' ask you about yers? What are ya gonna do?"

"I'll think of somethin'. I sure don't wanna lie about us, Jack. Swore to myself a long time ago I was gonna be honest 'bout what you mean to me."

"You hafta lie, cowboy. You can't tell the truth; they'll throw you out an' it won't be pretty."

Ennis thought for a moment. "But...Adam'll be there. I can talk to him 'bout you an' he can talk 'bout Pete to me. We won't be totally alone."

"Yeah...I'm real glad you'll have someone there that you can trust, but...God...some part of me wishes that I was gonna be there too, just to be with ya."

"That wouldn't work, fer two reasons. One, I'll wanna sleep with ya an' stuff an' they won't like that. An' two...I'd be worryin' about ya whenever you ain't around. At least with you stayin' here, I'll know yer safe. It'll make it a little bit easier, I reckon, knowin' that yer here an' not in no danger."

"Cowboy...I gotta say...that made me feel a little better. I wish I could be sure about yer safety out there."

Ennis held him closer. "Sorry...that's the one thing I can't make no promises about, even though I wanna. Sorry, bud."

Jack sighed and kissed the side of his head. "It's alright, cowboy. I'll just hafta have a little faith an' hope for the best. Won't be easy, but...just somethin' I gotta do."

"Yeah."

* * *

><p>After a few more kisses and caresses in the darkness, Jack spooned up into Ennis to try and get some sleep, if he could. He wasn't sure if he could, as scared and as worried as he was, but he had to at least try. Ennis held him close with one arm around his stomach, hoping that Jack would be able to sleep tonight. Jack snuggled backwards into him and closed his eyes, letting Ennis's scent wash over him.<p>

_He was busy washing the dishes after breakfast, thinking of his man and wondering what he was doing, when there was a knock at the door. He went to open it, seeing that their visitor was an unfamiliar soldier, in full uniform. Jack's heart skipped a beat._

"_Can I help ya?" he asked warily, having some idea of what this might be about._

"_Jack Twist?" the man asked. He nodded. He was handed a telegram._

"_This is for you. My deepest condolences," he said, nodding politely at him. Jack stood there, holding the telegram and fearing what it might say. _

_Becky came up behind him. "What's wrong?" He looked at her, holding out the telegram, and her eyes widened. Jack opened it up and as he read what it contained, he felt his knees buckling and he collapsed to the porch, still staring at it. Becky's arms came around him and held him tightly._

"_Jack, I'm sorry...so sorry..." she said, letting her own tears fall._

"_He's...he's gone...it's all over..."_

"_It's alright..."_

_Jack screwed his eyes shut. "He's gone..."_

_The dream changed. Now he was standing in a thick jungle-like area, tall trees all around and a thick undergrowth at his feet. He looked around him: where was Ennis? _

_He turned around, and finally saw him. A soldier in full uniform, but he recognised the curly blonde hair. He felt fear overcoming him, that he had to get to Ennis or something bad would happen. _

_He set off, heading off to where Ennis was stood some distance away. He sped up, trying to call Ennis's name, but no sound was coming out. And no matter how fast he moved, he couldn't get any closer. He started to panic, and Ennis still couldn't hear him. _

_There was suddenly a rush of sound, and there was an explosion. Jack stopped in his tracks, his mouth open with shock as Ennis was thrown to the ground. He could finally move and ran as fast as he could towards his other half._

_He turned Ennis over onto his back, and his breath caught in his throat when he saw Ennis's face. One side was covered in burns and blisters and his eyes were shut. Jack reached out a trembling hand to touch Ennis's face, and when he touched the unburned side, Ennis's deep brown eyes opened a sliver. He tried to smile, and Jack knew that Ennis could see him, knew that he was there._

"_Darlin'..." he croaked. Jack let the tears spill from his eyes. He linked his fingers from his other hand with Ennis's, squeezing tight. _

"_Ennis...please...don't leave me..." he whispered, stroking Ennis's cheek. Ennis smiled sadly._

"_Love you..."_

"_I love you too, baby," Jack sobbed, his tears falling onto Ennis's chest. His lover's eyes slowly fell shut and Jack's heart felt like it was being ripped open. He lay himself over Ennis's body and buried his face in Ennis's neck, hoping that another bomb was about to hit and take him too, so that he could follow Ennis and have them stay together._

Jack jerked awake, and he lay there, trembling. This was just like the nightmare he'd had some time ago, just after their night-time escape from Lightning Flat, but this was much worse, since the threat was imminent.

Ennis awoke and felt him shaking in his arms. He leaned over Jack and saw his face screwed up in pain. His heart sank to see Jack like this, and he knew what had caused this.

"Jack? Are you okay?"

Jack's eyes opened and Ennis could tell that he was still distressed. "I...I..."

Ennis pulled Jack over onto his back and then onto his other side, into his arms. He held him close and rubbed his back.

"It's okay...shh..."

"Ennis..." Jack held onto him for dear life and cried into his chest.

"Nightmare, huh?" he asked, stroking his hair. Jack nodded against him. "What about?"

"The first one was me here...an' a soldier came...had a telegram..."

Ennis cringed. "Shit...I'm sorry, darlin'...was there another?"

"Uh-huh. I was in this jungle, an'...you know that nightmare you had of me in a field, an' you tried to run to me, but you couldn't get no closer?"

"Yeah..."

"It was like that...but...instead of there bein' guys there...a bomb went off. Got to ya...you had burns on yer face, an'...you told me you love me, an' then you..." He couldn't go on, and he dissolved into more sobs instead. Ennis held him closer.

"It's alright...it's alright, darlin'...let it out...I'm here..."

Jack trembled and Ennis felt his chest grow wetter with Jack's tears, and his heart ached for the man in his arms. He ran his hand up and down Jack's back, trying to comfort him. After a while, Ennis felt Jack calming down, and his breathing returned to normal.

"I'm so scared, Ennis," Jack whispered, holding tightly onto him. Ennis kissed his forehead.

"I know, I know...but...it'll be alright. I can't change the fact that it'll be dangerous out there, an' that I might get hurt, but...I dunno what I can do to make ya feel better. I hate to see ya like this, darlin'."

Jack sniffed. "Ennis...I'm gonna be worryin' about you all the time yer gone. I know I won't be able to stop you from goin'...but I'm gonna be so scared..."

"Shh...don't think on it. We've got time yet to get our heads sorted. It'll be alright, baby," he said softly, nuzzling Jack's cheek. Jack sniffed again and Ennis felt him trying to get to sleep again. He let him, rubbing his back gently and rocking him into sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The next day was Lily's birthday, and Ennis could tell that even though Jack was throwing himself into preparations for the party that afternoon, there wasn't anything that could quite distract him from what was about to happen. Ennis also knew that there wasn't much he could do about it. He too was scared about what might happen out there, but he hadn't thought about it much yet; his only thoughts had been for how Jack was taking it.

He found Jack in the large space behind the house on the lawn, where they usually had their gatherings when their friends came over. Becky was in town with Lily buying her an extra birthday present and Rose was in the kitchen preparing the food.

"Hey, rodeo," he said softly, walking over to where Jack was setting the long table. Jack turned and smiled.

"Hey, cowboy. How's it goin'?" He let Ennis kiss him on the mouth, leaning into him slightly as Ennis brought an arm around him.

"Okay. How are things over here?"

"I'm nearly done, actually," Jack replied, looking at his handiwork. "My mama's still fixin' food an' Becky's still out."

"You want some help?" Ennis offered. Jack shook his head.

"Nah, I'm okay. But my mama might want some help, an' we're gonna hafta get all the food out here soon. Only a couple hours to go."

Ennis nodded. "Okay. I'll go help yer mama. See ya, bud." He kissed Jack's cheek and went up to the house, leaving Jack staring after him.

An hour later, Becky had returned and they were preparing the table, laying down dishes of Rose's good cooking, including the cherry cake that Jack loved so much. Becky had put Lily down for a nap and had one half of the baby monitors with her, the other in Lily's crib.

"Are we gonna tell 'em today?" asked Jack, laying down a large plate of sandwiches. The other three looked at him.

"I thought about it," Ennis said, and then he looked at Becky. "But...it's yer little girl's first birthday, Becky. Don't wanna go spoilin' it."

Becky shook her head. "I think we still should. They're our friends an' they'd want to know. You've still gotta make an appointment with Rick, it'll get out eventually."

"Yeah..."

Becky and Rose went back inside, leaving the two cowboys, who were drawn together like magnets. Ennis held Jack in his arms, looking down into his deep blue eyes. It felt that today, they were trying to memorize as much of the other as possible. Ennis had a feeling they'd be doing this for the next two weeks as they prepared themselves for the separation.

They kissed softly and slowly, and when Becky opened the screen door to bring more food out, she spotted them. Her heart ached for them and she decided to give them some alone time, going upstairs to check on her daughter.

Another hour passed, and their guests started arriving. Their hands and their other halves were there, as well as Rick and Kate, and Greg and James were both present, as well as Bill and Mary. They all came bearing gifts for Lily, who was awake by now and being entertained by Jack playing peek-a-boo with her.

"Oh, these are great, Rick, thank you," said Becky, examining the set of picture books that he'd bought. Becky loved to read to Lily and knew that she would like these. Lily was quite taken with the stuffed farm animals that her godfathers had bought, especially the horse, ironic since her mother had been a barrel racer.

They feasted on Rose's wonderful cooking, and Jack treated himself to a large slice of cherry cake. They had agreed to wait until after the food had been consumed to deliver their news. Everybody chatted and laughed and Lily seemed to enjoy all the attention she was receiving.

When people were starting to finish up their food, the four of them exchanged glances and nodded at each other. Becky stood up, drawing everyone's attention.

"Hey, guys. I just wanna say, on behalf of my daughter, thank you all for everythin' you've bought, all those presents. "We appreciate it an' when she's older, I'll make sure she knows what wonderful friends we have." She smiled and then cleared her throat. "But, um...there is somethin' else you all should know, bein' our friends. Ennis has some news that he wants to make sure you all know about." She looked at him; he nodded and stood up.

"Um, well...yesterday, I...I got a letter. From the Selective Service System." The women of the group gasped and they all looked shocked. Jack bit his lip and looked down at the table. "I guess you all know what that means. I...I ain't got much of a choice, an' I'm gonna hafta go. I'm leavin' on the 11th. My brother-in-law's cousin, who's a friend of ours, got drafted too an' it's likely we'll be there together, but...I just thought that you guys oughta know." He squeezed Jack's shoulder. "This has been hard on all of us, an' we're just tryin' to cope with it as best we can. I don't want it to ruin today, 'cos it's Lily's day, but...I thought you all should know. Yer our friends, an'..." He looked over at the hands. "I hope that when I'm gone, yer gonna help Jack cope 'cos it'd be damn hard for him to run this place on his own." The hands all nodded their consent. "That's all, I guess."

He sat down and took Jack's hand, lacing their fingers together. Everybody present leaned forward and gave them words of encouragement, saying that they had every faith in Ennis that he would be alright, and that they would do whatever they could to help Jack. Ennis felt better knowing that Jack would have a strong support system around him during his absence, and while he knew that they would miss each other a lot, the response of their friends gave him hope that things would be alright.

* * *

><p>That evening, Rose and Jack were sat in the large wicker chairs on the back porch while Ennis and Becky had offered to do the dishes. Jack was sipping a beer and looking out across the land while his mother knitted. She noticed how quiet he'd been today and knew that it was a result of the horrible news they'd received. She hoped that when the time came for Ennis to leave, Jack would be in a better emotional state to deal with it; she knew it would be hard enough for them to part.<p>

She knitted as she listened to the crickets and the distant sounds of Sandersville, occasionally glancing at her son.

"Jack?" she said softly. He looked at her.

"Yeah, mama?"

"Are you okay? I know you've been real quiet today, an'...well, I know why, but...how are you copin'?"

He looked down at his beer bottle, picking at the label. "Dunno. Was really in shock at first...just kept thinkin' about what could happen to him out there. Don't bear thinkin' about. I just...I'm scared for him, mama. I know they train 'em real well an' all, but..." He trailed off and she looked at him sympathetically.

"Oh, sweetheart...I know you feel real strong on him, an' I know it's gonna break yer heart to watch him go. I've become real fond of him since you two got together an' you brought him to Lightnin' Flat. He's a good man, Jack."

Jack nodded, smiling slightly. "Yeah, he is. The best. An' I'm gonna miss him somethin' fierce. Never ever thought I was gonna love anybody as much as I love him. He...he's my other half, an' not just 'cos of this." He held up his left hand so that his ring glinted in the light coming from the kitchen window. "He's my other half...'cos...I just know that he's my soulmate. He's everythin' to me." Jack looked down at his bottle again and sighed. "I just hope that I can cope without him around. I'm gonna miss him so much, mama."

Rose looked at Jack, her heart breaking for her son. She'd always wanted him to find happiness and love, and now that he had found it, he was struggling to hold onto it. And while she and Becky loved Ennis like family, they both knew that this whole situation was hitting Jack the worst. He and Ennis were so deeply connected to each other on all levels and she dreaded what might happen to Jack if Ennis was killed. It would completely destroy him.

"Jack...he's gonna be alright," she said, trying to have faith in her own words. Truth was, she knew what could happen, but they all had to pull together and help each other get through this situation.

He looked over at her, his blue eyes full of sadness. "You don't know that, mama. You know as well as I do what could happen. You hear it all the time, 'bout guys who go out there, an'..." He shook his head. "It ain't no guarantee that he'll be safe."

"Maybe not, but...Jack...there's nothin' you can do. He has to go an' you just have to make the best of it. You both have to be strong right now. Me an' Becky are scared for his safety too, but...there's nothin' we can do."

He nodded. "I know, mama, but...it's real hard to just accept that he's about to go somewhere that we know ain't safe. I'm terrified of what might happen to him." He bit his lip and looked towards the screen door, where he could hear Ennis and Becky talking about Lily and the party. "I love him so much," he whispered, his heart aching for the man in there, the man who completed him in so many ways.

Rose got up and came over to his chair, sitting on the arm and putting her own arm around Jack's shoulders. "Sweetheart...I know yer worried, but try not to let it get to you too much, okay? Like I said, you need to be strong, especially once he's gone. He'll be countin' on you to look after the ranch an' everythin', you know? You'll just have to keep goin', even when you get worried. This is your life an' your business, an' I'm sure Ennis will find it a bit easier to be out there knowin' that yer in charge an' that you can look after everythin'."

"Yeah, he told me that," Jack said, leaning into her like he did when he was a little boy. "I dunno how he can have so much faith in me, I'm gonna be a mess while he's gone." He rubbed his forehead with one hand.

"You have to try, Jack. He's dependin' on you. It'll be easier on both of you if you just let things get on as they're supposed to. He'll come back to you, an' his home, an' everythin' will be alright. But until then, you have to let him know that he won't need to worry when he's out there, that you've got everythin' under control." She squeezed his shoulder. "He trusts you to do that, Jack."

Jack nodded. "Yer right, mama. I just...gotta let things happen. He said to me...if you can't fix it, you gotta stand it. I guess he was right," Jack admitted, smiling up at her.

"He sure was." At that, the screen door opened and Ennis looked out.

"Hey, you two comin' in? We're all done." He took in the way Rose was sat, appearing to be comforting Jack, and he grew concerned. "Everythin' alright?"

They stood up and Jack came up to Ennis, taking his hand. "Everythin's okay, cowboy. Let's go on in." They went inside and settled in front of the TV, Jack curling up against Ennis, who instinctively put an arm around him. He didn't know what Rose might have said to Jack, but if it would help him get through the next two weeks and beyond, he was all for it.

* * *

><p><em>December 31st, 1965<em>

It was New Year's Eve and the residents of the ranch were currently preparing for their celebrations. They had decided not to throw a big party, since they had recently had one for Lily's birthday. And they wanted to be alone; they didn't expect to be able to finish the year together so they at least wanted to start it together.

Ennis and Jack were busy making sandwiches at the end of the kitchen counters. Rose was putting the finishing touches to a large cherry cake she had prepared for the evening and Becky was feeding Lily at the table.

Jack seemed to be coping a little better now with what was going on, and even though Ennis could tell he would never like the prospect of them being separated, at least he had calmed down some thanks to all the reassurance he had been given. None of them were looking forward to Ennis's departure, but they had to make the best of it. At least he hadn't voluntarily signed up, and was willingly leaving his family. He didn't like it any more than they did.

Jack caught Ennis's eye and slowly licked the spoon clean of the peanut butter, putting the whole thing in his mouth and keeping Ennis's gaze, his own filled with mischief. Ennis gulped, wanting to grab Jack right there but restraining himself in front of their female company. He would sure miss things like this, just the little things that Jack did that kept things alive and interesting in their relationship. Hopefully his memories would be enough to get him through the cold, lonely nights when he was far away from Jack. He nudged Jack with his hip and smirked at him. Jack grinned and puckered his lips. Ennis gave Jack a quick kiss on the lips and they returned to their work.

When they were all done, they brought the food into the living room and spread it out on the coffee table. They were preparing to watch a movie until quarter to twelve, at which point they would then switch over to watch the ball drop. They cracked open a bottle of red wine, Becky celebrating the fact that she could drink this year. Last year, she hadn't been able to because she hadn't wanted to affect her milk so soon after Lily's birthday.

They poured their drinks and settled into the living room, nibbling on their food and sipping their wine. Lily was on Becky's lap and her mother was feeding her small bits of food that she could manage.

Jack was curled up against Ennis, his head on his shoulder and lazily drinking his wine. He had to admit he felt happy and content right now, and he couldn't think about what was coming in less than two weeks. He had to savour every moment he had left with Ennis, build up as many memories of him as he could so that he could get through the lonely nights he would be spending by himself.

At midnight, they watched the ball drop in Times Square, Ennis and Jack kissing when it reached the bottom and smiling their private smiles at each other. Lily had fallen asleep in her mother's lap so they all went upstairs, Jack carrying the rest of the wine with him.

The pair of them stretched out on the bed, Jack pouring them both some more wine and clinking their glasses together. They drank a little and then turned to each other. Jack had discovered that red wine tended to make Ennis a little friskier than usual, not that he was about to complain.

Ennis proved him right soon enough, kissing his neck and making him smile, inclining his head towards him. "Mmm..." he purred.

"You like this?" Ennis whispered, softly biting now. Jack moaned.

"Ennis...come on...need ya..."

Ennis pulled away, deep brown eyes gazing deeply at him. "Yeah?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah...come on, cowboy." Ennis straddled him, kissing him all over his face and breathing heavily. It aroused Jack immensely how masculine Ennis was and he was everything that Jack wanted in a partner.

"Ennis," Jack breathed. "Want ya inside me...please..." Ennis heard the slight whine in Jack's voice and knew that Jack had a low threshold for teasing these days. If Jack needed him, he couldn't tease him; he had to give him what he wanted and needed.

They slowly undressed each other, throwing their clothes to the floor and caressing each other's faces as they kissed, rubbing together. Ennis grabbed the lube from the nightstand, and then slid Jack's legs over his shoulders, something that they often did when one of them was feeling vulnerable and in need of comfort. Jack locked his ankles together around Ennis's neck and gripped his shoulders, Ennis gathering him into his arms and sliding into him like a hand into a glove.

They looked at each other in the darkness, and then Ennis started to move into Jack, the night becoming a blur of passion and sweat and twining limbs. They finished and Ennis lay down next to Jack, kissing the sweat from his forehead as they curled up facing each other.

Sometime in the night, Ennis awoke to find that Jack wasn't in the bed next to him. He sat up and saw Jack sat on the end of the bed, looking at the shirts on the back of the door. He considered him for a moment, and then crawled out from under the covers, heading for Jack. He sat up on his knees behind Jack, slipping his arms around his lover and nuzzling their cheeks together.

"You okay?" he murmured softly. Jack gripped his arms.

"I guess. I just...gives me a little comfort to look at these. I think I'll be lookin' at these a lot..."

"I know...gonna be okay, rodeo. Love you."

Jack smiled. "Love you too."

"Mmm...come back to bed, darlin'. Get some more sleep."

"Alright..." Jack allowed Ennis to pull him back into bed, snuggling into Ennis's arms as they drifted off again.

* * *

><p>A few days later, it was back to work. The hands were all back and things were back to as normal as they could be under the circumstances. The hands could tell that their employers were trying to cope as best they could with what was going on, and that while it would be hard for Ennis to leave them behind and go off somewhere so dangerous, they understood that the pair of them were making the most of the time they had left.<p>

Ennis and Jack were fixing the fences in the field when Michael came up to them. They hadn't been able to do anything about his friends who were under the unfair employment of their former client, Samuel Peterson. They had asked Greg for his advice but he'd been at a loss as to what they might be able to do. While slavery had long since been abolished, the laws for it were still uncertain and it wasn't clear if they would be able to do anything. But they wouldn't give up trying.

They noticed Michael approaching them and turned to face him. "Hey, Michael, what's up?" asked Ennis, pushing up his hat over his eyes. Jack did the same.

He took off his hat in respect. "I, uh...I wanted to ask you guys somethin'. If it's alright."

"Sure, go ahead."

He shifted his feet. "Well...what you guys was sayin'...about Mr Ennis goin' off to Vietnam an' all...I was wonderin' if you might be wantin' more help around here." He looked at them nervously.

They looked at each other. "Uh...hadn't thought that far ahead, to be honest. Why?"

"Well, my little brother's just turned eighteen, an' he's lookin' for a job..."

"Sure," they both replied at the same time. It wasn't in their natures to turn away someone who needed help.

Michael looked surprised by their quick response. "Really?" he asked, eyes wide.

Jack nodded. "Yeah, you bet. We'll find work for him, don't worry. Can never have too much help on a ranch, an' we got the money to pay him good. Just bring him over whenever."

Michael looked relieved. "Thanks, guys. I'll bring him over with me tomorrow, that alright?" They both nodded and he walked away towards the barn.

Jack looked at Ennis. "Didn't give it no thought, 'bout hirin' more people. Havin' you gone...it's gonna make things harder. You make this place run, cowboy."

Ennis looked a little embarrassed. "I dunno about that, Jack...you deal with the numbers an' the people."

He shrugged. "Sure, but yer the one who makes sure things run smooth every day, make sure that the people get what they want an' keep on comin' back to us. I bring the business in, but you keep it goin'. We're a team, remember?" he said, punching Ennis lightly on the arm. Ennis smiled at him, pleased by Jack's words. A team, and even though he would be leaving soon, they had an unbreakable connection that would keep them together in their hearts and souls.

"Hey, Jack?" asked Ennis as they finished up the fence, him holding it in place while Jack fixed it up.

Jack looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"I was thinkin'...maybe tonight...you wanna go campin' on the hill?" he suggested.

Jack smiled. "Sure. What brought that on?"

Ennis shrugged. "Just a thought." He dipped his head, looking up at Jack shyly from underneath his eyelashes. "I'd like to...sleep under the stars with ya, bud. Like we did on Brokeback." This made Jack smile even wider and he stepped closer to Ennis, sliding his gloved hands up his lover's chest and around his neck.

"I'd love to. That'd be real nice, cowboy. An'...maybe we could make each other see stars." He wagged his eyebrows suggestively. Ennis blushed and slid his own hands around Jack, down to his ass and pulling him in closer.

"Yeah, maybe." They stood there kissing in the middle of the field, lost in their own private world and each other. After several heavenly moments of kissing, Jack pulled away, resting their foreheads together and breathing deeply, as if he was trying to inhale him.

"Sure gonna miss this," he whispered, his eyes half-closed. Ennis rubbed his back.

"Me too..."

"You gonna think of me an' beat off now an' then?" Jack breathed. Ennis wasn't sure if he was being serious or not, but decided to answer honestly.

"If I get the chance," he whispered back. "Maybe when I'm dreamin'..." He nuzzled their cheeks together.

"Well...I bet there'll be guys there thinkin' about their girls an' wringin' one out...who knows, maybe guys too. Bet you an' Adam won't be the only ones with secret gay lovers," he said quietly, breathing the words into Ennis's ear. Ennis was rapidly getting hard with Jack breathing like that, and he was unable to stop it.

"Mmm...Jack...gettin' a problem down here..."

Jack paused and looked down. "Oh...sorry 'bout that. Can I take care of ya?" He looked back up at him, smiling innocently.

Ennis raised his eyebrows. "What, here?" Jack shook his head, grinning, and started pulling him towards the stables; he was heading for the tack room, a fire dancing in his blue eyes. He pinned Ennis against the wall with a smoky glare and sank to his knees, swallowing him down and making him have to clamp his hand over his mouth to stop himself moaning out loud.

He came suddenly with a violent shudder and looked down to see that Jack looked a little dazed. He pulled his pants up and then brought Jack to his feet, into his arms.

"That was good...you okay, rodeo?" he asked softly.

Jack pulled his head back so they could lock eyes. "I guess. Gonna miss doin' that, an' you doin' it to me. Gonna miss everythin' about you, baby." His lip trembled. Ennis pulled him close again and caressed his back, shushing and soothing him. They stayed there for a while before coming back to their senses and heading back out to work.

* * *

><p>That evening, Ennis and Jack were setting up their tent on the hill. There were plenty of stars out and the night air was fresh and cool. They figured that it would do them some good to spend a night outside, just the two of them. It would be like their nights on Brokeback, most particularly those they had spent during their wedding trip, where they had made their vows to each other and swapped their rings.<p>

Jack knocked in the last peg and straightened up, jumping when he felt Ennis's arms encircle him from behind.

"Mmm..." he purred, leaning back into the embrace as Ennis ran his hands over his chest and stomach.

"Really gonna miss moments like these, rodeo," Ennis murmured, laying his chin on Jack's shoulder, both of them looking out over at the lights of Sandersville. Jack pressed his head against Ennis's.

"Me too, cowboy." They were silent for a moment, and then Ennis spoke again. "Come on, darlin'. Let's go lie down, okay?"

"Okay." Jack felt Ennis remove his arms from around him and take his hand, leading him into the tent. They crawled onto the bedroll and removed their hats, coats and boots, tossing them into a corner. They stretched out on top of the covers, facing each other in the darkness.

Ennis traced a finger along Jack's jawline. Jack kissed it as it neared his mouth, his eyes locked on Ennis's.

"I love you, Ennis," Jack whispered. Ennis leaned in and kissed his cheeks and forehead, making him close his eyes in bliss. Ennis then gently pressed a hand to his chest and coaxed him to lie down, leaning over him and continuing to kiss him. Jack tangled his hands in Ennis's curls as their tongues wove around each other, moaning into Ennis's mouth.

Ennis lifted one leg and brought it over Jack's body, straddling him and lying down on top of him. They kissed a little more and then he pulled away, looking down into Jack's deep blue eyes. They just stared at each other, not speaking. Every time they had sex, they had to prolong it as much as possible to savour everything they could, remember everything about each other.

They kissed softly again, just the lips pressing together. Ennis rubbed their noses together, making Jack moan softly again.

"Ennis...can we...? Please..."

"Okay, darlin'. Anythin' fer you." Ennis reared up onto his knees and Jack sat up, their faces brushing together and lips catching at skin as they removed their shirts, throwing them to the pile and running their hands over each other's smooth chests, feeling the strong muscles there that they had built up from years of hard work, both while growing up and here on the ranch. They loved each other's bodies, always had. They connected deeply on every level that they thought possible, completely in tune with each other.

They removed their jeans and lay back down again, Ennis nudging Jack's legs wider apart to lie between them, settling into his absolute favourite place in the whole world. He held Jack's face in both of his hands, the way he knew Jack loved, and probed his mouth gently with his tongue, Jack moaning again in need.

He pulled away to grab the lube from his jeans, slicking himself up and putting it back. Jack pressed a hand to his chest.

"Wait, cowboy...um..."

"What is it, Jack?" he asked softly, stroking his cheek. Jack looked up at him with absolute love and trust in his eyes.

"Can we be on our sides, with you behind me? I mean...you know I like seein' ya an' all, but...I..."

"You want me to take care of ya, darlin'?" Ennis asked, running his fingers through Jack's hair. Jack nodded, his eyes a little glazed over and his hands gripping Ennis's shoulders. "Sure thing, rodeo. Come on." He moved off Jack, who turned over onto his side, breathing deeply with his eyes now closed. Ennis spooned up behind him and wrapped an arm around his stomach, nuzzling his neck.

"Just relax, Jack," he said softly into his lover's ear, kissing it. He guided himself slowly into Jack, pushing in as gently as he could so as not to hurt him, only cause him comfort. Jack drew in a breath as Ennis got in all the way, his head falling onto the bedroll. Ennis tucked himself right up to Jack's back and neck as he slowly began to thrust into him.

"Oh...Ennis..." Jack moaned, drawing his hand back to rest on Ennis's hip, trying to pull him closer and meld them together. Ennis responded by resting his own hand on Jack's hip, gripping him but not too roughly. He moved inside him, trying to find that place of absolute pleasure that made them momentarily forget everything in the world but each other. They needed something like that right now, to forget what was troubling them, even for just a few moments.

Ennis changed his angle and found what he was looking for, the sweet spot inside his lover, that very special place that drove them both crazy with desire and love. Jack moaned aloud, his head going back where it was nuzzled by Ennis. He kissed Jack's neck and softly bit into his skin, feeling Jack shudder with delight. He then dragged his tongue down as much of Jack's neck as he could reach in this position. Jack tensed up suddenly and with a groan, released onto the bedroll in streams. The feeling triggered Ennis's own orgasm and he let loose into Jack, gripping him tightly as they rode it out and then relaxing.

Ennis caressed Jack's stomach, leaning slightly over him and kissing his cheek. "You okay, darlin'?"

Jack turned his head to look up at him, smiling drowsily. "Real damn good, cowboy. You take good care of me, ya know."

"Just 'cos I love ya." He lay back down again behind Jack, wrapping him up in his arms and holding him close. They drifted off soon after, lost in dreams of each other.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_January 5th, 1966_

Today was the day of Ennis's physical exam, to check that he was suitable and met the requirements of the System. He would be heading to Fort Jackson in South Carolina, where he would also eventually go for his training in just under a week. Rick had called him the day before to let him know what to expect from it. It would take the whole day and as much as he was dreading the time when he would have to leave properly, he knew he had to do it. He just had to get on with it.

He'd said goodbye to Jack in the early hours of the morning, promising to call as soon as he was done and on his way home. Ennis had kissed him softly and slowly in the shadows of the front porch; Becky would be driving him to Sandersville where he would catch the bus to the base.

He talked a little to other passengers on the bus, his potential fellow soldiers. They were alright, he guessed, but he missed Jack's bubbly personality, always managing to get people talking. He guessed that Adam would probably either at home or might even be at the exam today, given that he too was being sent here for training.

They reached the base and were directed to the building where the exams were taking place. There were around 50 or 60 guys here, Rick had told him, so he would be waiting for a while.

When he was finally called for his first exam, he went into the room. His first would be a blood test, and since he disliked needles he found it very unpleasant, but he didn't want them to think he was a coward so he gritted his teeth.

He had been nervous about the vision exam, given his eyesight problems. He had trouble focusing on some nearby objects, but it wasn't like he was blind; they would probably still accept him.

He got a break after that one, involving more waiting around. He had been warned that there would be a lot of this. He kept an eye out for Adam, but there was no sign of him. He wondered what Jack might be doing, hoping that he was coping okay. They were treating today as a practice for what it might be like when he left for real, and he hoped that they would be okay.

After a hearing test and a height and weight test, by which time a number of hours had passed, he was ready to go home and he hoped that he was nearly done. After a few more exams, including a background check that he'd been nervous about, but had apparently passed, he was then asked to wait while his results were evaluated. He ended up talking to a few other guys while he waited, all them nervous about what might be heading their way if they were approved.

Around five in the afternoon, he was approached and told that his results had been evaluated and approved. He would just have to sign some contracts and swear an oath, and then he could finally leave, go home to Jack and all that was familiar.

The papers were signed, his oath was sworn, and he was ready to collapse after a gruelling day. Just before he went to catch the bus home, he managed to find a phone, intending to call his other half.

"Brokeback Ranch, Jack speakin'," came the sweet voice. His heart leapt to hear that voice.

"Jack, it's me."

"Ennis? Hey, cowboy, how are ya? You done?" Jack sounded elated to hear him and he couldn't help but smile.

"I'm all done, bud. Just signed the papers an' they say I'm good to go. They're lettin' me in."

"Right..." Neither of them could really say if it was a good thing or a bad thing. "So...you comin' home?"

"Yep. Be home in about three hours or so. Gonna be late back, bud. Sorry..."

"S'alright, Ennis, we'll wait. I called Greg; he says he's happy to give ya a lift home, if you want."

"Yeah, that'd be good. Thanks. I...I really missed ya today, darlin'. Kept thinkin' 'bout ya."

"Me too, cowboy," Jack replied, smiling and shifting his feet. "I'll see ya soon, okay?"

"Sure, bud. See ya soon." He hung up and boarded the bus, his heart yearning towards Georgia and the other half of his heart. He almost fell asleep on the bus, but thoughts of Jack kept him going, they always did.

Greg was there, waiting for him and looking sympathetic. "Ready to go home? You must be drained."

Ennis smiled wearily. "You bet. Wanna get home to Jack."

"I know." He drove him through the final journey, the final half hour between him and Jack. The ranch finally came into view and his heart soared when he saw a very familiar shape on the front porch. Jack was waiting for him.

They met a few feet from the front steps, their bodies colliding. Jack held him close and ran his hands through the curls, the familiar warmth of each other washing over them both and pouring life into them.

Jack drew back and smiled into the face he loved so much. "Welcome home, cowboy. Rough day?"

"Yeah, a lot of waitin' around mostly. Glad to be home." They bid goodnight to Greg and went up the steps, hand in hand. They faced each other and finally kissed, breath and saliva mingling together like a life force.

Since it was getting late, they decided that Ennis could do with some rest, and he would tell them about his day the following morning. Jack led Ennis upstairs, giving him a whole body massage with their favourite oil, and then letting him lie on his side, spooning up around him and wondering if the real thing would be as hard to bear as today was. He sure would miss Ennis when he was gone, and he hoped that their connection would keep them strong.

* * *

><p>The next day, Jack decided to call Pete, Adam's partner, to talk about what their other halves were being drawn into. They were all good friends and he and Pete would probably need someone to talk to, just like Ennis and Adam would have each other.<p>

He sat in the office, dialling the number in Ohio that they had been given. Ennis and Becky were out with the hands and Rose was looking after Lily in the house. It was a quiet day and the perfect time to make this call.

"Hello, Pete Richards."

"Hey, Pete, it's Jack Twist from Brokeback Ranch. Ennis's other half."

"Oh, hey Jack. How are ya?"

Jack sighed. "Okay, I guess. You probably know why I'm makin' this call, huh?"

"Yeah. I figured you might be callin' sooner or later, once Adam told me that Ennis got drafted too. Sometimes people just need to talk."

"Where is Adam?"

"He's gone for his medical exams down in Fort Jackson. Be gone the whole day."

"Oh, Ennis had his yesterday. Yer right, it takes most of the day. Ennis left around six in the mornin' an' didn't get back 'til about eight at night. Missed him somethin' awful."

"Yeah. Adam sure knows how to talk, an' this mornin' I was glad for the quiet, but now I'm missin' him. Can't wait 'til he gets back. He said he'd call as soon as he was done an' on his way home."

Jack grinned. "Ennis did that. Made me grin like an idiot that he did that fer me. Love that man to bits."

"I know what ya mean, Jack. Can't wait for that call. So...can I ask ya somethin'?"

"Sure."

"How come Ennis got drafted an' you didn't?"

Jack shrugged. "They mighta seen my medical records, saw about my busted ribs an' my rodeoin' injuries or somethin'. Coulda been anythin'."

"But...what about Ennis? He was supposed to be gettin' married; maybe they found out that he didn't?"

"He did get married, Pete," Jack replied, an edge to his voice. "He married me, you know."

"Shit...I'm sorry Jack. You know I don't mean to make this harder on ya."

Jack rubbed a hand over his eyes. "No, it ain't yer fault, Pete. I didn't mean to snap at ya. Just...on edge an' all."

"I know. You know I think it's great that you guys made that commitment. It don't mean nothin' to them, but means everythin' to guys like us."

Jack smiled wryly. "Pete...you thinkin' of takin' a leaf outta our book?"

He could practically see Pete blushing. "Well...I been thinkin' on it. Ever since we got our power of attorney documents, I been thinkin' of...goin' a step further."

"That's great. Those documents mean a lot, but...it's a better gesture, I think...to make that commitment. More romantic, you know?"

"I know. I'd really like to do it. You guys went back to Brokeback, right?"

"Yep, where we met. Where did you guys meet again?"

"Back in Wyomin', we was both hands on a ranch near Laramie. Like a pair of magnets, I tell ya. We couldn't keep away from each other." He sounded wistful, like he was remembering something wonderful, and Jack suspected that he was.

"Well...maybe there's somewhere around there you can go. Someplace nice, ya know?"

"Yeah, I guess. I'll look into it. So, um...got any advice?"

"Actually, not really. Ennis organised it all, he proposed to me. But I can get him to call ya, if ya want."

"That'd be great...thanks, Jack."

"Sure. When are ya gonna do it?"

"Well...I was thinkin' of askin' him just before he leaves, give him somethin' to look forward to when he gets back, you know?"

"Aw, that sounds great. Maybe...me an' Ennis could renew our vows or somethin'. Have all our family an' friends here to see it. That'd be good."

"Sounds good, Jack. Guess we got some big plans ahead of us, huh?"

"Sure have. I'll run it by him later. God knows they'll need somethin' to get 'em through those nights when they ain't got the real us to turn to. Somethin' to motivate 'em, ya know?"

"I guess. So, anyway...I better get goin'. Got some things to do, an'..." He smiled. "I got a little proposal to organise."

"Yeah, guess so. Um...Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"If it's alright...can I visit down there sometime? Talk proper with ya? The bar should be fine, got people runnin' it for us. I'm gonna need someone who knows how it feels."

"Sure, Pete, come on over whenever. Yer more than welcome."

"Thanks, Jack. Talk to ya soon, okay?"

"Sure. Bye, Pete." He hung up and drummed his fingers on the desk, hoping that Ennis was about to walk in. He got up and left the office, looking around for his cowboy. Sure enough, he spied him talking to Dave at the entrance to the barn. He whistled to catch Ennis's attention, and he turned. He grinned slightly when he saw Jack waving him over and started walking over to him.

They went into the office, sharing a deep kiss as they came together. "So, rodeo...what can I do for ya?"

"Just somethin' I wanted to run by ya, cowboy. Sit down." They sat on opposite sides of the desk, and Jack took Ennis's hands.

"Just been talkin' to Pete, you know, Adam's fella."

"Right, how are they?"

"Okay. Adam's at his medical exams all day an' Pete's missin' him like crazy. Anyway...we got to talkin' about you guys, an'...he's thinkin' of proposin' to Adam, ya know? Like what you did."

Ennis smiled. "That's great. So what did you wanna run by me?"

"I got to thinkin' about us...Pete says he's gonna ask him just before he leaves, give him somethin' to look forward to. If we weren't already hitched, I'd be thinkin' of the same thing. So..."

"What, bud?"

Jack looked into his eyes. "Whaddaya say...that when you get back...you an' me renew our vows? We could have a party here at the ranch, invite all our friends an' family, whaddaya think?"

Ennis smiled fully. "That sounds...real good, bud. I'd really like that." He leaned over and kissed Jack again, love blazing in his heart.

* * *

><p><em>January 10th, 1966<em>

It was Ennis's final full day in Georgia, his last day with Jack. They had known that this day would come for two weeks, but nothing could have prepared them for the actual time. That morning, Ennis and Jack had held each other close in bed, face to face. They had kissed softly and stroked each other to orgasm, unwilling to part from each other.

The day was spent with them working out on the land, but they had let their hands take off early so that they could prepare for the evening. They had decided to have all of their friends over so that they could all say goodbye to Ennis and wish him luck. Ennis and Jack then planned to go up earlier than usual, make their last night together count. Ennis had already packed everything he was allowed to take with him, and the bag was waiting at the foot of their bed. He would be allowed to take his wedding ring to the base camp, but not on to Vietnam. He decided to leave it here with Jack, to keep it safe. His hand would feel wrong without it, but he knew it would be safe with Jack.

Jack had been taking the last two weeks one day at a time, just concentrating on ranch work and spending quality time with Ennis, sharing love between them and letting each other know that they were loved deeply and unconditionally. Ennis had been known to come up to him from behind and just hold him for a while, echoing their old dozy embrace by the fire on Brokeback. That had been about their connection, and so were these moments. Jack looked at the shirts often, remembering Ennis's words to him from when he had put them here.

"_I know we can't stand like this all the time, I can't keep my arms around ya all the time, much as I'd like to. So...this is my way of showin' ya that somewhere, up here, I got my arms around ya all the time. Keepin' ya safe...I'm holdin' ya right here, rodeo. Always..."_

He would have to hold on to this thought; that no matter where Ennis was, he was still holding him close, in his heart and in his arms. It was one of the most romantic things that Ennis had ever done for him, and it had warmed his heart. He had plenty of memories of Ennis to keep him warm through the lonely nights, and they would have to do. No way would he be cheating on Ennis, not even for a few moments of relief. When Ennis returned he would be feeling guilty and it would tear them apart. No; he would stay loyal and true, adhere to his vows. They had to keep their connection strong.

At three, their friends arrived, and they put out a spread in the kitchen. People were sat at the table and at the kitchen island, all in one room so they could talk properly.

"So...you got any idea how long you're gonna be out there?" asked Michael.

Ennis shook his head. "I dunno...could be months, maybe even...years." He glanced at Jack, seeing him wince at this, and his heart sank. How on earth would they be able to cope with this?

"Woah...gonna be rough, huh?"

"Sure is. But...it'll ease my mind some, knowin' that Jack has all you guys around him. Least I won't be worryin' about him, an' it'll make it easier for me. But...I know it ain't gonna be easy fer Jack." He looked at Jack again.

"We'll look after him," Rose promised, smiling at her son, who managed a half-smile back at her.

"Didn't you say you got a relative who's been drafted too?" Dave enquired.

Ennis nodded. "Yep. My brother-in-law's cousin. His name's Adam, he an' his fella live in Ohio, they're good friends of ours. He'll be at Fort Jackson too. They actually came here for a visit the year before last, you met 'em."

The hands that had been present at the time all nodded. "Yeah...they were nice fellas."

"They are. Anyway, you guys, we got a little announcement to make, now that yer all here," Ennis started, hoping to lift Jack's spirits. They all looked at him.

"Jack an' me...we've decided...that when I get back, we're gonna renew our vows. Here, at the ranch. If you wanna come, yer all more than welcome."

"Oh...that sounds great, guys," said Kate. Then she smiled. "If you need a new pair of rings you know where to find me." They both grinned at her.

"But...could still be years before it happens," Jack then said sadly, picking at the label on his beer bottle.

"But we're still gonna do it," Ennis said firmly, fixing him with those deep brown eyes that he loved so much. Jack smiled at him.

"Will you be able to call, or write?" asked Sam.

"Yeah. I'm gonna call Jack from Fort Jackson whenever I can, an' I'll write letters when I'm in Vietnam. Ain't gonna let him go on without news."

"I'll let all you guys know how he's doin'," Jack finished. "Whenever I get a new letter, I'll come by all you guys an' let you know what I know."

They all nodded. At six, they left the Del Mar/Twist family to their final night together. They watched TV for a while and finished the food, all four of them aware that time was running out, and that all too soon, things would be changing. Ennis noticed that Jack's grip on his arm as they sat on the sofa was a little clingier than usual, but he couldn't really blame him for that. He was holding Jack a little tighter than usual, after all.

At eight, they decided to go up. They would all get up early to see Ennis off. Jack wanted to say goodbye to him here, in the way he wanted, so Becky would drive him to Sandersville for the bus.

As Ennis and Jack walked upstairs hand in hand, they were both thinking of the coming night and how they could make it so special that it sealed their bond forever.

* * *

><p>Ennis closed the door behind them and turned to look at Jack. Reflected in those deep blue eyes was his own sadness, both of them knowing what would come in the morning and what they might be able to do to lessen the pain.<p>

With a sigh, Ennis approached Jack, gently wrapping his arms around his waist and locking his fingers together in the small of Jack's back. Jack slid his arms through Ennis's and up his back, just reaching the shoulders. With no words, they leaned into each other and let their lips meet, trying to imprint themselves on each other. They kissed very slowly, savouring the taste and feel of each other, unwilling to let it end.

They broke apart and gazed into each other's eyes. "Ennis..." Jack whispered. "How do you want it tonight? We gotta make it count, gotta remember..."

Ennis leaned forward so that their foreheads touched. "I had an idea, if it's okay with you..."

"What?"

"I...I think...we should both take a turn tonight. Have a...a..."

"A part of each other inside us?" Jack finished for him, nuzzling their noses together.

Ennis let out a breath. "Yeah. So...can you, um..."

"You want me to go first?" Ennis nodded in response, and Jack smiled slightly. "You got it. Just don't let me fall asleep after, 'cos I want you too tonight."

"You got it." Ennis then took his hand and they walked around the bed, getting under the covers and sitting up as they undressed. They turned towards each other and got up close, Ennis wrapping one arm around Jack as they sat there, just trying to concentrate on each other. Their eyes met and they kissed again, Jack's hand coming up to the back of Ennis's head and moaning softly when their tongues met.

"Mmm...lie back, sweetheart," Jack mumbled as he broke away, a string of saliva connecting them still. Ennis willingly did so and lay back on his side, opening himself up to Jack and his love. Without discussing it, they both had become aware of how things would go tonight; they needed to see each other.

Jack slicked himself up and lay on top of Ennis, completely covering him with his warmth. They kissed some more as Jack guided Ennis's legs around his waist, which Ennis then used to pull him even closer.

When he was in, Jack filled him up with slow, steady strokes to let him know how much he was loved. He was doing it exactly how Ennis had wanted him to and Ennis was in heaven, heart swelling with love for the man inside him, making him feel complete. They both came with a series of silent shudders against each other, breathing heavily and then relaxing.

"Gimme a minute," Jack breathed into his ear. "Lemme just get my head right."

"Which head?" Ennis gasped back with a breathless grin, and he felt Jack laughing against him, his whole body shaking. Jack rose up, his eyes twinkling in the semi-darkness, and kissed the tip of Ennis's nose.

"I love you, you damn fool," he whispered. "Love you so much I can hardly stand it."

Ennis smiled, serious now. "I love you too, darlin'." He then kissed Jack firmly to make him feel dizzy, and soon their hands were roaming all over each other.

Finally Jack whispered, "I'm ready." Ennis rolled them both over and lay on top of Jack, his sweaty chest and come down below making, according to Jack, the perfect blanket. Nothing else felt like being here in this man's powerful, protective arms. He would miss this when Ennis was gone, but he would always have the memory.

It was Ennis's turn to use the lube, coating himself for Jack and nuzzling into his neck. When he rose up, he was struck by the intensity of Jack's gaze as he looked up at him.

"Make love to me, Ennis," he whispered. "Make me always remember this as long as I live."

Ennis swallowed, hoping that he could do this as perfectly as Jack had just done for him. Jack lifted his legs and wrapped them around Ennis's waist, mirroring their previous position. Ennis held Jack in his arms and Jack had his arms around Ennis's neck, eyes begging him to complete him. He slowly slid into Jack, who was more than ready for him, welcomed him warmly.

They lay there for a few moments, Jack feeling his lover inside him and trying to take a mental picture of the image before him. Ennis's curls were damp with sweat and his face was already flushed from their previous session, but Jack thought he was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Ennis thought that Jack looked like an angel, wide blue eyes and soft lips that were just for him.

He kissed Jack again as he began to thrust into him, also using slow, steady strokes to make this moment last as long as they could. Jack moaned into his mouth and held onto him even tighter, whispering indiscernible words of love to him.

Jack's whole body tensed up and he shot between them, crying out with joy and feeling Ennis join him over the edge. He removed his legs, which were feeling a little cramped, and he nuzzled his nose in Ennis's curls, feeling Ennis kiss his neck softly. Ennis pulled out of him gently and looked down at him. Jack was dizzy drunk on love and release, post-coital flush obvious on his young face. The blue eyes opened and he looked peacefully up at his cowboy, smiling softly.

Ennis stroked his face with one hand, giving him one final kiss on the lips before leaning back into him and letting him sleep. They had done what they'd set out to do; make this night one of their best ever so that they would always draw comfort from it when far apart. He would never ever forget Jack and he knew that Jack would never forget him. They were connected forever.

* * *

><p><em>January 11th, 1966<em>

It was here, the day of Ennis's departure. They had seen this coming but they all knew that nothing could have prepared them for the actual moment. Jack woke up in Ennis's embrace, the strong cowboy lying on top of him from the night before. He never wanted to leave this bed, and he never wanted Ennis to either. He'd looked at the man lying with him and he'd been unable to stop the tears. Ennis had awoken in time to catch this, and he'd done his best to soothe Jack and calm him down. Jack clinged to him and whispered over and over how much he loved him and always would. Ennis whispered back how he would always be thinking of him while he was gone.

Breakfast was a little on the subdued side. It was now five, and Ennis would have to leave for Sandersville in an hour for the bus. Becky would be driving him again as Jack wanted to have a private goodbye with him, the way he wanted. He didn't want their last precious moments together to be constricted by society and prying eyes.

After breakfast, Ennis took both Becky and Rose aside separately to talk to them. He told Rose how proud he was to know and be loved by Jack, as he was a fine young man, a credit to her. He thanked her for everything she'd ever done for them and all the help she'd given them. She in turn thanked him for making her son so happy, and told him that she was grateful to him for giving Jack the love and happy home he'd always wanted. She promised to look after Jack as best she could and Ennis promised to ask after her whenever he called or wrote to Jack.

He told Becky how grateful he was to her for keeping their relationship a safe secret during the time they'd been living separately, and for giving Jack a little more family support during their tough times. He said he loved her like a sister and was proud to be one of Lily's godfathers, and he hoped that she found herself someone to love, someone to make her as happy as he was. She too thanked him for making Jack happy and for taking her in when she'd needed help. She told him he was like a brother to her and that if anything happened to him out there, she would make sure that Lily grew up knowing what a fine man he'd been. She too promised to help Jack as much as she could through the times ahead, and voiced her confidence that everything would be alright. Ennis wished he could be that confident.

At last, it was time for Jack. Everything that they had truly wanted to say to each other had been said already, but there was never enough time for them, never enough. Becky and Rose went out to the porch to give them some privacy as they stood in the living room. Ennis's bag was already in the truck.

They wrapped their arms around each other and locked eyes, memorizing each other's features and trying to burn them into memory. Ennis ran a hand up and down Jack's back.

"Well...I guess this is it, cowboy," Jack said, sniffing and managing a watery smile.

"Yeah...nothin' coulda prepared me fer this, bud. Sayin' goodbye to you...I hate this."

"Me too. Ennis, I...I know we been together a while now, an'...I just wanna say...I'm still so much in love with you. So much stronger now than it ever was before." Jack's eyes were a little glassy but the tears didn't fall.

"God...me too, baby..." Their foreheads collided again.

"You got the pictures?" asked Jack. It had been decided that Ennis would secretly take with him a picture of Jack, one of him smiling widely that he'd always loved. He would also take along pictures of the women and Lily in case he was asked by others about his home life. He knew which one he'd hold close to his heart, though.

"I got 'em. The ones of the girls are in the bag, an'..." He smiled slightly. "Yours is somewhere safe." Jack grinned in spite of himself.

"Oh, here..." Ennis suddenly remembered. He reluctantly removed his wedding ring, his hand feeling naked without it. Jack gulped as he took it.

"Keep it safe, darlin'," Ennis whispered and Jack nodded.

"I will." The clock neared six and Ennis would have to get moving soon. Ennis pulled Jack into his arms for a good strong kiss, lips smashing together and tongues curling around their mate. The kiss then softened into smaller ones, just the lips.

"I love you," Jack said simply. "An' I always will. Yer my whole world an' I'll be countin' down the days until yer back here where you belong. Back...in my arms."

Ennis nodded. "I love you too, never loved anybody but you, an' I'll be countin' down those days too, bud." In an echo of something they had done before, they brought their hands to each other's hearts, feeling them beat in unison and locking eyes again, an unspoken promise of love and loyalty forever passing between them.

As they shared their last hug, Jack whispered, "Be careful out there. Don't try to be a hero if it puts you in danger. If you run, I won't ever judge you. Come home to me safely."

Ennis held the back of his head. "I will. Wait for me, Jack."

"I swear." The clock hit six and they prised themselves apart, sharing one last kiss of the lips before Ennis left the house, trying not to let his emotions get the better of him. He got into the truck with Becky, looking out at Jack and Rose on the porch. He raised a hand in farewell and met Jack's beloved eyes one last time, before he nodded at Becky to start the truck.

Jack's eyes followed the blonde head until the truck was no longer in sight. He folded his arms and sniffed, before looking up into the morning sky.

"Lord, I know I ain't one fer church, an' I know you probably think of us as sinners an' all, but...please, if yer listenin', keep him safe fer me. Send him home safe." He hoped that the love between them would help them find a way back to each other, where their hearts had found a home and now belonged.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Becky dropped Ennis off outside the post office in Sandersville, where the bus was already waiting. He was right on time so he figured he wouldn't ruffle any feathers. There was a commander by the bus, checking everybody who got on.

He turned to Becky. "Well...guess I better get goin'."

She nodded, looking downcast. "Take care, yeah? Listen to what they tell you an' keep your head down."

"I will. Look after everybody, okay? Keep an eye on Jack fer me."

She smiled. "You know I will." She then sighed. "Bye, Ennis." He hugged her and bid her goodbye, then approached the bus, his bag feeling as heavy as his heart. He felt as if a piece of him had been left behind at the ranch, but he knew that Jack would look after it. Jack always did take good care of him.

He showed the commander his papers and he was let onto the bus, where it was already nearly full. He felt very self-conscious and ducked his head, wishing that Jack could be here to break the tension. But Ennis knew that Jack would be a lot safer here, and it would ease his mind.

He found a seat next to a young man around his age, with dark hair and grey eyes. They nodded politely at each other and the man offered his hand.

"James Coogan." Ennis shook his hand.

"Ennis Del Mar."

"You look kinda down. Leavin' someone special behind?" He looked knowingly at him.

"Yeah." He gulped, hating the lies he would have to tell in this environment. "Wife."

"Right. I'm leavin' my girl too. Plannin' to marry her when I get back."

"We got married a couple years ago, thinkin' of renewin' our vows," Ennis replied. There were some truths he could tell.

"That's real nice, what's her name?"

"Jackie," he mumbled, insides burning with shame that he was making Jack out to be a woman.

"You got a picture?"

"Uh, sure." He fumbled around in his bag for the picture of Becky and Lily that was his decoy. He did love them, but he wished that he could show the picture of the one he loved the most. "Here. That there's our little girl, Lily."

"Aw, ain't she cute? Me an' my girl want kids one day. Here..." He pulled out a picture of a girl with curly hair and a sweet smile. "This is Claire. My one an' only."

"She looks real nice. You guys happy?"

"Sure are. You?"

"Yeah. Never thought I'd ever be as happy as I've been these last few years. Got somethin' real special here."

"I bet. Me an' Claire met at this church social thing. Our parents introduced us. Where'd you guys meet?"

Ennis swallowed, remembering the rehearsed story that he'd spent hours practicing. "In '63, in the summer. I'm from Wyomin', an' I was up in the mountains workin' as a sheep herder up in Signal. Met her at the cafe where I had my breakfast. Couldn't get her outta my head the whole summer. Came back down, knew she was the one for me. Asked her to come back with me to Sage, where I was from. She did, an' we got married soon after."

"You're from Wyomin'? What brings ya all the way out here?"

Ennis shrugged, as if it had been an impulse decision. "Just...we both grew up in the West, wanted to see what things was like out here. We own a ranch, cattle ranch. Her mama came to live with us about a year ago after her daddy died."

"A house full of women then," James commented. "Must drive ya crazy."

Ennis smiled; even if they did drive him crazy sometimes, he still loved them all. "Well...I love 'em to bits."

"Got any advice fer someone who's wantin' to marry his girl?"

"Um...just...do whatever you can to make her happy, I guess. Make her happiness more important to you than yer own," he replied, thinking of Jack and how he always made sure that he was happy. Just because he was in love with a man didn't mean it needed to be any different than being in love with a woman.

"Yeah...I do want her to be happy..."

"Uh...make sure she's safe, an' she has everythin' she needs, especially if she gets pregnant," he went on, thinking of Becky. "Just... do what ya can. We made it work, an' we're happier than ever."

"Thanks, Ennis. I'll keep that in mind," James said, smiling and lightly punching him on the shoulder. He seemed a decent guy, and anything to make this time go quickly was welcomed by Ennis.

"Oh, an'...no matter what, always be honest with her, never lie to her," Ennis said, thinking of those bad few months when he'd kept secrets from Jack and lied to him. James nodded, looking thoughtful. "An'...treat her right. Make her feel like ya love her, that you really wanna be with her."

"Wow...sounds like you know a lot about love," James said, looking awed by his knowledge.

"I guess. I learned most of it...maybe all of it...just from livin' through it. Learned a lot from...my better half," Ennis said quietly, smiling to himself. Jack had taught him a lot about love just by being with him.

"Sounds like yer really gonna miss her..."

"I sure am. Gonna miss her somethin' fierce. My best friend, ya know. Means everythin' to me."

"Well, I'm sure things are gonna be okay. They train us real good, an' I bet we'll be back before ya know it. You can go on an' renew yer vows, an' maybe have more kids."

Ennis smiled wryly, thinking of how bizarre it would be for he and Jack to have kids. "I dunno if she'd go fer that. I think once was enough for her. But...I guess...never say never." _Maybe one day they'll let us adopt or somethin', but we won't never have a kid that's just ours. Price you pay fer happiness, I guess._

* * *

><p>Jack cleared away the breakfast dishes, trying to concentrate on his task. He knew that while it was relatively easy now, it wouldn't be long before it truly hit him that Ennis was gone, and it could be years before he saw his face again.<p>

He thought about what Pete had said, that while he'd initially been glad of the quiet when Adam had gone for his medical exams, by the time Jack had called him he was going crazy, yearning to hear Adam's voice. Ennis was by no means a talker like himself, but Jack knew that he would soon be craving to hear that low, sexy rumble that Ennis used with him, mainly when they were alone and usually in the bedroom.

His mother was upstairs somewhere and the hands would arrive soon for work; life would go on as it always had. He had to keep going; there were people depending on him now. The hands would need their wages, their customers would want their orders, and he had to hold everything together. He couldn't afford to lose it now, no matter how much he missed Ennis. All he could do was simply go on, and wait for the day when his husband would return.

He heard his mother return with Lily in her arms. "You okay, sweetie?" she asked, looking at him sympathetically. He tried to smile back.

"I'm okay, mama. For now, I guess. But...pretty soon I'm gonna be missin' him like crazy." _The way he holds me, the way he talks to me, the way he kisses me...not to mention the way he makes me feel in bed. God...I'm gonna miss him so much._

"I know, Jack. But all you can do is carry on an' let things happen as they do. You know..." She put Lily down in her chair and got her some baby food, sitting next to her. "We had a sayin', back in World War Two. Keep calm an' carry on. It was on posters all over the place to remind people not to panic an' just get on with life as best they could.

Jack mulled over this, looking down into his coffee cup. His mother always did make a lot of sense. "Yer right, mama. I know I can't stop myself missin' him, or worryin' about him, but...there ain't nothin' I can do, you've been tellin' me that fer two weeks an' you were right. I got a ranch to run; I can't keep pinin' after him, even though I want to. He wants me to keep this place goin' an' I hafta. This ain't just our home, it's our business too, our livelihood. If I don't knuckle down he ain't gonna have no place to come home _to_, so..." He rubbed a hand over his eyes. "Just gotta keep on at it, like he is."

"That's right," she said encouragingly. She knew that before this was over, Jack really would be missing Ennis badly, but if she could convince him early on to simply carry on, hopefully he would get through it, and by the time Ennis returned, he would come home to a strong man who was in control of himself, who would be able to welcome him back with the promise of support. Ennis would need that when he returned, so she hoped that Jack would be able to offer it him. Jack himself would need to be in a secure place in his mind if that was going to happen.

A little later, Jack joined the hands out in the fields. Becky would take over in the office for him, but in the afternoons she would take Lily in with her, give Rose some time to herself. Jack got himself busy with saddling up Signal when he heard someone approach him. It was Sam, one of their original hands.

"Hey, boss."

"Hey, Sam. Everythin' alright?"

"Yeah, we're good. Um...actually, I came in to talk to ya." He looked terrified of approaching his boss like this, but Jack had a suspicion that he would have been too scared altogether if Ennis were here; the guy could be pretty intimidating to those who weren't close to him.

Jack straightened up. "Oh?"

Sam shifted his feet. "Um...I was wonderin' about Miss Becky."

"Yeah?"

The nervous young man took his hat off, running it through his hands over and over. "Um...if it's alright with you, bein' her cousin an' all...I was wonderin' if I could ask her out sometime?"

Jack smiled. "Really?" He hoped that Becky would be able to find herself happiness; she deserved it so much after everything she'd been through.

"I'll treat her well, boss," Sam said quickly, as if Jack was questioning his motives . "I'll pay for dinner, an' if she wants to go to the movies or somethin' I'll pay for that too. I'll have her home by whatever time you say."

Jack had to stop himself from laughing at how antsy the poor young man was. "Well, it's alright with me. You sure that her havin' a baby don't put you off?"

"Oh, no sir. She told us what happened, right? With that guy? He's an asshole for not wantin' nothin' to do with her."

"You won't get no argument from me," Jack said dryly. "It's alright by me, if she wants to. But I warn ya, she's a little hung up on her ex-boyfriend, not the father but this other guy. Just...be nice to her, alright? She's had her heart broken before an' she don't need it happenin' again."

"I won't, sir. I know how to treat a lady, sir," Sam said, looking sincere.

"Alright then. She should be back anytime, feel free to ask her then."

He breathed out a sigh of relief. "Okay. Thanks, boss." Sam left the stables, leaving Jack to reflect on love and life. He hoped that Ennis could somehow know that he was thinking of him right now. He wished they could communicate telepathically; it sure would make things a little less lonely. He wondered how he was going to be tonight, lying in bed with nothing but memories and his right hand for company.

* * *

><p>The bus arrived at Fort Jackson some time later, by which time the sun had risen fully. Ennis was very apprehensive about what was heading this way and where this road might lead, but he hoped that he wouldn't have to do this for too long; all he wanted was to be at home with Jack.<p>

When they arrived, they were all directed to bunkers around the camp, and Ennis started to look around for a glimpse of Adam. The sooner they got through this the better.

He was directed to his bunker, which already had soldiers milling about, some having arrived before him and some he recognised from the medical testing. He went inside and picked the empty bed closest to the door. He turned when he heard his name being called and saw, to his relief, Adam.

"Hey, Ennis," he greeted, coming up to him and smacking his shoulder lightly. "Was wonderin' when you might be arrivin'."

"Yeah, long journey," Ennis replied, trying to make this conversation look completely neutral, like they had nothing to hide.

"How, uh...how's your other half?" Adam asked, mindful of where they were.

"Copin'. Was real sad to see me go, but...hopefully won't be gone too long. What about you?"

Adam glanced around again. "Like you say, copin'." The other soldiers left, leaving them alone, and they both breathed out a sigh of relief. "Goddamn," Adam muttered, rubbing his forehead.

"I know. This is gonna be hard. I..." Ennis glanced towards the open door. "I really miss him."

"Me too. I just wanna talk 'bout Pete all the time. Yesterday was hell. How the hell are we gonna do this?"

Ennis shook his head. "I dunno. Just gotta be real careful. They said anythin' 'bout when we can call?"

"They have a set time. You can call the day you arrive but then you gotta wait 'til next week before they let ya again."

"Right. I'll call him later then. Say goodnight an' all."

Adam nodded. "I called Pete yesterday; wish I could do it every night."

"Well, how 'bout I ask Jack to tell him that yer thinkin' on him?" Ennis offered. "Let him know that you would call if ya could."

He smiled. "Thanks, Ennis. That's real nice of ya."

Ennis shrugged. "No problem. Anyway, I better get unpacked."

"Yeah. You'll hafta meet our sergeant soon; now that all the troops are here, he'll want to talk to us all. From what I hear, they're pretty strict."

"Oh...well...guess we just gotta get on with it, huh?"

"I guess. You never know, we might not be here that long. Somethin' could happen. We might be home sooner than we think."

Ennis looked down at his bag. "I sure hope so. Gonna go crazy without him. Dunno if I can go on like this for a few months, never mind years."

"Yeah. Anyway, I'm gonna go for a walk around, see what's what. The sergeant wants us all here at nine, so you better be ready by then, okay?"

"Yep. See ya." Adam left Ennis alone, where he began to unpack his things. He couldn't bear to look at his left hand, where the ring should be. It felt like he no longer had any ties to Jack or what they had together, nothing to point to. He hated this and hoped that it wouldn't be for long. He put his photos of Becky and Lily in a pocket of his bag and after a glance around, extracted the photo of Jack from within his boot. It was the safest place he could think of, between his sock and his leg, folded and tucked down where it couldn't be seen. With another quick glance, he brought the picture to his lips and kissed it, hoping that Jack knew he was thinking of him.

After unpacking everything, he checked the watch that Jack had given him for his 20th birthday; it was quarter to nine. The other soldiers were starting to return now to meet with the sergeant and they exchanged polite nods and greetings with him. One of them was also from out West, from Colorado, and it was nice to be able to talk about things they were both familiar with.

At nine, their sergeant arrived, and Ennis remembered what Adam had said about them being so strict here. They all sprang to attention, varying expressions of apprehension on their faces. He looked like a no-nonsense kind of person and even Ennis was slightly intimidated.

The man slowly walked between the two lines of men, inspecting them. He suddenly stopped in front of Ennis, eyes narrowed.

"You, soldier. What's your name?"

Ennis swallowed. "Del Mar, sir."

"An' what is your sole purpose in this army?"

_To get it over with an' return to my husband as soon as possible? Probably not what he wants to hear._ "To do whatever you tell me to, sergeant," he answered quickly.

The sergeant actually looked impressed. "Good answer, Del Mar. You're a smart one. Keep up that attitude an' you'll go far. Now then..." He turned to face the others and Ennis finally exhaled. "Basic trainin' starts tomorrow, six a.m. Want you there sharp an' early an' it's a full day job. Just do like Del Mar says an' do whatever I tell ya. You have this day to yerselves, but work starts tomorrow. Lights out at nine, an' get to sleep. No messin' around. If you hafta jerk off use the bathroom, but don't make no noise. Got it?"

"Yes sergeant, sir," they all responded in unison. He left and they all relaxed, some of them muttering about how he'd spoken to them.

Ennis and Adam turned to each other, puffing out their breath and feeling relief shoot through them that they had survived.

"That was weird," Ennis said. Adam looked at him in confusion. "I mean...nobody but them back home ever said I was smart. Just weird is all."

"At least yer in his good books," Adam remarked as they flopped onto their neighbouring beds.

* * *

><p>They spent the rest of the day in and around the bunker, getting to know their comrades. Unfortunately, they couldn't get more than a few seconds alone so they had to watch what they said, but these people were interesting enough to distract them for now. It turned out that James, the one he'd spoken to on the bus, was in the bunker next to theirs, but they would still probably see him often enough. And Ennis was certain that one of the others in their bunker was like him and Adam, for his story seemed a little too rehearsed, and when asked about a wife or girlfriend, he seemed edgy. Jack would probably tell him he was crazy.<p>

"So, anyway," finished Adam, having spun a tale that wasn't too far from the truth. "Me an' the missus decided to move out to Ohio, where she's from. Own a bar just over the border, in Kentucky. Doin' real well. We went to this rodeo there an' found that there wasn't no bar, so we decided to pool our money an' go fer it."

"Nice one," commented one of the others, who was definitely straight, Ennis figured. "What's her name again?"

"Petra," answered Adam, ignoring Ennis's look. He had already ribbed Ennis good-naturedly for using the name Jackie for his "wife".

"That's real nice." They then focused their attention to Ennis, the last person to speak. "So, what about you, Ennis? What's yer story?"

Ennis took a breath, hoping that he wouldn't slip up. "Uh, well...I'm from Wyomin', an' my parents died when I was a teenager. Me an' my brother worked on this ranch until I was nineteen. Then in '63, I went to this place called Signal for work, since my brother had gone an' gotten married."

"You're a cowboy then?" Ennis nodded. "Wow...big change..."

"Yeah...so, um...when I got to Signal, I had my breakfast in this diner that mornin', an' there was this girl workin' there. Got talkin' to her some. Named Jackie. I went up on Brokeback Mountain, sheep-herdin'. Just me an' this other guy up there. Couldn't get her outta my head all summer."

He took another breath, remembering that distant summer and all it had given him. The image that stood out in his memory the most was his and Jack's second night together, how his face had looked so soft in the firelight, and how warm and light his lips had felt. "I, um...I went back down at the end of the summer. Got a job in the town an' started datin' Jackie. About a year later I asked her to marry me, an' she said yes. She then found out that she'd inherited a ranch from her uncle, over in Georgia. We're livin' there now. Got a little girl, Lily."

"That's a great story, Ennis. Sounds like ya lucked out, huh?"

Ennis nodded; that was an understatement. "We sure did. We're real happy an' I can't wait 'til I'm back home. We're thinkin' of renewin' our vows when I get back." That bit, at least, was true.

They all nodded in approval, satisfied with his answer. "So..." started one of the others, a young man from Alabama. "You guys all ready fer what's comin'?"

Ennis and Adam looked dubiously at each other, knowing deep down what the answer was. "Not really. But there ain't a damn thing we can do about it, so...we just gotta get on with it."

"Yeah. But you never know, we might not be out here that long. This war could end tomorrow. Stranger things have happened, right?" said another, optimism lacing his tone and eyes looking around hopefully.

"Yeah, maybe..." Ennis replied, trying to have some faith in that notion. He always hoped that this would be the case, but he couldn't ignore the niggling doubt at the back of his mind.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, mainly with them playing cards and talking, making the most of this free day that they had. They would long for it when the training started. One had managed to sneak in a copy of Playboy and he gleefully handed it around, but neither Ennis nor Adam were in the slightest bit interested. They nodded and went along with their comrades' remarks, but were glad that they weren't asked what they thought. Ennis figured that they would both be taking their pictures of their other halves to the bathroom before the day was over. But no matter how good his memories of Jack were, he knew that nothing could ever compare to the real thing; he would miss Jack's glowing skin and his soft kiss and the way those deep blue eyes could look right into him. He would miss that hard, muscled body, those legs wrapping around him as they became one, the world around them ceasing to exist while they were in that place. Jack could give him bliss like he'd never known before, utter contentment to just lie in one place.

He sighed inwardly as he thought of the mess they were in. They should be celebrating what they had together. He shouldn't be here. This year they would be celebrating their second wedding anniversary and third overall anniversary. They should be celebrating it, but it looked like he wouldn't be there to see it. He would miss Jack more than ever during that time, during the summer. He would undoubtedly be reminded of him and wish more than ever that he was back home, his heart yearning for its other half.

He went in search of James, the man from the bus that he'd befriended, finding him in his bunker. They talked some more for a while and then they were notified that it was now their chance to call home, their last until next week. Ennis gathered himself, anxious to hear Jack's voice again, despite the fact he'd spoken to him only that morning, and headed out to where the much-desired call would be made.

* * *

><p>At last, he picked up the phone to call Jack. Fortunately, nobody else was in the room, but he kept an eye on the door just in case as he listened to the rings.<p>

"Brokeback Ranch, Jack speakin'."

Ennis felt his heart soar to hear that voice; his beloved Jack. He let out a shaky breath.

"Jack, it's me."

He heard Jack gasp a little, and he could visualise the large grin appearing. "Ennis? Hey, cowboy...damn good to hear yer voice. Wait...is it a good idea to say my name over there?"

"There's no-one else in here where the phones are, so I figured it was safe. Really good to talk to ya, darlin'."

"Aw, Ennis...you too. I know it's only been a day, but...I'm already missin' ya real bad. Gonna jerk off somethin' fierce later, I tell ya."

Ennis couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. "Me too, bud. They said we can do it in the bathroom so long as we're quiet."

"Huh...you weren't never quiet with me. That'll be a challenge. You're pretty vocal in bed, ya know."

"You are too!" Ennis replied, smiling fully now at this flirty banter. He glanced at the door again; he was still alone. "Moanin' my name an' such...good job yer mama goes to sleep early or you'd give her a fright."

"Ennis...you talkin' dirty to me over the phone?" Jack asked in a seductive tone.

Ennis wanted to, very much, but if this went on he'd want to slip a hand down his pants and start easing the pressure in his crotch, and that would not go over well if he was caught. It would have to wait until later.

"Really wish I could, bud...you know I do. But...I hafta wait 'til I'm on my own. Can't do much about a boner out here."

"Oh..." Ennis could just picture Jack's disappointed face. It would be very hard for them both in the times to come, with nothing but memories. Jerking off was all very well and it sure gave some relief, but it was nothing compared to the real thing as far as they were both concerned.

"I sure am sorry, darlin'...love you."

Jack sighed. "I love you too. How'd it go today?"

"Alright. Met up with Adam, it turns out Pete did propose to him."

"Yeah, Pete called earlier to tell me. Bet they're lookin' forward to it. You still wanna renew our vows when ya get back?"

Ennis noted that Jack said _when_, not _if_. He really was confident that he would return. "Yeah. I'd really like that. Everybody okay back home?"

"Yeah, fine. No problems. Lily's doin' real well. Oh, you know Sam, our hand?"

"Yeah..."

"Turns out he's got a crush on our Becky, asked her out earlier an' they're goin' out on Friday."

"Well, good fer them. Becky deserves to be happy after all the shit she's been through. Wonder if she's still pinin' over Andy?"

"Couldn't tell ya. She never mentions him, but...could just be that she knows it ain't gonna get her nowhere."

"Yeah...so, um...how are you, bud? You copin' okay?"

Jack was quiet for a moment. "I can't lie to ya, Ennis...I really miss ya. Like...sometimes we'll go for a few hours without seein' each other, 'cos I'm usually in the office an' yer out on the land, but...that was always okay, 'cos I knew where ya was, more or less. I knew that if I wanted to see ya, you weren't hard to track down."

"But now?" Ennis asked, his heart feeling heavy again.

Jack sighed. "Now...it's different. I still know where ya are, but I can't get to ya, like yer behind a glass wall or somethin', an' there ain't no way in fer me. An' this is just while yer still in America...gonna be a whole lot worse when you gotta leave fer Vietnam. I'm gonna be a mess, I know it."

"Oh, darlin'...I dunno what to say..." He bit his lip. "Maybe I should tell 'em."

"Huh? What?"

"You know, that I'm...gay."

"Ennis!" Jack said in alarm. "You can't do that! You know what happens to guys if they get outed? Sure, they'll let ya go, but you won't have no dignity. They'll tell all the others there, an' they'll just tear into ya. They don't like guys like us, remember? Please, baby, no...don't do that. I don't want ya to go through that, it's horrible from what I hear."

"Jack...I told you I'd do anythin' to get outta this if ya wanted me to."

"I know, but...please, Ennis. Don't do it. I don't want anythin' like that happenin' to you. Promise me you won't breathe a word, cowboy." He was pleading now, hoping to convince Ennis not to do something so dangerous.

Ennis thought for a moment, and then caved. He could never deny Jack anything, and in his heart he knew that Jack was right. "Alright, darlin'. I won't tell 'em."

Jack breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. I know what ya said, but...I don't want ya goin' through that, not even fer me. I love ya too much to let ya put yerself out there like that. You don't gotta prove nothin' to me. Okay? You know I'll always love ya."

Ennis smiled to himself. "I love you too. Listen, Jack, I think I gotta go now. We're on a curfew an' all, gotta be up early."

"Okay. When can ya call again?"

"Not 'til next week, bud. Sorry."

"Oh...well, alright. Give us somethin' to look forward to, huh? You gonna go an' jerk off with my picture in yer hand?"

"Yeah, you bet. You gonna do the same?"

"Sure will. Night, Ennis. Love you," Jack said softly.

"Love you too, darlin'." Ennis hung up and returned to his bunker, extracting his decoy picture of Becky and heading into the bathroom to conjure up images of his true love, hoping that the memories would be strong enough to prevent his heart aching so badly for the real thing.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_January 12th, 1966_

It was the day for the basic training to begin. This would last for six weeks, during which time Ennis was aware that Cecilia and Tom's third child would be born. He was saddened by the fact that he wouldn't be around for the first few years of his niece's or nephew's life. This would be his life for the foreseeable future, and it was a bleak prospect by all accounts.

They were taught how to handle their new rifles, how to load and unload them as quickly as possible for when they were in the thick of combat. It was very meticulous work but Ennis tried to get through it as quickly as possible, hoping that impressing his superiors would help him have an easier time of it. The sergeant was constantly barking at them to work faster and he was soon grinding his teeth his annoyance.

He had to admit that he wasn't too keen on the uniforms. He was a cowboy through and through, and this getup felt very strange to him. He had the oddest feeling that Jack would find it quite appealing. And he hated looking at his left hand, seeing the band of flesh where his wedding ring should be, his tie to Jack. Ever since they'd put their rings on he'd liked the idea of being bound to Jack, because Jack had given him everything he'd ever wanted. It felt good to be tied to someone he loved so much, like they could never be parted. He'd never lost the hope that one day they could make their union legal, but this suited him just fine for now.

They learnt how to take care of their uniforms, such as darning. He'd seen Rose and Becky knit numerous times and wished he'd paid more attention. He was wishing for a lot of things today where his family were concerned.

They were told the basics of what would happen when the real training started, and while it seemed straightforward enough, Ennis was still apprehensive of what it might be like out there, and judging by the looks on the faces of the other soldiers, they were too.

At night, Ennis thought of Jack. While being away from Jack did make him feel like he'd lost a limb, it gave him the opportunity to think about him and their relationship without any distractions. Sometimes he could get so caught up in Jack's body and the sex they'd had together that he rarely got the chance to step back and reflect on exactly what they had. He knew that they were very lucky to have found each other, especially given the circumstances. Jack had been unlike anyone else he'd ever met, had completely knocked him sideways and given him a new way of looking at life. Over their time together, he'd learnt that he didn't always have to accept what life had picked out for him, such as a marriage to a woman he didn't love. He could discover what he wanted out of life, and he had done so upon meeting Jack. He'd learnt to take opportunities as they came along, and he had also done this.

He sincerely hoped that he would be able to return to Jack one day, hopefully soon because he knew that this separation was driving them both crazy. He found it difficult to even function without Jack around, like he was a zombie just concentrating on his orders. He knew that Adam noticed but he suspected that his comrade might be going through the same thing. It was weird; they had only been away from home a couple of days but they were already yearning to return, missing that other half of themselves.

That afternoon, he was lying on his bed when he noticed Adam walk in. The rest of the bunker was empty.

"Hey," Adam greeted, flopping onto his bed and removing his boots.

"Hey, how's it goin' out there?"

"I hate it," Adam muttered, rubbing his stiff neck. "Hate that sergeant, hate the orders, hate not bein' able to talk 'bout the man I love."

"Know what ya mean," Ennis said quietly, biting at a hangnail absent-mindedly. "I sure do miss Jack."

"Yeah...hell, Ennis, if we get outta this mess, I swear I ain't never leavin' his side again. If I gotta chain myself to him I will."

"Huh. Might try that myself. Jack would probably like it," he mused, staring up at the ceiling. Adam snorted in amusement.

"What, you two? You do that stuff?"

Ennis went red. "Uh..." He was normally uncomfortable about sharing details of his intimate relationship with Jack, but at least Adam would understand what it meant to love a man.

"Well?" Adam prompted, looking intrigued and sly all at the same time.

Ennis sighed, trapped by his own slip-up. "Yeah. Once or twice."

"Well I'll be...didn't know ya had it in ya, Ennis Del Mar," said Adam, now obviously cheered up by the conversation. "I mean...you don't seem the type, ya know? No offense..."

Ennis shrugged. Truth was, if he had married Alma, they probably wouldn't be engaging in the kinds of things that he and Jack did. That blue-eyed rodeo cowboy had liberated him in so many ways. "Guess Jack had an influence on me...just...when I'm with him..."

"It feels right," Adam finished for him, nodding as he understood. "I know exactly what ya mean. Don't feel so weird when you're doin' stuff like that with someone you love, does it?"

Ennis shook his head. "No, it don't. Feels right, all the time. Sure do miss him a lot."

Adam looked at him sympathetically. "Well...I guess that we'll hafta do what I said, chain ourselves to 'em."

"Yep. Don't ever wanna leave Jack again," Ennis replied, his heart feeling sure. If he got through this alive, he was never going to leave Jack's side, legislation be damned. His place was with his husband and his family, and he never wanted to leave them again.

* * *

><p>Jack was throwing himself into ranch work, in a bid to distract himself. He'd made himself a promise to carry on as best he could in the circumstances, and he would try his hardest to see it through.<p>

Their calves from last year were adults now, and they were being prepared for breeding later in the spring. Star was pregnant again by Signal and their other colt was doing well, almost an adult himself. Life was going well on the ranch, and Jack had to admit that he was proud of all that they had achieved together. They had come such a long way since Brokeback; he hardly recognised Ennis as the man he had once been, so shy and closed up, unwilling to share anything. Now he was, according to Jack, the perfect partner. He was looking forward to them renewing their vows. He knew that he had to remain confident that Ennis would return, or else he would go crazy with worry, and he knew that Ennis wouldn't want him worrying about him, despite the fact that as his lover and husband, he always would until he returned.

Their first night apart had been pretty bad for him. Ennis's phone call had been wonderful, but then it was swiftly back to reality as the night closed in. He had lain in their empty bed by himself, wishing for Ennis's warm body to curl around his in that loving embrace he was so good at. He wished for Ennis's sweet kisses and the flutter of breath in his ear as he spoke softly to him in the darkness. How he missed that man. He'd ended up shuffling over to Ennis's side of the bed, breathing in whatever familiar scent he could find there to try and help him sleep. He figured he probably needed help if he couldn't sleep without Ennis there, but Ennis had confessed to the same thing when he'd been in hospital back in Texas, so he guessed it was just a result of being so in love with someone.

Becky was due to go out with Sam tomorrow night, and he hoped that a new boyfriend could take her mind off Andy. When she'd gone out with James, it was now clear to Jack that it had been too soon, that she hadn't been in a good mental state to start a new relationship. But maybe now she could, find that happiness she'd always wanted. Even if it meant her getting married and moving away from the ranch, Lily was still the first in line to inherit it, although it was likely she would have descendants of her own by then. Either way, it would be passed to a member of the family, who could keep it alive.

He was currently in the office, looking over the books when the phone rang. It was a bit overly optimistic of him to expect another call from Ennis so soon, so he didn't get too excited.

"Brokeback Ranch, Jack speakin'."

"Hey, Jack. It's Pete."

Jack sat back in his chair. "Oh, hey. Everythin' alright?"

"Yeah, I guess. Just...ya know..."

"Missin' the other half of yer entire bein'? Know exactly what ya mean," Jack said, picking at a loose thread on his jeans. "Feelin' that way myself."

"Just feels wrong, not havin' him around. I miss him so much..."

"Mmm, me too. But...it's like my mama keeps sayin', we just gotta get on with stuff. We both got businesses to run. An' yeah, you know I miss Ennis an' wish he was here, but...they wouldn't want us to let things fall apart while we're busy pinin', ya know?"

"I know, they'd want us to keep things goin'. Give them a home to come back to. But...don't it feel weird to you? Showin' that you can cope on yer own? I know what Ennis is like fer feelin' insecure, you sure he won't start thinkin' that ya don't need him?"

Jack had extracted Ennis's wedding ring from underneath his shirt; it was now on a chain that Kate had given him to keep it safe. He ran a finger along it. "No...he knows it ain't like that. I've told him more than once how we keep this place goin' together, that there ain't no way I could do it without him. He knows how much I appreciate all he does."

"Wow...you guys really are tight, huh? I hope Adam knows how much I appreciate him." Pete sounded concerned now, like he doubted himself.

"I bet he knows, Pete. He's still with ya, ain't he? Nobody's gonna stick with someone who don't want 'em there. Ennis knows that I love him an' want him around for a real long time. Love that man to bits."

"Yer right, Jack. He does probably know. Still, no harm in tellin' him the next time he calls, right?"

"Yep. Part of bein' in a relationship, makin' sure that you know where ya stand. Never hurts to tell 'em that ya love 'em. Even if you know someone loves you, it's still pretty damn good to hear. When Ennis said it the first time...God, it was just somethin' else. Never felt like that before."

"Know what ya mean. Makes all the crap we hafta go through worthwhile, don't it?"

"Sure does. At the end of the day, you still have each other," Jack agreed.

"Yep. Hey, Jack, I gotta go. Got bar work to be dealin' with. I'll call again sometime soon, that alright?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Call whenever ya need to talk. See ya, Pete."

"Bye, Jack." He hung up, leaving Jack to his thoughts. How he wished for Ennis to walk through that door, sweep him up in his arms with a knockout kiss, and just devour him there and then. He would be in heaven. But no; he was here in reality, where Ennis was a number of miles away with restricted contact, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

* * *

><p><em>January 14th, 1966<em>

Ennis and Adam were busy in training, learning how to shoot their rifles properly on the firing range. They couldn't talk about Jack or Pete here, but their thoughts were pretty similar. They were constantly wondering what their other halves might be doing back home, and if things were okay. They trusted them to look after things but they hoped that they would be able to cope with running their respective businesses alone.

Ennis had been away from Jack for three nights and now four days, and every single night he had taken Jack's picture with him to the bathroom to jerk off to memories of him. He'd been very frustrated by the lack of actual sex but there wasn't much else he could do. He would never cheat on Jack. Even if he were single, it would be unwise for him to proposition one of the others in this environment. Not that he would anyway; he was no good at approaching people even for platonic matters, let alone other kinds. He could only approach Jack in that way because he knew that Jack would always want it, because he wanted them to make that earth-moving connection.

He was doing okay, he figured. He kept his head down and never kicked up a fuss, and for the most part he was left alone. Some of the others kept trying to get him to talk more, since most of them were from this side of the country and wanted to know what the West was like, but they weren't getting anywhere so they'd soon given up and left him alone. He only really talked to Adam and James, only freely when it was just himself and Adam. They had to be extra careful around others when talking about home. He was scared that he'd be lost in a dream of Jack one night and somebody would hear him moaning his lover's name; then the cat would be out of the bag for sure.

He was getting good shots, almost always perfect, and the sergeant seemed pretty impressed by his shooting skills, making him feel sorry for Jack, who was not known for such talents and would thus have a hard time with this. Another reason to be glad that Jack wasn't here; if he was and people started putting him down and making fun of him, he knew he wouldn't be able to keep his temper in check.

The sergeant called for a five minute break, and they wearily dropped onto the ground, glad for a rest. It was nonstop here and they savoured these breaks.

"Goddamn," Adam muttered again, rubbing his arm. "This sure does take it outta ya."

"Yeah," Ennis agreed, taking a sip of water. "Hope this don't last too long."

"What, the firin' practice or the whole thing?" Adam said under his breath so that the sergeant wouldn't hear him.

"I was talkin' 'bout the practice, but...now ya mention it..." Ennis had to smirk. "Sure wish this whole thing ends soon. Get back home to my better half."

"Yeah..." Adam looked around; everybody else was busy talking. "Jerked off every damn night I been away."

"Yep. Couldn't help it. Just...got so frustrated, wanted to be home in our bed. Hate this," Ennis muttered. "Shouldn't be here."

"No...but we ain't got no choice," Adam lamented, looking miserable. "Gotta keep goin' 'til they tell us we can go, an' God knows when that'll be."

"Yeah..." The break was ended and they returned to their practice, Ennis impressing the sergeant with his flawless shooting skills.

"You got a keen eye, Del Mar," he said gruffly, like he didn't like giving out praise. "Keep it up."

Ennis grimaced. "Yes sir." He was glad that he was in their good books, but he had to wonder if that meant they would push him harder.

After another gruelling hour, they finally got a lunch break. Canned goods, mostly. He bit back a laugh when he saw a can of Bettermost Beans, irresistibly reminding him of Jack and his distaste for them. He felt a pang in his heart again as he thought of yet another thing he missed about Jack. He was even starting to miss his bitching.

"Jack hates these," he said in an undertone to Adam, who was sat opposite him.

"Yeah?"

Ennis nodded. "That summer on Brokeback, it was what we ate most of the time. He got sick of 'em an' was always bitchin' about 'em. I ended up shootin' this elk. At the time, I just thought I was keepin' him quiet so I could have some peace, but..."

"Now yer thinkin' you wanted to make him happy?" Adam asked, looking amused.

"Yeah, maybe..." he said softly, thinking back to that magical summer when things had only just been starting.

"So even then, you wanted to make him happy. God, it was meant to be with you guys, huh?"

"Guess so. I, uh...I never told him why I did it, but...you think he knows?" Ennis asked, looking up at Adam.

Adam looked thoughtful. "Maybe. He knows ya pretty well, right? I'd say he does. But...no harm in tellin' him," he reasoned.

"No, guess not. Think I'll tell him next week when I call again," Ennis said absentmindedly, thinking about it. It would be an interesting conversation, to be sure.

"Sure. Keepin' things normal might just keep ya both sane. God knows we all need that," Adam said, returning to his food and looking displeased with it.

Ennis thought about what he said. If keeping their conversations light and optimistic, talking about regular things, would keep him and Jack sane during this difficult time, then he was all for it. He would do anything to make this easier on them both. He'd offered to out himself if it became too much, but Jack had warned him against it, and it wouldn't be a good idea for him to do it anyway. But he could try other tactics.

* * *

><p>Jack settled himself into their bed, curling up on his side and staring at the big empty space next to him. It was a sorry sight to behold, and he wished with all his heart that Ennis was there, where he should be. But he would only have his dreams for company tonight, and for the foreseeable future. They'd had plenty of mind-blowing sex in their time together for him to be able to conjure up a memory that would do the job, but it would never be like the real thing.<p>

He sighed quietly and shuffled over to Ennis's side, wondering how long his scent would be lingering there. He knew that his mother would want to wash the sheets at some point, but he would only let her do that if and when Ennis's scent disappeared from them. Only then would he let her touch them. They hadn't been changed since before Ennis left.

He buried his face in Ennis's pillow, smelling sweat and beer and smoke all rolled into one; a very masculine scent that was unmistakeably Ennis. His most favourite smell in the world; the scent of his lover. He closed his eyes and soon drifted off.

_When he opened them again, he became aware of a great weight lying on top of him. He blinked several times, and his mouth opened in surprise. Ennis was here, in their bed with him, and was kissing his chest, enveloping him with his warmth._

"_Ennis, what...?" He couldn't understand; how could Ennis be here? He was supposed to be far away._

_The cowboy lifted his head, smiling softly at Jack, his brown eyes sparkling at him the way they did sometimes, usually in this very room._

"_Darlin'...you know I'm always with ya. Ain't never gonna leave."_

_Jack was overcome with emotion. Ennis was here, and while he was aware that it was a dream, he welcomed it happily._

"_Ennis, I...I sure am glad to see ya."_

_Ennis leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Shh, darlin'," he murmured. "Just relax. Let me take care of ya."_

_Jack smiled dozily, and closed his eyes, surrendering himself to Ennis, who kissed him all over his face softly. He was then leaning over him properly, on his knees. He guided Jack's legs over his shoulders, and Jack could feel that he had already slicked himself up. _

"_Jack," Ennis whispered, and Jack slowly opened his eyes._

"_Hmm?"_

_Ennis kissed his mouth again, holding his face in his hands the way he knew Jack liked. He slid himself smoothly into Jack, making his lover's head fall back onto his pillow._

"_Oh, Ennis..." Jack whispered. "If this is a dream...I don't wanna wake up."_

"_Darlin'...you gotta wake up soon, but I'm gonna make sure you wake up right," Ennis promised, smoothing his hair back from his forehead. He slid out of Jack, and then in again, taking it as slowly and as tenderly as he could, making Jack feel loved and cherished._

_Jack wound his arms around Ennis's neck and pulled him closer for more kisses, Ennis picking up the pace slightly. Jack moaned into his mouth as he felt himself near the edge._

"_Ennis...Ennis..." Jack whispered over and over, feeling his lover fill him up and stretch him out, fitting him perfectly. They were a perfect match. _

"_Jack...I love you, darlin'..." Ennis murmured. Jack's heart swelled at the words. Ennis was usually like this when they were in bed together, but this felt even more special, a deep connection of their hearts._

"_I love you too...do me right, Ennis," he gasped out. "Make me feel that yer really here..."_

"_Come on, Jack...let's get there together." He thrust quicker but still slowly enough to be agonizing for Jack, who desperately wanted release. _

"_Oh, God," he croaked. "Cowboy...yer somethin' else..."_

"_You are too, rodeo..." They kissed again, firmly this time so that their mouths pressed together. Ennis pushed his tongue into Jack's mouth where Jack eagerly welcomed it, sucking on it and embracing it with his own. He grabbed at Ennis even harder, trying to meld their bodies together into one. The bed was squeaking but they hardly noticed, completely wrapped up in each other._

_Jack whimpered into Ennis's mouth as Ennis moved one hand down to take hold of him, stroking him in time to his thrusts the way he did so well. Ennis always knew exactly what to do to him to make him helpless and happy to be so. Even in dreams, Ennis could make him feel like a million dollars. _

_Their breathing became more rapid, gasping out each other's names and rocking faster together, trying to tip over the brink at the same time. Ennis buried his face in Jack's shoulder and started sucking at the skin on his collarbone and Jack grabbed at him harder._

"_Ennis...Ennis..." He couldn't take much more, and when Ennis bit into his skin that was it. He cried out his lover's name and shot like a rocket between them, warmth spreading onto his stomach. He trembled as he felt Ennis let loose inside him, filling him up with everything he had to give._

_They lay there, gasping for breath, and Jack knew that the dream was about to be over. He pulled Ennis's face up to his for a kiss._

"_I love you," he whispered, wanting to postpone the moment as much as he could._

_Ennis smiled and cupped his cheek. "I love you more."_

"_Impossible."_

Jack's eyes slowly and blearily opened, the bright morning light shining through a gap in the curtains. For a moment he felt disappointed that he was alone after a dream like that, but then he looked down; his stomach was covered in his own come; a result of his dream-sex with Ennis.

He smiled to himself. It had been a dream, but a damn good one. He looked at the clock; it was six-thirty and about time to be getting up. He stretched and headed for the shower, ready for a new day.

* * *

><p>Ennis settled into his very uncomfortable bed, trying to find a position he could sleep in. Easier said than done. He craved to feel Jack's body next to him, as even he would be able to make this bed bearable. He longed for his warmth and love, surrounding him and filling him up. Whenever he'd had nightmares or been unable to sleep over their time together, Jack had always been there to make it better, to chase his demons away and rock him into sleep. He hoped that he would be able to get through this without any nightmares of Earl; that would be too much.<p>

He tried curling up on one side; that was the position he usually slept in. It didn't feel right, but in his heart he knew that it was because when he usually slept like this, it was turned towards Jack so that the rodeo cowboy was the first thing he saw when he woke up. Now there was nothing but air. He sighed inwardly and closed his eyes, hoping to conjure up a memory of Jack to help him sleep.

_They were lying on their backs in their field of heather, completely naked on a blanket and letting the sun and slight breeze caress their skin. Jack had his eyes closed with his head resting on his arms, displaying everything he had. Ennis looked over his body in appreciation. Even after a few years of seeing Jack naked most every night and day, he was still rendered speechless by the sight of Jack in all his glory. There was no other sight that could compare to this._

_He broke off a strand of heather and leaned over Jack on his elbow, tickling Jack's nose with it. Jack moved his hand to bat it away but didn't open his eyes. Ennis smiled and did it again. Jack opened one blue eye, squinting at him in the sun._

"_Knock it off, Del Mar," he said, trying to sound irritated but not at all fooling Ennis._

"_What?" he asked innocently, tickling Jack's nose again. Jack opened both eyes and before Ennis could blink, Jack had tackled him and was now pinning him down, straddling his hips and holding his wrists above his head. The feel of their naked groins making contact sent electrical volts through Ennis's body._

"_I said knock it off," he repeated, eyes glittering. Ennis licked his lips._

"_What are ya gonna do to me if I refuse?" he breathed, gazing up at Jack._

_Jack leaned down so that their noses touched. "Gonna teach ya a lesson, Del Mar. Gonna make ya beg fer mercy."_

_Ennis grinned, liking the sound of that. "Go on then." Before he knew it, he was on his front, Jack leaning over his back and kissing between his shoulder blades._

"_Thought you was gonna give me what for, Twist. Hurry up already."_

_Jack bit his ear. "Just you wait. They'll be able to hear ya back at the house." He grabbed the lube and quickly prepared himself. Tossing it aside, he snaked an arm underneath Ennis to raise him onto his knees, Ennis's head hanging low to touch his hands on the blanket._

_Jack kissed his way down Ennis's back, dipping it between his butt cheeks briefly and making him squirm with the sensation._

"_Oh God, Jack...do it now, come on..."_

"_You beggin' already?" Jack teased, twirling his fingers in the blonde hair beneath Ennis's navel, heading south. _

_Ennis groaned at his tantalising touch. "Come on, Jack...need ya..."_

_Jack kissed his back again. "You got it." He sat up on his knees and leaned over Ennis properly, prising the cheeks apart and getting himself into position. Once he was fully in, he whispered softly into Ennis's ear._

"_Relax, cowboy. Just go with it. I ain't gonna hurt ya."_

_Ennis trembled, emotion threatening to overwhelm him. "I know, Jack. I trust ya." _

_Jack started to thrust into him, slowly at first to help him get used to the sensation once more. When he felt Ennis's breathing speed up, he responded in kind, making his thrusts faster. _

"_Oh God, Jack," Ennis groaned, moving along with him and going crazy with lust and desire. Jack nuzzled against his back and took him in hand, trying to get them there at the same time. Ennis took one hand off the blanket and covered Jack's with it, so that they were stroking him off together. Jack's other hand was on his hip, holding him steady._

_They moved in a quick and perfect rhythm, the world around them ceasing to exist as their heads were filled with thoughts of each other. Jack leaned fully over Ennis, who turned his head to meet his deep kiss, tongues finding each other immediately. Ennis moaned into Jack's mouth as the thrusts and strokes became quicker, and pretty soon they were exploding simultaneously, Jack into Ennis, Ennis into Jack's hand._

_They saw stars as they came down from it, shuddering and gasping for breath. Jack collapsed onto Ennis's back, and Ennis's weak knees couldn't keep him up. They fell to the blanket, Jack enveloping Ennis with his warmth. He pulled himself out slowly and fell back down again, unable to move._

_Ennis turned onto his back, into Jack's embrace, and he wrapped his arms around his blue-eyed lover. He kissed at Jack's face and buried his fingers in the dark hair. Jack settled himself comfortably between Ennis's legs and they lay there, basking in the afterglow together._

When Ennis opened his eyes again, it was morning and he saw that the other soldiers were just starting to wake up too, stretching and moving about. He slowly sat up, rubbing sleep from his eyes, and immediately realised that his dream had left a very real reminder in his pants. His face coloured and he swiftly gathered the rest of his uniform so he could take a shower. It had been a good dream, and he knew he would be having a good day today, his head filled with thoughts of Jack.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_January 20th, 1966_

Jack was in the office, expecting a call from a restaurant owner up in Atlanta. He'd visited the ranch late last year and expressed interest in buying meat from them. Him and the rest of the world, it seemed to Jack. They were receiving calls every week for their products, and Jack now had to direct them to local shops that sold their products, as they were sometimes pushed to keep up with demand. He'd soon learned the benefits of this; the shops in question now wanted to pay them a little more for bringing them new customers. Jack was all for this; establishing a good relationship with all of their customers was the key to success.

He was also expecting a call from Ennis, hopefully today. He'd told him that he would call this week and it was Thursday already; he hoped it would be today so he could tell him about the deal. They'd been apart for nine days, give or take, and it was all Jack could do to try and not focus on the empty space where Ennis should be, whether that would be on the land or the sofa or most of all, the bed. He was getting through it one day at a time and focusing on the work.

Becky's date with Sam had gone well, by all accounts. When she'd returned, she'd seemed more enthusiastic than when she'd gone out with James. Maybe that date had been too soon for her. Sam had gone by his word and looked after her, bringing her home at ten and having paid for everything himself despite her protests. Jack was glad to see her happy, and Lily was growing more and more every day; Jack was certain that she was starting to look just like Becky. He'd thought that before, when Lily was born, but now the similarity was striking.

He was currently sitting at the desk, his head in one hand as he doodled on a scrap of paper. He was lost in his thoughts of Ennis, wondering how training was going and what he might be doing right now, when the phone finally rang, shaking him from his thoughts.

He cleared his throat and picked up the receiver, eager to seal this deal. "Brokeback Ranch, Jack speakin'."

"This is Daniel Richards, the owner of the Steakhouse in Atlanta. Is this Jack Twist?"

"It sure is, Mr Richards. I remembered you was gonna call today," Jack replied, sitting up straighter and preparing himself in case this was a tough customer.

"Yes. I'm calling about my interest in your beef. I'd like to place a formal order."

"Sure, just tell me how much ya want," Jack said, grabbing a pen and feeling happier than he had in a few days.

"I'll need a few kilograms to start off with, and this may increase if the interest is there."

"Uh, well..." Jack checked his notes. "We got some 230kg heifers here, price is $2.40 per kilogram if you want a couple," he offered. Hopefully he would be impressed enough to want to order more in the future.

"Hmm...that sounds feasible. I've heard good things about your place, people say that you sure seem to know what you're doing and that you always give your customers a good deal. I'll take two."

"Sure thing," Jack replied, jotting it down and quickly adding it together in his head. "That'll cost ya $1104, sir."

"That's fine. When can I have them picked up?"

"Whenever suits ya, sir. Anytime's fine by me."

"Can I have them collected this time next week?"

"That sounds fine, Mr Richards. I'll have 'em ready fer ya. You want 'em already packaged up or you got someone to do that?"

"If it's not too much trouble, Mr Twist, I'd appreciate it if you could do that."

Jack grimaced at the thought; it wasn't his favourite part of ranching and Ennis was usually the one to deal with it, but maybe one of the hands wouldn't mind doing it. "Sure 'nough, sir. So, next week at...twelve?" he concluded, looking at the calendar.

"That's great. And if this goes well I'm sure you'll be hearing from me again."

Jack felt pride fill him up. Pride for himself and Ennis and everything they'd accomplished. "Sure thing, sir. Lookin' forward to it."

"Pleasure, Mr Twist. Thank you and good day."

"Yeah, you too." They hung up and Jack sat back in his chair, stretching out his arms and, once again, wishing that Ennis would walk in to take care of his sore muscles. And other stiff parts that he might have if he were there.

There was a knock on the door. "Jack?" his mother called.

"Come on in, mama," Jack replied as he got his notes away, smiling when she stuck her head in.

"Lunch is ready if you wanna come eat, sweetie."

"Sure, I'm comin'." He stood up and joined her on the walk back to the house, linking their arms together.

"That guy called, the one from Atlanta who wanted the beef," Jack said. He knew his mother was interested in how they were doing and he knew that she was proud of them.

She looked up at him. "Oh? Good news?"

He smiled. "Yep. He'll be payin' us just over a thousand dollars fer two heifers. Wants the meat next week."

She patted his arm. "Good to hear, my boy. I'm sure Ennis would be happy to know that yer takin' good care of things."

Jack's eyes lowered. "Yeah. I'm hopin' he'll call soon himself. He said he could call this week."

"I'm sure he will, Jack," she said reassuringly. "You can tell him about the deal."

"Yeah...that's if we get past how much we miss each other," he said with a slightly sheepish grin. She squeezed his arm.

"It'll be fine, Jack," she said gently to him as they approached the back steps, where he could now detect the scent of chicken soup.

"I know, mama."

* * *

><p>At three, Ennis finally called, making Jack's heart soar to hear his voice.<p>

"So are things alright over there?" Jack asked, fiddling with the phone cord as he sat in the office once more.

"Best as can be expected, I guess. Are you alright?"

"Copin'. Miss ya somethin' awful, but I'm gettin' by. Listen, Ennis, that guy called. The one from Atlanta who was askin' about meat last year."

"Oh, right. How'd it go?"

Jack smiled to himself. "Went great. I sold him two heifers fer just over a thousand dollars an' he says that if they're popular he'll order more."

"That's it, darlin'," Ennis said softly, proud of his lover. "Eases my mind some knowin' that yer takin' good care of our place."

"Well...I don't want you thinkin' that it's all me. You've been here with me ever since we started up an' it's you that kept the place goin' all this time. It's 'cos of you that we got a good reputation. Don't want ya thinkin' that I don't need ya," Jack replied, concerned that Ennis might feel that way.

Ennis sighed. "Jack...I know yer bein' serious when ya say that, an' part of me knows that yer right. I try to believe it, ya know. I know ya need me, an' I need you too. Ain't got much without you, rodeo."

Jack smiled, blushing slightly. "Aw, Ennis...real nice of ya to say it, even if it ain't true."

"It is, Jack. Dread to think where I might be if I'd never took that job on Brokeback, or if you'd never seen me in that mirror. All 'cos of you, darlin'." Ennis wanted to tell Jack that he was who he was because of him, but his throat was feeling constricted by emotion.

"Ennis...you know I feel the same way," Jack said quietly, fiddling with the chain carrying Ennis's wedding ring around his neck. "You know how much ya mean to me."

"I think so...oh, by the way, there was somethin' I wanted to tell ya."

"Yeah?"

"Um...remember on Brokeback when you kept bitchin' about the damn beans an' us not havin' much else to eat, like when the bear spooked the mules?"

Jack grew confused. "Yeah..."

Ennis's blush deepened. "Uh, well...when I shot the elk...why'd ya think I did that?"

"I dunno. To keep me quiet, I guess. Was kinda annoyin', wasn't I?" Jack said, feeling embarrassed.

"Well, at the time, I thought it was that, too. But...I been thinkin' on it, an'...maybe it was kinda that, but maybe it was kinda somethin' else too."

"Huh. Well I know ya said you was growin' attracted to me by then, even if you never let yerself think on it. Was it that?"

"Um...well...I'm thinkin' that...it was 'cos..." His throat felt very dry, and he cursed himself for having trouble with this.

"Ennis, you okay?" asked Jack in concern when he didn't go on.

"I'm fine," he croaked out, and then cleared his throat. "I think it was 'cos...even then, I...I wanted to make ya happy." The words came out in a rush with little finesse, but Jack heard them and they knocked him sideways.

"Oh, cowboy," he breathed out. "That so?"

Ennis took a deep breath. "Yeah. I think so, Jack."

Jack's smile was wide enough to split his face. "Ennis...what's brought all this on? You never talked 'bout this before."

"Uh, well...see, they was servin' us lunch the other day, an'...they had those beans."

"Bettermost?"

"Yeah. I mentioned to Adam that you hated 'em an' I got to tellin' him 'bout when I shot the elk. He said that it seemed to him that even then...I wanted to make ya happy. Didn't think 'bout that before, but...makes sense. An' I think he was right. So...I wanted to make sure ya knew."

Jack sighed happily. "Well...it was real nice of ya to tell me. You've made my day, cowboy, ya know that?"

"Yeah, well..." Ennis shifted his feet. "So...how is everyone?"

"Great. Lily's lookin' more an' more like Becky every day, my mama's real happy. Becky went out with Sam, an' I think she had fun. Gonna go out again sometime soon, I think. He treats her like a lady, can't see no reason to be worried. Um...apart from that deal, not much has changed, to be honest. Everythin's fine. How's Adam?"

"He's okay," Ennis replied, looking over to where Adam was on the phone to Pete, also keeping one eye on the door like himself. "He's talkin' to Pete right now, actually."

"Oh...well, give him my best, okay?"

"Sure. You talked to Cecilia an' Tom lately? How is she?

"She's fine. Still got a while to go, ya know. I'll let ya know if I hear anythin'. K.E. too."

"Thanks, bud. Glad to hear yer holdin' the fort over there," Ennis said with a slight grin.

"Well...gotta do somethin' to keep me sane, I guess," Jack replied, fingering Ennis's wedding ring. "Ennis...somethin' else I thought you might wanna know."

"Yeah?"

"I, um...I got yer weddin' ring on a chain. Kate gave me it. Wearin' it 'round my neck right now."

Ennis's heart ached to be with Jack right now, instead of here. He wanted to be wearing that ring, maybe with his arms around Jack, nuzzling into his neck or maybe kissing his soft lips.

"Darlin'...I..." Tears pricked at his eyes.

"You don't gotta say nothin', Ennis," Jack said softly. "I know what it means to ya, an' I thought you might wanna know. Just...a picture to be thinkin' on, ya know?"

"I know. I sure do appreciate it, Jack. I got yer picture, safe an' sound."

"Good. Is it dog-eared from usin' it too much yet?"

Ennis smiled. "Not yet, but I'm workin' on it. Listen, Jack...I gotta go. Can hear them yellin' at us to get back to trainin'."

Jack's heart sank; the worst part of the phone call. "Alright. I love you, Ennis. Speak next week?"

"Yeah, you bet. Love you too, rodeo. Take care of yerself, an' everythin we got."

"I will. Bye."

"Bye, bud." He hung up with a heavy heart and a shared mournful glance with Adam, the pair of them heading back out to this harsh, cruel world.

* * *

><p><em>January 28th, 1966<em>

Becky and Sam were in the diner in Sandersville, the one that was favoured by all residents of Brokeback Ranch. They were looking over their menus and waiting to be served, sitting opposite each other. Jack had even given Sam a longer lunch break so that they could have their date during the day.

Becky liked Sam; he was sweet and kind, a real gentleman. But she had to wonder why she was capable of dating now, and why James hadn't been the right one for her the one time they'd gone out. Jack had suggested that maybe it had been too soon for her; she had been pregnant and was only just getting used to her new life here, not to mention how torn up over Andy she'd been. He'd had a point, she supposed. She was more settled now and in a better position to be looking for a new boyfriend, someone who could take on Lily too because she was her priority.

As for Andy, she knew all too well that deep in her heart, she was not over him. She could push him to the back of her mind and force herself not to think about him, but she knew that she still loved him, despite everything. Since that failed phone call to talk him round she hadn't heard from him, and wondered if he'd found himself a new girlfriend, if he'd married her and she had given him a child that was his. A real family of his own; one that she could now never give him.

Sam, on the other hand, clearly wasn't put off by her having a child out of wedlock. He'd still asked her out, had even asked Jack for his permission first. Maybe this would work out after all, and she could be happy with someone again.

They ordered their food and were left to wait.

"So, um..." Sam started, fiddling with his napkin. "How are things goin' with all you guys? How's Jack?"

Becky bit her lip. "He's copin' okay, I guess. Best as can be expected with Ennis gone. He sure does miss him."

"I know it ain't my place to interfere an' all, but...sometimes when we're all out in the field...I see him lookin' around for a minute, like he's lookin' for somethin', an' then he goes back to work," said Sam, looking puzzled.

"Hmm..." Becky digested his words. From what he said, it sounded like Jack was looking around for Ennis, only to be painfully reminded that he wasn't there. _It must hurt him somethin', awful,_ she thought to herself. _To want the man he loves to be there, only to remember he ain't; that he's so far away._

"Well, I think we can both take a guess as to what he's lookin' for, huh?" she said quietly.

"Yeah...I sure do feel sorry fer him. He's probably feelin' what a lot of girls are feelin' right now."

"An' maybe guys too," she reminded him. "They ain't the only gay guys in America, ya know."

"I know..." He then sighed, smiling slightly. "I tell ya what, Becky...when it comes to love an' relationships...those two have set a mighty fine example."

She smiled at him. "They sure have. They're so...together. Really in tune with each other, an' I know this whole thing's cuttin' them both up real bad. Jack said it feels like he's lost a limb."

"Wow...they sure are close. When I came to work for 'em, an' they told me how they were, I didn't much care 'cos they pay my wages. But now...I don't care 'cos...I don't see what's so wrong about it, like people say. They're in love, an'...that's damn hard to find for anyone, I reckon. Might as well take it when ya see it, huh?" He was looking directly into her eyes now, his expression soft, and she swallowed, feeling nervous. Was he telling her that he loved her?

"Um..." Fortunately, she was spared by the arrival of their food, and they dug in. She felt it was way too soon to be talking about love; this was only their second date. And while she liked him a lot, she wasn't sure that she completely reciprocated his feelings, if they were what she suspected.

When they were finished, they walked back to his truck, and Sam gently took hold of her hand; she didn't resist, but turned to face him, smiling at him. Maybe she didn't love him yet, but she could see it happening someday.

"I, um..." He looked nervous. At the end of their last date, he'd pecked her on the cheek, so would he want to kiss her properly this time?

"What?" she asked, moving a little closer to look up into his eyes. He looked down at her, and then leaned in to kiss her, gently pressing their lips together. She had an immediate flashback of her first kiss with Andy, making her tense up. It was a relief when he broke away, blushing a little. She smiled weakly, trying to cover up her discomfort. It wasn't fair to him for her to string him along, especially if he did indeed love her. If she told him now, hopefully there wouldn't be too much damage.

"Sam, I...I'm sorry."

His heart skipped a beat, remembering Jack's warning of her not being over her ex-boyfriend. "Huh? What's wrong?"

She looked at him sadly. "I can't do this. I'm still hung up over someone, an'...it ain't fair to you. I'm sorry."

He nodded, a lump in his throat. "Sure. No problem. Don't worry about it, okay? Jack warned me 'bout that."

"Okay. Could you...give me a ride home? No hard feelin's?" she asked.

"Sure." He drove her back, and when Jack saw their faces he knew immediately what must have happened. Becky just shook her head and busied herself with Lily and Sam went out onto the land, leaving Jack and his mother to look at each other sadly.

* * *

><p>A little later, Bill and Mary paid a visit, wanting to see how they all were and how they were coping, especially Jack. Mary knew all too well how it felt to be separated from somebody that you loved with all your heart, not knowing for sure if you would ever see their face again.<p>

Jack opened the front door and his face broke out into a smile. "Hey, guys. Come on in. How come yer here?" He led them through the living room to the kitchen.

"We came to see how you all were," Mary replied, the pair of them sitting down while Jack got them both drinks.

"Where are Becky an' yer mama?" asked Bill, looking around.

"My mama's upstairs changin' the sheets," Jack replied, knowing full well that she wouldn't touch his and Ennis's until the smell faded, out of respect for his feelings. "Becky's in the office an' I'm thinkin' she wants to be on her own."

"How come?"

Jack sighed as he brought them their drinks, sitting down opposite them. "She had a date at lunch with one of our hands. Real nice guy. I thought their first date went okay, judgin' by how she was when he dropped her off. But...somethin' happened earlier an' I don't know what." He shook his head. "I don't think he hurt her or nothin', he ain't the type, but...I dunno. She's still hung up over her ex, so...maybe it had somethin' to do with that."

"Didn't she have a date with the sheriff at one time?"

"Yeah, not long after she moved here. That didn't go well, either, but I thought it was just 'cos it was so soon, an' she was still adjustin'. Dunno what happened this time. I don't wanna force her to talk 'bout it if she don't wanna."

"I'm sure that if she wants to tell you, she will," said Mary, patting his arm.

"I know." He rubbed his forehead. "So...you wanted to know how we are?" They nodded. "Best as can be expected...I miss him a lot, like I've lost a limb." He bit his lip.

"Oh, Jack...I know. It hurts somethin' awful, don't it?" said Mary sympathetically.

"Yeah. I just want him back here, where he belongs. He shouldn't be out there, this ain't his war. Got nothin' to do with me an' him, an' we should be together."

He looked down into his coffee mug, thinking about Ennis. "I got no idea how long he's gonna be out there. Could be years before I even see his face again." He squeezed his eyes shut, head falling into his hand.

"Jack..." Just then, his mother appeared, her heart sinking when she saw the state Jack was in.

"Sweetie? You okay?" she asked in concern.

He looked up at her, his blue eyes a little glassy. "Not really, mama. But...ain't a lot I can do, is there?"

She nodded in greeting to their guests. "Bill, Mary."

"Afternoon, Rose," they greeted, feeling guilty about making her son upset.

She took her place next to Jack, putting her arm around him like she did when he was a little boy. He moved closer to her and wiped his eyes. Mary knew exactly how he must be feeling.

"Jack...the only advice I can really give you is the kind you already know, that others can give you. Just keep on goin' as best you can, get through one day at a time."

Jack sniffed. "His phone calls keep me goin'...but when he goes to Vietnam, he won't even have that. He'll be able to send a letter once in a while, but...that'll be it. I won't hear his voice or see his face...only in my dreams, in an empty bed where he should be." He hadn't intended to go into such detail, but he was too miserable to care.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't mean to get you all upset," Mary said, looking crestfallen.

"S'alright. Probably had it comin' anyway," he choked out. "Ain't really let it out much since he left. Was real bad the day he got the letter, but...apart from that, I've kept it all in ever since he left. Been throwin' myself into the work, an' I'm distracted enough durin' the day, but...when that's over, I got nothin' but my memories."

"He knows you miss him, right?"

Jack nodded. "I told him, over the phone, but...how much can you get across to someone if they can't see yer face? God...feels like part of me's missin'..."

"Sweetheart..." Rose was at a loss for words as to how she could comfort her son in this situation. It seemed that no matter how much she tried, nothing could make him feel better about all of this. She could understand that. When John had changed, she'd often found herself missing the old John, the one who had been a gentleman and, until Earl's attempted visit to his grandchildren, had been a good man and loved his children. She knew that neither Jack nor Becky would be able to remember any of that. They didn't know how much he had loved them at one time, and as a result now hated him for the things they could remember. Sometimes things couldn't be fixed, so they had to be stood, as Ennis had once said.

Bill and Mary left a little later, and Jack lay on the sofa for a while, his head pounding from his crying. Rose left him sleeping there to go and talk to Becky, who ended up telling her what had happened with Sam. That made both of her children that she had to comfort today, and she was pleased to do her duty as a mother. As the matriarch of this family, she had to hold it together, because it was clear to her that nobody else was quite capable of doing so, not with one of them gone like this. She had to hold her family together and see them through these difficult times.

* * *

><p><em>January 31st, 1966<em>

It was a clear, cool evening and Jack, Becky and Rose had decided to all go out for dinner, leaving Lily in Bill and Mary's care. Jack tried not to focus on the empty space where Ennis should be, but it was hard. Every time the three of them were together, Ennis's absence was like a big, gaping hole, and Jack's heart ached to have him back home where he belonged.

He was a little embarrassed at losing it in front of everyone, but they had all assured him that he had every right to be upset and scared, and that he shouldn't censor his feelings. It had now been almost three weeks since Ennis had left, and Jack frequently had dreams of him, the pair of them together, whether it was in bed or on the hill, or even in the office.

Becky had told him the reason for breaking up with Sam, and Jack was disheartened to learn that she may not find happiness anytime soon, not while she was still not over Andy. He felt sorry for her; he had a good life with the man he loved and he wanted that for her too, wanted her to find her own happiness.

He'd also noticed that his mother had changed slightly in the last couple of days. She seemed stronger, more in control, and he had to wonder if it was because she was the only one at the moment who could hold them together. Whatever it was, he was grateful. No matter how old he got, he knew that he would still always appreciate his mother looking after him and taking charge. He supposed she was the matriarch of their family, after all. He and Ennis had combined their families into one, scattered across several states and bound by love and acceptance.

The diner was quiet as they ate, and since Brokeback Ranch were the meat suppliers, all three of them got a discount on their food, and Jack's heart sank as he remembered his and Ennis's first visit here, the night they'd arrived. They'd discussed approaching the owner of this place and had joked about getting a discount. A lot of things were reminding him of Ennis and all the things they'd done together.

"How do you think it's goin' out there?" asked Becky, looking warily at Jack. Ennis was due to call sometime this week and already Jack was looking forward to it; their weekly calls were one of the only bright spots in his life right now. He tried not to think about how it would be when that had to change to infrequent letters, where he wouldn't be able to hear his lover's voice.

He shrugged. "Okay, I guess. He says they push 'em hard, but nothin' they can't handle. I know he's a real hard worker an' I bet he never complains, but...knowin' him, he keeps it all in. He tells me how hard it is, an' how he wants to be back home, but...I only get that out of him 'cos we've been together so long, an' I know him. He can't hide his feelin's from me 'cos I know him too well."

"Jack..." his mother started, looking hesitant. "I have to ask you somethin'."

"Yeah, mama?"

She bit her lip. "What will you do if...you know...the worst happens?"

Jack's eyes lowered. "I dunno. Don't wanna think on it."

"I know, but...you have to be prepared, sweetheart. Have to be sure of what you're gonna do."

Jack reluctantly thought about it. What would he do if Ennis was killed? Would he be able to carry on running the ranch, or would he be too heartbroken? The ranch had Ennis stamped all over it; his mark was everywhere and Jack would be unable to escape it. Could he really carry on alone? Or would he be off looking for a Mack truck? Would he do something stupid and desperate just to follow Ennis? It was highly likely, for he couldn't see himself living without his cowboy.

He would need to talk to Greg, he reckoned. Have the ranch put in Becky's name and just run. He couldn't stay here if Ennis died; it would be too painful and he would die of a broken heart anyway.

He took a breath and looked back up at them. "I dunno. Got a few thoughts, but...I think I'd hafta talk to Greg first. Get his advice an' decide from there. But...I dunno if I could keep the ranch goin' without him. It's ours, his an' mine, an'...without him..."

His mother covered his hand with her own. "It's alright, Jack. Don't get yourself worked up. We'll help you decide what to do, right Becky?" She nodded back.

"Yeah, you bet." Another reminder of Ennis. Jack swallowed and returned to his food, but his appetite had vanished upon his thoughts of losing Ennis. He pushed his food around a little but felt too sick to eat any more. In sympathy, Rose suggested that they head home, and he felt gratitude wash over him.

The drive home was silent, and they stopped by Bill and Mary's to pick up Lily, who was fast asleep. Jack kept his eyes on the road, his mind wandering to Ennis and whatever he might be doing right now. He missed him and hoped that he would be back soon. Maybe some miracle would bring him home.

They got back to the ranch and Jack did a quick check on the horses, which was usually Ennis's job whenever they went out. When he got back, he saw that Becky was still upstairs and his mother was in her chair.

"Think I'm gonna head on up, mama," he told her, coming over to kiss her cheek.

"Okay, honey. You get some sleep, okay?" He nodded and went upstairs, passing Becky who also bid him goodnight.

He curled up in their bed, shuffling over to Ennis's side and trying to catch whatever was left of Ennis's scent, hoping that Ennis knew he was dreaming of him and praying that he would be home soon. It was all he could do.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_February 12th, 1966_

It was a Saturday and the three of them were eating breakfast in the kitchen, talking about what they would do today. The last two weeks had passed slowly and not much had happened. Jack was still missing Ennis terribly but was able to keep his emotions in check; he couldn't just lose it all the time. If he told Ennis how upset he was it would only worry him, and he wouldn't be able to concentrate. Jack hated keeping it from Ennis after they'd promised to always tell each other how they were feeling, but at least Ennis could focus on his job and hopefully get through it as quickly as possible.

Jack knew that Cecilia was due to give birth soon and he hoped that it would be before Ennis's next call so he could tell him. He was also hoping that Ennis would call before Valentine's Day; he wasn't looking forward to spending it alone. For the last one, in preparation for their trip to their rented cabin, Jack had suggested that as a present they could write each other letters to tell each other how they felt and to reflect on everything that had happened so far. Ennis had been concerned that he wouldn't be able to conjure up the words to describe how he felt, but Jack had simply told him to write from the heart. Ennis had done so and Jack had loved every word. Their letters were in each other's nightstands where they could easily find them and look at them whenever they wished. Jack knew he would be digging out Ennis's letter to him in two days.

According to Ennis, training was the same as ever, although he suspected that the sergeants were pushing them a little harder now, and infantry would start next month. Ennis had told him that in about three months, he would have to leave for Vietnam. Jack hadn't realised that training would take so long, and he dreaded the prospect of being alone on their anniversaries, especially in August. That would hurt, he was sure of it.

The phone ringing caught his attention, and he got up to answer it. "Brokeback Ranch, Jack speakin'."

"Hey, Jack. It's Tom, Cecilia's husband."

"Oh, hey Tom. How are ya?"

"We're great. Cecilia gave birth this mornin'." He sounded very excitable and Jack couldn't help but grin.

"Aw, congratulations. Boy or girl?" This question caught Rose and Becky's attention, and they smiled at each other.

"Girl. We've named her Katie. Got my hair an' Cecilia's eyes. She's gorgeous."

"That's great, Tom. I bet yer other kids are happy. Havin' a little sister, huh?"

"Oh, yeah. Amy can't stop chatterin' about her to anyone who'll listen. They're both real happy."

"Glad to hear it. I'll be sure to pass the news on to Ennis."

"Thanks. An' listen, Jack...don't go feelin' guilty or nothin' 'cos yer the only one he calls. We know it's a lot harder fer you an' you need those calls, right?"

Jack swallowed. "Yeah, I do. I sure am sorry, though. He's Cecilia's brother, an'..."

"Don't worry about it," Tom repeated. "In fact, Pete asks Adam how Ennis is doin' when they talk, an' you tell us how he's doin'. Nobody misses out, see?"

"Yeah, I guess. I'm hopin' he'll call before Valentine's, ya know? Special day an' all..."

"I know. I'm sure he will."

"I hope so. Anyway...tell Cecilia congratulations from all of us, an' I'll tell Ennis 'bout his new niece. Talk to ya soon, okay?"

"Yep. Bye, Jack."

"See ya." Jack hung up and returned to the table.

"So Cecilia gave birth, then?" asked Becky. Jack nodded.

"Yep. Had a little girl an' named her Katie."

"Aww, that's a lovely name," Becky replied, smiling. "They both okay?"

"Yeah, seem so."

"What were you talkin' about? What was you apologisin' for?" asked Rose, looking concerned.

Jack lowered his eyes. "About me bein' the only one Ennis calls. Tom told me not to worry 'cos I always tell 'em how he is, but...he's Cecilia's brother an'...he should call her."

"Jack, he gets one phone call a week. Try to imagine how you'd feel if you had to go two weeks without a call. You'd go crazy an' you'd drive us crazy. An' if Tom insists it ain't a problem, then let it go. You know you need to hear Ennis's voice. It'll be bad enough when he leaves an' all you'll get is letters. Take everythin' you can get while it's there," his mother said to him, covering his hand with her own.

He sniffed. "I know, mama. You know I don't drive ya crazy on purpose. I just..."

"You miss him," she said simply. "An' that's okay. You love him so it's only natural that this messes you up. Add on how worried you are, an'...well..."

"Yeah." He sighed, and then got up. "Think I'm gonna head on out. Get started on somethin' to distract me." He put his plate and glass in the sink and headed out, pulling on his boots just outside the screen door.

When he was gone, Rose and Becky looked at each other.

"I wonder how long he'll be able to handle all this?" Becky said, looking saddened.

"I don't know, sweetie. Could be he never gets over it 'til Ennis is back home. I don't think he'll be able to relax until Ennis is here, safe an' sound. It's the only thing that'll calm him down, I reckon."

"I sure feel sorry fer him," Becky said quietly, running a finger along the rim of her glass.

"Me too. You two mean so much to me, an' it kills me to see either of you upset. Always did."

Becky smiled slightly. "For what it's worth...yer a great mama. Despite everythin' our daddy did, you always tried to protect Jack, an' now you an' me are close. You've done a real great job, mama."

Rose smiled back, love for her daughter filling her heart. "Thank you, sweetie."

* * *

><p>Training was pretty much the same as usual, but they were being pushed a little harder. Ennis was coping well with the increasing workload, he figured, but it was gruelling, he had to admit. He missed Jack too, and the others back home.<p>

He hoped that Jack was okay. His phone calls had been pleasant enough, but Ennis couldn't help but wonder if he was hiding how he was truly feeling. Ennis hoped that wasn't the case; he couldn't bear it when Jack was upset, especially if he wouldn't let him in. He wanted to help Jack whenever he was upset, and it pained him to think that Jack might be upset right now, when he wasn't around to help him.

He knew that Adam was coping as best he could do under the circumstances, like himself. He knew he was missing Pete pretty badly, and he understood. Both of them wanted to go home to their other halves, and they hoped with all their hearts that they would, someday.

But there was one thing he was glad for; Valentine's was just two days away and they had been told that they could phone people back home on the day. He would be able to call Jack on the most romantic day of the year. It would have to do for now, and he hoped that he would also be able to call on or around their anniversary too; it would be hard enough for them to be separate on that day as it was.

Right now, they were having a practice at performing proper first aid. Ennis was glad that he had some prior knowledge of this, because it was meticulous work and it had to be performed properly, or there could be drastic consequences.

Despite how hard it was to be away from Jack and their home, and how difficult the work could be, he had to grudgingly admit that it wasn't all bad, at least for now. While they were still here in America, they were safe, and it was interesting enough to keep him motivated. And the others were alright, he figured. They were nice guys and had some stories to tell. But he and Adam still had to be careful around them; they couldn't openly discuss Jack or Pete when the others were around.

"So anyway," Adam said as they worked together on minor cuts, learning how to clean them properly and dress them. "I guess you could say that the bar's doin' okay. We're makin' some money now an' we're thinkin' of takin' a trip somewhere when I get back, ya know?"

"Sounds good. Where was ya thinkin'?"

Adam shrugged. "I thought about goin' to the coast, maybe to California or somethin', somewhere where we can see the sea. I'm thinkin' I'll need that after I get outta here."

"Yeah," Ennis agreed, fiddling with a bandage. "Good idea. Maybe me an' Jack'll do somethin' like that."

"Yep. Hey," Adam suddenly said, looking up and smiling. "Maybe the four of us could go together. Take a trip. Sounds good, right?"

Ennis smiled back. "That sounds like a mighty fine idea. I think Jack would be up to that. I'll run it by him when I call."

Adam nodded. "Speakin' of which, you lookin' forward to that? It'll be Valentine's, after all..."

Ennis blushed slightly and nodded. "Yeah, you bet. I know Jack's lookin' forward to it. I wish I could call him in private, you know? Make it count."

His friend grinned. "I know what ya mean. Sure wish fer that myself. You, um...you guys ever done that before? Over the phone?"

He blushed even deeper and glanced around. "Yeah. A couple months after we moved to Georgia, he went back up to Lightnin' Flat to pick his mama up fer a visit. He was stayin' in motels all the way, an' he called me every night. I, um...well..."

Adam grinned again. "Nice. Me an' Pete ain't never had the chance yet. Hopin' to have the chance someday."

"Maybe one of you could take a night away sometime, just to give it a try," Ennis suggested, smirking. Adam was tempted to throw something at him.

"Christ, Ennis. You kiss Jack with that mouth?" Ennis nodded.

"Sure do. Every chance I get." His light spirits then sank. "Sure miss it." Adam's face scrunched up.

"Shit...I know, Ennis. It's real hard, copin' without 'em. But we gotta keep faith that we'll be home soon. The only thing to keep us goin'."

"I know. I miss Jack somethin' awful," Ennis admitted, biting at a hangnail. "Wish I could be there in two days. It's a special day an' all an' I wanna be there, with him."

"Yeah. I miss Pete too, an' I wanna be there too."

They fell into silence, knowing that they were going in circles with this conversation. It was always the same; they missed their other lives and their other halves immensely, and there was no way out of it, at least not now.

That night, Ennis woke up hard as a rock, his head filled of thoughts of Jack. He looked down; there would be no way for him to sleep tonight unless he took care of it. He puffed out a breath. They were allowed to jerk off in the bathroom as long as they didn't make any noise. His picture of Jack was in his sock and he intended to take it to the bathroom with him. The only problem was that it was a black and white photo, so it didn't show Jack's beautiful blue eyes, but the wide grin and dimples should be enough to conjure up some memories.

In the bathroom, he locked himself in a stall and went to work, trying to focus on Jack and a time when they'd had sex, remembering their Valentine's trip to the rented cabin in the mountains. It had been a day full of love and it was a special memory. Hopefully they would have more in the future.

* * *

><p>Two days later, it was the most romantic day of the year at last. To their delight, they were allowed to make their phone calls alone, so that meant they could make the call count. Ennis was looking forward to it and he good-naturedly jibed Adam a little for the fact that he and Pete could finally do it over the phone.<p>

His slot was at 3pm; better than nothing. He sat in the chair by the phone, knowing that he wasn't about to be interrupted. But he'd asked Adam to stand outside the door just in case, and he would return the favour later.

Jack was in the office when he called, and he grinned when he heard Ennis's voice.

"Hey, cowboy," he said slyly, fingers itching to unbuckle his belt and get started.

"Happy Valentine's Day, darlin'," Ennis replied, smiling.

"Right back atcha. How long you got?" he asked, getting ready for some action.

"Fifteen minutes, so we better get crackin'."

Jack grinned. "Before we start, you oughta know somethin'. Cecilia gave birth, had a little girl named Katie. They're all okay."

Ennis paused in the unbuckling of his belt. "Really? That's great. I'd love to talk more 'bout that, bud, but...could you tell Cecilia congratulations from me?"

"I sure will. Now then, cowboy," Jack purred, undoing his belt and pulling the zipper down. "We gotta make these fifteen minutes count."

Ennis was starting to blush. "Yep. So, um..." He cleared his throat; it was always difficult to start, and Jack could tell. He sure didn't mind helping him out.

"I'll start. You got yer pants undone?"

"Uh huh...you?"

"You bet yer sweet ass I have, Mr Del Mar. Sure wish it was yer hand I had on me." He was stroking himself now, eager to hear Ennis's low, sexy rumble.

"Mm...me too, bud...wish I could be there with ya..."

"What would ya do to me if ya was?" Jack breathed.

"Well...I'd throw ya down on our bed, an' pull yer top off," he started, visions forming in his mind.

"What then?"

"Hmm...I'd climb on top of ya, an' push ya down on the bed. Then, um..."

"What about my pants?" Jack asked, picking up the pace on himself and knowing that Ennis was doing the same.

"I'd pull those off, too. Throw 'em in the corner."

"Then you'd lie on top of me?" Jack whispered, hearing that Ennis was starting to breathed heavily into his ear.

"Yep. I'd kiss those lips of yers, those...real soft lips. I'd hold yer face in both my hands 'cos I know ya like that."

"I sure do, cowboy. You know I love that. Then would ya slick yerself up real good?"

"Uh huh. Put yer legs over my shoulders, stroke 'em some, an' then..." He didn't have to go on; they both knew what would happen next. Ennis would enter Jack and that would be it; they would unite as one, rock together and kiss, trying to get to that place together.

"Ennis...keep talkin'. Gettin' real close..."

"Uhh...I...I'd...kiss ya an' hold ya close...maybe let one hand go south, take hold of ya."

"Oh, God...you'd jerk me off, huh?" he breathed.

"Sure would. Run my hand up an' down it...in time..." He heard Jack give a soft moan and that was what Ennis needed to be a little bolder.

"I'd fuck ya real good, Jack...make ya see stars, darlin'."

"Mmm...oh God, Ennis...I'm real close..."

"Come on, darlin'...come on..."

"Uhh...Ennis..."

"God, Jack..." They stroked themselves off furiously, breathing heavily and letting out a string of swear words and mixed noises. They finished at the same time, groaning and yelling out. They both sat back in their respective chairs, panting and wiping the sweat off their brows.

"Goddamn," Ennis breathed, staring around and trying to clear his vision. "That was damn good, darlin'."

"Sure was, cowboy. Loved that...always love it when you talk dirty to me, you know that." Jack was grinning by now, trying to get his breath back.

"Mmm...really enjoyed that, rodeo. Think I have to go soon, so...I just wanna say...I love you."

Jack smiled. "I love you too, Ennis. You know I do. Love you so much, an' I miss you too. Ennis, I...I gotta confess somethin'."

"What, darlin'?"

"I, um...I kinda lost it a bit ago. Bill an' Mary came over to see how we are, an'...we got talkin' bout you, an'...I just lost it. Couldn't take it, talkin' 'bout how much I miss ya, an' how I..."

"Jack? Come on, darlin'..."

"How I want ya back home," he finally choked out, tears pricking his eyes.

Ennis heart sank. "Jack...are ya really sure you don't want me to find some way outta this? You know I'll do anythin'..."

Jack shook his head. "No, Ennis. There's only one way fer ya to leave, an'...I don't want ya outin' yerself. It ain't gonna be pretty if they find out. I don't want ya to go through that, sweetheart..."

Ennis sighed. "Alright. But...you know how it pains me when yer upset, darlin'. I hate to think of you back home, upset an' me not bein' able to help you..."

Jack sniffed. "S'alright. My mama an' Becky are great, but...yeah...I wish you could be here, more than anythin'. But that don't mean I want ya in trouble with 'em. Don't ever want that for ya. You might not be able to cope with it, neither of us probably could."

"I know, darlin'. An' I guess yer right. Just...I wish there was a way outta this mess."

"Me too. But...remember, Ennis...I love ya. Always."

"You too, bud. I better get goin'. Love ya."

Jack smiled. "Love ya too. Happy Valentine's Day, cowboy."

"You too. Night, Jack."

"Night." Jack hung up, mixed emotions running through him. The phone sex had been wonderful, and Ennis's loving words were always good. Deep down, they would always be disheartened about being separated like this, but they were finding ways to cope; that was important and it would hopefully see them through this.

* * *

><p><em>March 9th, 1966<em>

It was time for a new part of training; infantry. This involved all of them engaging in combat and learning how to fight properly.

Ennis was nervous about this; he didn't like fighting, never did. He'd only ever hit Jack once, and had sworn to never do it again, and he hadn't been looking forward to this. Fortunately, he was paired with Adam for this. He trusted Adam. Not as much as he trusted Jack, but that was different.

They were standing in an open area in their pairs, waiting for the command for them to start. He and Adam were standing a few feet apart, sizing each other up. They'd talked this morning about this, and had agreed to at least try and go easy on each other. They didn't want to hurt each other, but they figured that if they did, at least they'd already learnt first aid. They could still look after each other if a need occurred.

At least the punches they received would be short and planned, so there theoretically wouldn't be any mishaps.

Ennis had thought about Jack a lot over the last few weeks. The phone call on Valentine's had been great fun, but his spirits had been dampened by Jack's confession about losing it in front of their friends. Once again, he'd offered to find some way of getting out of the army and return home, but once again, Jack had shot him down, citing what would happen if he did. Deep down, he knew that Jack was right, but it still pained him to think of Jack being upset and missing him. He wanted to be at home more than anything, missed Jack so much.

Another thing he was worried about concerning Jack was that in a few days it would have been John Twist's 43rd birthday, and he knew that Jack would be in a bad way as a result. He just hoped that he would be able to call soon after to take the weight and the pain off him, as much as he could. It was one of the things he was best at doing according to Jack; taking pain away from him and making him feel better. He hoped that Jack would be alright without him for a few days.

The sergeant gave them the instruction to start, and the pairs moved closer together. He looked at Adam, understanding in their eyes, and they followed the instructions given, how to throw a punch properly so as not to hit their comrade too fiercely and how to block punches too. It was the kind of work that required strategy and keeping your head on straight in order to concentrate.

They had also been warned against sneaking out of camp, seeking fights in bars to get in some practice. Ennis had a suspicion that a few would disobey, but he wasn't likely to. He didn't like fighting. And he knew that if Jack heard about him breaking the rules, he would chew him out for sure. Jack could have a temper on him for sure.

The whole thing got him thinking. If he hadn't gotten together with Jack, what might have been different in terms of fighting? Would he be out in bars, getting into fights just to have a way of getting out his frustration? Would he be getting locked up for getting into trouble? It was a scary prospect and he was very glad that his life had taken the turn it had. He was no longer quick to anger and no longer prone to using his fists to solve problems. He'd learnt to use other ways to solve problems, and Jack, with his unwavering love, had taught him how. Jack had taught him a lot of things.

Adam threw a punch and he blocked it with his own hand, requiring good hand-eye co-ordination. Adam grinned and let his hand down. Ennis then made his own punch, and he pushed away the bad memories of the time he'd punched Jack. Adam blocked the punch and they continued on for a good hour before getting a lunch break.

They flopped onto a pair of chairs at a table and started on their food. Adam stabbed at his food, an expression of distaste on his face.

"I gotta tell ya, Ennis...I hate it here," he said quietly. "Hate the rules, hate bein' cooped up, an' I hate missin' Pete." He sounded very downcast to Ennis.

"I thought that was a good thing," Ennis asked, confused. Adam shook his head.

"You know what I mean, Ennis. I know it's just a sign of how much I love him, but...I hate wakin' up every mornin' an' realisin' he ain't there. Hits me real hard."

Ennis nodded. "I know. I feel the same. I hate knowin' that it could be years before I see Jack's face again. Hurts somethin' awful an' I wish it could be sooner." He glanced around. "I, um...I asked Jack if I should find some way to get outta here. Get back to him."

"Like what?" Adam asked, brow furrowed.

Ennis shifted. "I...I asked him if I should tell 'em that I'm gay."

Adam's eyes widened. "Shit...what did he say?"

Ennis shrugged. "He told me no. Told me I shouldn't have to resort to that just to get back to him. I told him I didn't care 'bout what they say or do to me, so long as I can get back to him. But he just told me no."

"He loves you, Ennis...he don't want you to suffer just to get back home. He knows it ain't fair on you. He'll probably think it's selfish of him to want that."

Ennis nodded. "Yeah, he can be like that..." He then smiled. "Just one of the reasons why I love him."

Adam smiled and they returned to their food, not looking forward to their return to training but knowing that there wasn't anything they could do.

* * *

><p><em>March 15th, 1966<em>

Jack woke up and stretched, already aware of the empty bed beside him, and he let out a groan as he remembered the dream from last night. He and Ennis on their blanket on the hill, making love and then talking. Always a good dream.

He turned onto his front, and then moaned again when he realised what day it was; his father's birthday. He'd tried to push it out of his mind as much as he could, but now the day was here and he was currently alone. He wished for Ennis's comfort more than anything right now, but maybe he would be able to call today or soon. Ennis always could make him feel better when he was upset.

After a while of trying to get some more sleep, he decided that it was time for him to get up and get working. He just hoped that he wouldn't be in a foul mood when he got out there. He wondered how his mother would fare today and hoped that she would be alright. He knew he would need her today, for she could always hold him up when he fell. If Ennis couldn't be here to look after him, then his mother would hopefully be able to.

After a shower and a ritual look at the shirts on the bedroom door, he finally emerged, already feeling low. He found his mother and Becky in the kitchen, eating breakfast. They both looked up as he entered, and Lily's face lit up.

"Hey, sweetie," said Rose, looking wary. "Are you okay?"

He shrugged as he sat down and got himself some food. "I dunno, mama. I ain't really thought 'bout it much, or at least I try not to. Dunno how I feel. It's like how it was when he died, I just...don't know." He rubbed his forehead and started to eat.

Becky and Rose looked at each other. Before Jack had emerged, they had been talking about today. Becky was in the same state as Jack. She wasn't sure how she felt about their father either, how he had been, especially towards Jack. She herself had only spoken to him once, during that disastrous phone call. When she and Jack had been growing up on Lightning Flat, she had briefly said hello to their parents upon their first meeting, but Jack had later warned her about their father, that he wasn't friendly.

Out on the land, the hands noticed that Jack was distancing himself more than usual, but they didn't approach him. It was well known that while Ennis was the one who most were intimidated by, Jack was by no means a pushover and it wasn't wise to cross him either.

Rose came into the office while he was in there, trying to concentrate on his work but being far too distracted.

"How are you, sweetie? Really?" she asked, sitting down opposite him.

He sighed. "I gotta say, mama...I'm all mixed up. In some way, I...I think I miss him. 'Cos he was my daddy an' all, but...when I think on that, I remember all the things he did, an' all the things he didn't do...just messes me up."

"I know, honey. I know how he messed you up, an' I know how you feel 'bout him. He was yer daddy, an' I know how that is. Jack, you gotta know...he never hated you."

Jack looked up at her. "Really?"

"Really. It was all 'cos of Earl an' what happened. The thing in those papers. That messed him up an' he just...took it out on you." He'd taken it out on Becky, too, but she had promised her daughter not to tell until she was ready.

Jack now looked miserable. "So how did he feel 'bout me?"

She looked at him sympathetically. "He loved you, Jack. I know you won't let yourself believe that, but...it's true. He did love you. You should have heard him when you was born, Jack. He was so proud of his baby boy." She could see tears pricking in her son's eyes, but he needed to know this. "He showed you off to anybody who'd listen."

"But it all changed when my grandfather tried to come an' see me," he replied quietly.

"Yeah...but before that happened, he was a good daddy. Loved you so much. He was always talkin' 'bout you to his friends, sayin' how you looked just like him an' that you was gonna be a bullrider when you grew up, just like him."

"'Cept...he never came to see me ride." Jack's voice was hollow, and he remembered saying the same thing to Ennis.

Rose bit her lip. "Jack...he did."

He looked up, startled. "What?"

She nodded. "Remember how I told you that Rich came to visit me while you was down in Texas for that rodeo, March '63?" He nodded. "Well...yer daddy wasn't on business. He went down to Texas to see you at yer first ride. He made me promise never to tell you, I don't know why. I said you'd want to know, that it would make you happy. But...he just told me not to. I'm so sorry, honey." She covered his hand with her own.

He stood up, rubbing his chin. "But...why didn't you tell me when he died?"

"I thought you were already cut up enough over all that, an' then there was the mess with Ennis an' the papers...I didn't want you hurtin' any more than you already was."

He shook his head. "It's alright, mama. I just...wish I'd known. Wish that...just once, I'd known fer sure that he loved me...was proud of me."

She stood up and put her arms around him. "Jack...you have people now, who do love you an' are proud of you."

"I know, mama...just wish I'd known 'bout him." They stood there embracing, Jack laying his head on his shoulder and wishing for Ennis to walk in and make it all better, in the way that only he could.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

_April 10th, 1966_

Something was wrong with Becky, and it wasn't clear what. She'd suddenly fallen ill one day and now she was starting to look ill physically. She had a fever and a sore throat and was having difficulty getting out of bed. Jack and Rose were getting worried about her and Rose had tried to figure out what might be wrong. There didn't appear to be any blemishes on her body, but she was very weak and worried herself.

Jack was also worried about Ennis. He knew that Ennis would have to leave for Vietnam soon and he didn't know how he might be able to cope without him. Especially now that Becky had fallen ill; he would feel a whole lot worse if Ennis was out of the country.

Today, they were due to visit Rick so that he could try and figure out what might be wrong. Becky had had a very hard time getting out of bed and Jack could tell that she was scared about what this might be.

They sat in the waiting room, Jack with an arm around her and looking worried. Becky was coughing into a tissue and making Rose give her worried glances. Mary had taken Lily for the day and Jack had left Dave in charge.

At last, Rick emerged and caught sight of them. "Becky, Jack, Rose...you ready?"

They nodded and stood up, Becky being half-carried by Jack to his office. They sat her down on the bed, Jack hearing Becky whimper a little.

"What's wrong, then? Everythin' okay?"

"Not really, Rick," Jack replied. "She's coughin' an' feelin' all messed up. She don't look well at all."

Rick nodded, looking concerned. "When did it start, Becky?"

She coughed again. "A few days ago. Just woke up one mornin' an' felt like shit. Knew somethin' wasn't right an' I just felt weak."

"Okay. Well, from yer symptoms it might be some kinda virus or somethin'. Tell you what, I'll take some tests an' we'll see how it goes from there."

"What kinda tests?"

"Blood test, maybe a saliva test, just to be certain. Won't get the results for a week, I'm afraid. But it's our best chance of findin' out what this is. If we diagnose it early, we might have a good chance of killin' it."

Becky nodded. "Okay. Can they stay?" she asked, indicating Jack and Rose.

Rick nodded and shrugged. "Sure, no problem. It's just a needle an' a swab."

"Alright." Becky sat herself more comfortably on the bed and Jack helped her lift up her sleeve. Rick produced a sterilised needle and prepared it. Becky had never liked needles but this was a necessity.

Jack winced as Rick inserted the needle into Becky's arm, and he saw her cringe. He watched the needle fill up with Becky's blood and then Rick removed it. After a moment, he came back with a swab.

"Okay, Becky, just put this in your mouth an' swab it around, okay?"

"Alright." She did so and handed it back to him. He left the room with the needle and swab, leaving them alone.

"Hope things are okay," said Rose, looking worried. Jack put an arm around Becky again, watching as she leaned her head against him. He rubbed her shoulder and kissed the top of her head.

After a little while, Rick came back. "Alright, we should get the results in about a week. I'll call you when they're in, okay?"

They all nodded. "So...what do we do until then?" asked Rose.

"Not much you can do, but wait. Becky, I suggest you go home an' get some rest. Drink plenty of fluids an' take it easy. An'..." He hesitated. "Watch out when yer around Lily. Be best if you try not to pass this onto her."

"Alright." Jack helped Becky up off the bed and put an arm around her waist.

"Jack, could you wait a moment?" Rick asked. Rose took hold of Becky and led her out of the room.

"What's up, Rick?"

Rick looked at him. "How are you?"

Jack folded his arms and shifted. "I'm copin'. Just...takin' one day at a time, ya know?"

He nodded. "Well...you oughta know we're all thinkin' on you guys. Since we all met through you an' Ennis, we've all become friends. I never really knew Greg or James before, apart from business. Now we call each other when we get a chance. We talk about you guys an' hope that you're okay."

Jack smiled, more grateful than ever for his and Ennis's friends and how much they had come to care about them. "Well, we're okay. Ennis says trainin's goin' alright, gettin' harder an' more demandin', but...he says he can cope. I trust him to be okay. He knows what he's doin'."

Rick nodded. "Well, you oughta know we wish you both the best. You deserve it."

Jack smiled. "Thanks, Rick. You can let everyone know we're okay, but we appreciate 'em thinkin' on us."

"Sure, no problem. Kate sends her love, too. She likes you guys a lot, ever since you asked her to make yer rings."

Jack nodded. "Well, tell her thanks from both of us." He shifted. "Sure hope it's over with soon. I want him back home."

"I know. Just...take one day at a time, alright? An' don't worry about Becky. Chances are we can clear this right up with penicillin or somethin'. Don't strain yerself, Jack."

Jack nodded again. "Anyway...I better get the girls home. Want Becky to get some rest."

"Sure. Anyway, I'll call ya when I have the results, okay?"

"Alright." Jack left the room and took Becky and Rose home. They got her settled into bed, bringing her plenty of water and tissues, leaving her to get some rest.

Jack and Rose sat in the kitchen for a while, talking and hoping that Becky would be alright. If Becky was seriously ill, that was the last thing they needed with everything else that was going on.

* * *

><p>That night, Jack lay in bed, re-reading Ennis's Valentine's letter from last year and thinking about his cowboy. He wondered how training was going and if Ennis was coping as he said he was. He knew that Ennis probably made a good soldier, considering how disciplined he was. He was very worried about Becky and he hoped that she would be okay. He loved her very much and he was concerned for Lily too; if Becky had caught some fateful illness what would happen then? What would become of her? He and Ennis would probably be left to bring her up, being her godfathers. While it would be wonderful to bring her up, and they had always wanted a child, they had never wanted it to be under such circumstances.<p>

He thought about Ennis. How would he react when he heard the news? Would he become worried about them, to the point where he was unable to concentrate on what he was supposed to be doing? Jack couldn't bear the thought of Ennis resorting to desperate measures just to get back home. It might destroy him and make him burrow right back into his shell that Jack had worked so hard to break away.

And what if Ennis listened to the insults they would throw at him? What if he started believing the names and the fate he should suffer, according to them? It would destroy their relationship. He would resent Jack and pull away from him. They would likely break up and that would be the end of everything. What then? He would be left heartbroken, with his mother, his ill cousin and her young daughter. Without Ennis, he might not be able to hold everything together. Who would hold him up when it became too much for him?

He couldn't think about that right now. There wasn't anything that could be done about it until they had the test results back, whatever they might be. Then they could work out what to do.

He sighed and put his letter back into the nightstand, turning off his light. He stretched out under the covers and closed his eyes, hoping to see Ennis. He often dreamt about him, most every night, and he always woke up feeling a mixture of joy and sadness. He loved dreaming of Ennis, but when he woke up, his first thought was the fact that Ennis wasn't here, and wouldn't be for a few years, if his deepest suspicions were correct.

_When he opened his eyes, he was lying in Ennis's arms in this very bed. He smiled to himself and scooted forward to kiss the cowboy's nose lightly, making him smile._

"_Mmm, Jack..." Ennis opened his eyes and smiled down at him. Jack grinned and sought his lips, finding his tongue in seconds and making him moan into his mouth._

_Ennis rolled them over so that Jack was on top. Jack ran his hands up and down Ennis's chest, feeling the soft hair and the hard muscles. Ennis ran his hands along Jack's thighs._

"_So beautiful," he whispered, looking up into Jack's deep blue eyes. Jack smiled softly down at him, marvelling at the sight below him and underneath him._

"_You're beautiful, Ennis. So beautiful. C'mere..." He leaned down and kissed Ennis, tongue pushing into his mouth and making him moan again._

"_Mmm...darlin'..." he moaned into his lover's mouth._

_Jack broke away. "Alright, cowboy. Hang on..." He grabbed for the lube and held it out._

"_Who's doin' the honours?" he whispered, breath tickling Ennis's face._

"_Want you, Jack...want you...in me..."_

_Jack licked his ear. "You sure?"_

"_Yeah...c'mon, darlin'..." Jack loved it when he started to plead. _

_Jack kissed him again. "Alright." He reared back and coated himself up, watching the look of lust on his lover's face. He leaned back over him and guided his legs over his shoulders, full of anticipation for what was coming. Hopefully both of them._

_He slowly pushed in, seeing Ennis's face screw up in the initial discomfort, and then relax as he got used to the sensation. Jack kissed his mouth once more and Ennis felt him lace their fingers together on the bed._

_Jack slowly rocked into him, muscles moving and heart beating fast. Whenever Ennis wanted Jack inside him, it was usually a very special moment. He loved being inside Ennis; it was always a wonderful feeling, ever since the first time. He knew that Ennis loved it too._

"_Oh God, darlin'...I love you...I love you..."_

"_I love you, Ennis...always..."_

"_C'mon, darlin'..." _

_Jack thrust faster and faster into him, hearing the bed squeak but not caring. He was here with Ennis and that was all that mattered. Everything else could take a number and wait._

_Ennis pulled Jack's lips to his for another deep kiss, their tongues playing together and their fingers squeezing tighter._

_With another few thrusts, Jack cried out and spilled into his lover, making him groan as he too came, warmth spreading between them and sticking them together. Jack collapsed onto Ennis's chest and they both panted for breath. Ennis weaved his arms around Jack, pulling him closer and kissing his temple._

"_That was good, darlin'."_

"_Sure was. I love you."_

"_Don't worry 'bout nothin', Jack...everythin's gonna be fine."_

"_Yeah?" he asked, holding Ennis closer. "Is it, really?"_

"_Yeah. Don't worry. I'm gonna be fine. I know what I'm doin' out there an' I'll be fine."_

"_Will Becky be okay?"_

_He felt Ennis hesitate. "I gotta be honest, bud...I don't know. I can't speak for her. But if somethin' is seriously wrong, you'll work through it. You always do."_

"_Sure wish you could really be here. I don't know how I'm gonna cope without ya if somethin' is wrong with her."_

"_You'll be fine, Jack. You can cope with whatever shit gets thrown at ya, always can. I got so much faith in ya, darlin'."_

"_Oh, Ennis...thank you. I dunno if it's true, but...thanks fer sayin' that."_

"_S'alright, darlin'...love you..."_

"_I love you too..." _

Jack awoke to wet sheets and a bright sunrise. _Time for another day._

* * *

><p>A week later, they were called by Rick to come back to the hospital for Becky's test results. They were all very nervous about the outcome and what they might have to do now. During the last week, when Ennis had called Jack, he'd told him about Becky being ill, but that they didn't know what was wrong with her. Ennis had sent his love and best wishes for her, and that he would be thinking about her.<p>

Her condition had improved a little over the last week, but she was still looking weak and Jack was still worried about her.

The ranch was still doing well and they were still very popular in Sandersville and surrounding areas. Jack hoped that their already strained lives weren't about to get any worse.

After what felt like hours of waiting, they were finally called into Rick's office, and when Jack caught sight of Rick's expression he grew worried.

"Hey, guys," Rick greeted, looking sombre. "Take a seat."

They all took a seat at the desk opposite him, Jack putting an arm around Becky.

"So, what's the verdict, Rick? You find out what's wrong?"

Rick took a breath. "I did. We got the results back." Jack didn't like the look on his face at all.

"So...?" Becky asked, noticing the look herself.

"Well...we know exactly what's wrong. Becky...there's no easy way for me to say this. But...I'm afraid...you have...syphilis."

Rose clamped her hands over her mouth, Becky nearly fainted and Jack gasped.

"What the-? Rick, are ya sure?" he asked, looking shocked.

Rick nodded. "I'm afraid so."

Jack looked at his companions, at a loss of what to say.

Becky looked at the desk for a few moments, clearly digesting what Rick had said. Then she looked up, her eyes clear.

"What do we do now?" she asked, her voice surprisingly even. Jack was surprised by how calm she appeared to be.

"Uh, well...we can try penicillin. That usually works in these cases. But before we do that, I have to ask you a few things."

"Like?" she asked nervously.

"Well...as you probably know, syphilis is a sexually transmitted disease. Um...how many people have you slept with, Becky?"

She shifted, feeling uncomfortable but knowing it was necessary to get this out. "Two. Andy Buchanan, my ex-boyfriend, an' then Lily's father, Jay Brookes. How...?"

"Well, I have to ask you about them. When you slept with them, do you recall either of them having...some kind of lump, down below? Some sort of blemish, perhaps?"

Becky cast her mind back. "Well...I don't remember Andy havin' anythin' like that...but um..." It then hit her. "Oh shit." She clamped a hand to her forehead.

"You remembered something?"

She bit her lip. "Jay, he...he did have somethin', down there...but...he told me it was a birthmark, that it was somethin' he'd always had!" Her eyes were now wide with fear. "Are you tellin' me that he gave me this?"

Rick nodded. "Looks like it. If you say yer ex-boyfriend was clean, then...it was probably him. I'm so sorry, Becky."

Rose put an arm around her. "Sweetie..." Jack was rubbing his chin. Rick then cleared his throat.

"Becky...during the first few days after your encounter, did you at all notice anythin' strange with yourself? Any lumps down there?"

"No...I thought I felt weird, but...I thought it was somethin' to do with the pregnancy." She then grew alarmed. "What about Lily? Did she get affected?"

Rick shook his head. "It's unlikely. Babies are usually protected in the womb from most external threats, but if it would make you feel better, I can test her too."

Becky nodded. "Okay. So...you was talkin' 'bout penicillin?"

"Yes. Becky, I...I have to be honest with you. Lily is over a year old, an' that's how long you've had this. So...there's a good chance that this is very advanced. I'll need to do some more tests to find out how advanced it is, and then we can decided how much penicillin you need."

"Alright. So what now?"

"I need you to come in, in a couple of days. I can take further tests an' then we can give you some penicillin, maybe in about a week."

"Right. So, um...what can we do?"

Rick looked concerned. "I'm afraid there's not much to do that you ain't doin' already. Just get plenty of rest an' drink lots of fluids. Look after yourself."

Becky nodded. "Alright. Thanks a lot, Rick."

He nodded. "Becky, I...I have to be honest. If this is too advanced...the penicillin might not work."

She looked straight at him. "Then what?"

He didn't need to say it; they all saw it in his eyes. Becky lowered her head and Rose was nearly in tears.

"Oh, sweetie..."

Becky shook her head. "We just...gotta concentrate on one day at a time. I sure hope we can clear this up, an' I...I got faith in you, Rick. You think the penicillin will work?"

He nodded. "If it's not too advanced, yes. I'm sure of it."

They all nodded back. "Alright then. So...in a couple of days, then?"

"Yeah. I'll call you when I can fit you in. Should only be a few days." Jack squeezed Becky's hand.

"Alright. So, we can go?"

He nodded and they left, Jack with a protective arm around Becky and Rose looking very worried. They got back to the ranch and Becky went upstairs for some sleep. Jack went for a ride by himself, leaving Rose to take care of Lily.

Jack sat on their hill by himself, arms around his knees and eyes staring out towards Sandersville. He thought of Ennis, in a dangerous environment. He thought of Becky, in a safe environment but still in danger. What was happening to their family? They were so solid and now everything was falling apart. He missed Ennis so much, more than ever before. He needed him right now, wanted him to take him in his arms and make him feel safe; make all the bad things go away.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, they all gathered in the living room, none of them knowing what to say.<p>

Finally, Jack stood up. "I can't fuckin' believe this."

"Jack," his mother scolded.

"I'm sorry mama, but...that guy gave her a killer illness! How'd ya expect me to react?"

"I know, but...there ain't nothin' we can do 'bout him. What's done is done."

"But...he practically gave her a death sentence, mama! We gotta do somethin'!"

"Ain't nothin' we can do but look after Becky. It's out of our hands. It's happened, an' we just gotta deal with it."

Becky was silent, curled up in her chair and biting at a hangnail, an unfortunate habit that Jack was sure she'd picked up from Ennis.

"Mama...we gotta do somethin'. Make that asshole sorry for what he did."

"Whatever else he is, he's still Lily's father."

"The father who didn't want her," Jack reminded them.

"Still..."

Becky was still biting at her nail. "He shouldn't have lied to me about that lump, but...he did still give me Lily."

Jack turned to face her. "I know, but...you really want him to get away with this? You heard what Rick said could happen if the penicillin don't work."

"I know, but we can't let ourselves get too worried yet. Rick an' the others know what they're doin'. They're all good doctors, I'm sure," Rose said confidently. Becky nodded.

Jack didn't know why he couldn't let it go like the other two. He was having a hard time digesting the fact that Becky could be seriously ill, that she might die. He loved her like a sister, and while he may not be aware of the fact that she was his sister, it still felt to him like she was.

"Look...maybe we can do somethin'. Does this guy still live in Texas?"

"Yeah, I think so. Why?"

"Maybe we could press charges. Maybe we could call Greg an' see what he thinks." Jack's relentless attitude was starting to alarm them both.

"Why? What good would it do? They probably wouldn't listen. Sex is always a taboo thing, especially with things like this," Rose reasoned.

"Ain't no harm in tryin'," Jack replied. "He's a good lawyer; he might know what to do."

"He is, but there's no guarantee he'll be able to do anythin'."

"Worth a try," said Jack, heading for the kitchen to use the phone.

"I don't wanna press charges," Becky said quietly. Jack stopped and turned.

"Huh?" He was confused.

She looked up. "I don't wanna press charges," she replied.

"Why the hell not?" he asked, looking confused.

"I just don't."

"I don't get it, Becky. Don't you wanna see him punished fer lyin' an' gettin' ya to sleep with him, even though he knew what he had? That he'd pass it on to you?" Jack's blue eyes were flashing with anger, but he'd forgotten about her own temper.

She stood up, her own green eyes filled with rage. "Because it won't change a damn thing, Jack! What happened, happened. An' we can't change that. He lied to me, yes, but how the hell was I supposed to know what it was? I was lonely, I missed Andy, an' he made it clear he was up for it. He wanted it, I wanted it. I told you before when I told you an' Ennis I was pregnant. I made a mistake, but what's happened...it's done with. We can't change it."

"But I..."

"I know. But...even if we do press charges, what then? He might go to jail, great. But what about me? I could still die, Jack."

"But Rick said-"

Becky threw up her hands. "I know what Rick said. But...I could still die. We all know that. I could still die an' leave Lily without a mama." She had tears in her eyes. "I could still die. Lily will grow up without me an' I won't live to see her grow up. How the hell do you think that makes me feel?"

"Becky, I..." Jack started, moving towards her.

She stepped back, now looking very upset. "Jack, I...I know what yer sayin'. You don't want him to get away with this, an' believe me, I know what yer sayin'. I don't want him to get away with it neither, but...what the hell would it do? I could still die. Lily won't know me. I...I won't get to see her go to school, or go to college or get married, or..." She put her hands over her mouth. "My first grandkid..." She was sobbing into her hands, utter grief on her face.

Jack's heart sank to see her like this. "Becky...honey, come here..." He moved forward and coaxed her into his arms, feeling her shake against him as he held her.

"Shh...shh..." He'd soothed and held Ennis so many times that this was second nature to him now. He was becoming very good at comforting people. "It'll be alright..."

"You don't know that," she sobbed; her tears were now wetting his shirt but he didn't care.

"No, but we hafta have faith, honey. Don't go worryin' yerself, okay? That's the last thing we need."

"I know...but...I can't help it. I wanna be able to say that I'll be alright, but...I'm so scared..."

"I know, I know. I'm scared too, but...we gotta stay strong, honey. You'll be alright. We can figure this out an' work through it. I know yer scared, but it'll be alright." He kissed the top of her head.

Rose watched her two children embrace, Jack comforting his little sister and telling her that it would be alright. She loved them both more than anything, and Ennis too. She sent up a prayer of thanks that her children had found each other again and that they were now together, in a loving family. She saw Ennis as her son too. She prayed that all three of them would be alright during the difficult times ahead, and that their family wasn't about to be torn apart.

* * *

><p>A few days later, Ennis was in training with the others, engaging in more hand to hand combat. He had to admit that he was getting better at this, despite his unwillingness to engage in violence. He was able to separate the task from himself and recognise that it wasn't a personal thing; he was no longer a violent man, thanks to Jack and his love.<p>

He had been very concerned when Jack had called him to tell him about Becky falling ill, and after talking it through, they had decided together that they would do whatever it took to look after her and make sure she got through this. Ennis just hoped that it was something that they could fix. He loved Becky like a sister and he knew that Jack did too, so if something happened to her it would hit them all very hard.

But apart from that, things at the ranch seemed to be going well. The recent deal had brought them in some good money, and the guy was very impressed, Jack told him, wanted to order more. He was glad that Jack seemed to be coping well enough without him, so he could at least keep the ranch going. At first, Ennis might have been worried that it was a sign of Jack not needing him, but once Jack had reassured him that this wasn't the case, the worry had soon ebbed away. He knew that Jack wasn't hesitant to admit that he needed him, and he in turn wasn't ashamed to admit that he needed Jack. He liked that about their relationship; that they could depend on each other when needed.

He was very nervous about the coming month; he would have to go to Vietnam soon and he wasn't looking forward to it. He especially didn't want to leave now, if something was seriously wrong with Becky. He didn't want to leave Jack to deal with it all. Sure, he had his mother, and she would do the best that she could. But Ennis suspected that Jack would need more than that when night fell, and he wouldn't be there to provide it.

He'd been having more erotic dreams of Jack, and while they were a great relief and welcome distraction, he always awoke yearning for more. Back at home, if he had a dream about Jack, there would always be more when he woke up. Jack was always there and always up for early morning fun. Those mornings were the second favourite part of his day, after the nights when they made love.

He trained very hard in order to take his mind off things, and on some level it was working. The work was gruelling and required a lot of concentration and effort. He knew he could work well under discipline and rules, and he thought he was doing okay.

At four, he was allowed his weekly phone call home. He was worried about what news Jack might have about Becky, and what would be done about it. He hoped that Jack was okay; that he wasn't taking things too hard.

He called the ranch, biting his lip in anticipation of what might be coming. Certainly not he or Jack this time.

"Brokeback Ranch, Jack speakin'." Ennis was already on full alert for how Jack sounded when he answered.

"Hey, bud."

Jack took a breath. "Hey, cowboy." He sat back in his chair, feeling relieved. "How's it goin'?"

"Alright, I guess. Tell me, Jack. How's things with Becky?"

Jack sighed. "It's real bad, cowboy. Rick took some blood tests an' we got the results. Rick says she..." His throat felt tight.

Ennis felt his concern grow. "Jack? What is it, bud?"

"Oh, Ennis...she's got syphilis." His voice broke at the last word.

"Shit...I remember us readin' 'bout all them diseases...but...she was careful, right?"

"Yeah, but remember, it didn't work. She got pregnant, after all. Rick asked her if the guy had a kinda weird lump, down there. She couldn't remember. She said she felt weird for a few weeks after, but she thought it was just 'cos of the pregnancy. She had other things on her mind, remember."

"I know, bud. God...this is real bad, huh? What's Rick gonna do?"

"He's taken a couple more tests, an' he's gonna try some penicillin tomorrow. He's hopin' it should clear it up."

"Uh-huh. So how's she takin' it?"

"Bad. I was talkin' 'bout findin' the guy an' pressin' charges, but she wouldn't have none of it. Kept sayin' that it wouldn't change nothin', that..."

"What?" Ennis asked, his voice low.

"That she could still die, no matter what happens to him. He could get locked up, but she could still die an'...in her own words, leave Becky without her mama. Becky said she'll miss out on so much, like her birthdays an' school, college...gettin' married. An' that she won't see her first grandkid."

"Aw, darlin'...I bet she's real scared..."

"She is...she's terrified, Ennis. I don't know what to do. She don't wanna press charges, an' I don't wanna do somethin' she don't want me to. I dunno what I can do for her..." He trailed off, and Ennis was saddened to hear the anguish in his voice.

"Darlin'...ain't nothin' you can do but keep at it. Just look after her an' help her as much as ya can. Keep things normal an' just be there for her. I know you can do it, darlin'. I got faith in you."

"Thanks, Ennis...I'll sure try. I know ya got faith in me, an' I'm gonna try. Sure wish you was here, though..."

"I do too, Jack. Sure wish I was there to help ya through this. I'm always gonna think on ya, darlin'."

Jack smiled. "Me too, cowboy. I love you. Take care of yerself, okay?"

"I will. Love you too, Jack. Look after everythin', okay?"

"I'll try..."

"I gotta go, darlin'. Bye."

"Bye, baby." Jack hung up and held his head in his hands. What was going to become of them?


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

It was the beginning of May, and the three of them had spent most of the weekend in bed, sleeping off the stress of the last few weeks. Jack's phone call from Ennis had cheered him up a fair bit, with all of his lover's encouragement, but not even Ennis could prevent him from worrying about Becky or what might become of her.

He hoped that her illness could be cured; that the penicillin would work. Rick had given her the first dose a few days ago, and he said that they would see how she responded to it and whether or not they would need to adjust the dose. Becky had slept a lot since then and Jack had been keeping an eye on her. Rose was taking care of Lily to take some of the heat off Becky and she knew that she was grateful.

When Jack was lying in bed, he alternated between dreaming of Ennis and thinking of him. He missed him a lot but he knew deep in his heart that one day they would be reunited. Ennis was the love of his life and he knew that once he returned everything would be alright. Ennis would wrap him up in his arms and make all the bad things go away.

One day in early May, they were all sat around the living room, still tired from how much they'd slept recently. Jack's anger on Becky's behalf had calmed down some and he was ready to talk properly about the situation.

Rose looked uncertainly between her two children. "So...what now?"

Becky coughed a little. It was still too early to say whether or not the penicillin would work, but they were willing to try anything. "I dunno. We just gotta see how things go with this penicillin. Rick said we might need to adjust the dose an' see how it goes, right?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah. I talked to Ennis, he's sure that things are gonna be okay. Sure hope I could be as positive as him..."

"He's got that from you, Jack," Rose said, smiling. "You was the one who taught him to think like that. You taught him to think that things are gonna be okay no matter what. An' now he thinks like that. He has faith that things are gonna be okay."

Jack smiled. "Yeah...I guess. We had an effect on each other, I guess."

They smiled back. Then Rose grew serious. "We need to talk 'bout what might happen. If the penicillin don't work. I know you two don't like thinkin' on it, but...we need to talk about it."

Becky looked down at Lily, playing on the floor. "I know...thing is...I know what I want to happen for Lily."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Jack, I...I want you an' Ennis to raise her."

Jack's mouth fell open. "You do?"

She nodded. "Yeah. You're her godfathers, you should have custody of her if I go."

Rose gave a wry smile. "I bet you don't want her father tryin' for custody, huh?"

Becky shook her head. "No. An' he won't. He never wanted anythin' to do with me or Lily, so he won't want custody. An' I'll make sure you two get custody. I'll talk to Greg an' get it all sorted." She smiled.

Jack's heart filled with love as he looked between Becky and Lily. He knew that this would make both he and Ennis very happy, although he still wished that it wouldn't come to that. He didn't want Becky to die, far from it.

"Becky, I...I gotta say, I'm real touched. You know me an' Ennis love Lily, an' you know we'd look after her."

"I know, Jack. I know ya would. I know you guys love her like yer own."

"But...I wish it wasn't like this. You know I don't want nothin' to happen to you. Me an' Ennis have...always wanted a kid ourselves. But we never wanted it like this."

"I know, Jack. It's alright. We gotta talk 'bout this. If I die, I want you an' Ennis to raise Lily, with Rose's help," she added, looking at her. She nodded, smiling.

Becky took a breath, and then continued. "I want ya to raise her like yer own. Send her off to school every mornin', help her with homework, ya know?"

Jack nodded. "Teach her 'bout the bird an' the bees...you want her to go to college?"

"Only if you can afford it," she said, giving him a look. "I don't want you guys strugglin'."

"We won't. We're makin' plenty of money; we'll be fine by then. Don't worry about it, okay?"

Becky smiled at him. "I'll try not to, Jack."

Jack nodded. "I better go check on the horses, okay? Be back in a bit."

They nodded back at him and he left them. Rose looked at Becky and then got up, heading for her chair. She sat on the arm and let Becky lean into her.

"You okay, sweetie?" she asked gently. Becky nodded.

"I guess. Just...a lot of stress, ya know? I'm real tired, mama."

Rose kissed her forehead. "I know, sweetie. You wanna go up an' get some more sleep?"

"In a bit. Just wanna stay here a while."

"Sure. Becky, um...are you gonna tell Ennis an' Jack the truth? About everythin'? You can't die an' leave them not knowin'..."

"I know. An' I won't. I'll tell 'em. I think I'll tell 'em anyway, even if the penicillin works. If it clears up, I'll tell 'em. If it starts gettin' worse an' Rick says...ya know...then I'll tell 'em anyway."

"Alright, sweetie." Rose kissed her forehead again and let her close her eyes, moving closer to her. Rose had yearned for her daughter for so many years, and now that she had her, she was scared to lose her. She loved her very much and was scared of her dying. She hoped that things weren't about to take a nasty turn. They had a lot to lose; so much that they cared about.

* * *

><p><em>May 4th, 1966<em>

Ennis and the other soldiers were currently in the barracks, checking their rifles and making sure that they had everything they needed for today. Their sergeants were extremely strict and if one of them was out and had forgotten something essential, they didn't take to it very kindly. Being barked at was part of the deal.

Training was still in full force, but things were becoming more specific. Part of the base had been transformed to look like a Vietnamese village one day, and most of their days were to be spent in training there. It was interesting concept and was apparently supposed to prepare them for what Vietnam would be like. Their sergeants had warned them that Vietnam would be nothing like what they might be expecting. Ennis had listened to the sergeants describe the country, and he had to admit that he didn't like the sound of it at all. It sounded very dangerous, and not for the first time, he wished he wasn't here. He wished that he was back home with Jack where he belonged.

Ennis was having a hard time concentrating, thanks to the news about Becky. He couldn't believe what was going on; Becky was seriously ill and it was touch and go whether or not she would be okay. Jack had told him that Rick was doing everything he could with the penicillin, but Ennis had a very bad feeling that something would go wrong.

They followed their sergeant's instructions, learning how to enter the hamlet while not drawing attention to themselves. Some of the others were acting as members of the Viet Cong and were lurking in the bushes and the huts. Their objective was to prowl the village and weed out the members they were supposed to be up against. It was quite interesting and a much needed dose of excitement. Ennis felt a little guilty about enjoying himself here while there was such a crisis back home, but he knew that if he talked to Jack about it he would be able to reassure him and calm him down. Jack could do that like nobody else. He would tell him not to worry, that they would be okay. He'd done that before, but it never stopped Ennis from worrying about his family. He wanted to be there, to protect them, not here taking part in a war that had nothing to do with him.

At the end of their days, they retired to the barracks and stretched out on their beds, talking. The close spaces of the environment had, initially, practically forced them to talk to each other, but now they were getting along alright.

"So, I guess there ain't long 'til we go to Vietnam, huh?" asked one soldier. He was the one who Ennis had a feeling might be gay, but he didn't want to ask in case he was wrong. If that happened, he would be exposing his own sexuality, and that was a recipe for disaster. He was sorely tempted to just tell them and get himself back home, but he knew that he had to listen to Jack's warnings about what would happen if he did. He sure didn't want them making fun of him, and deep down he knew that they would. He wasn't sure that he would be able to handle it on his own without Jack as his support.

"Yeah," replied Adam, running a hand through his hair. "I hope we'll be able to call before we go. Don't see why not."

"I reckon they'll let us," Ennis said quietly. "Last day an' all, we'll wanna say goodbye." He was thinking of Jack; how difficult would it be to make that call? It had been hard enough to leave Jack that one time; it would tear him apart to hear his voice for the last time. He already missed Jack a lot and this would make it a lot worse. Letters once a month just weren't the same as weekly phone calls. If there was an accident or something, he wouldn't know for weeks. His worrying would likely get worse. Then he would have trouble concentrating and they might throw him out anyway.

He thought of the others. He was already quite worried about Becky, and when he left the country it would be even worse. He hoped that Jack would be able to hold everything together without him. He had always thought of Jack as the strong one, no matter what. He was the one who had held him when he'd had nightmares of Earl in the ditch, who had made him feel better when he'd needed it. And he in turn had held Jack when he'd had nightmares of his father and the beatings he'd endured over the years.

He'd lost count of how many dreams he'd had of Jack over the last few months. Some erotic, some sad, but all of them welcome. For any dream of Jack was welcome, something to hold on to and remind him of all the good times they'd shared. Memories and thoughts of Jack kept him going through the hard times out here, and could always make him feel better. It made it all a little easier knowing that Jack was probably thinking and dreaming of him too. It was as if they had a psychic connection that kept them together mentally, even if not physically. He knew that they were both very lucky to have found something like that, and he didn't ever want to lose it. He had come close once, in the aftermath of the death of Jack's father, but their love had kept them together. Now they were closer than ever, and Ennis was starting to believe, like Jack did, that he would return one day, and everything would be alright again. He would live every day looking forward to his return. It was his best chance of getting through what was coming; to look to the future.

* * *

><p>The next day, Becky decided that she had best prepare for the worst case scenario. She didn't want to think about the possibility of dying, but she had to face the fact that it could happen. It was a reality and they all had to face it.<p>

She'd made an appointment with Greg Thompson to get her will set up. She'd already made up her mind that Ennis and Jack would raise Lily if she died, but she wanted to make it official; make them her legal guardians. She wanted to make sure that if she did die, they wouldn't have to fight any custody battles. She didn't want Lily's father turning up and trying to get custody of her. He'd never wanted their daughter anyway and if she died, it would be his fault.

She was sitting in the waiting room, biting at a hangnail and waiting for Greg to call her in. He was their friend these days and she knew that all of their friends had been informed of the situation. They had all called the ranch over the last few days to give Becky their best wishes and to say that they were thinking of her.

Greg came out and smiled when he saw her. "Hey, Becky. You ready to come in?"

She nodded and stood up. "Sure." She followed him into his office and they sat on opposite sides of the desk. Greg sighed and looked at her.

"So, how are ya doin'?"

She smiled wearily. "Gettin' by. On penicillin now, an' Rick's gonna try different doses dependin' on how my body responds, ya know?"

Greg nodded. "So...I understand you want to get your will set up?"

"Yeah. I, uh...I don't like to think on what might happen, but...I gotta be prepared. I have to make sure that things are gonna be okay if I...you know..."

"I know. So, I got the forms that you asked for, an' I assume you have your part?"

"Yeah." She reached into her bag; she'd written out what she'd wanted for Lily in the event of her death, and that she wanted to make sure that her father would never get to her or fight for custody.

"Here you go. I want Lily to be raised by Ennis an' Jack. They're her godfathers an' I want them to look after her. They'll be her legal guardians if I die."

"What about her father?" Greg asked, looking meaningfully at her.

Becky shook her head. "I don't want him havin' anythin' to do with her. He didn't wanna know when I was pregnant an' he ain't never been to visit, never tried to track her down. He's got no right to her an' I don't want Ennis an' Jack to have a big custody battle."

Greg nodded. "I know. Don't worry; they won't. If you name them her legal guardians in the event of your death, he'll have no right to her and there won't be any trouble. I'll have it all sorted."

"Thanks, Greg." She handed over her copy of what she wanted, and he put it with his files."

"So, I'll have this written out properly in about a week. I'll call you to come over when I need you to sign it. You'll need at least one witness for the signing, and they will have to sign it too. Do you have someone in mind?"

Becky thought. Since Ennis was away, it would either be Jack or her mother. Since Jack would be named one of Lily's legal guardians, the logical choice would thus be Rose. She loved her very much, and she was her mother, after all.

"I think it's gonna be Rose, but um...there's somethin' you'll need to know first."

"What?"

Becky took a breath. She'd wanted Ennis and Jack to be the next people to know, but this was legal business and Greg would have to know the truth.

"Rose ain't my aunt. She's...my mama."

Greg's eyes widened. "Huh? I thought..."

Becky lowered her head. "It's a long story. Things our daddy did when we were kids, to do with our grandfather. Real bad stuff. I never wanted nothin' to do with him after I found out, so...I don't accept him as my father."

"Right...does Jack know?"

She shook her head. "No. My aunt an' uncle, down in Texas...he an' Ennis think they're my parents. I just thought...that if Jack found out, he'd hate our daddy even more than he already does. So...I ain't never wanted to put him through that. But when I got sick..." She sighed. "I thought that...I couldn't go an' die without lettin' him know. He has a right to know."

Greg nodded. "He does. So what are ya gonna do?"

"I've decided to write 'em a letter. Tell them everythin'. If Rick gives me the all clear an' this thing goes away, I'll just rip it up an' tell 'em. If...I get worse...I'll give it to 'em. But...I'll tell 'em not to open it until after I'm gone. I don't wanna see Jack's face when he finds out."

Greg nodded. "Alright. Wow...I never saw that coming. Don't worry, Becky. I'll get it all sorted. I'll call you when it's ready, and you can bring Rose with you. She can sign as a witness and you can sign your part."

"Alright. So...about a week, you said?" she asked, closing her bag again.

"Yeah. Everything will be fine. You get on home and rest, okay?"

She smiled. "Thanks, Greg. I'll see ya in a week." She got up and left, feeling a little better about everything now that Greg was taking care of legal things. At least Lily would be taken care of if she died; that was her utmost priority. Ennis and Jack would make wonderful fathers, she was sure. She knew that they had wanted a child of their own, and if she could give them a little taste of what it was like, then that would be the best gift she could give them.

* * *

><p><em>May 18th, 1966<em>

Ennis flopped onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling. They had just received the news that tomorrow they would have to fly to Vietnam, and his head was spinning. How the hell was he supposed to say goodbye to Jack, especially now? There was a crisis back home and he didn't want to be in another country. He wanted to be back home so he could help Jack through these tough times. Rose loved Jack, he knew that, but she could only do so much for her son; he wanted to be there to hold Jack up when it became too much.

He needed to call Jack, and soon. But he would never be ready for it. This would be the most difficult phone call he had ever made, or was likely to ever make. It would tear him apart to hear the heartbreak in Jack's voice when he realised that this was it; that their only form of communication would be infrequent letters. He brought his hands to his face. He wasn't sure that he could do this.

From what Jack had told him, Becky's condition didn't seem to be improving all that much. He said that she wasn't feeling much better than she had when Rick had taken the initial tests. He knew that Jack was very worried about her and Ennis feared that she would die while he was away; he wouldn't be able to help Jack at all and everything would be a mess. He wondered vaguely if he would be able to plead with the sergeants to let him go if that happened, just so he could get back. Maybe he would out himself to them after all; he didn't care as long as he could get back to his family.

He sighed just as Adam walked in. "Hey."

Ennis looked at him and grunted, making Adam smile sympathetically. "I know. I feel that way myself. Hate the fact that we hafta say goodbye to 'em today. All we're gonna get from now on is letters, once a month. Ain't gonna be able to hear their voices, an' they won't be able to hear ours. Gonna hurt like hell."

"Sure is. An' with Becky ill an' all..." Ennis trailed off.

Adam sat down on his bed, rubbing his chin. "How's she doin'?"

"Jack says she ain't feelin' much better," he replied, his eyes down. "He says that Rick's thinkin' of puttin' her on the maximum dose of penicillin, hopin' it might do somethin', ya know?"

Adam nodded. "Right. But...what if...?"

"I dunno what we're gonna do if it don't work. But...Jack says she's puttin' things in place in case she does...ya know..."

"Right. So, um...how's Jack takin' it all?"

Ennis sighed again. "He's been hit real hard. I can hear it in his voice when we talk. He's tryin' to cope, but...I know him. I know he takes things hard."

Adam nodded and they fell silent, each of them trying to figure out how to say goodbye to their other halves.

A few hours later, they both went to the phones to call Jack and Pete. Luckily they were alone, so they could at least be open and say whatever they wanted to say, as long as they kept one eye on the door.

Ennis was silent as he heard the phone ringing. "Brokeback Ranch, Jack speakin'."

He swallowed. "Jack, it's me."

"Hey, cowboy," Jack replied, sounding happy. "How's things?"

"Jack...I gotta go to Vietnam tomorrow."

Silence on the line, and Ennis felt his heart ache for him. "Bud, talk to me. You okay?"

"Oh...Ennis...I can't believe it..."

"I know, darlin'. I'm real sorry. I dunno what to say."

"Me neither...I...I'm sure gonna miss you, cowboy. So much."

"I'm gonna miss you too, Jack. How's things back home?"

Ennis could almost hear the upset in Jack's voice. "She ain't feelin' no better, Ennis. Gettin' sicker all the time. I dunno what to do..."

"Jack, calm down. It's gonna be okay. Rick's a damn good doctor an' he knows what he's doin'. Don't go gettin' yourself worked up, darlin'. Just try an' hold it together, okay?"

He heard Jack take a few deep breaths. "I know, I know. I, uh...I'll be alright. I'll think on ya, all the time. I promise."

"Me too, bud. Take care of yourself, an' the girls. I'll write ya as soon as I can, okay?"

"Alright. I'll write back. Ennis, I just want ya to know...you've made me real happy these last few years. Happier than I ever thought I would be."

"Aw, darlin'...you've made me real happy too, ya know. Been real happy with you, even with all the shit we've had to put up with. I'd do it all again with you, bud."

"Me too, Ennis. So, you leavin' early?" Ennis could tell that he was trying his best to remain calm.

"Yeah. First thing. Good job I'm good at risin' early, huh?" he said, smirking slightly.

He heard Jack laugh a little. "Yeah. Works well fer me too, usually. We make good use of it, don't we?"

Ennis smiled wider. "We sure do. One of my favourite times of the day, you know that."

"I sure do, cowboy. Love bein' in bed with you...sure wish you could be in our bed tonight."

"I do too, darlin'. Gonna miss you a lot too. Anyway, I...I better go. I love you, Jack," he said softly.

"I love you too, Ennis. I'll wait, every day. Can't wait 'til yer back here. Bye, sweetheart."

"Bye, darlin'." He hung up, hating the fact that this was the last time for a while that they would hear each other's voices, and that he didn't know when he would hear Jack's voice again, or see his face.

He rubbed his chin, looking over at Adam, who was just finishing his conversation with Pete. When he too hung up, they exchanged a mournful glance, knowing how much harder things would be from now on.

* * *

><p>That night, after an uneasy day, Jack lay in their bed thinking about Ennis. He couldn't believe that his cowboy was leaving tomorrow for a very dangerous country and lifestyle. He knew that his worry over Ennis would intensify over the next few months, and there wasn't much he could do about it. This was to be their life for the foreseeable future and he had to do his best to just live with it. As Ennis had once said, if you can't fix it, you have to stand it.<p>

He was also worried about Becky. As he had told Ennis, her condition was getting worse. She was always coughing and spent increasing amounts of time in bed, so Lily's care fell to Rose and Jack. They didn't mind, but they wished with all their hearts that she would be okay. They didn't want to lose her and they didn't want Lily to grow up without her.

Jack sighed a little and slid down the bed, curling up on his side, facing where Ennis usually slept. He closed his eyes and tried to take his mind off things, hoping for a dream of Ennis.

He got his wish. He dreamt of Ennis and himself in their field of heather, lying naked after having just made love on their blanket. It was a sweet dream and Jack never wanted it to end. He never wanted to let Ennis go; wanted to keep him in his arms forever where he belonged.

Then the dream changed. There were different variations, but all of them were the same. Ennis being killed, him being informed of it, and his world ending. He woke several times in the night in a cold sweat, gasping and trying to calm himself down.

After waking up around three in the morning after another nightmare, the sheets were soaked with his sweat, and since he was so warm he decided to go for a walk outside. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a loose shirt and after checking on Lily, crept downstairs. He got himself a glass of water and stood at the sink, listening to the quiet of the house.

He walked out onto the back porch, looking out onto their land. It all felt so empty without Ennis, and he had a feeling that it would feel worse without his cowboy. He missed him a lot already and he was about to miss him so much more.

He sat in his favourite wicker chair, drinking his water and thinking. A sound behind him caught his attention; it was Becky. She looked a little pale but still human.

"Hey," she said softly, pulling her pink dressing gown tighter around her. She was carrying her own glass of water.

"Hey," he said back, looking over at her. "Are you okay? Shouldn't you be in bed?"

She smiled slightly and sat herself down. "I woke up an' needed a drink, an' then I needed fresh air. So I thought I'd take a walk. What about you?"

Jack lowered his head. "I was sleepin', dreamin' about Ennis. Then it changed...I kept havin' nightmares of what might happen...'bout him dyin'...kept wakin' up in a cold sweat an'...I just needed to get out."

"Right. How's Ennis? Goin' to Vietnam tomorrow, right?" she asked, sipping her water.

"Yeah. I sure ain't lookin' forward to it, knowin' that he's gonna be far away an'...he ain't gonna be able to help us out with any of it. I been feelin' a little better with havin' him so close, but now...I dunno what I'm gonna do. Love that man to bits, an' now he's goin' off somewhere dangerous...how the hell am I supposed to cope with that?"

She reached across and took his hand, squeezing it. "I know. Ain't easy. God knows we could do with havin' him here. Just feels that...when he's around, everythin's gonna be okay."

"Yeah. Like he protects us, can chase all the bad things away," Jack replied. "Know what ya mean."

She nodded and then started coughing, making Jack look at her in alarm. "Honey, you okay?" She nodded, still coughing.

"Fine." She brought her glass up to her mouth and took some water. Jack looked at her sadly.

"You think that if Rick puts you on the bigger dose, it'll work?" he asked, squeezing her hand in turn and stroking it with his thumb.

She shrugged. "I dunno. I hope so. I feel like shit an' I just want it gone. Want the damn thing outta me already."

"I know. Don't worry, I'm sure it will be. Rick knows what he's doin'." Jack thought it was ironic that he was telling her not to worry when he himself was practically freaking out every day.

They sat there for a while, talking quietly and thinking to themselves. At four, they went back upstairs to try and get some more sleep, but Jack was scared that he'd have another nightmare. Ennis wasn't here to save him.

He closed the bedroom door and the shirts caught his eye. He ran his fingers over the bloodstains, thinking of his lover, and then made his mind up. He gently took the shirts from the hanger and brought them to the bed with him, curling up again and holding them close to his heart. He ran a thumb over the material, staring at Ennis's side of the bed. He closed his eyes once more, knowing in his heart that there would be no more nightmares tonight. He was holding Ennis close to his heart and he knew that by doing this, Ennis was somehow protecting him, even from far away. Ennis couldn't hold him in the way he wanted him to, but at least in this way, he could hold Ennis close. It was the only thing he had left and he intended to hold onto it as long as possible, to help him get through these times until Ennis returned to hold him and make everything alright again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_May 19th, 1966_

Early that morning, they were due to travel to Vietnam, something which none of them were looking forward to. They would have to fly to Los Angeles first, and then they would fly on to Vietnam from there. Ennis was very worried about what might be happening back home, for Jack had told him that today Rick was thinking about putting Becky on the maximum dose of penicillin. He hoped that it would work, and that Jack would be okay. Ennis knew that Jack could take things hard and he hated not being there for him.

Fortunately, he and Adam were being assigned to the same platoon once they got there, so at least he would still have someone to talk to about what was going on back home. He knew that Adam was concerned for Becky's wellbeing as well as he was, and that all of their friends cared about them. He and Jack were very grateful for that.

He looked out of the helicopter as they flew over the country. He briefly caught a glimpse of Sandersville as they passed, and he saw Atlanta too. He thought of his family and hoped that they were okay.

As they flew over what he knew to be Wyoming, he saw the mountains, one of them being Brokeback. That was the place where his and Jack's relationship had begun, and now they had a life together. He didn't want to lose any of it, not now.

They landed in Los Angeles at a predetermined location for about an hour, and they stood around, smoking and talking.

"Ain't far now," Adam commented, looking around.

"Yeah. Hope things are okay back home," Ennis replied, looking down and shifting his feet.

Adam looked at him sympathetically, and was mindful to keep his voice low, even though they were stood a little apart from the others. "Didn't you say Rick wants to put Becky on the bigger dose?"

"Yeah. Maximum dose, hopin' it does somethin'. Jack's real worried about her an' I know it's hard on him. He ain't so good at copin' with things."

Adam nodded. "You guys are real close...you've hit a real bad patch, ain't ya?"

"Yeah. Things was fine six months ago, just happened all at once. First me havin' to leave, now Becky bein' ill...I dunno what happened. An'..." He voiced what was worrying him the most. "I'm scared that...Jack won't be able to handle it on his own. What if it becomes too much for him, an'...he breaks down or somethin'?" He bit his lip. "What if...somethin'..."

Adam laid a hand on Ennis's shoulder. "Calm down, Ennis. I'm sure it's gonna be fine. You told me what Rick's like, an' I'm sure he'll be able to help Becky. You said he's a good doctor, right?"

Ennis nodded. "Yeah, he's real good. He does know what he's doin'. I just...I get real worried about him when I ain't there to help him out." Adam sighed in response and before long, they were being barked at to return to the helicopters.

They flew over the ocean, something that Ennis had never seen before. It was a deep blue and there were little islands dotted all over it. He was fascinated by it all but he wished that Jack could be there to share it with him. They'd never taken a trip to the ocean before, and Ennis figured that maybe one day, when things were back to normal, they could do that. He would love to go away to somewhere like that, either just with Jack or with all of them, depending on whether or not Becky was still around. But he didn't like to think about that. He wanted to believe that she would be alright. He just wanted to get through this and one day get back to Jack, then everything would be alright.

They finally arrived at the coast of South Vietnam, which was teeming with soldiers amongst the trees. Some were drinking, some were playing chess and they were all talking loudly. Ennis hoped that there weren't any particularly loud characters here; he still wasn't one for large groups of people or too much noise. There were a couple of tents around and Ennis went a little red as he thought of all their nights on Brokeback; those long summer nights filled with love and a deep connection. If being here incurred some memories of him and Jack then maybe it would be okay.

He and Adam looked around with interest at everything. Despite the bad connotations of this place and what could happen here, they were quite intrigued by this new world. They were used to hard, flat plains, and here there was foliage everywhere; a deep jungle. They had been warned that enemy snipers could be lurking amongst the trees, so they had to keep their eyes open.

After a bit of walking, they caught sight of who could only be their lieutenant. He came out of a tent and lit up a cigarette. Ennis and Adam nodded to each other and walked towards him, feeling nervous and eager to get into his good books.

He looked at them. "You guys just flown in?" They both nodded. "I'm Lieutenant Dan Tyler. Welcome to the shithole, boys." He gave a wry grin and they smiled appreciatively. "Don't salute me here, there's snipers everywhere. Where you guys from?"

"Um, we're both originally from Wyomin', sir. But I live in Ohio an' he lives in Georgia," Adam replied. "We moved for family stuff." That was the easiest explanation.

"Right." They walked with him as he explained the general rules of being in the area, and then they were free for a little while to talk to their comrades. There were many people here, and they were all okay people, they figured. If they got along with each other early on it would make things easier later. They would be able to work together without getting on each other's nerves.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Jack, Becky and Rose were on their way to Rick's office, anticipating their appointment. Rick was due to analyse effects of the penicillin and to see how Becky's body was responding. Rick was of the mind that she would likely be put on the maximum dosage today. He had warned her that the syphilis was very advanced and the penicillin may prove to be ineffective, but she knew that and she had prepared herself for that scenario.<p>

Jack had been quiet all morning, and they both knew that it was because Ennis was travelling to Vietnam today. After Ennis's phone call, Jack had grown quieter throughout the day, and not even his mother could lift his spirits. Oddly enough, he'd taken to holding Lily a lot lately. He'd always been loving and caring with her, but it seemed like now he was holding her for comfort, like a blanket. Becky and Rose figured that since he didn't have Ennis to hold, his baby niece would do him a lot of good.

Rose held the same fear as Ennis; that it would all become too much for Jack and he would have a breakdown. She feared that this would happen while Ennis was still away; he wouldn't be there to help Jack when it became too much for him. She knew that when that usually happened, Ennis could take him aside, wrap him up in his arms and make him feel better like only he could. That was one of the main reasons why she loved Ennis so much; he made her son happy and feel loved no matter what.

They sat in the office, Jack biting at a hangnail like Ennis did and Becky reading a magazine. She hadn't improved at all over the last few days and they were growing increasingly worried about her. Jack had heard her retching in the bathroom last night and he'd been there, holding her hair back like he and Ennis used to do when she was pregnant. He remembered those times in the middle of the night when she'd awakened them and they'd been there for her. It seemed so long ago but Jack thought of it as the kind of thing that could bring people together; looking after each other when it was needed. And he was looking after Becky now, as best he could.

Finally, Rick called them in and they sat down, feeling nervous. They hoped that this would work. Jack thought of Ennis and hoped that he was okay. He knew how his cowboy felt about travelling, and this time he was leaving the country altogether. He sent out a thought for him and hoped he was okay.

Rick sighed and sat down opposite them. "How's it goin', guys?" he asked, looking between them.

Jack looked at Becky. "She ain't gettin' no better, Rick. I dunno what to do." Rose was rubbing her shoulders.

She coughed in response. "I feel like shit," she agreed. "Hope this bigger dose can do somethin'."

Rick nodded. "Well, we'll know soon enough. I can give you the injection today an' we should know in a few days whether or not it has any effect."

"Okay. Rick, um...what if, it..." She hesitated.

"Don't have any effect?" he finished for her. She nodded. "Well, I don't think I need to tell you what would happen if that's the case. You did prepare, right?"

"Yeah. I've got my will sorted an' Greg's gonna take care of it."

Rick nodded in approval. "Good. I know you don't like thinkin' on it, but you hafta be prepared."

"I know."

He then sighed again. "Well, there ain't much left to say, so...guess there's just one thing to do."

Becky nodded. "Alright. Just the injection, then?"

"Yeah. If you guys wanna stay, it's alright," he said to Jack and Rose. They nodded in response. Becky stood up and rolled her sleeve up. She already had a tiny pinprick mark in her upper arm from previous doses. Rick brought out the syringe full of penicillin; the maximum dose that Becky hoped would save her.

He came over to her and injected it, seeing her wince as it went in; Jack even heard her hiss slightly. He injected the full lot and then withdrew it. "There you go, Becky. It's the absolute best I can do, I'm afraid." He gave her a sympathetic look.

She nodded, pulling her sleeve back down. "Alright. So, um...a few days?"

"Yeah. Keep an eye on things an' come back in, give it a few days. Let me know how things go. You get some rest, Becky, okay?"

She nodded, smiling wryly. "I spend half my life in bed these days. Gotta say, I could get used to it." Jack loved how Becky could look on the bright side of things, like himself. Rose had noticed that a few times, and she could see how alike they were. A big brother and a baby sister; her two children. She had wanted them in one place for so many years and she dreaded the possibility of losing either of them.

They went home and Jack shooed Becky up to bed, telling her to listen to Rick's advice and get some sleep. He then took care of the horses and spent time with his mother and Lily. They talked about Ennis and how things might be going out there. Jack voiced his concerns over Ennis's abilities to cope in such a place, and Rose reassured him that he knew what he was doing. Jack tried to keep his faith that he would be okay but deep down he was still terrified of what might happen while Ennis was in such a dangerous place. He had a suspicion that Ennis was concerned that he would break down if things back here became too much for him to cope with. He hoped that it wouldn't happen; he needed to be strong for his family and hold things together as much as he could.

* * *

><p>The next day, Ennis and the other troops were starting their second bout of RVN training. The difference was that it seemed a lot more real here, since this was the actual location of their mission. There was a small village near the base and they were using this as practice.<p>

Ennis was doing his best not to worry about what might be happening back home, but he knew that by now Becky would have been placed on the maximum dosage of penicillin and he hoped that it did her some good. He hoped that Jack was doing okay, especially with the ranch. He knew that Jack was very good a keeping business for them, but he still worried about his capabilities when under stress. Not for the first time, he wished to be back home with everybody.

Lieutenant Dan was definitely a character. He'd told them a little about himself, and it turned out that in every single American war, a member of his family had served and died. He saw it as a great honour to follow in his ancestors' footsteps, and Ennis couldn't help but wonder if it was his own private mission to die in this war. But nevertheless, they enjoyed listening to his stories, even if he was short with them. He barked at them a lot, like their sergeants, but he was a good leader and had a very dry wit.

It was very hot out here, and before long they were longing to remove their jackets, but they weren't allowed to while out in the jungle; they had to stay camouflaged. They were allowed to remove them while in the base, but that was all. They spent some time playing chess and, to their delight, drinking beer. Ennis wasn't much of a drinker but it was a nice relief, and they could smoke too. Ennis figured that Jack would love this part of it; they'd always loved getting drunk together. After all, that was how their relationship had started. A quick drunken fumble in a tent that had soon blossomed into love.

At the end of the day, they were allowed to write their first letters to their loved ones back home. Ennis and Adam sat a little apart from the others so they could be open about what they said. They could at least address them to Jack and Pete, since they had powers of attorney with them. They were named as next of kin, so there shouldn't be any problems.

They settled down, back to back for support, and started writing their letters. Ennis had memories of when he'd written his Valentine's letter to Jack last year. He had a thought that Jack might be reading his letter once or twice during this time.

He took a deep breath and started writing.

_Dear Jack,_

_Out here in the jungle now. Met the man in charge yesterday, Dan Tyler. He sure is a character, bud. You'd like him. He's harsh but got a good sense of humour. Adam's here with me, too. I sure am glad to have a friend here with me, so I can carry on talking about you without having to lie. _

_We haven't seen any enemies yet, but Dan says there's snipers everywhere. We couldn't even salute him because they'd want to take down someone in charge if they knew he was one. Don't worry, bud. They teach us how to be real careful out here and I know I'll be fine. You've got enough to worry about back home. Let me know how things go with Becky. I know you said Rick was going to put her on the maximum dose, and I sure hope it works. You know I love her like a sister, and I know she means a lot to you. _

_Not much has happened lately, just some more training. It is kind of interesting here, I guess. I sure miss things back home, though. I miss being with the horses and the cattle, and I even miss clearing out the stalls. It's all part of our life, and I miss all of it, because it's all you, bud. _

_I haven't got much else to say, except that I miss you, and I'll always be thinking about you. You take care of yourself, rodeo, and everything we have. Remember that I love you, and that I can't wait to be back with you. Look after Becky, and tell her I'm thinking about her. Tell her good luck from me._

_Love you, bud. See you someday._

_Ennis_

He finished his letter and read it over, checking his spelling as best he could. He knew that Jack wouldn't care, but he was still self-conscious. He felt Adam nudge him.

"You done?"

"Yeah, just about. Hope it makes him feel a little better," Ennis replied, sighing a little and looking over it again.

"Yep." They got up and folded up their letters; they were to be given envelopes later so that they could be delivered. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be for another three or four weeks. By the time Jack had told him what was going on with Becky, something else could have happened. She might even had died by then, although he hoped that wasn't the case. Things would fall apart and he would be desperate to get back home.

That night, they slept in tents in the base. Memories of Jack were filling his head as he lay there. Adam was in there too and while he trusted that nothing would happen, he still longed for Jack to be there to take his mind off things. He dreamt of Jack, as usual, and wondered if he too was dreaming about them. Jack had told him that he'd dreamt of him every night since he'd left, and Ennis was secretly quite pleased by this. Jack really did love him with all his heart, just like he'd always said he did. That was a thought to hold on to.

* * *

><p>That night, Jack was once more settling down into their bed, eager for some sleep and a dream of Ennis. He had the shirts with him in bed again; the nightmares had stopped since he'd started doing that, oddly enough. It was as if his connection with Ennis was protecting him from night terrors.<p>

However, he was still concerned for Becky. He was keeping a close eye on her, like Rick had told them to, and it was too early to say whether or not the bigger dose was having any effect. He sure hoped that it would.

He was very much looking forward to his first letter from Ennis. He wanted to hear what it was like out there; he'd heard that it was a completely different world than what they were used to. He couldn't do anything about Ennis being out there, so as always, they had to make the best of it.

He snuggled down into the bed, holding the shirts close to his chest.

_He awoke to the sight of canvas; their tent. He stretched and noticed that he was alone, but he could smell food cooking outside. He yawned and made his way out of the tent, looking around. There was a pan of bacon and eggs on the fire, but Ennis was nowhere in sight. He shrugged to himself and sat down on the log, serving himself some breakfast._

_He smiled to himself when he felt a pair of warm arms wrap around his neck from behind and a cheek press against his._

"_Good breakfast, rodeo?" came the low voice that he loved so much._

_Jack turned his head and smiled at Ennis. "Sure is. Come an' join me." Ennis kissed his cheek and came around the log, sitting beside him and getting his own breakfast. They fed each other, giggling like kids and when Ennis had a bit of bacon fat running down his chin, Jack leaned in and licked it away, making them both grin._

"_Mmm, real good, cowboy," Jack said as they finished up. Ennis smiled appreciatively._

"_Thanks, darlin'. Let's go wash the dishes, an' then we can get back in the tent, yeah?"_

_Jack grinned. "Sounds good to me." They washed the dishes together, and before long they were kissing. _

_They stripped off in record time and staggered into the river, kissing heavily. Jack pulled back to breathe._

"_Damn, cowboy. What's got into you?" he asked, his eyes dark with lust. _

_Ennis ran a hand through his hair. "Hopefully, you." Jack grinned again._

"_Really? Think I can manage that." He buried his face in Ennis's neck and felt Ennis press himself closer. He hitched Ennis's legs up and felt Ennis cling to him as he wrapped his legs around him. Jack slid into him with ease, making him gasp slightly._

"_Oh God, Jack...love it when ya do this..."_

_Jack kissed his neck. "I know." Using the water, Jack managed to thrust slowly up into him, making Ennis burrow closer to him and start whispering into his ear._

"_God, Jack...I love you..."_

_Jack grabbed at his back. "I love you too...come on, baby...let it go..." He thrust quicker into his lover and felt the finish coming swiftly._

_Ennis groaned. "Fuck, Jack...oh, God..." He suddenly trembled all over and shot between them, into the water where it flowed away. Jack shook all over too and let loose into him. They held onto each other tightly and when it was over, Jack felt Ennis trembling again with having been suspended in air for so long, and he felt his legs slide down from his waist. He took hold of Ennis's hips and helped him down to his feet._

"_You okay?" he asked softly. Ennis drew back and smiled dizzily at him._

"_Never better, darlin'. Wanna go lie down?"_

_Jack had to laugh. "Sure thing, cowboy. Tent or riverbank?"_

"_Tent. Warmer in there." They gathered their clothes and dried themselves off before walking back to the tent, naked. They lay down in each other's arms and Jack stroked Ennis's hair. _

"_Love bein' here with you, Ennis. Our place."_

"_Yeah, bud. Always feels good to be here, like nothin' can go wrong. Sure wish it could be like that all the time."_

_Jack kissed his hair. "I know, cowboy. I sure wish things was okay at home, with Becky an' everythin'. Worries me somethin' awful."_

"_I hope you can cope alright with everythin', darlin'. Wish I could be there with ya, an' help you out. I wanna be there to take care of ya, always. I know you ain't weak or nothin', but I like bein' there for ya. I know that when it gets too much for ya, you're gonna need someone. I know yer mama loves you, but..."_

"_It's alright, Ennis. Yeah, she loves me, but you can do things that nobody else can. You can hold me tightly an' whisper in my ear that everythin's gonna be alright. You can rub my back an' tell me you love me. Yer always there when I close my eyes an' you know how to make me feel better. Yer like no-one else, Ennis. I love you so much."_

_Ennis turned in his arms and kissed him, slowly pushing him down onto his back. He lay on top of him and kissed him deeply._

"_I love you too, Jack. I love bein' able to help ya and take care of ya. Sure wish I could do it fer real."_

_Jack smiled up at him, his blue eyes full of love. "I know. But...this means a lot to me, too. This does help, you know. I wake up feelin' a little better about everythin'."_

_They continued to look at each other, love travelling between their eyes. They kissed and were soon making love again, burying their faces in each other's necks and letting the world fall away until it was just the two of them, together where they belonged. As long as they had each other, everything would be okay._

* * *

><p><em>May 27th, 1966<em>

It had been a week since Rick had given Becky the maximum dosage of penicillin, and a few days ago he'd taken another blood test to see how her body was responding. The day before, he'd called them to say that he had the results. Becky was very apprehensive and Jack could tell that she was very nervous about what Rick might have to say. Jack was too, but he tried not to let it show too much, for her sake.

He wondered how Ennis was, and what he was doing. He hoped that his letter would arrive soon, so he could tell him what was going on. He knew that Ennis was concerned for Becky too and that he would want to hear how she was.

Jack drove them to the hospital; Becky sat in the back with Rose, who put an arm around her protectively. Becky stayed close to her, laying her head on her shoulder. Jack looked at them now and then in the rear-view mirror, and he smiled at them. He sure was glad that Becky had Rose to comfort her.

They arrived at the hospital and waited in the comfy chairs near the reception desk. Jack's mind was on Ennis and what he might be doing right now. He wondered what they were doing out there today.

After around ten minutes, they were called in. Jack grew alarmed when he saw Rick's grim face, and he was filled with trepidation. They sat at the desk opposite him and both Jack and Rose put an arm around Becky.

"So, what's the verdict, Rick?" asked Jack. "You said you had the results?"

Rick nodded, and Jack still didn't like the look in his eyes. His heart started to beat a little faster.

"Yeah. I had that test analysed, an' the response is clear." Jack crossed his fingers.

"What is it?"

Rick took a deep breath. "Becky, I have bad news, I'm afraid." Jack felt his heart sink.

She looked back at him, trying to remain calm. "Yeah?"

"Becky...I'm afraid the penicillin hasn't worked. Not even the stronger dose. I'm afraid the syphilis is too advanced. You've had it too long an' it's gone too long without treatment. It's spread too far an' in time, your white blood cells won't be able to cope. It'll become too much for them an' eventually...they'll just shut down."

Becky had her hands over her mouth as he talked, and Jack felt sick. What the hell were they supposed to do now?

"Oh my God," Rose whispered, also looking ill. "Rick...are you sure?"

He nodded, looking very sorrowful. "I'm so sorry, Becky. There's nothin' I can do."

"So, what? Yer just gonna let her die?" asked Jack, looking thunderstruck. "There's gotta be somethin' you can do!"

"I'm so sorry, Jack. There's nothin'. It's way too advanced. An' it'll get worse as time goes on, I'm afraid. Your condition will deteriorate an'...eventually...you'll be...bedridden."

Becky let out a sob from behind her hands, and Jack saw tears gathering in her eyes. He leaned over and hugged her tightly to him.

"Shh...it's okay...it's okay..." He rubbed her back and she clinged to him as if her life depended on it.

"Is there anythin' we can do, Rick?" asked Rose, looking at them.

He sighed. "Not really. Just keep her comfortable. Becky, you have to keep yourself healthy as much as possible, okay? It won't keep you alive for long, but...it can only help. It might make you feel better."

She nodded, still holding on to Jack. "How long have I got, even with all that?"

Rick sighed. "At the rate it's already spread, considerin' how long you've had it...I'm afraid not long. I hate to tell you this, but...I don't see you livin' until Christmas. I'm really sorry, Becky."

She finally broke away from Jack, wiping her eyes. He looked at her sympathetically, stroking her hair. She sniffed several times and took several breaths. "Alright. It ain't yer fault, Rick. I just...I shoulda seen this comin' an' we all knew it could happen."

"Nothin' coulda prepared you for this," Rick said quietly. "I know that. It really pains me to be the one to tell you all this. I wish it didn't have to be me, bein' your friend, but..."

Becky nodded. "It's okay, Rick. It ain't all bad...I got my will sorted, an' I got things in place for Lily, she'll be okay. Just...with Ennis bein' away...we coulda done without this."

"I know. Don't worry, Becky. You've got a good family around you, people who love you. They can guarantee that...your last few months will be happy ones. They can make sure that when you...die...it won't be as hard as it could be."

Jack was rubbing Becky's shoulders. "We'll look after Becky," he said, smiling slightly at her. She tried to smile back, and he took her hand.

Rick nodded. "Well...that's all I can do for you. I sure am sorry, Becky. You need anythin', you call me, okay?"

Becky nodded back and sniffed. "Sure. Thanks, Rick." They left the office and the hospital and got back into the truck. Jack leaned on the steering wheel and they sat there, digesting what had just happened.

Jack heard Becky sniffing and he looked back in time to see her collapse into Rose's arms in tears. He screwed his eyes shut and prayed that Ennis could hear his heart calling out to him, calling him back for help. Becky was going to die, and Ennis was far away where he couldn't do anything. It would hurt Jack to write this down and send it to him.

They went home and all three of them sat on the sofa, holding each other and not letting go. Rose's heart ached for her two children and all she could do was hold them and let them know that everything was going to be alright, even if it wouldn't be. It was her job as a mother, and she was going to do her best to hold them together.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

They sat there for a long time, thinking about what they had just heard and what was going to happen now. Rose was sat in the middle with her two children on either side of her, holding onto her tightly. Jack was aware of the space beside him where Ennis should be, but there was nothing he could do about that. Ennis was still here, in some way.

Eventually, Becky broke away. "We gotta get Lily from Bill an' Mary," she said, sniffing and wiping her eyes. "I want my baby girl here with me."

Rose nodded and kissed her hair. "Alright. Jack, could you-?"

He nodded back at her. "I'll go get her. I'll see ya in a bit, girls." Rose rubbed Becky's back and he gathered himself, wiping his own eyes and heading out.

Jack got back into his truck and took several breaths before starting it up, backing out and heading for their neighbours' house. His head was filled with thoughts and he still hadn't quite registered the fact that his cousin and second best friend wouldn't live to see Christmas.

He recalled his and Becky's argument when she was first diagnosed. How she had shot him down about pressing charges, citing the fact that no matter what happened to Lily's father, she could still die and wouldn't live to see her daughter grow up, see any of the things that a mother should see. Every word came back to haunt him, now that she was definitely going to die, and he swore to himself that however long she had left, he would make sure that she died happy, knowing that she was loved by many people.

He arrived at Bill and Mary's house and got out, his heart and body feeling heavy. He knocked on the door and rubbed his forehead. Mary answered the door, carrying Lily, and she smiled when she saw him.

"Hey, Jack." Lily outstretched her arms and he took her, grinning in spite of himself.

"Hey, little lady. C'mere." He held her and tickled her under her chin. Mary smiled.

"I think she's glad to see you. I'm guessin' yer ready to take her, then?"

"Yeah, we just got back. Listen, um...we got the results from Rick."

Her eyes widened. "Oh...how'd it go?"

Jack sighed, kissing the top of Lily's head as she buried it in his shoulder. "Rick had the results from the blood test, an'...he says...the syphilis is too advanced. She's had it for too long an' it's spread too far. There ain't nothin' he can do." He felt tears prick his eyes again and he thumbed them away.

Mary had a crestfallen look on her face, and she laid a hand on his shoulder. "Oh, Jack...I'm so sorry. How is she?"

"We just got back an' collapsed on the sofa. We ain't said much about it yet, but...she's been cryin'. They both have. I dunno what to do now, but I sure wish Ennis was here to help us. I need him an' he's too far away to do anythin'. Christ...he won't know for ages yet. His letter's gonna take about a month to get here, an' mine'll take about that long."

She nodded. "Well, at least he don't have a real big cause to worry yet. He can concentrate on bein' out there for now, an' that's important too."

Jack was stroking Lily's strawberry-blonde hair, so like her mother's. "I know. I ain't lookin' forward to tellin' him, though."

"I know, but...you'll find a way. Is there anythin' we can do?"

"Well, uh...I was thinkin' we could have everybody over in a few days, let 'em know what's goin' on. I'm gonna call everybody when I get back. God knows Becky could do with some support right now an' you know we love all you guys."

Mary nodded. "Sure. We'll be there. Just give me a minute an' I'll get her bag." Jack nodded back and he was left on the porch with Lily. He bounced her up and down a little bit and she closed her hand around his finger. He saw a lot of Becky in her, and she would grow up to be a living reminder of her mother while still being her own person. Mary came out with Lily's bag and he took it, slinging it over his shoulder and kissing Mary's cheek. He got Lily strapped into her baby car seat and drove back home, listening to her babbling and being unable to prevent himself from grinning.

He got her back home and took her in. His mother was in her chair, knitting. "Hey, sweetie."

"Hey, mama." He put Lily down on the floor near her toys, and she went straight for them. "Where's Becky?"

"She's restin'. Needs her sleep. How's Mary an' Bill?"

"Mary answered, I dunno where Bill was. She asked about today, an' I told her." He flopped onto the sofa, kicking off his boots. "She sends her condolences for her an' hopes she gets better. I, uh...I was thinkin' we could have everybody over in a coupla days, you know? Let 'em all know. I know they'd all wanna talk to her. That alright?"

Rose nodded, smiling. "That sounds good, Jack. I'm sure she'd like that." She was silent for a moment. "Would do her some good to see all our friends. They all love her an' it's good for her to have a lot of support around her."

"Yeah. I'm gonna call K.E., Cecilia an' Pete too. They'd all wanna know too. I'll call them later."

"Alright, sweetie. It's a good idea." She carried on with her knitting, but after a few minutes she heard him sniff, and looked up to see him blinking back tears.

"Oh, Jack..." She got up and sat beside him, letting him burrow into her arms like he had when he was a child. He may be a grown man now, but he would always need her, just like Becky. What he needed most of all was Ennis, but she would have to do her best to comfort him until Ennis returned.

* * *

><p><em>June 3rd, 1966<em>

Ennis was taking a break from RVN, sitting on the ground and taking a drink of water. Adam was a few feet away, talking to another soldier.

He was thinking about Jack and what might be going on back home. He was still very worried about Becky. He knew that his letter wouldn't arrive for another week yet, and he thought that by the time it got there, there might be more news. But when Jack sent one back, by the time he got it things might have changed again. He knew that as long as he was out here, he would dread the next letter from Jack and what it might contain. He would always be expecting Jack to tell him that she had died and that their lives were falling apart.

Adam finished his conversation and came to sit beside him, groaning a little as he sat down. "How you doin', Ennis?"

Ennis nodded back at him. "Alright. Keep thinkin' about Becky an' how she's doin'. They should have got the results back by now, since Rick put her on the strongest dose an' all. Should know by now if it's worked. I just wish I could call so I'd know sooner. Drivin' me mad with all this waitin'."

"I know. Wish I could call Pete so I can be sure he's alright," Adam replied, taking a sip of his own water. "Course, the best thing would be if we could go home altogether, then we wouldn't have to deal with none of this." Ennis nodded his agreement.

"Sure would. I just wanna get back to Jack an' help him. God knows he's gonna need someone an'...his mama does a real good job, but..." He sighed. "I don't wanna sound arrogant or nothin', but...he told me that no-one looks after him better than me. He keeps tellin' me that, an' I hope he was tellin' the truth."

Adam nudged his shoulder. "I reckon he was. He don't never lie 'bout stuff like that, does he?"

Ennis shook his head. "No, but...I'd like to believe it. Makes me feel like I'm doin' somethin' right with him." Adam smiled in amusement.

"I think you are, Ennis. We saw you guys together, more than once. We both think you guys are real good together. We know you do right by Jack an' make him happy. Don't put yerself down, Ennis. I'm sure Jack don't think of ya as anythin' less than perfect." He smirked at him.

Ennis smiled. "Maybe. I keep tryin' to show him how strong I feel on him, an'...I think it's workin'. "

"I'm sure it is." Their lieutenant barked at them that there were only five minutes left of their break and they sighed in unison.

"Hate this. We don't get long to take a break. It don't never stop here, does it?" asked Adam.

"Sure don't. I hope this goes quick so we can get back home. But...I was told we could be out here for years. Hope it don't come to that. I wanna get back home more than anythin'."

"I know, Ennis. An' you will, one day. We both will. We'll get back home an' you'll be able to sort out this mess."

"I hope Becky's gonna be alright. I know Jack's goin' crazy over there tryin' to keep things goin'." He bit at a hangnail.

Adam chuckled. "I bet he is. You wanna be careful that he don't overdo it. You don't want him gettin' ill too. That's the last thing you guys need."

"I know. I got faith in him an' I'm sure he'll be alright. An' he's got his mama to keep him sane. If he starts freakin' out about anythin', she'll be there to slap him upside the head an' calm him down." He smiled in affection at the memories. Rose always knew how to handle Jack when he started panicking, and Ennis had learned from observing her with him. He was very glad that Jack had his mother there to help him. Ennis knew that she had been good to Jack while he'd been growing up, one of the only bright spots in his life, and even though he was now a grown man, he still needed her. Ennis felt a little better knowing that she was there, and he was a little more optimistic about Jack's capability to cope with whatever was going on.

Adam looked at him. "He's real close to his mama an' Becky, ain't he?"

Ennis nodded, thinking about them. "Yeah. He never liked his father, so...I guess they were the only ones he loved growin' up."

"Until you came along," Adam reminded him with a smile and another nudge of the shoulder.

"Well...I guess." He looked up at the sky. "I ain't never gonna know what made him attracted to me. He's told me a million times why he is, but...I can never see it."

"Ennis, we've been over this. He is attracted to you, he loves you. That's all there is to it," Adam said simply.

He nodded. "I know, but...aw hell, I dunno. I ain't never thought of myself that way. God knows why he thinks of me that way, but...I guess I just gotta accept it." He smiled to himself. "Yer right, he does love me...that's all that matters, I guess."

Adam nodded. "Yep. Like with me an' Pete. I never had no confidence either, could never see why he liked me, but...I just learned to accept it. That's all you can do."

"Yeah, I guess. Anyway...we better get movin'," Ennis said with a sigh.

"Yeah." They were soon being barked at to return to training, and they stood up. Adam clapped Ennis on the shoulder. "Let's get goin'."

They went back to training, and Ennis tried to keep his mind off things back home. He just had to have faith in the idea that Jack would be okay, and that Becky would be okay. It was the only thing he could do to stay sane.

* * *

><p>That morning, Becky wandered downstairs in her nightgown and dressing gown, seeking breakfast. It was still quite early and Jack wasn't awake yet, so she'd tried to be quiet as she crept downstairs.<p>

She'd been doing a lot of thinking lately, ever since Rick had given her the horrible news about the lack of effect the penicillin was having. She knew that Rick was doing everything he could to try and find something that could help her. He'd mentioned having a friend who worked at a hospital in New York, and he had asked him to try and find something that might work. His friend was doing everything he could to do as he requested, but he wasn't optimistic. The only cure that they knew of at the moment was penicillin, and since that wasn't working the outcome was bleak.

She watched Jack every now and then, to try and see how he might be coping with everything. She could see that he was trying not to let things get to him, and for the most part it seemed to be working.

Lily was growing in leaps and bounds, and despite what was going on, Becky loved to watch her. She was definitely starting to resemble her, as Jack had always said.

Physically, she was feeling so-so. She alternated between feeling weak and normal, and when she woke up there was no way to predict how she might feel each day. Mostly, she was feeling okay, but there had been some bad moments. Just yesterday, she had been unable to leave the second floor. She'd barely left her bed, only a couple of times to throw up and then stagger back in again.

She went into the kitchen to find her mother, sipping coffee. "Hey," she said in surprise. Rose smiled at her.

"Hey, sweetie. You want some coffee?"

Becky shook her head and went to the fridge. "No, I want some juice, I think." She served herself some and sat down opposite her.

"You okay? How you feelin' this mornin'?" she asked, looking over her face for signs of how she was feeling.

"I guess I'm okay today. I know yesterday was real bad though. Could hardly move except to throw up." She sipped her juice.

"I know, honey," Rose said softly, covering Becky's hand with her own. "But it'll be okay. I'm sure that Rick's friend will find somethin' that can help you."

Becky tried to smile. "Maybe. But...we gotta be realistic, mama. It might not work, you know that. If penicillin don't work...what could?"

Rose sighed. "I know. But..." She squeezed her hand. "Sweetie, I had to give you up when you was just a baby. I had to watch you be raised by someone else, an' you know I love Maria like a sister, but...it tore my heart apart. Watchin' you an' Jack spend time together an' not knowin' how you was really related. I wanted nothin' more than to tell you the truth, but you know why I didn't."

Becky nodded. "I know. I don't blame you for any of it, mama. I know why you had to let me go."

"What I'm sayin' is...I had to watch you grow up an' not know who I really was to you. I've missed you all these years, wanted to spend time with you. It was one of the reasons I wanted to live here. I wanted to be with Jack an' Ennis, but...I hoped we could reconnect, you know? An' we've done that, right?" Becky nodded. "So...considerin' how long I've had to live with not havin' my baby girl with me, I can't just give up hope, you know? I have to remain optimistic about things. I don't wanna lose you again, Becky." She brought a hand to her daughter's cheek as she said this. "Once was bad enough. But I always had hope that I'd see you again one day. If you die...I won't have that."

"Mama..." Becky was lost for words. "I dunno what to say. I didn't know you was thinkin' all that."

Rose smiled sadly. "I'm a mama. It's my job to worry about my kids an' do my best to make sure they're alright. You know how that feels, right?"

Becky nodded. "I guess. I'm always tryin' to make sure that Lily's okay. An' yer right. We gotta try an' have faith that whatever Rick's friend can find will work. It's all we got left."

"Yeah, honey. We gotta pull together." They heard Jack moving around upstairs and Rose patted her hand. "I'll get some breakfast together, you wanna go get dressed?" Becky nodded and kissed her cheek before going back upstairs, leaving Rose to think for a moment before starting breakfast.

Becky passed Jack on the way to her room. "Hey," she greeted him. He clapped her shoulder.

"Mornin'. You okay?"

"I'm fine. Yer mama's makin' breakfast an' she's got coffee goin'."

"Alright. You up to joinin' us today?"

She nodded and smiled. "I reckon so. I'm just gonna get dressed." He kissed her cheek and made his way downstairs. Becky got dressed and then went into the nursery to rouse her own daughter. She got Lily dressed and they went downstairs to the smell of bacon. Despite what was going on in her body and what the outcome might be, she knew that she could always count on her family to keep things as normal as possible. She was very grateful for them being in her life. It even made her grateful to Lily's father, on a level, for she wouldn't be here if she hadn't gotten pregnant. She would still be in Texas, left to deal with her illness on her own.

She sent up a prayer of thanks that it hadn't happened that way, for there was nowhere else on earth that she would rather be, and no other place that she would rather spend her last days. She was home and if she should die here, she would die happy. That made things a little better, and it set her mind at ease.

* * *

><p>That afternoon, their friends came by the house to give Becky their condolences and support. They all knew that she was ill, but they had only just learned how bad it was. At Jack's request, Bill and Mary had spread the word to all of their friends. Jack had already called Cecilia and K.E. to let them know what was going on and that, unfortunately, he was yet to tell Ennis. They both gave messages of support and he promised to call as soon as he heard from their brother. He also called Pete in Ohio to exchange news of their other halves and their lives.<p>

Becky seemed to be faring okay today, as far as he could tell. She didn't appear too sick and she was even able to go out to the stables and spend time with the horses. Jack knew that they gave her comfort and he was glad for it. He didn't spend too much time out there, for they reminded him of Ennis too much and sometimes the memories served as painful reminders that he wasn't around. That would get Jack missing him even more.

He'd had a dream of Ennis pretty much every night for the last week, and not all of them had been good ones. He still had nightmares and they did nothing to make him feel better. To his dismay, Ennis's scent had dissipated from his sheets and pillow, so he'd finally allowed his mother to wash them. He'd looked through Ennis's clothes for anything that still carried his scent, but found nothing. He'd thus started to sleep while holding the shirts to his chest more and more to try and give himself some comfort.

He was thinking about this while trudging up the back steps towards the kitchen from the barn, and he heard voices. He went inside to find their friends and their hands already arrived as planned.

"Hey," he greeted them all, taking off his hat and smiling. They all called their own greetings to him and he joined them at the table, where his mother had her arm around Becky, who was holding Lily.

"So, I guess you all heard, huh?" he asked, looking around at them all. They all nodded.

"Yeah, Mary called us," Kate replied, looking at him and Becky sadly. "We're so sorry, Becky."

Becky smiled back at her; they'd become good friends in the time they'd known each other, being similar in age. "It's alright, Kate. Ain't nobody's fault."

"Except that guy's," Jack mumbled in a low voice.

"Leave it, Jack," Becky said quietly to him. "What's done is done."

Jack sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I know. But...still riles me up that he gets off without no charges."

"I told you, it won't do nothin'. I don't wanna fight about it, Jack."

He could tell that she was getting distressed, so he let it go. In respect of her feelings, he changed the subject. "So, um...Ennis wants all you guys to know he's thinkin' on us all, an' I'm sure he'd be grateful that yer all here supportin' us," he said to the room at large.

Rick smiled. "I'm sure he would, Jack. An' if there's anythin' that can stop him from worryin' too much, that's a good thing, right?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah. He needs to concentrate on what he's doin' right now. Won't do him no good to worry himself into gettin' himself ill. Then I'll start worryin' an' it'll all fall apart."

"That really is the last thing we need," Becky remarked with a smile, bouncing Lily on her leg. "We'll just go in circles an' we'll all get sick. Sure don't need that."

"Anyway..." Jack started, looking around again. "Any news from town at all?"

"Well, your meat's real popular," replied James, the sheriff. "See it everywhere I go. Your milk too. You guys are doin' real well."

Jack smiled. "I just crunch the numbers, Ennis is the one who keeps it runnin' every day, usually. Without our hands I dunno where I'd be. Probably woulda gone bust knowin' me."

"Don't say that, Jack," said Rose. "You've done a real good job an' we all got faith in you."

"Well...I gotta say, Ennis taught these guys real well." He smiled at their hands. "Except fer that Pete, you're all real good guys. You know how me an' Ennis appreciate everythin' you've done for us. An' not just the work either."

"S'alright, boss," replied Dave. "When you told us how it was with you guys, we didn't care much 'cos you was gonna pay us. But...after gettin' to know you, we don't care no more 'cos...we don't see what's so wrong about it." The hands all nodded their agreement. "Yer just two guys who happened to fall in love, an' yer just tryin' to make a livin' like the rest of us."

Jack smiled more fully at them. "Thanks, Dave. Means a real lot." He sighed. "Sure wish more people could think like that. I got no idea what people are like out there. Ennis said he ain't never heard no remarks or nothin', but...I'm scared he'll get found out. They'll tear him apart if they find out. He'll be humiliated, made fun of. I dunno how he'd respond to that, you know?"

Rose patted his arm. "Don't worry, Jack. I'm sure he'll be fine. He ain't stupid an' I'm sure he won't get found out."

He tried to smile at her. "I hope so, mama. I just...I don't want him to go through that."

"If he does, you'll just have to be there to help him back to his feet, alright?"

Jack nodded. "I know, mama. I will be." He looked down at his hands and made himself a promise there and then. Whatever state Ennis returned to him in, he would do everything humanly possible to help him through it. He made himself that promise while running a finger over his wedding ring, his vows to his husband fresh in his mind.

* * *

><p>The next day, active service finally began. They were moving further away from camp now, where they knew any kind of danger could await them. They were out in the sweltering heat all day with no letup and by noon it was starting to get to them.<p>

Their lieutenant had them trawling through thick grass and jungles, constantly on full alert for any sign of enemy. Ennis's heart was in his throat all the way through and Jack was never far from his mind. If he was going to die out here he wanted his last thoughts to be of his other half, then it might not be so painful. But then what about Jack? He would truly be left alone to deal with what was going on back home.

But he had to concentrate on what he was doing right now. He had to do his best to make sure that Jack was not left alone to deal with anything.

Adam was here with him amongst the others, also keeping his eyes peeled. Ennis wondered if he was thinking about Pete as much as he was thinking about Jack. Most likely, given how close they seemed to be. He was extremely grateful to have somebody here who understood how he was feeling, who wouldn't judge him for it. The two of them had gotten along quite well before, but this experience had strengthened their family bond. With Adam being his brother-in-law's cousin, Ennis felt a little closer to Tom's side of the family and he liked it. He loved having a family around him once more.

They made their way down a deserted trench, slowly just in case. Every now and then they were barked at to get down and shut up, but Ennis could still hear a few of the others whispering to each other. After their lieutenant had checked the area ahead, he would return and they would continue. It was harrowing to be walking along like this and know that at any moment they could be attacked, and Ennis had a feeling he wasn't the only one who was feeling jumpy.

In the afternoon, the heavens opened and poured down on them all, making them groan and mumble about the weather out here, which made the lieutenant yell at them again to stop complaining. Ennis longed for a letter from Jack, to distract him from all of this, even for a few minutes. Anything would be better than this hellhole.

During a much needed break, Adam came up to Ennis. "You got a minute?"

"Sure, what's up?"

Adam nodded in the direction of the others. "See that guy over there?" Ennis looked; it was the young soldier from the barracks whom he'd had a suspicion was gay. At first he'd thought he was wrong, but after a while he'd become surer of these thoughts.

"Yeah, what about him?"

"He keeps lookin' at ya. In a way I don't think our lieutenant would like if he knew." Adam looked at him meaningfully.

Ennis raised his eyebrows, remembering the young man. "I remember him from the barracks. Had a few thoughts that he might be like us. He really been starin' at me?"

"Yep. You want me to warn him off?" Adam offered with a slight grin.

Ennis shook his head. "Nah. He ain't done nothin' yet. If he tries anythin' I'll let him know I ain't interested. I'll just make him think I ain't like that."

Adam nodded. "Good idea. Don't wanna go outin' yerself." He kicked his foot around. "I know you'd never cheat on Jack, Ennis. Not even fer a few minutes to take yer mind off things. Just thought I'd let ya know."

"Thanks. An' you know I would never cheat on him. Ain't in me to do that. Gotta feel kinda sorry fer the kid, though. Hankerin' after someone he's servin' with in a place like this. If it had been someone else he was after he woulda been pounded by now, but I'll let him be. At least until he tries anythin'. He ain't done no harm."

"Right. Anyway..." Adam sat down beside him and started drinking from his water bottle. "Been meanin' to ask ya somethin'."

"Yeah?"

"When you an' Jack got hitched, how did ya decide what to say in yer vows? I been rackin' my brains an' I just can't think how to start." He looked at Ennis helplessly.

Ennis rubbed the back of his head, wishing it was Jack's hand running through his hair. "Uh...well, it wasn't all that easy fer me. I ain't the best person fer talkin' 'bout stuff. I just..." He looked out around them. "Just talked 'bout how I feel about him. 'Bout how lonely it was growin' up with not a lot of love, an' just how damn happy I am that I got him. He makes me real happy," he finished quietly.

"Hmm...I guess I could do that. I don't think any of us had the best upbringin', did we? An' yer right, we oughta be damn grateful for what we got now. Just hope we don't lose it," Adam replied, also looking around them.

"Just gotta pray we don't," said Ennis in a quiet voice. The lieutenant yelled at them to get a move on, and they both stood up, following the others and marching on. Ennis had a deep fear in his heart that something was about to go wrong, but he didn't know what. Of course, there were plenty of possibilities, but none that he would like to see. He looked up into the clear blue sky, so reminiscent of Jack's eyes, and he sent out a thought to his lover, hoping that he would hear it and know he was thinking of him.

"Please God...let us all stay safe," he whispered. "Let me return to him. Let Becky live." He lowered his head and started walking, now unsure and scared of what awaited him at the end of this journey.


	13. Chapter 13

_Author's notes_

_This chapter carries a warning for a character death. Proceed with caution._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

_June 7th, 1966_

It was late, and Jack lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Today was the three-year anniversary of his and Ennis's first night together, and despite what was going on in their lives right now, he was determined to bring up some happy memories of that golden summer on the mountain.

Becky was still sick, and her health varied from day to day. Yesterday had been another bad day, with her spending most of it in bed and throwing up from time to time. Jack and Rose had looked in on her a few times and spent time with her. Jack was glad to see that her spirit hadn't quite broken yet, that she was still his sassy cousin with that wild streak he loved about her. He wondered if she had passed it onto Lily, if she would grow up to be like her.

He shook his head, trying to clear those thoughts away for now. They wouldn't help him sleep and he needed to keep his strength up, like everybody else.

To help bring up some memories, he turned over onto his front and closed his eyes, trying to remember exactly how that night had gone. He tried to imagine Ennis's hands on his hips, yanking his jeans down. He shuddered with pleasure at the memory. He rose himself onto his knees and tried to imagine Ennis behind him, getting ready to fuck him.

He took a deep breath and focused on the memory. If he concentrated hard enough, he could almost feel Ennis's body heat over him, and he grew even harder. He breathed into the pillow and tried to lose himself in the memory. He remembered Ennis's body leaning over his, rough yet warm.

He moaned into the pillow and remembered Ennis pushing himself into him. He had been very rough, considering it had been his first time, but Jack had loved it nonetheless. And he no longer had any issues with Ennis flipping him over on occasion; he knew that Ennis loved him and would never hurt him. Ennis was so good to him and knew how to take care of him.

With the memory of Ennis deep inside him and thrusting into him, he began to involuntarily buck into the mattress, unable to stop himself. He shut his eyes and remembered the dark tent, the cold seeping in from outside but the warmth of Ennis's body making it fade away. He started gasping and shaking slightly. He remembered how Ennis had grabbed a bunch of his shirt with one hand and held himself up with the other. He remembered how he had grabbed Ennis's hand with his own and kept them clasped together.

He could recall Ennis thrusting into him quickly and roughly, making him bury his face into the bedroll with ecstasy. He now buried his face into the pillow and groaned, hoping not to wake anyone. He continued to buck into the mattress and could feel his finish approaching, remembering everything he could about Ennis, all of his senses heightened in tune with Ennis; how he felt, smelt, sounded, looked and even tasted, but he hadn't known about that until the next night. Still, what he did remember from the first night was pretty good, and it made for good dream material.

He thrust faster and faster into the mattress, gasping for breath and lost in his memories of Ennis. He could almost feel his lover inside him, being part of him. It was a feeling like no other and Jack wanted to feel it all the time; something for him to hold on to. He never wanted to lose the feeling of having Ennis inside him.

Without warning, he suddenly spilled onto the sheets, groaning loudly and his face pushing into the pillow to try and muffle his moans. He could almost feel Ennis filling him up from behind him and holding tightly onto him. He collapsed onto the bed, still gasping and pouring with sweat. His whole body trembled in the wake and he had stars in front of his eyes.

"Fuck," he whispered to himself. "Ennis..." He felt a sense of elation; he'd never gotten off like this to just memories of Ennis, they had always been dreams. He'd been awake the whole time and he'd managed to have an orgasm to pure memories.

He turned onto his back and stretched out, smiling to himself. His chest was covered in sweat but he didn't care; in fact, he longed for Ennis to be there to lick it off the way he did. Jack loved it when he did that.

He sighed as he thought about all the things Ennis sometimes did to him that he loved. It still amazed him how Ennis knew exactly what to do with his body to drive him wild. In his opinion, Ennis was an amazing lover and Jack loved him even more for it.

He looked over at Ennis's side of the bed, wishing that his scent could still be there and the sheets hadn't been changed. He ran his hand over the clean, unused side, thinking about Ennis. He wondered what he might be doing right now. He knew that active service would have started by now and he hoped that Ennis was coping okay in such dangerous conditions. He'd heard horror stories of bombs and guns and snipers hiding in the jungle. He tried not to think too much about all the dangers, and just focus on his belief that Ennis had been trained well and knew what he was doing. He had to believe that Ennis would be okay.

He curled up on his side, facing the empty space next to him. He ran his hand along it again, thinking of Ennis. He closed his eyes and tried to relax into sleep, losing himself to dreams and more memories of Ennis. Even if they were only a temporary relief, he still welcomed them, for any reminder of Ennis was a good one.

* * *

><p>Three days later, Ennis's letter finally arrived in the mail. Jack's heart leapt when he saw it at the post office, and he was eager to read it, so he sat in his truck and read it there, wanting to know what his cowboy had to say.<p>

He read over the letter, at what Ennis was telling him about what it was like out there. He was happy that Ennis was doing alright, despite how dangerous it was out there. His heart swelled when he read Ennis's words of love for him and he couldn't help but smile.

But when he read the part where Ennis asked him how Becky was doing on the maximum dosage, he felt a pang of heartache. It would kill him to tell Ennis the latest on the situation. But he had to; Ennis would want to know and he had a right to.

He drove home to find Becky asleep on the sofa, on her back with Lily curled up against her. He smiled to himself and went silently into the kitchen, where his mother was making lunch.

"Hey, mama."

She turned and smiled at him. "Hey, sweetie. You sure look happy."

He grinned. "Got a letter from Ennis," he said, holding it up.

Her face lit up. "Oh, that's great. You mind if I read it?"

"Sure." He held it out and kissed her cheek as she took it. He got himself a drink from the fridge and joined her at the table. He watched her smile as she read it, and when she finished, he could see her eyes sparkling.

"Sounds like he's doin' okay, don't it?"

Jack nodded. "Sure does. I've been real worried 'bout him, but...he knows how to take care of himself."

"He sure does, honey." She sighed. "But...you still gotta tell him about Becky. He don't know what's goin' on with her. You have to tell him, Jack."

"I know, an' I will. I was gonna go write back right now. You need me for anythin'?"

She shook her head. "No, honey. You go on. We're havin' a salad for lunch, so there ain't no rush. You go on an' write back. Becky still asleep?"

"Yeah, she's out like a light. Lily too. How long have they been like that?"

"About an hour. Becky said she wanted to sleep but was up to bein' down here, so I suggested she sleep on the sofa. Lily came up to her an' just curled up right next to her, so I let 'em be."

"Right. Well, at least she ain't doin' too bad yet. Only had a coupla bad days, ain't she?"

"Yeah...guess it comes an' goes, at least for now. Anyway..." Rose got up and handed the letter back to Jack. "I'm gonna get the salad wrapped up an' do some laundry. Let me know when you're hungry, okay?"

Jack got up. "Alright, mama. See ya in a bit." He kissed her cheek again and went out to the office. He got himself settled in the chair and began to write.

_Dear Ennis,_

_Just got your letter. Real good to hear from you, cowboy. I'm real glad that you're doing okay out there, because I've been worrying about how you're coping with how hard it must be out there. I needed that reassurance from you, so I have to thank you for that._

_Ennis, I've got some bad news about Becky. She was put on the maximum dose, like I said, but a couple of days later we went back to see Rick, and he took another blood test. A few days later, he called us back, said he had the results. He said that the penicillin had no effect, despite how strong it is. He's got a friend in New York who's looking for something else, but it's not looking good. _

_He said that there's nothing else he can do, and it's likely she won't live to see Christmas. I don't know what to do, Ennis, and I really wish you were here. We've been trying to cope with it as best we can, and all our friends have been around to show their support. We've got some really good people on our side, cowboy. Having my mama here sure has made it a little easier, and Lily makes a good distraction. She's growing really fast, and it's great to see her developing into her own person. She's looking more and more like Becky all the time. I swear, if you looked away for even a second you'd be bound to miss something._

_Anyway, we're just taking one day at a time. She's having good days and bad days. There's been a couple of days where she couldn't even leave her bed, except to throw up. It's really bad, and I don't want to admit it, but I think she's going to die. You know how much I love her and I don't want to lose her, especially since she hasn't been living with us that long. We're making the most of the time we have, and I hope that you can come home before it happens. I'm going to need you when it does._

_But I don't want you to go telling them that you're gay, you hear me? We both know what they'll do if they find out, and I don't want you going through that. I love you too much to let you do that._

_I don't want you to go worrying, Ennis. We'll be alright. And if you get hurt out there, so bad that they send you back, don't worry. I'll look after you until you get better, because we need to lean on each other. All of us will pull through this, Ennis, I promise._

_Remember that I love you, sweetheart, and that I always will. I can't wait until you're back here where you belong, but don't go doing anything drastic to make that happen. We just have to wait it out. _

_Take care, Ennis, and don't worry._

_I love you, always,_

_Jack _

* * *

><p><em>June 12th, 1966<em>

Ennis was in the campsite, having been allowed a much-needed break. Adam was taking a nap under a tree and there weren't many others around.

He hadn't yet been approached by the young man who Adam had said was staring at him, but he had a suspicion that it wouldn't be long. He had decided that he would simply pretend to be straight, to deflect any rumours that might come about.

He exited the tent and looked around, rubbing the back of his neck. Adam was still asleep and there were some others a few feet away, playing cards. He saw the young man walking towards him, looking nervous, and he sighed to himself.

"Hey," he said, stopping just in front of Ennis.

"Hey. Jim, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah. You're Ennis, ain't you?"

"Yep. So, what's up?"

Jim took a breath. "I know the truth 'bout you."

Ennis's heart skipped a beat. "Huh?"

"I know the truth," he repeated. "Yer queer, ain't ya?"

Ennis was taking deep breaths to keep his temper under wraps. "Nope. Not me. I ain't like that." His insides burned with shame at denying who he was, but he pushed it away.

Jim came closer. "It's alright. I'm like that too, an' I could tell you are. You can tell me."

Ennis backed away. "Uh..."

He nodded. "It's okay, I'm just like you. I won't tell no-one, promise."

Feeling uncomfortable, Ennis looked around. "Alright. I know you been starin' at me. Adam told me. I was gonna deny it, but...I can't do that. Can't deny who I am. But...I ain't interested."

Jim nodded. "Alright. You with someone?"

"Yeah." Ennis pulled out his hidden photo of Jack. "This is my...partner, Jack. We live together in Georgia."

"He's pretty good-lookin'. You love him?"

Ennis nodded. "Yeah. He's everythin' to me." He put the photo away in case anyone else saw them.

Jim shifted his feet. "You feelin lonely, out here without him?"

"Uh...what do ya mean?"

He came closer, to his discomfort. "Just sayin'...gotta be hard without gettin' it regular. You need someone to take yer mind off it?" The look in his eyes was making Ennis very nervous.

"Um...not really. No offense."

"You sure?"

Ennis stepped right back, putting some distance between them. Adam had woken up by now and was watching warily, in case Ennis needed any help.

"Look, Jim...I'm real flattered an' all, but...there ain't no way I'm ever gonna cheat on Jack."

"Not even a quick fuck that he won't never know about?" Jim asked in a low voice.

Ennis stood his ground. "No. I'd go back feelin' guilty, an' he'd know from just lookin' at me. It'd kill him, an' I could never do that. Sorry, but...it ain't gonna happen."

Jim finally seemed to get the message, and backed away a little. "Sorry, Ennis. Didn't mean to come on so strong."

He shook his head. "Don't matter. I know how it feels to have feelin's for someone an' wanna be close to 'em, wanna start somethin'. It was like that with me an' Jack when we met. Ain't yer fault."

Jim nodded. "Well...could we at least talk? I could do with someone to talk to. Got a bit of a problem."

"Uh, sure. What's up?"

"Well, uh...I been seein' someone. But...he's married. He's the boss of the ranch I worked on back home."

"Oh. Guess that's hard to deal with, huh?"

"Yeah. Just happened one day in the barn. I was in there alone, an' he came in. I had my shirt off 'cos I was hot. He said he wanted to help an' we started brushin' the horses together. We got up real close, an' next thing I know he's got me against the barn wall, hard as a rock an' pushin' up against me."

Ennis's eyes widened. "So he just come onto ya, just like that?"

"Yeah. He started kissin' me an' rubbin' up against me...next thing I know, we're in the back room, on the floor an' goin' at it."

"Huh. So...you said he's married?"

Jim's eyes lowered. "Yeah. Got himself a pretty little wife an' two kids. Never knew he was like us. We've been doin' stuff in secret for about six months, then I got the draft letter. I tried to talk to him 'bout it, but it's like he don't care. Like I'm just a quick fuck to him. Drives me mad that after everythin' we done, he don't care 'bout me."

Ennis thought it over for a moment, and came to a conclusion. "I'm sure he does, but...he's been thinkin' all his life that he ain't gay, an' you just come along an' change all that. Musta messed his head up. Maybe he don't wanna admit that he might be, so...he covers up what he's really feelin'."

Jim looked at him thoughtfully. "Huh...I never thought of it like that. You really think that might be it?"

He shrugged. "Dunno, but...makes sense to me. You never know, he might come around. Maybe he's missin' ya right now. Might be that when you get back, he'll have thought about what he really wants. You love him?"

"Yeah. He's everythin' to me." Jim smirked at him as he repeated his own words.

Ennis clapped him on the shoulder. "Wasn't really 'bout me, was it? You was just feelin' lonely, right?"

Jim had a sheepish look on his face. "Yeah. Sorry, Ennis."

"S'alright. Listen, if you ever need to talk again, you know where I am. Alright?"

"Sure. Thanks, Ennis." He nodded and then started walking away, clearly thinking about what Ennis had said.

After a few moments, Adam came up to Ennis. "So how'd it go?"

Ennis looked at him. "Wasn't 'bout me. He's in love with his boss an' was feelin' lonely. Don't know how his boss feels about him an' was feelin' a little hopeless. I think I gave him a little hope. Said he could talk whenever he wanted."

Adam nodded. "Yer a good man, Ennis. You handled that real well." They both looked out over the area, thinking about their other halves and their lives back home.

* * *

><p>That night, Ennis dreamed of Jack once more. He'd had concerns about sleeping in the presence of the others, in case he accidentally called out Jack's name while someone was awake. But so far there had been no change in how he was treated, so he had to assume that he hadn't done anything.<p>

Earlier in the day, he'd talked some more to Jim about his situation back home, telling him a few things about his childhood, including Earl and Rich, and how it had affected his relationship with Jack. He knew that Jim needed a little guidance right now and since he had some experience with being in love with another man he was happy to help him out. After a talk with Adam, he had introduced the two of them properly and now all three of them were aware of each other's situations.

As a result, the three of them had decided to look out for each other out in the dangerous territory. They would watch each other's backs and make sure that they were all safe. They had even swapped around so that the three of them slept in the same tent when they were in camp.

Right now, they were all settling in the tent to try and get some sleep, knowing that as the days passed, the work would probably get harder. That was a given in this world.

Ennis had worked out that his letter to Jack would have arrived by now, and he wondered what Jack might have to tell him when he replied. He was worried about Becky and had confided in Adam and now Jim all of his fears, especially where Jack was concerned.

Shaking off these thoughts, he wrapped himself up in his bedroll; the other two were already asleep. At least he didn't have to be scared of moaning Jack's name. He closed his eyes and was already looking forward to a dream of Jack.

_He turned onto his back and stretched, the sunlight streaming through the window. He could hear the shower running and he smiled to himself, knowing where his lover would be. He got up and padded to the bathroom._

_Sure enough, his dark-haired rodeo cowboy was in there; he could see his outline in the glass. He was busy soaping himself and Ennis could feel himself becoming aroused. He opened the door and closed it silently, slipping in behind Jack, who jumped when he felt Ennis's hands on his hips._

"_Jesus, Ennis," he said, half-laughing. "You scared the shit outta me."_

_Ennis kissed his wet neck and held him close. "Well, I woke up an' heard you in here, thought I'd come an' join ya. Want me to wash yer back?"_

_Jack tilted his head back. "Mmm...sounds good, cowboy. Have at it."_

_Ennis grabbed the soap and began to wash Jack's back, running his hands over his back slowly, feeling every muscle under his large hands. Jack was gripping the bar at the back of the shower with his legs slightly apart, head now leaning forward as he let Ennis take over._

"_Ennis...feels real good, cowboy..."_

_His lover responded by putting the soap back and slipping his hands down even lower, taking hold of Jack's hips. Jack drew in a breath as his hands crept around his front and down even lower._

"_Oh God...Ennis..."_

_Ennis leaned in and whispered into his ear. "You want me inside ya, rodeo?" Jack nodded._

"_Uh-huh...come on..." Ennis gently pushed him to the side of the stall and pressed up against him. He spread Jack's cheeks apart and positioned himself, getting ready. He used the soap on himself and then started to kiss at Jack's neck, making him shiver._

"_You ready darlin'?" he asked softly._

"_Yeah..."_

_Ennis pushed himself into Jack, going slowly enough to drive Jack crazy with anticipation. He started to gently thrust into him, keeping one hand on Jack's hip and the other taking hold of Jack around the front. Jack's breathing was getting heavier and was punctuated with gasps._

"_Ennis...oh God..." He was gritting his teeth and was unable to move, completely surrounded by Ennis. His lover stroked him in time to his thrusts and they moved together quickly in perfect rhythm. _

"_God, Jack...I love you..." Ennis ground out from between his clenched teeth._

"_Love you too..." He felt Ennis speed up and thrust even quicker into him, their bodies as one. Suddenly, Jack felt himself tense up and he shot at the tiles, letting out a low groan. The shaking of his body affected Ennis, who swiftly followed with his own orgasm, gripping at Jack's hip so tightly he was afraid of leaving a bruise. He groaned and fell forward against Jack's back, both of them breathing heavily and trying to clear the stars from their eyes._

_Jack sighed with contentment. "That was real good, Ennis."_

"_Mmm...sure was. Didn't hurt yer hip or nothin', did I?" Jack shook his head._

"_Nah, I'm fine." He was touched by Ennis being so caring about his wellbeing. Every time they had sex, they would always ask if the other was okay. It was a great feeling to be so in tune with someone. He turned the shower off and turned to face Ennis. Two pairs of lips found each other, tongues gently probing._

_They broke apart, their faces still close together. Jack smiled at Ennis, his eyes alight with happiness._

"_Good way to start the mornin'," he said softly. Ennis nodded and their forehead collided, eyes closing. _

"_Sure was." They kissed again. "Let's go get some breakfast, huh?"_

_Jack hugged him tightly, making a contented moaning sound. "Sure thing, baby. Worked up quite an appetite in here." He felt Ennis laughing against him._

"_Ain't complainin', are ya?"_

"_Hell no. Come on." He slapped Ennis on the ass and exited the stall, towelling himself off. They were soon dry and dressed, the process slowed down by numerous kisses and grabs, and they went downstairs hand in hand to start their day. _

* * *

><p><em>June 26th, 1966<em>

They were exploring a new area today, as requested by their commanders. It was a thick jungle and they had to split up to explore it. Ennis and Adam were paired up, to their relief, and they set off in the thick undergrowth, eyes peeled and guns at the ready.

"Seems pretty quiet," Adam murmured, looking around.

"Yeah..."

Adam's eyes were narrowing. "Too quiet." He sounded very suspicious now, and Ennis turned to look at him.

"You think somethin's up?" he asked dubiously. Adam was biting his lip.

"Maybe." They moved forward cautiously, now feeling more than a little nervous. Ennis hoped that their stint here wasn't about to meet its abrupt end.

Ennis's heart was in his throat once again as they proceeded, and he had a faint image of Jack in his mind; hopefully he could hold onto that and it would give him courage. He was glad that he wasn't alone here.

They moved forward, and Ennis was filled with a great sense of foreboding. He kept having flashes of Jack in his head and he had to wonder if his life was about to flash before his eyes. At least he could think of Jack in his final moments.

Suddenly, Adam stopped in his tracks. Ennis looked at him.

"What's up?"

Adam just shook his head. "Somethin' ain't right, Ennis. I think we should get outta here."

"We was asked to check this place out," Ennis reminded him. "We gotta do what they tell us."

"I know, but...I got a bad feelin' 'bout this..." They continued on for a few steps, and Ennis could see that Adam was growing even more nervous, and he was starting to agree that this could be a bad idea. Maybe they should head back; it wasn't worth it to stay here where they could get killed.

They went deeper into the jungle, and the silence was closed in and claustrophobic. The area was thick and Ennis didn't like it one bit.

All of a sudden, they heard a strange whooshing sound overhead, and they felt panic rise up inside them. They knew that there was enemy around and they had to be careful.

"What the hell is that?" Adam whispered, looking up and trying to see through the canopy of tree branches. The bright sunlight was making him squint and he couldn't see properly.

"Sounds like a-" Before Ennis could finish his response, they heard an almighty booming noise in the distance. Their enemies were dropping bombs.

"Shit!" They both stared at the direction of the noise, hoping that it was moving away from them. They waited with baited breath, praying silently. Jack's image was clear in Ennis's mind.

To their horror, a second bomb was dropped closer to them; the enemy was moving towards them. Adam looked at Ennis in panic, and Ennis wasn't feeling much better.

"What do we do?"

There was only one option that Ennis could think of; he'd promised Jack what he would do if he ran into trouble. "Run." They simultaneously turned tail and bolted through the trees, hoping that they could outrun the bombs and get to somewhere safe. They didn't care about looking out for human enemies on the ground; they just wanted to get away.

They ran as fast as they could, and they started to grow terrified as they heard the bombs being dropped nearer to them, following them.

"We gotta get outta here!" Adam yelled.

"Where?"

"I don't care, but away from here!" They finally broke through the trees into a clearing, but they didn't dare stop. They only ran faster, desperate to get away. They were both breathing heavily and Ennis had a stitch in his side.

A blast close to them knocked them both to the ground, and Ennis could hear Adam crying out in pain. He lay there, momentarily stunned, but then heard Adam making strange noises. He managed to sit up, a little dazed but otherwise unharmed. He turned to look at Adam and his stomach lurched. Adam was lying on his back and there was blood all over his chest. The attack had ripped his chest open.

"Oh God, no..." He crawled over to him, panicking. Adam was white and shaking.

"Ennis..."

"Jesus, you...shit..." Ennis was unable to fully comprehend what he was seeing; he was completely shocked. He put an arm under Adam's neck and brought him into a sitting position. He saw Adam wince but he wanted to help him.

"I'm gonna get ya outta here, an' we're gonna get ya to the doctor, okay?" He tried to lift him but Adam groaned out in pain again.

"No...ain't gonna work...it's..."

Ennis looked at him helplessly, sadness filling him up as he realised what was happening to his good friend; for a while the only one out here whom he could talk to about Jack.

"Adam...you..."

Adam looked up at him. "Don't worry, Ennis...ain't yer fault. Shit happens an' we all know it. But...I'm real glad it's you here with me..."

"Why?"

"So I can ask ya...to tell Pete I love him...an' that I was lookin' forward to marryin' him. Wanted that more than anythin'."

"I know you did. I'll tell him, don't worry. I'll make sure he knows. I'll tell him how brave you was out here."

Adam smiled sadly. "Thanks, Ennis...hope you can get back to Jack in one piece."

"I'll sure try. An' we'll keep an eye on Pete for ya," Ennis promised.

"Ennis...I wanna go home..." Adam's eyes were filled with tears and Ennis could tell he was thinking of Pete.

He would never forget those words as long as he lived, and he knew that he would be haunted by this moment for the rest of his life. He could only hope that Jack would be able to help him through the trauma it might bring.

There was another whooshing sound, and he was dimly aware of another blast close by before pain ripped through him, and his thoughts were wiped clean as he passed out.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

_Ennis opened his eyes to find himself lying on the cold, hard ground, staring up at a deep blue sky. His muscles felt stiff and he ached all over. His arm and chest felt like they'd been stomped on multiple_ _times. He wasn't sure what had happened, but he could dimly remember a blast nearby, and he could remember a man's face as he lay dying. What had happened to him?_

_He let out a low groan and tried to move, but he was aching terribly. The deep blue of the sky reminded him of a pair of eyes. He could hear someone calling his name, but he was unable to sit up._

_A pair of feet could be heard making their way towards him, and he prayed that it was someone coming to help him. He hoped it was someone in particular, but who? He couldn't quite remember. Who was that person with the deep blue eyes he kept having visions of?_

"_Ennis..." The voice rang out clear and he could almost recognise it. "Ennis..."_

_He felt a pair of hands shaking his shoulders, and he blearily opened his eyes. He beheld the most beautiful sight; that pair of deep blue eyes. Recognition hit him as he looked up at Jack._

"_Jack..." He brought a shaking hand up to Jack's neck and held on. Jack was rubbing his shoulders._

"_Ennis, you gotta wake up. You been hurt real bad an' you gotta wake up. Come on."_

"_Wanna...stay here...with you..."_

_Jack held his face in his hands. "You'll see me real soon, I promise, sweetheart. But you hafta wake up. Please..."_

_Ennis felt pain shoot through him again. "No...wanna...stay...let the pain...end..."_

_Jack's eyes were full of sorrow. "No, come on, cowboy. Please, you gotta wake up. Do it for me. For Becky. Please, baby...wake up..."_

"_Promise me you'll be there?" Ennis whispered._

"_Yeah, Ennis. I swear. Everythin's gonna be okay. You just gotta wake up, an' you can come on home to me. I'll be there waitin', okay?"_

_Ennis believed every word, and he smiled up at Jack. "Alright, darlin'...I'll try..."_

_Jack nodded. "Okay. Now close yer eyes. When you open them up again, you'll hafta wait a while, an' then you can come on home, okay?" He leaned down so that their noses touched. "Just close yer eyes."_

_Ennis was vaguely aware of a pair of lips on his before he closed his eyes again._

He could now hear beeping and voices around him, and an unfamiliar voice talking to him.

"Private Del Mar, can you hear me?" It was a woman, but he couldn't place her voice. Everything seemed mixed up and his head felt like it was being split open.

"Uhhh..." He slowly opened his eyes to see a middle-aged blonde nurse looking down at him. She smiled when she saw that he was awakening.

"Hey there, good to see you awake. How you feelin'?"

"What...happened?" he managed, looking around in confusion. She laid a hand on his shoulder.

"You're back in Los Angeles. You got caught up in a bomb attack in the Viet Cong. You got shrapnel in yer chest an' yer arm got sprained badly as you fell. Your whole body suffered pretty badly, but those are the worst places."

"Gonna be okay?" The injuries sounded bad but not life-threatening, and this gave him hope.

She nodded. "You're gonna be fine. You been in surgery all day, it's nearly ten at night. You're gonna be quite weak for a while. We got all the shrapnel out an' got you stitched back up, you shouldn't need anythin' more. But you gotta stay here for a couple of weeks, okay? We'll be keepin' an eye on you."

"'Kay. Home?" His eyes were full of hope. Maybe this horrific event would be enough to send him home. It would be good compensation for his injuries.

She smiled. "Yeah. You got lucky, Ennis. Yer sergeant was in touch an' said yer injuries meant you can go home. You been too injured to return to service. Now then..." She consulted her notes. "Yer notes say that a Jack Twist of Sandersville, Georgia has yer power of attorney?"

"Yeah. Business partner." Even in his hazy state, he marvelled at how he was able to keep his cover.

"Okay. We'll contact him tomorrow to let him know what's happened an' that you can come home."

"Uh...Adam?" he asked, looking fearful. Her brow furrowed.

"Who?"

"Uh...Private Wilson."

"Oh...the other one who got caught up in that bomb. They said there was two of you. I'm sorry, Ennis, but...he died on the field. We couldn't save him."

"Body?" he asked fearfully. He hoped that Adam's body would be returned to Pete; he didn't think he could bear it if it wasn't. That would be adding insult to injury.

"It's bein' returned to...um...Pete Richards, is that right?"

"Yeah. They're business partners too. Power of attorney. Adam was my...brother-in-law's cousin. Good friend." He remembered that Adam and Pete had signed the agreement some time ago, and he felt marginally better that at least Adam's body would be returned to where he belonged. And he would be returning to Jack.

The nurse nodded. "Right. Don't worry, Ennis. You're gonna be okay. We'll be keepin' an eye on ya an' you should be able to go in a couple of weeks, if all goes well. I'm Sally, by the way. I'm in charge of you while yer here, so get some sleep, you hear me?"

He nodded and felt his eyes droop again. "'Kay. Thanks."

She smiled in a motherly way. "No problem, sweetie. We see this all the time, an' we're gonna look after ya real good. Night, Ennis."

He saw her move out of his line of vision, and his eyes closed fully, coaxing him into dreams of Jack, who welcomed him with open arms and a warm body underneath his. He lost himself in the dream, where his lover made everything alright as only he could.

* * *

><p>Becky was getting worse, and Jack was no longer able to believe that she might make a spectacular recovery, as he once had. He'd hoped that Rick's friend would be able to find something that could cure her, but he had recently reported back that he'd been unsuccessful, and Jack's heart had plummeted at the news. She was sick almost every day by now, and Rose had taken full-time care of Lily. All four of them would sit in Becky's room, the other three on her bed where they would talk for a few hours.<p>

Jack hoped that his letter would get to Ennis soon, so that he could be informed of how Becky was doing. He thought about Ennis often, and hoped that he was okay. He also hoped that the war would finish soon, so that he could return home, but that was a long shot and he knew it. The war wasn't likely to be over anytime soon; he'd been following as many news stories as he could on it and things just seemed to be getting worse, not better. There were bombs being dropped in the Viet Cong, where he knew Ennis was right now, and he had to admit that he was very nervous about this.

He longed for a phone call from Ennis, to tell him right now that he was alright, and he hated the fact that it couldn't happen right now. It could be years before he heard Ennis's voice again, except in a dream, and it was a very bleak prospect.

Right now, he was in their bedroom, looking at the shirts on the back of the bedroom door, gently running a finger across the bloodstains. Their second night together was on his mind, how Ennis had completely opened himself up to him and allowed him to explore his body. Jack had loved every minute of that night, and he had fallen deeply in love with Ennis as a result. After a night like that, Jack knew that there was no way on earth he could ever love someone else. This had been his first ever relationship, and this was it for him. He knew that no matter what happened, he would always love Ennis. He also knew that when Ennis returned, as he was sure he would, they would be together for the rest of their lives. Nothing would be able to tear them apart after this.

He sighed to himself as he looked over the familiar plaid and denim, remembering their time on Brokeback. He hoped that they could have times like that again, once all of this was over. By the time Ennis returned, they would have a lot to catch up on, a lot of missed birthdays and anniversaries to make up for. Jack hoped that Ennis would be able to come back home before Becky died; he knew that they would want to see each other and talk one last time.

He heard a door swing open, and a padding of feet along the hall. He left the bedroom in time to see Becky rush into the bathroom and he could hear her retching horribly. He winced inwardly and walked quickly along the hall to aid her.

She was kneeling on the floor in her nightgown; her temperature was always high these days. He didn't say anything, just crouched down behind her and held her hair in one hand, rubbing her back with the other.

"Shh...s'alright...get it all out." Under his hand, he could feel her shaking violently as she emptied her stomach.

"Oh God...Jack, I..." Her words were cut off by more retching.

"Don't talk, just get it out, okay? It's okay..." He continued to rub her back the way he had done when she was pregnant and had been suffering from morning sickness. He was still very protective of her and was trying to look after her the best he could. That was all he could do in the circumstances.

After a few more minutes of horrible sounds and more retching from Becky, it was finally over, at least for now. Her trembling lessened and she started gasping for breath. He quickly got up and got her some water before joining her on the floor again. He handed her the water.

"Here..." She took it gratefully and started to drink, now sat back in a proper sitting position. He sat facing her on the floor, looking at her sympathetically.

"How you feelin'?" he asked, seeing how pale she looked.

She gulped in a breath. "Like shit," she said bluntly, and it made him laugh in spite of himself.

"No offense, but ya look like it too." She swatted his arm in mock offense.

"Hey, asshole." She then smiled. "No matter how I'm feelin', I'm real happy that I got you an' Rose here. You guys have made it a little more bearable."

Jack ruffled her bed hair. "Ain't no trouble. Yer family an' we all look after each other. That's the way it goes, right? You, me, my mama, Ennis, an' Lily too. We're all a family. An' not just us, but everybody in Wyomin' an' Texas, an' Pete an' Adam too. We're all related in one way or another."

Becky nodded. "Yeah. You an' Ennis have made a family together. You brought us all together, right?" She took his hand and swung them a little.

"Yeah, I guess." Jack smiled to himself. "When we met...I never woulda thought that we'd end up here, or that we'd be a family. So glad I saw him duck into that alleyway that day in Signal. Changed everythin'."

"Yeah. Anyway..." She sighed and he helped her up. "I'm gonna try for some more sleep. The more I sleep, the less I throw up."

Jack grinned at her. "Good logic." He walked her to her bedroom with an arm around her and kissed her cheek. "Night, honey."

She smiled up at him widely, green eyes full of happiness that he was here with her. "Night, Jack."

* * *

><p><em>June 27th, 1966<em>

Ennis was lying in his bed, flicking through a copy of Hamley's Saddle Catalogue that had been found lying around, to his delight. He was allowed to sit up in bed, propped up against his pillows as fellow wounded soldiers and nurses walked around. He tried not to look at the more severely wounded casualties as they were tended to; he knew that he was very lucky to not have been injured any worse than this and he was profoundly grateful that he was going to be returning home soon. He missed Jack so much and wanted nothing more than to be back in his arms again.

He hadn't quite registered yet the fact that Adam had been killed in the attack, but he knew that it wouldn't be long before it truly hit him. Adam had been his best friend while they'd been out here. Until he'd made friends with Jim, Adam had been the only person who he could talk to about Jack. And Ennis knew that he was the only person here that Adam had been able to talk to about Pete. He wasn't sure what might happen back home when Pete was informed of Adam's passing, but he knew that he and Jack would be there to support him as needed.

He was half-listening to the conversation around him, hearing the occasional panicked yells of the nurses with a particularly nasty case as they rushed around. Nobody disturbed him, just let him be, so he was happy to just half-lie here and read.

After a little while, he could hear an army official moving around and handing out letters to soldiers, and his ears perked up.

"Del Mar..."

He looked up, trying to keep his grin to a minimum. "Yeah." The official turned to him and handed him the letter for him; he knew in his heart that it was from Jack.

He eagerly opened it up, wanting to hear the latest on Becky and how she was doing. He hoped that the higher dose of penicillin would have worked, and that her condition had improved since he'd last heard from Jack. He knew that there wasn't much point in writing back to Jack now, since he would be coming home soon. But he could get caught up as much as possible and find out the latest news from back home.

_Dear Ennis,_

_Just got your letter. Real good to hear from you, cowboy. I'm real glad that you're doing okay out there, because I've been worrying about how you're coping with how hard it must be out there. I needed that reassurance from you, so I have to thank you for that._

_Ennis, I've got some bad news about Becky. She was put on the maximum dose, like I said, but a couple of days later we went back to see Rick, and he took another blood test. A few days later, he called us back, said he had the results. He said that the penicillin had no effect, despite how strong it is. He's got a friend in New York who's looking for something else, but it's not looking good. _

_He said that there's nothing else he can do, and it's likely she won't live to see Christmas. I don't know what to do, Ennis, and I really wish you were here. We've been trying to cope with it as best we can, and all our friends have been around to show their support. We've got some really good people on our side, cowboy. Having my mama here sure has made it a little easier, and Lily makes a good distraction. She's growing really fast, and it's great to see her developing into her own person. She's looking more and more like Becky all the time. I swear, if you looked away for even a second you'd be bound to miss something._

_Anyway, we're just taking one day at a time. She's having good days and bad days. There's been a couple of days where she couldn't even leave her bed, except to throw up. It's really bad, and I don't want to admit it, but I think she's going to die. You know how much I love her and I don't want to lose her, especially since she hasn't been living with us that long. We're making the most of the time we have, and I hope that you can come home before it happens. I'm going to need you when it does._

_But I don't want you to go telling them that you're gay, you hear me? We both know what they'll do if they find out, and I don't want you going through that. I love you too much to let you do that._

_I don't want you to go worrying, Ennis. We'll be alright. And if you get hurt out there, so bad that they send you back, don't worry. I'll look after you until you get better, because we need to lean on each other. All of us will pull through this, Ennis, I promise._

_Remember that I love you, sweetheart, and that I always will. I can't wait until you're back here where you belong, but don't go doing anything drastic to make that happen. We just have to wait it out. _

_Take care, Ennis, and don't worry._

_I love you, always,_

_Jack _

As he read Jack's letter, he became increasingly worried. He was glad that his last letter had given Jack some much-needed reassurance that he was okay, although he couldn't really say that now. But at least he was still alive.

His heart had sunk as he read the part where Jack described Becky's progress, or lack of. The stronger dose hadn't worked and now it looked like she would die before Christmas. He sent up a prayer of thanks that he would be home in time to see her again. He didn't want Jack to be alone when she died; he wanted to be there to hold him and make him feel better, to try and take the pain away as much as he could. That was the only thing about himself that he truly felt confident about; that he could usually make Jack feel better about things when he got upset. Jack had told him many times that he was good at it, and after nearly three years together, as a real couple anyway, he was starting to believe it.

He saw Jack telling him not to worry about them, but after everything else in the letter he thought it would be damn near impossible to do that. They were his family and it was his job to worry about them. And he would be doing that until he returned, when he could take charge and help them all through everything. And he knew that there were things he would have to work through that only Jack could help him with.

* * *

><p>Jack was working out on the land, fixing the fences and being aided by a couple of hands. It was a pretty quiet day and not much was happening, which he was glad for. His mother was in the house with Lily and Becky was in bed again. She hadn't gotten any worse, as far as he could tell, but Rick had called earlier in the day to offer to come over every other day, to see how she was faring. Jack was very grateful for the sentiment, even if Rick couldn't actually do anything.<p>

He wondered how Ennis was faring out in Vietnam, and once again was wondering how long it would be for his letter to get there. Hopefully soon, for he wanted Ennis to be kept informed of what was going on here. He wasn't yet aware of the horrific attack Ennis had suffered through, but that was about to change.

Their foreman Dave pushed up his hat and swiped at his brow, happening to glance up. "Jack."

Jack looked at him, and then turned to see what he was looking at. His mother was walking towards them, accompanied by a uniformed soldier who was looking grim. Jack's heart dropped to his stomach.

"Oh no..." He knew that whenever this happened to the family of a soldier, it was always bad news. _Please God, no...don't let him be dead...please..._

All of the hands around him had stopped whatever they were doing, silently anticipating what this might be about.

They stopped right in front of Jack. "This is Jack," his mother said quietly.

The soldier nodded. "Jack Twist? I've been asked to deliver this to you." He brought out a telegram and Jack's heart was pounding.

"Uh...okay...thanks." He reached out and took it with a trembling hand. The soldier nodded to him and started to walk away.

Jack looked down at the telegram in his hand; he wasn't sure he could bring himself to read it.

"Honey?" he mother asked softly, laying a hand on his arm.

"I, uh...I can't...mama, could you...?" He held it out, and she took it with a sympathetic look.

"Alright." Jack folded his arms in a defensive stance, hoping that he wasn't about to fall apart. Rose unfolded the telegram and started to read. The next few moments were agonizing for him.

"What's it say, mama?"

She sighed, and looked up at him. "He's alive."

Jack felt that the overwhelming relief flooding through him was enough to make him throw up, and he covered his face with his shaking hands. He could hear the others breathing sighs of relief.

"So...what happened?"

"He was told to check out this area of the Viet Cong, their commanders asked him to. He got caught up in a bomb attack with another soldier. The other one died, but Ennis lived." She looked a little shaky herself.

Jack's throat was dry. "How is he?"

She smiled slightly at him. "They brought him back to Los Angeles for recovery for two weeks, an' they'll fly him back to South Carolina for discharge." Her smile grew wider. "He's comin' home, sweetheart."

Jack's heart filled with happiness, but he was worried about the inevitable injuries. "How bad is he hurt?"

"It don't say, sweetie, I'm sorry. But at least he's alive an' they're lettin' him go." She moved forward and hugged him. He clung to her and was overwhelmed by the feeling his heart; he no longer felt sick. His cowboy was coming home, hurt but still alive. He remembered the promise he had made himself; whatever state Ennis might be in when he came home, he would help him through it.

The hands all gave their congratulations to him and returned to work, but he was far too antsy right now to think about anything but Ennis. He walked with his mother back to the house; Lily was upstairs and also sleeping. They sat down at the kitchen table and Jack was soon chattering away; Rose could tell that with Ennis's return on a visible horizon, a huge weight had been lifted off him and now he could start looking to the future again, now that he was sure there would be one. With Ennis by his side once more, Rose had a feeling that he would be able to cope a lot better with all the bad things that were going on.

The phone rang and Jack went to answer it. "Brokeback Ranch, Jack speakin'."

"Jack, it's Pete."

"Oh, hey bud. How are ya?"

"I..." Pete sounded choked up and Jack grew concerned.

"Pete? What's up?"

"I got a telegram...Adam's dead."

Jack's hand flew to his mouth. "Shit no...what the fuck happened?"

"He was in the Viet Cong...there was a bomb attack...he died on the spot."

_My telegram said there was another soldier with Ennis when it happened...one who died...Adam..._

"Oh my God...I just got a telegram tellin' me Ennis was caught in a bomb attack...he's alive, but it said he was with another soldier who died..." It clicked together and there was no way it could be coincidence.

"Guess we know who the other one was," Pete said, sounding very upset.

"Pete...I'm so sorry...what's happenin' now?"

"They're bringin' his body back here. I'm sure glad we signed those power of attorney documents so he can come home to me...is Ennis comin' home?"

Jack felt very guilty about sounding so happy when Pete was experiencing his own personal hell. "Yeah, he is. Pete, I'm so sorry. If there's anythin' you need..."

"I know. Thanks, Jack. I gotta go, I gotta make some calls. Say hi to Becky for me, okay?"

"Sure..." They hung up and Jack turned to lean against the wall, his hands over his face.

"What's happened?" asked his mother, looking at him and trying to see it in his face what had happened.

Jack just looked at her, wondering how the hell it was possible to go from feeling elated to depressed in such a short space of time.

* * *

><p>That evening, Jack was sat on the back porch in one of the wicker chairs with a small glass of whiskey and a cigarette in his hand. He was doing a lot of thinking about the day's events, and what might happen over the coming months. He was worried about the effects on Ennis of the bomb attack, and seeing Adam die like that.<p>

He'd pieced it together; it had been fairly easy. Ennis and Adam had been exploring an area of the Viet Cong together, and a bomb attack had started from the air. They had been hit and Adam had died while Ennis watched, unable to save him. He wondered if Ennis might feel guilty for that, feel like it was his fault. Jack knew he would have to work hard at making Ennis understand that it hadn't been his fault. He knew that Ennis had a tendency to take the blame whenever something happened, and he would just have to try and get through to him.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. He hoped that the next two weeks would go by quickly, so that Ennis could come back home and they could take care of each other. He didn't know for sure if Ennis would be in the right frame of mind to help him through the problems here, at least not for a while, so he would have to take care of Ennis first. But that was alright; their relationship had always been about give and take, and taking it in turns to look after each other.

He was worried about Pete, and how he was coping in Ohio. He wondered if there would be a funeral for Adam, and if there was anything he and his mother could do to help him out with it. Would they travel up there? Would Ennis be up to it? There was so much to consider and Jack wasn't sure what they were going to do next. Everything seemed to hang on the kind of state Ennis might be in when he got back. He had three main priorities now; looking after Lily and making sure she was okay, looking after Becky through her illness, and now looking after Ennis and helping him through whatever trauma he might be suffering.

He looked out over their land, over at the stables and the barn in the distance. In the gathering darkness he could just make out the path that they took when they rode up to their hill. They had built all of this up together, and Jack could still remember the day they'd arrived here the first time. They had been full of awe at their first home together and how beautiful it was. When they'd gotten together and decided that they wanted a shot at living together, they hadn't expected to get anything like this. They had both grown up dirt poor and money had been tight when they'd gotten together, so they hadn't had much hope of a good life. But this place had been just the start of it. Now they were successful ranchers, had friends in the area who accepted them and they were more in love than ever. Life had been going well until Ennis had been drafted. After that, things had just gone downhill.

He'd told Becky the news about Ennis and Adam, and she had been quite worried about it, despite his insistence for her not to get too worked up. She had lain there in her bed and reminded him that Ennis was family to her too and she had a right to be worried about him. He had sheepishly admitted that she was right, and he was glad to see that she hadn't lost any of her spirit.

He drained the glass and stubbed out his cigarette, sighing a little. He got up and walked towards the top of the steps, the cool breeze playing with his hair. He squatted down and sat on the top step, arms leaning on his knees as he looked out into the darkness.

He heard the screen door shut behind him but didn't move. He figured it was just his mother, so he was quite surprised when both of them sat down on either side of him. They were both wrapped in dressing gowns and Becky was holding Lily in her arms. She looked pale but her eyes were alert and she looked happy. He kissed both of them on the cheek and they leaned against him. He knew that they, like himself, were thinking of Ennis and the coming months. The missing part of their family was coming home soon and then things would be alright again.

Jack heard Becky sigh. "Been quite a day, huh?" she said softly.

"Yeah. I'm real glad about Ennis comin' home, you know I am, but...I feel sorry fer Pete. He's lost his other half an' that must hurt like hell. I been worryin' 'bout it happenin' to me, but it ain't gonna. Ennis is on his way home. Pete's lost everythin' an' now he's sufferin'. An' I remember he ain't got no other family to turn to. His mama's dead, his daddy don't want nothin' to do with him. He's left on his own to deal with this."

Rose shook his shoulder. "He ain't alone, Jack. He's still got us, right? We can help him through this, I'm sure."

Jack smiled at her. "Yeah, mama. I guess. We all gotta help each other..."

"That's right, sweetie. When Ennis gets back, we're gonna take this one day at a time an' eventually we'll come out the other side. Everythin's gonna be okay."

She was right, and he could see the logic. If they took things slowly, they might be able to work through this. He had a feeling that things would be a lot better once Ennis got back; he always coped better with Ennis around. They would get through it, as long as they still had each other.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

_July 3rd, 1966_

Jack was in the office, dialling the phone and tapping his fingers on the desk. He was calling Tom in Wyoming to talk to him about Adam's death. It wasn't a pleasant subject but he knew he had to do it. He would probably also call K.E. to tell him about Ennis. He and Cecilia didn't yet know what had happened and they had a right to, as his siblings. He'd only just found the time to call them, and he knew that these phone calls would be hard to make.

He listened to the rings and felt a lump in his throat as his sister-in-law (as he thought of her) answered. "Cecilia Wilson."

"Hey, Cecilia, it's Jack."

"Oh, hey Jack." She sounded happy to hear him. "What's up?"

"Well, uh...about a week ago, I got a telegram, from the army."

There were a few moments of silence on the line as she digested his words. "Oh...what happened?"

Jack sighed. "Ennis an' Adam was in the Viet Cong, explorin', you know? The commanders asked 'em to. They was walkin' through this jungle an' a bomb attack started from the air." His voice wavered at the last few words.

"Oh, Jack...that's awful...how bad was it?" She sounded shaky and Jack hated having to be the one to tell her.

"They tried to run, but it caught up to 'em. Ennis was badly hurt, don't know how much. But it was bad enough for him to be sent home." He was truly happy about this, but he couldn't deny how sorry he was for the loss of Adam. He had to be respectful of their feelings now.

"That's good. I know you been missin' him real bad. Now he can come back home where he belongs, right?"

"Yeah. I'm real happy 'bout it. But, Cecilia...there's somethin' you gotta know."

"What, Jack?"

He took a deep breath. "Adam, he...he died on the field, in the attack. I'm so sorry, Cecilia."

"Oh my God...Jack...that's awful. Tom's gonna be so cut up..." He could hear the sorrow in her voice and he rubbed his forehead.

"I'm so sorry...I know this is probably the last thing you wanna hear..."

"Uh-huh. Oh...I bet Ennis is torn up over it, ain't he? Bein' there an' all...havin' to watch it..."

"I dunno, I ain't had chance to talk to him yet. I'm hopin' he'll call. But...I think he will be. I'm thinkin' that he's gonna be blamin' himself 'cos he couldn't save him..."

"It ain't his fault, Jack. I'm sure Adam didn't blame him when he was...you know..."

"Yeah. So, um...Adam's body's been taken back to Ohio, to where he lived with Pete. There's gonna be a funeral on Tuesday if you wanna go. I hafta stay here in case Ennis is discharged, but I thought you oughta know. Pete could do with some support right now."

"Sure, I'll call him. I'm sure we can make it. Thanks for lettin' me know, Jack. Have you called K.E. yet?"

"No, but I was gonna. Or do you wanna do it?"

"If you wouldn't mind, could you do it? I gotta tell Tom 'bout this an' then call Pete. We gotta make arrangements to get to Ohio. Will you call us again when Ennis is home?"

"I sure will, don't worry. I dunno if he'd be up to callin' yet but I'll be sure to tell you when he's back. An' I'll let him know that yer thinkin' on him."

"Thanks, Jack. I'll call ya later, okay?"

"Sure. Talk later. Bye." He hung up and thought for a moment. That had been hard for him to do and he wasn't looking forward to doing it again. K.E. hadn't known Adam quite as well as Cecilia and Tom but they were all still family. And he needed to tell him about Ennis's injuries, whatever they were.

He dialled K.E.'s number and his other sister-in-law answered.

"Sarah Del Mar."

"Hey, Sarah, it's Jack Twist. Ennis's partner."

"Oh, hey Jack. What's up?"

"Is K.E. there? I got some news 'bout Ennis."

"I'm sorry, Jack, he ain't here. Emergency at work an' he had to go in. All them heifers at the ranch decided to calve all at once. But I can pass it on, if that's alright."

"Sure, that's fine." He took a breath, and then relayed the events to her, hearing her gasp a little as he described Adam dying and Ennis being there to witness it.

"Oh, Jack...that's awful. How's Ennis doin'?"

"I dunno, the telegram don't say much 'bout his injuries, just that they're bad enough for him to be sent home. But Adam died, Sarah...an' Pete's lost everythin'. I can't go to the funeral in Ohio 'cos I wanna be here in case Ennis comes home. I called him an' I let him know that I'm here for him, but...wish there was more I could do."

"Jack...you've already done plenty. You've let Pete know that he's got friends backin' him up an' supportin' him. You can't do everythin', Jack. I'm sure he appreciates what you've done for him."

"I sure hope so. Anyway, the funeral's on Tuesday if you wanna go. You know the address, right?"

"I'm sure it's in the book, with everyone else's. But I'll call ya if I can't find it."

"Sure. Anyway, let me know if ya need anythin'. An' give my best to K.E. I'll call again when Ennis is home, okay?"

"Sure. Thanks, Jack."

"'Kay. Bye." He hung up again, relieved at having finished the dreaded phone calls. He had done all he could for now, and Sarah was right; he had done everything he could for Pete and now it was out of his hands. As much as he wanted to support Pete at Adam's funeral, his priority was Ennis, and since he wasn't sure exactly when he was coming home, he had to stay put for now. He had to make sure that Ennis got home okay and that nothing happened to shake him up; he had to look after him.

* * *

><p>The next day was the Fourth of July, but none of them were particularly inclined to go into town. They didn't feel like celebrating and didn't feel like they had much to celebrate. Things were really bad right now and they were just concentrating on getting through it. They felt as if that was all they could do.<p>

Jack wandered into the kitchen at lunchtime to find Rose making lunch and, to his surprise, Becky sat at the table. She was holding Lily and looked as pale and sick as ever, but at least she was on her feet and looking stable. He was glad for that.

"Hey, honey. You sleep good?" He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, making her smile up at him.

"Yeah, I guess. Comes an' goes, you know? Feelin' okay right now. An' I got my baby with me." She kissed the top of Lily's head.

"Mama!" she giggled, squirming. Becky smiled down at her; her speech had been improving rapidly with all the attention they gave her and all the time they spent with her. Jack knew that she was likely to grow up with the same spirit as her mother, and it comforted him to know that Becky would never be forgotten.

Jack sat down and Rose brought over their lunch; bowls of tomato soup with several rolls. They all dug in eagerly, even Lily who claimed one of the rolls and started dipping it in her mother's soup.

"I take it nobody feels like goin' into town today?" Jack asked, looking between them and half-knowing what the answer would be.

Becky shook her head. "I don't think so. I'm feelin' okay, but...I ain't up to goin' out. Sorry."

"S'alright. I know yer feelin' rough, don't worry 'bout it. Mama?"

"Sorry, honey. I don't really feel like it either. You can go if ya want..."

"Nah. Ain't no fun on yer own. Besides, I don't feel like celebratin' much. God knows we ain't got much to celebrate, huh?" They both nodded in agreement. "So...guess I'll spend the afternoon with the stock, maybe go for a ride. What are you guys gonna do?"

"Maybe sleep some more," Becky mumbled, rubbing her forehead. She held Lily close to her for comfort and Jack squeezed her shoulder.

"I could do some washin' or somethin'. Maybe I'll do some knittin' later, listen to the radio. I don't feel like doin' much."

Jack nodded and carried on with his soup and rolls, his appetite slowly diminishing. His heart often felt heavy these days with everything he had to deal with, and he felt as if he was slowly losing it. He was under a lot of stress right now and he wondered how things might be when Ennis got back. He hoped that having Ennis around would make things a little better, but at the back of his mind there was still the worry that things might be worse, at least at first. He knew that Ennis could be in a bad way after what had happened to him, and that he would have to help him through it. Would that have an adverse effect on his ability to deal with the other things he was going through here? Would Ennis be able to help him through it if he himself was going through a hard time? Jack wasn't sure of the answers to any of these questions, but he thought of the questions often. If he could only get the answers, he might feel a little better about everything.

After lunch, he helped his mother clean up while Becky took Lily upstairs and then went back to bed herself. He then went down to the stables and saddled up Signal, preparing to go for a ride. He gave Lightning a pat on his neck as he passed his stall. He knew that Lightning was Ennis's favourite horse and was thus the one he usually rode, so it felt that touching him was touching Ennis in some way, reminding him of his lover.

He mounted Signal and rode slowly across the land, heading for the path that lead to the hill. He thought about Ennis as he rode, far away yet on the path that led home. Jack had figured that it might even be less than a week before he came back. He would have to arrange for Ennis to be picked up, for he wanted their reunion to be more private. They had been apart for months and Jack wanted to greet him the way that he thought he should as Ennis's partner. He thought that Ennis might need holding once he was away from prying eyes and homophobic army people, and he was the person to do it. He could take Ennis in his arms at last and keep him safe where he belonged.

He got to the edge of the trees at the base of the hill and tied Signal to a tree, before heading up. The air was always a little breezy up here but not cold, and he had many pleasant memories of being up here with Ennis, so many that he had started having dreams about them up here. He figured that it was a sign of how much this spot meant to them; their own private space where they could make love under the wide open sky, just like on Brokeback. Maybe that was why they loved it so much; because it reminded them of that place, so long ago.

He sat down on his jacket and looked out towards Sandersville. The fireworks wouldn't be until the evening and he couldn't tell from this distance if anything was happening, but he figured there was probably a parade or something. He and Ennis had spent three of these days together, including two of them right here. There were so many memories of Ennis that he held in his mind and he hoped that they would have many more pleasant memories to come.

* * *

><p>That afternoon, Jack was upstairs using the bathroom when he heard a groaning sound coming from Becky's bedroom. Alarmed, he rushed in to find her bent over double, clutching her stomach.<p>

"Becky? What's wrong?" he asked, moving over to her and putting an arm around her.

"Feel sick again. Got up an' got this pain in my stomach. Dunno what happened."

"You gotta take it easy, honey. You know Rick said you can't overdo it."

"I know. I think I got up too quick an' I still feel sick..."

"Alright, come on." He led her out of her room and down the hall to the bathroom. He helped her down to the floor and rubbed her back. When she was finally done, he helped her back up again and was surprised when she burrowed into his arms. He hugged her back and waited for her to get her emotions under control; he knew that she needed this right now.

"Sorry, Jack, but I..." she mumbled into his shoulder.

"Shh...s'alright, Becky...I know how yer feelin'. It's okay, I'm here..." He kissed the side of her head. She sniffed and then eventually pulled away from him, wiping her eyes.

"Sorry 'bout that. Just...needed a hug."

He smiled at her, rubbing her arm. "Don't worry 'bout it. I know yer feelin' real bad an' I understand. If you ever need a hug again, you just gotta ask, okay?"

She smiled at him. "Thanks, Jack. I...I'm feelin' real bad now...feelin' sick all the time." Her smile had faded by now and she looked worried.

"Oh...what 'bout yer temperature?" He raised his hand and felt her forehead; it was a little warm but it didn't make him concerned. "Yer a little warm, but not too bad. You wanna try for some more sleep?"

She rubbed her eye of sleep. "I dunno. Feel kinda groggy with sleepin' all the time. But...I ain't really got the energy to be walkin' around."

Jack rubbed his chin. "Huh...you wanna come down an' lie on the sofa fer a bit?"

"Yeah, that might be alright. Is Lily awake?"

"Yep, she's downstairs with my mama. You wanna sit with her?"

Becky smiled at him again. "I'd really like that." He took her hand and squeezed it, leading her out of the bathroom and down the stairs. Rose was sat in her armchair with Lily, and she smiled when they appeared.

"Hey you two. How you feelin', Becky?"

"Just been throwin' up again, stood up too quick," she replied, looking sheepish. Jack marched her to the sofa and sat her down.

"Don't worry 'bout it, Becky. I'm gonna get ya some soup an' yer gonna eat it, then yer gonna rest, okay?"

She grinned up at him, glad he was taking charge of things. "Thanks, Jack."

"An' while I'm at it, I'm gonna call Rick an' see if he can come over. Maybe he can give ya somethin' fer those stomach cramps you get from all that throwin' up."

"Yeah, okay. Thanks." She and Rose smiled at each other as Jack went into the kitchen.

"He's always been so carin'," Rose said, letting Lily down so that she could walk towards her mother, who picked her up and placed her on her lap.

"He has. All the way through bein' pregnant, he an' Ennis were always there for me. They looked after me real well, an' I don't think I coulda got through it without 'em." She kissed the top of Lily's head.

"I know, sweetie. An' I can't tell you how it warms my heart to see him so happy, the way he was when Ennis was here. I never seen him so happy as when he's with Ennis. Yer daddy squashed him down so much while he was growin' up. I wish I coulda saved him from it like I did with you."

"I know, mama. But if you had, we might not ever have known each other. We still got to be best friends growin' up. An' even though we thought we was cousins, we still always spent all our time together, an' saw each other as brother an' sister."

"I know, honey. There was so many times in them years that I wanted to tell you the truth. But I knew you wasn't ready for it. So I had to let it lie."

"You don't gotta explain, mama. I understand." At that point, Jack came back in with a cup of chicken soup for Becky, so she was mindful to steer the conversation out of dangerous waters.

"Here you go, sweetie. An' I called Rick; he should be here in about an hour." He sat beside her and took Lily while Becky gratefully took the soup.

"Okay, thanks." She started drinking the soup and Jack started playing peek-a-boo with Lily, the way she loved. She was soon giggling uncontrollably and Jack couldn't help but laugh back. Becky and Rose were both smiling widely at them; he was undeniably good with Lily and Ennis was too. They all knew that if it had been possible, Ennis and Jack would have had at least one child of their own by now, if not more. They would make great fathers and Becky knew that when she died, Lily would be in good hands. They would look after her and nurture her into a strong woman of her own. She wasn't at all worried about leaving her, despite how much she wanted to see her grow up.

An hour later, Rick visited. He gave Becky some painkillers for her stomach cramps and told her, again, to take it easy. She told him she would and made a mental note to herself not to move too quickly when getting out of bed. He left and they all spent the evening in front of the TV, snacking on various things. They then all went up to bed for some much-needed sleep. They were still taking things as slowly as they could and were looking forward to Ennis's return.

* * *

><p><em>July 10th, 1966<em>

Ennis slowly made his way towards the phones so he could call Jack. He'd been laid up for about two weeks and they had finally told him that he could get up, that he'd recovered well enough. He was very glad to finally be able to hear Jack's voice again. He was still in Los Angeles, but tomorrow they would fly him back to South Carolina, and then he would be discharged formally. He would have to make his own travel arrangements from there, but that was okay; he knew that Jack would arrange it. He knew that he could depend on him.

He had been thinking a lot about what had happened out in Vietnam. Watching Adam die, and all the blood, had reminded him of seeing Earl's body in the ditch. He'd awoken from a nightmare comparing the two, in a cold sweat and desperately wanting Jack to be there to hold him. At least tomorrow he could return home, so Jack could hold him if it happened again. He couldn't wait to be back with his other half.

He was also quite worried about Becky, and how she was faring. He knew that Jack was pretty good at coping with things, especially family things, but still. He hoped that he would be able to help Jack as much as he could, but he wasn't sure.

He reached the phone and shakily dialled the number for the ranch; he couldn't quite believe that he was finally doing this. He held the receiver to his ear and waited.

Back at the ranch, Jack, Rose and Becky were all in the kitchen eating lunch. Jack was nearest the ringing phone so he got up.

"Brokeback Ranch, Jack speakin'."

Ennis closed his eyes for a second to digest the wonderful sound flowing into his ear. "Jack, it's me."

Realisation and shock hitting him, Jack collapsed back to the wall, leaning against it. "Ennis?" Rose and Becky both looked up at him, cautious optimism on their faces. "That really you?"

"Sure is, darlin'. Good to hear yer voice again." Ennis could feel a lump in his throat but he'd never been happier.

Jack couldn't stop the grin spreading across his face. "Oh God...good to hear yours too. We heard what happened, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'll live. Can't say the same for Adam though..."

"We know. Pete called us an' told us that Adam had died in a bomb attack, an' we knew that you got caught up in one. We pieced it together, cowboy. You was in the same attack, right?"

"Yeah...I hadta watch him die, Jack...was nothin' I could do." The lump in his throat grew.

Jack's heart ached for him, and the sorrow showed on his face. "Ennis...it's okay. Don't go blamin' yerself, you hear me? What 'bout you? The telegram didn't say nothin' 'bout yer injuries..."

"Shrapnel in the chest, had to have it taken out an' got stitched up. My arm got sprained but it's okay now. My whole body still feels a little stiff, to be honest."

"Aw, shit...sounds like you've been to hell an' back, cowboy. Where are ya?"

"Still in L.A. Gonna get flown back to Fort Jackson tomorrow so they can discharge me. Then I gotta make my own way home."

"Don't worry 'bout it. I'll get one of our friends to pick ya up. Any idea what time?"

"Dunno. Sometime in the mornin'. Before noon, I reckon."

Jack thought for a moment. "Alright. I'll make sure someone's there to get ya, okay?"

Ennis's heart swelled with love for him and he couldn't help but smile. Jack always had a way of making him feel better when he was down, and he was very grateful for it. "Thanks, darlin'. How are you guys? I got yer letter."

"Right. Becky's still real sick, has good days an' bad days, but...there still ain't nothin' Rick can do, Ennis...only one thing that can happen now..." They both knew what that was, but neither of them wanted to say it.

"Shit...I'm real sorry, Jack. How's yer mama, an' Lily?"

"My mama's been a real big help with all this, an' she's as good as can be expected, I guess. Lily's growin' so much, she's gettin' to be a real handful but you can't help but love her. She's so sweet, Ennis."

"Sounds great, bud..." He hesitated and asked the question he really wanted to. He loved the girls but Jack was his soulmate. "How are _you_, Jack?"

"I...I guess I'm okay. It's real hard, dealin' with all this, but...thinkin' on you helps a lot. I been holdin' our shirts in bed with me, seems to stop the nightmares."

"You don't still have nightmares, do ya?" Ennis asked, concern flooding through him.

"Nah, not so much. Thought I would once I heard 'bout ya gettin' hurt, but...no. Like I said, holdin' the shirts seems to help. God...can't wait to be holdin' you, Ennis..." He sounded wistful and Ennis knew the feeling.

"Me neither, darlin'. Been missin' ya real bad. More than I think I could ever tell ya. Can't even understand it myself."

"I know. I feel that way too, like someone ripped part of me away when you had to leave. When you get back...it'll probably feel like I'm the one bein' stitched up," he said with a grin.

"Yeah...so, um...I better go before they start yellin'. Say happy birthday to Becky fer me."

"I will, cowboy." He took a breath and could picture Ennis's face in his mind. "I love you, Ennis."

Ennis closed his eyes again and could feel life flowing into his body at those three little words that said so much. "I love you too, Jack. Bye."

"Bye, bud." They reluctantly hung up but lingered by their respective phones, praying that the day would pass swiftly so that they could be back in each other's arms again. They hoped that things were about to get a whole lot better than they had been lately.

* * *

><p>It was the day after, the day that Ennis was due to return home, and Jack was very antsy. He'd spent most of the morning pacing, much to his mother's irritation. After Ennis's phone call yesterday, he'd called around their friends to find someone who could pick Ennis up from Fort Jackson. It turned out that Kate, their silversmith, was taking a day off, so she had agreed to pick him up. It was a good idea; it might throw any suspicions off if Ennis was seen being picked up by a woman. She had called Jack that morning to tell him that she was setting off, so it was out of his hands now. All he could do now was wait.<p>

He went into the kitchen around ten, finding Rose and Becky sat at the table. They smiled up at him when they saw him.

"Hey, you finally finished yer pacin'?" Becky asked in amusement.

Jack rubbed the back of his neck. "I can't help it. I got no idea what time he's gonna get here or what state he's gonna be in...I ain't seen his face for six months an'..." He was starting to look hysterical and Rose waved him over.

"Come here, honey. Calm down." She got up to make him some coffee and he sat down, running a hand through his dark hair. Becky grasped his shoulder.

"Jack, I'm sure it's gonna be okay. He'll be here soon enough, an' we can work at sortin' things out. It'll be fine."

He tried his best to smile at her. "I know, but...I'm real anxious to see his face. It's been so long..."

"I know, Jack. I know you been missin' him real bad, an' he's missed you too. Just calm down, okay? Here..." She lifted Lily up and deposited her in Jack's arms to distract him. It worked a treat; he was soon playing with her and she was chattering away to him.

Rose watched the three of them affectionately as she made coffee, seeing the love between her two children. It would break her heart to see Becky die, but at least Jack and Ennis would find out the truth. Becky had written her letter to them, only to be opened after she'd gone. It was in her nightstand and Becky had asked her to give it to them if she didn't get the chance. She knew that Becky didn't want to see Jack's face when he found out exactly what their father had done, and what it had driven their mother to do. It would be a truly awful day when they found out.

They spent the next hour talking about anything to try and distract themselves. Jack felt that the minutes were passing like hours, making him very agitated.

At last, they could hear the sound of tires making their way towards the house, and they all looked at each other. Jack quickly gave Lily to her mother and nearly tripped over his own feet to get to the front door. He pulled it open in time to see Ennis emerge from Kate's truck.

Ennis had been nervous and excited all the way from Los Angeles, eager to see Jack's face and be close to him again. He'd been relieved to see Kate waiting for him, and the journey had been pleasant enough. His heart had been yearning all the way home. Back at the ranch, he got out of the truck just in time to see Jack emerge from the front door.

Their eyes met across the few yards separating them, and it was as if time stood still for a few moments. Blue eyes met brown, with equal looks of shock and happiness spreading across their faces.

Jack went to the top of the steps and waited for Ennis to make the first move; he wasn't exactly sure how Ennis might respond if he was overwhelmed. Kate stood by the truck, waiting and watching warily.

And then it happened, as they stared at each other. Ennis uttered one word as he looked at Jack's beloved face; that one word that had come to mean so much to Jack, the one that assured him of how much Ennis loved him, every time he said it.

"Darlin'..."

That one word returned life to Jack's legs, and brought him to his senses. He staggered down the steps on shaky legs, just as Ennis started to move across the front lawn.

"Jack...Jack..."

"Ennis..." All they cared about was getting to each other and holding each other, never letting go again.

They both sped up as they neared each other, eventually crashing into each other, their arms automatically locking around each other's body.

"Jack...God, Jack..." Ennis was clutching tightly at him and he could barely breathe, but he didn't care.

"Ennis...cowboy...yer home..."

Jack lifted his head and looked at Kate, who smiled and nodded before going back to the truck; there would be plenty of time for talking.

"Jack...I missed you so much...so fuckin' much..."

"I missed you too, baby...so good to have you back..."

"I...I couldn't save him...an'...was so scared I'd never see ya again..." Ennis was starting to shake in Jack's arms and Jack held him tighter.

"It's okay, Ennis...it's okay..."

Without warning, Ennis sagged in his arms and Jack, taken by surprise, was unable to support his weight, and while Ennis gradually sank to the ground, he couldn't help but go down with him. They sank to the ground, Ennis still desperately holding onto Jack who tried to soothe him.

"Jack...missed you so much...I...I couldn't..." All of the emotions that he'd been feeling over the last couple of weeks came crashing down onto him as he remembered how it felt to be held by Jack. His heart had filled with love for the man holding him and this had opened the floodgates on his other feelings. He could no longer hold back, and just let go.

Jack held the back of his head with one hand. "Shh...it's alright, it's alright."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

They stayed that way for what felt like an eternity, Jack holding Ennis until his sobs faded away. He was unwilling to let go of him, just wanted to hold him here forever and make all the pain go away.

As he held Ennis, he suddenly remembered something. "Shit, Ennis! Yer stitches! Come on, get up." He dug his boot heels in and gently brought Ennis up with him, keeping a firm grip on him. He brought them both into a standing position, and pulled his head back so he could look at Ennis. His eyes were a little red and Jack's heart nearly broke.

"Baby..." he said softly, cupping Ennis's cheeks. "It's okay..."

Ennis sniffed and wiped at his eyes. "Sorry, Jack, but...I..."

"Shh..." Jack soothed, stroking his cheeks. "You wanna go inside? My mama an' Becky wanna see ya." He saw Ennis nod.

"Yeah, okay." Jack grabbed Ennis's bag from the ground, which he'd dropped as they'd collided, and slung it over his shoulder. He then took Ennis's hand and led him to the house, feeling fiercely protective of him.

Rose, Becky and Lily had moved to the front room by now, and the two women smiled as they entered. They immediately noticed Ennis's red eyes, but declined to comment out of respect for his feelings.

"Ennis..." Rose stood up and walked over to him. Jack was worried that he might recoil from physical contact, but this wasn't the case. Ennis smiled and let her embrace him, her standing on her tiptoes to reach around his shoulders. Becky stood up slowly and walked over, handing Lily over to Jack. When Rose prised herself away from her son-in-law, Ennis turned to Becky.

"Hey...how you feelin'?" he asked her in concern.

She smiled up at him; he was taken aback by how pale and gaunt she was, but he could see that her eyes were still very much alert. "I'm copin'. Just takin' one day at a time. Come here..." She reached up and hugged him tightly, and he could feel how thin she was; she hadn't felt like that the last time he'd hugged her, six months ago. He wondered how much time she had left and was thankful that he would be here when the time came.

They broke apart and Jack moved forward with Lily, her bright blue eyes alight with interest. Jack wondered if she would recognise Ennis.

Ennis looked down at her, hoping that she would know his face. After a few moments of looking up at him, Lily giggled and reached up for him. All four adults smiled in relief.

"Looks like she knows ya," Jack said, handing her over to Ennis, whose gentle face and calm demeanour would have been enough to make her trust him, even if she hadn't recognised him. Jack's heart filled with love at the sight. He could tell that holding Lily was calming Ennis down, at least for now.

They all moved to the sofa and chairs, as a family.

"How you doin', Ennis?" asked Rose. He tried to smile.

"Okay, I guess. Just...tryin' not to think on it much, you know?"

She and Rose both nodded in understanding. They knew that Ennis would have to think about it at some point, but they knew that right now he needed a bit of normality.

Lily squirmed and Ennis let her go, and she headed for her toys on the floor. With Ennis's hands now free, Jack took hold of one and laced their fingers together. Ennis smiled at him.

Becky yawned. "Think I'm gonna go fer some more sleep, if that's okay." The others nodded.

"Sure, honey. I don't mind takin' care of Lily." Becky smiled in gratitude and got up, kissing all three of them on the cheek before heading upstairs.

"You wanna go for a ride, bud?" Jack asked Ennis.

Ennis shook his head regretfully. "Can't. Back in L.A. I talked to the nurse who was keepin' an eye on me. Told her I do a lot of ridin' an' she told me not for a few weeks yet." He looked at Jack with pain in his eyes.

Jack winced as he remembered Ennis's stitches. "Shit, sorry, cowboy. I forgot. You wanna do somethin' else?"

"Could we just go fer a walk?" Ennis asked, and Jack's heart yearned to make him feel better.

"Sure thing, bud. Come on." He dragged Ennis up by the hand and Rose kissed them both as they headed out.

They walked slowly, with no real destination in mind but happy to be here together. Jack was very happy to have Ennis back with him, holding his hand, but he felt as if this was the calm before the storm. Ennis had been so distraught when he'd arrived and Jack had been quite taken aback by the onslaught of emotion from him. It seemed to have died down now, after the initial flood, but Jack had to wonder if it might come back. He remembered his vow to himself to look after Ennis no matter what, and he would be sure to see it through.

They reached the bench outside the barn and sat down, still holding hands.

"Nice day," Jack commented, looking up and around. "Havin' a good summer, huh?"

"Yeah..."

Jack looked at him, and then down at his hands. He noticed Ennis's bare ring finger and remembered where his ring was.

"Oh..." He reached under his shirt and brought up the chain holding Ennis's wedding ring, a smile on his face. "Here..." He lifted it over his head and unclasped the chain, putting it in his pocket. He held out the ring.

"Can I put this back on?" he asked, looking hopeful.

Ennis smiled, and this time it reached his eyes, to Jack's relief. He let Jack take his hand and slip the ring on where it belonged. They both looked down at it, Jack running his thumb over it and thinking about the day they'd swapped these up on Brokeback. Their eyes met and they both shifted forwards into each other's arms, holding onto each other for comfort.

* * *

><p>A little later, they returned to the house for some more food. Even though there were a number of hours left until dinner, they found themselves ravenous after recent events. Jack found some peanut butter in the fridge so set about making everybody some sandwiches. His mother was still in the living room with Lily, and they figured that Becky was still asleep. The two of them decided to eat their fill and then wrap up whatever was left.<p>

As they ate one-handed, Jack suddenly thought of something. "Hey...now that yer home, you wanna call yer brother an' sister? I told 'em what happened when I got the telegram, an' that you'd be home soon."

Ennis thought for a moment, and then shook his head. "I dunno. I ain't really up to talkin' much yet. I wanna, but..." He bit his lip.

Jack squeezed his hand. "It's okay. I understand. You want me to call 'em, an' tell 'em that you'll call 'em when yer ready?" Ennis smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, that'd be good. Thanks, bud."

"No problem." Jack finished his sandwiches and drained his glass before getting up, kissing Ennis's cheek as he did so. He went to the phone and started dialling. As he waited, he turned so that he could meet Ennis's eyes across the kitchen.

"Cecilia Wilson."

"Hey, Cecilia. It's Jack."

"Oh, hey Jack. What's up?"

"How are you guys? Did you, uh...go to the funeral?" he asked, cautious of any reaction from Ennis, but his head was down. Jack grew concerned for him and hoped that the long-term effects wouldn't be too bad.

"We did. Tom was real shaken up. They got real close these last couple of years an' then to have this happen..." She sounded quite upset, and he couldn't blame her.

"I know. How's Pete?"

"Oh, Jack...he...he looked lost. Don't really know what he's gonna do now."

"Right. I'll call him sometime. Anyway, I got some news."

"Oh?" she asked hopefully.

"Yep. Ennis is back home. Got back a couple hours ago."

"Really?" Cecilia sounded much more alive now. "That's great! Where is he?"

"He's here, in the kitchen. But he says he ain't up to talkin' to people right now. No offense, Cecilia."

"Oh, that's okay, Jack. No worries. I understand he's been through a lot, an' that he's got some healin' to do. There ain't no rush. Just...let him know I'm sendin' my best to him, okay?"

"Sure, will do. Give my best to Tom, alright?"

"Yep. Bye, Jack."

"Bye, Cecilia." He hung up and decided to wait a moment before calling K.E. He went over to Ennis, who had finished eating and was now biting at a hangnail. He went around the table and leaned over Ennis, crossing his arms around Ennis's neck and pressing their cheeks together.

"Cecilia sends her best," Jack said softly, his words half-lost in Ennis's cheek.

"'Kay..."

Jack sighed, knowing what had affected him. "Sorry, cowboy. I forgot about the whole funeral thing. I know it probably ain't what you wanna hear 'bout right now..."

Ennis covered Jack's arms with his hands and leaned back into him. "S'alright, Jack. Only right that you ask 'bout it. Wouldn't expect no less of you, bud..."

Jack kissed his cheek and held him tighter. "Thanks, Ennis. Just one more call an' that'll be it for now, okay? We can have some more quiet time together, if ya want."

"I'd like that," Ennis murmured, feeling secure in Jack's arms. They stayed that way for a moment, and then Jack suddenly roused himself.

"Well, better get it over with." He prised himself away and went back to the phone, dialling K.E.

"K.E. Del Mar."

"Hey, K.E., it's Jack."

"Oh, hey Jack. Sarah said you called about a week ago. Couldn't believe it when she told me 'bout Ennis."

"I know, an' Adam too. Cecilia said Tom's all cut up; don't know what to do with himself. An' I know Pete ain't much better. He's lost everythin'."

"Shit...that's awful. So what's happened now?"

"Well...Ennis is back home. Got back a couple hours ago." Jack couldn't help but smile at this.

"Oh...that's great, Jack. How is he?"

"Injured, an' traumatised I think, but he'll be okay, I'm sure."

"Good. Give him my best, okay?"

"I sure will. An' you to an' Sarah too."

"Thanks. Bye, Jack."

"Bye, K.E." Jack hung up and then rubbed his forehead. When he turned to Ennis, he was alarmed to see that his partner had his face in his hands.

"Ennis? What is it?" He rushed around the table and gently grasped Ennis's shoulders. "What's up?"

"I just..." He shakily brought his face out of his hands. "Seein' Adam lyin' there like that...dyin', blood all over him...made me think of..."

Jack was way ahead of his thoughts, and his stomach clenched. "Oh shit...Ennis..." He snaked his arms around Ennis's neck and tried to comfort him. "It's okay..."

"I just...I hadn't thought on it since I was in hospital, an'...you talkin' to K.E. just now made me think 'bout it, rememberin' that he saw it too..."

"Ennis...I'm sorry..."

He shook his head, once more holding onto Jack's arms. "Ain't yer fault. Just...got a lot of shit to deal with, in my head...ain't gonna be easy."

"I know. But...I promise, Ennis...I'm gonna help ya as much as I can. Before...the attack...when you was still out there...I made myself a promise. That no matter what happened to you out there, or what it did to ya...I'd do whatever I could to make it better. To help ya through it. I made vows to you, an' I'm gonna stand by 'em. Yer my husband..." he finished in a soft, soothing voice.

It worked; he could feel the tension draining out of Ennis's body as he relaxed. He sent up a prayer of thanks that his words were sinking in, that Ennis was listening. Maybe they would be able to get through this, if they worked together. That was something to aim for.

* * *

><p>That evening, they were all about to go up to bed for some sleep, something that they all needed very much. Jack was wondering how Ennis might want to handle the sleeping arrangements; he had seemed okay with physical contact earlier, but a few hugs with family members were different compared to sharing a bed with a lover. Jack would never force Ennis into anything, especially not after what had happened, but he wasn't sure if Ennis would even want to share a bed with him. It might be too soon.<p>

They were the last to go up, and Jack stood around awkwardly, rubbing his head. "Hey, um...how d'you wanna handle the sleepin' arrangements?"

Ennis looked at him, confused. "Whaddaya mean, bud?"

Jack seemed nervous and hesitant. "Um...you wanna share, or...?"

"Course I do. It's our bed, ain't it?" Ennis asked in confusion.

Jack looked at him, heartache in his face. "I just...if we share..."

Ennis suddenly started to understand Jack's predicament. "Oh...Jack, I...it's okay. We can share."

"You sure?" he asked, looking worried. "Look, if...if you don't wanna...I understand. It's probably way too early for us to do anythin', an' that's okay. You've been hurt, in all kinds of ways, an'...I don't want ya feelin' like we gotta go straight back to havin' sex on yer first night back. It's alright an' I don't mind waitin'."

Ennis was touched by Jack's declaration. He honestly hadn't been bothered by the prospect of sharing a bed with Jack. He hadn't even thought about sex, but now that Jack mentioned it, he wasn't sure that he was quite ready for that yet.

"Jack...it's okay. Yer right, it is too soon for us to do anythin'. I just ain't ready yet. Sorry, bud."

Jack shook his head. "Don't worry 'bout it, cowboy. You still wanna share? I don't mind sleepin' on the sofa until yer okay for us to share."

He looked at Ennis, who was clearly thinking about this. Ennis shook his head.

"No, Jack...I...I wanna share, even if we can't do nothin'."

"Are ya sure?" Jack asked, moving forward with a soft expression on his face.

He nodded. "I, um...I been sleepin' alone for six months...missed ya somethin' awful, darlin'. I...I don't wanna be alone no more..."

"Aw, Ennis...s'alright. You don't gotta, if you don't wanna be. I know you probably need some company right now, given everythin' that's happened, an' that's okay. You want me to sleep in the bed with ya, I will."

"Jack, I...I think I'm gonna start havin' nightmares, 'bout what happened. I...I don't wanna be alone if that happens. Gonna need ya there." His voice broke with the last few words, and he sounded quite choked up. Jack just nodded.

"No problem, Ennis." He took Ennis's hand and squeezed it. "Come on, then." He led Ennis upstairs and to their bedroom, enjoying the quiet of the house around them. They quickly checked in on Lily before reaching their room; they'd adopted a routine of checking on her whenever her room was passed, to make sure that she was okay.

They reached their room and Jack let Ennis in first, closing the door behind them. "Hey, Ennis?" he asked, looking at him.

Ennis turned. "Yeah?"

"You, uh...you want a massage, with the oil? I don't mind, an' you look like you need one."

He was glad to see a genuine smile spread across Ennis's face. "Sure, that sounds good. Thanks, bud."

"No problem. Get yerself comfortable." He gestured to the bed and watched Ennis start to undress. He didn't want Ennis to freak out to feel him naked on top of him, so he grabbed a pair of pyjama bottoms and started to undress too. He put on the pyjamas and headed for the bed, where Ennis was lying face down, getting himself ready. Jack crawled onto his side of the bed and shuffled up to Ennis.

"You ready?" he asked softly, nuzzling Ennis's ear with his nose. He heard Ennis breathing in a relaxed way.

"Yeah. Go on, Jack..."

Jack kissed his ear and slowly slid on top of him, covering him with his warm body. He reared up onto his knees and reached for their massage oil, unused after so many months. He got some on his hands and warmed it up, before starting to rub Ennis's shoulders with it. He heard Ennis make a soft purring noise and smiled to himself.

"Just relax, baby," he whispered, rubbing Ennis's back. "Let it all go..."

"Mmm..." Ennis buried his face in the pillow and tried to lose himself in Jack's caring touch, not thinking about anything else. Jack stayed in the upper area, unsure of how far to go, and was soon finished.

"That better?" he asked, leaning low over Ennis and kissing the base of his neck.

"Real good, darlin'. Thanks..."

"Ain't no problem. You know I'd do anythin' fer you. You wanna try an' get some sleep now?"

"Yeah. Promise you'll stay?" His breath hitched and Jack could sense his need to have him close.

"Sure do. I ain't ever gonna leave ya alone, not until yer ready fer it. Gonna stick to ya like glue, cowboy, at least until you can handle bein' on yer own. That alright?"

"Yeah. Thanks, bud. Could ya...hold me tonight?"

"Course. An' every night as long as ya want me to." Jack slid off him onto his side and gazed at him in the darkness. He leaned forward and kissed Ennis softly on his lips; their first real kiss since his return. Ennis then turned onto his other side and Jack spooned up around him, holding him around his stomach.

"Night, baby," Jack whispered, holding him close. He felt Ennis take a shuddering breath.

"Night, Jack." He fell asleep to the feeling of Jack gently rubbing his stomach the way he loved, and for the first time in six months, he felt safe and loved. Everything would be alright as long as he had Jack here to hold him.

* * *

><p>Becky lay in her bed, trying to get comfortable. It had been an eventful day, for sure. She was very glad that Ennis was home and in one piece, even if he did have stitches. She knew that the mental scars could last for a long time, and would only heal if Ennis was helped. She wondered if he might need some kind of therapy in order to get through it, and if Rick might be able to help him. He hadn't been able to help her, but that wasn't his fault. Maybe he knew somebody who could help Ennis. She'd heard of therapists who dealt especially with war veterans, and maybe Rick could put him in touch with one of them.<p>

She hoped that Jack would be able to help Ennis with the trauma he was likely to be suffering in the coming months. She'd heard that nothing worked better than comfort from a trusted lover. Maybe Jack would be able to help him. She knew that Ennis trusted Jack beyond all others, and that Jack had been the first person to find a way in through the armour that Ennis had built up around himself. He'd gotten in where nobody else had, not even Alma from what they'd told her. They did feel sorry for her, especially Jack for having essentially stolen Ennis from her, but they had tried their best to make amends before starting off for Georgia. She wondered how Alma was doing these days; she knew that she had married her friend from back home, so maybe she was happy. She knew that it had eased Ennis's mind to hear that she was doing okay.

As for herself, she could steadily feel herself getting worse as the days passed. She was still throwing up every now and then, and she kept getting headaches. She knew deep down that she would be spending more and more time in bed from now on, which she didn't like, considering that Ennis was home. He was, in a way, her brother-in-law, and she wanted to be around him now that he was back home. She loved him as much as she loved Jack and prayed, for their sakes, that he would be okay.

Down the hall, Rose too was thinking about Ennis and Jack, and what the next few months might be like. She remembered a few male friends of hers going off to war around twenty years ago and a couple of them coming back traumatised. They had struggled to get back to a normal life after coming home; one of them had even taken his own life because he couldn't cope. She hoped with all her heart that it wouldn't come to that; ordinarily Ennis was in no way the type for that, but she knew that war could change everything. They would probably have to keep a close eye on Ennis for any signs of severe trauma.

She was quite worried about Jack, and how he might cope with everything that was going on. Becky was ill, there was the ranch to consider, there was Lily to bring up, and now Ennis was back, and likely to need help at some point. There was a lot going on in their lives right now and she wondered if Jack might be stretched to breaking point, if he might crack and have a breakdown. She hoped that wouldn't happen; the last thing they needed right now was for Jack to become too affected by everything. They had to remain strong as much as possible and band together as a family if they had any chance of getting through this. They had gelled together so well after she and Becky had come to live here, and Rose knew that despite their problems, there was nowhere on earth that she would rather be. She loved her two (or rather three) children and her granddaughter more than anything. She wouldn't trade in any of this for a family with no problems.

She'd heard Ennis and Jack come up to bed, softly padding along the hall to their room. She had wondered about their sleeping arrangements and if they would share. Would Ennis want that kind of intimacy? Even though she knew it could be a long time before they did anything, she wondered if Ennis would be able to sleep in such a small space like their bed, so close to another body. She knew that he trusted Jack not to force him into anything, but still.

She had thought a lot about Becky lately, and how she was doing. She was still very ill and was getting steadily worse. She'd been to see Rick a couple of times, even though he couldn't actually do anything for her. They were still good friends, like with everybody else in town, and he could still offer her some moral support. She was very glad that they had such good friends here in town; people to offer them support as needed. She wondered if they would have their friends over at some point. She knew that they would want to see Ennis now that he was back home, but he might be too traumatised just yet to have too many people in the same room. He might be too agitated and might close up. She knew that it would have to be discussed between him and Jack before it could happen, and that Jack would honour his wishes no matter what. Personally, she thought it might be good for him to see their friends, but it was his call.

She sighed to herself and put her book down, unable to read with all the thoughts buzzing around her head. She settled herself down and turned off the light, hoping that they could all get through this with minimal damage to themselves. In her heart, she prayed that they would all be able to cope and that there wouldn't be too much heartache at the end of it.

* * *

><p>Down the hall, Ennis and Jack were still sleeping in their spooning position, lost in their dreams of each other. Ennis had drifted off to the feeling of Jack rubbing his stomach in the gentle way he did to soothe him. He had always loved that feeling.<p>

_He was back in the jungle, hearing the bombs hit and feeling pain all through his body. He looked down at Adam, lying there as he died. He was white and still shaking, and there was nothing he could do._

_He looked around helplessly, not knowing what to do. Adam was dying and he couldn't save him. What was he supposed to do now?_

In his sleep, Ennis started to make noises of discomfort and started shifting around. He didn't stir Jack yet but he was becoming agitated.

_He turned back to face his dying comrade, but the dream had changed. Now he was looking on a very familiar face, bloodied and torn apart, the white hair full of dirt and blood. The pants were bloodied too; a complete mess of a corpse. He stood up in alarm and started backing away, completely horrified. He couldn't take his eyes off the figure and now he really didn't know what to do. He had to get away from here, and fast._

_As he backed away, he saw the face of the figure change before his very eyes. Gone was the withered old face, and in its place was a younger one, still smooth. The bright blue eyes were striking against the pale skin but Ennis gained no joy from looking at them. They were no longer full of life; were now dead. The black hair was full of dust, and the body was still the same; covered in blood and torn up._

"_No...oh God, no..." He couldn't take it anymore. He turned and fled through the trees as fast as he could. But another bomb hit soon after, the force of it blasting in his face._

He jerked awake, shuddering in Jack's arms and gasping for breath. Jack was finally roused, and he grew alarmed when he saw the state that Ennis was in.

"Ennis?" He leaned up on his elbow and gently started to shake him. "Come on, wake up..."

He felt Ennis shaking; he was somewhere between sleep and waking, and Jack knew he had to get him awake properly. "Ennis, come on..."

"...Jack..." he finally gasped out. "Jack..."

"It's okay, I'm here," Jack soothed, running his hand along Ennis's arm. "I'm here, baby..."

Ennis turned slowly onto his back, and Jack was saddened by his expression. "Jack..."

"Shh..." Jack shushed him, cupping his cheek. "It's alright."

"Nightmare," Ennis choked out. "Adam...then Earl...then you..." He looked utterly terrified and Jack didn't quite know how to comfort him. He'd been afraid of that dream materialising once more, especially after what had happened. He knew that what Ennis had seen as a boy scared him, and it scared him even more to see Jack in that way. It made some sort of cruel sense that watching Adam die like that would cause the nightmare to come back to him.

"Ennis...it's okay. Just a nightmare. I'm okay, see?" He brought Ennis's hand to his beating heart for reassurance, and he felt Ennis's fingers pressing at his chest for comfort. "We're both safe. Yer safe, with me, where you belong."

He watched Ennis's frightened face slowly change as he calmed down, taking deep breaths. "Jack...don't want you endin' up like that..."

"I know you don't. But I ain't yet, an' I don't plan on goin' nowhere right now. You need me, right?" He saw Ennis nod. "So...I ain't goin' nowhere. I promise."

"You...can't go promisin' that," Ennis said shakily. "You don't know..."

Jack sighed. "I don't. But...I can promise to at least try. Everythin's gonna be okay, I swear. You believe me?"

"I...I wanna, but..." Ennis swallowed. "Just...so fuckin' scared..."

Jack leaned down and let their noses brush together. "I know, Ennis...I know you are...I am too, to tell ya the truth. But...we gotta have a little faith. Let's just take one day at a time, okay?" He ran a hand through Ennis's curls and watched his face.

Ennis sniffed a couple of times as their foreheads pressed together, looking down to where his hand still rested over Jack's beating heart. When he looked up, his eyes were a little bright and he was clearly still a little shaken, but at least his breathing was normal now.

"Okay, bud. Jack, I...I gotta say thanks for everythin'. You takin' care of me, an' with Becky ill an' all..." He looked quite choked up and Jack couldn't help but gently press their lips together for a second.

"Can't deny that it ain't easy, but...I love you guys, an' I wanna make sure yer okay. You've always been lookin' after me, Ennis. When my dad wanted to have us killed back in Lightnin' Flat...when I got hurt in Texas...when Alma was spittin' hate at me...then all the shit we had to deal with from Pete...then my dad dyin' an' all..." He smiled to himself as he thought of all the times Ennis had taken care of him. "You've always done right by me when I needed it. It's my turn now, cowboy. Let me take care of you fer a change. I can do it too, an' I wanna." He pressed in close and looked straight into Ennis's eyes. "Just let it all go," he whispered. "Don't worry no more..."

Ennis closed his eyes and shifted closer to him, seeking more sleep. Jack quickly checked Ennis's bandages on his stomach; they seemed okay, so he settled down with him. They were in an awkward position, half on their backs and half on their sides, but Jack didn't care as long as Ennis was comfortable. Looking after him was his priority now, and he swore to do everything he could to see this through; to protect him and chase all the nightmares away.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

The next morning, Ennis awoke to the bright morning light streaming through the window. He felt comfortable at first, but then he realised that Jack's arm was no longer around his stomach. He sat up quickly, blinking sleep out of his eyes and searching the room for Jack. After a moment, he could hear the shower running and calmed down, understanding where Jack was. He rubbed his face and tried to slow his heart rate back to normal. He hadn't meant to get so scared when he'd realised that Jack was no longer in the bed, but he couldn't help it.

Jack finished in the shower and stepped out, wrapped in a towel. He came back into the bedroom to find Ennis sitting up, his head in his hands. His eyes widened. "Ennis?"

Ennis looked up at him. "Jack, I..."

"What's wrong?" he asked, full of concern as he crawled onto the bed and sat next to him. Ennis shook his head.

"Don't matter. Was stupid anyway..."

Jack put an arm around his shoulders. "Ain't stupid, I know you're havin' a bad time right now. Tell me what's up."

He sighed. "Just...woke up an' you wasn't here. Got kinda freaked out until I heard the shower. Didn't mean to get scared."

"Aw, Ennis...it's okay. You was still asleep, so..." He looked ashamed of himself. "Sorry, bud. I didn't think you'd wake up yet, so I thought I'd hit the shower. Didn't mean to scare ya, cowboy."

"S'okay, Jack. Ain't yer fault."

"It is...I promised I wouldn't never leave ya on yer own until you was ready. Or I shoulda woke you up first or somethin'. I'm sorry, Ennis..." He kissed the side of Ennis's cheek and looked apologetically at him.

"Don't matter, Jack." He then sighed. "Thought about havin' a shower myself, but...my stitches..."

Jack thought for a moment. "Well...how 'bout I give ya a stand-up wash or somethin'? That'll work."

"Yeah, okay." He gave Jack a half-smile and allowed himself to be gently pulled out of bed. Jack led him into the bathroom and put the toilet lid down, gesturing for Ennis to sit down.

"Okay, easy..." He helped him slowly sit down so as not to aggravate his stitches. Jack washed him with the washcloth, allowing Ennis to place a hand on his hip for support. When he was done, he felt Ennis grab hold of his wrist and looked down at him.

"You okay, bud?"

Ennis gazed up at him. "Yeah. Just...somethin' I been thinkin' on."

Jack sank down to his knees and looked up at him. "What, sweetheart?" Their hands linked together on Ennis's knees.

"Um...I...I'm all messed up right now, after what happened. Can't deny it. An'...it got me thinkin', 'specially after last night."

"Whaddaya mean?"

Ennis looked sorrowfully at him. "Probably gonna be a while before I can do anythin'. You sure yer okay with that? I know you been missin' it..."

Jack shook his head. "S'okay, Ennis. Yeah, I been missin' it, but...don't mean I can't wait a little longer. That's what my right hand's for, ain't it?" he said with a grin.

He saw Ennis smile appreciatively, but then it faded. "I guess, but...you sure you don't need more? I ain't up to it...an'..."

"Ennis...ain't no way I'm gonna be cheatin' on ya. Not even fer a second. Ain't never crossed my mind. No matter how much I miss it, I ain't never gonna resort to that. You hear me, bud?" He brought his hands up to cup Ennis's face.

Ennis's eyes raked over his face, searching for reassurance. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, cowboy. Listen...when you an' me started up on Brokeback, it was about sex at first, right? I know that. But...after a while an' we was fallin' in love...became a lot more than that, you know?" He ran his tongue along his bottom lip. "By the time we came down, I knew I loved ya. Was way more than sex by then. An' it always has been since then. I love you, Ennis. You an' me...we've always been about more than sex."

"Yeah...you mean that?" he asked hopefully, looking into Jack's eyes.

"You know it, Ennis...an' that's why it don't matter how long we gotta wait before we can do anythin'. Way more than just sex with us, you know?"

He looked up into Ennis's face, hoping that he was getting through to him. After a few seconds, he saw Ennis smile tentatively.

"Thanks, Jack...don't mean to freak out all the time like this..."

Jack stood up and softly kissed him on the mouth. "S'alright, Ennis. You've had a real bad time of it an' I understand. It don't matter to me how long I gotta wait, I'd wait forever if it meant you got better in the meantime. Whatever it takes for ya to heal from what happened, I don't care. I'll do anythin' to help ya, okay?"

"Okay, darlin'. Thanks..." He sniffed and shakily smiled at Jack, who held his hands out.

"You wanna get dressed an' get some breakfast? I know you like my pancakes..." He grinned at him.

Ennis smiled properly. "Sounds good. Could ya help me get dressed?"

"Sure, come on." Jack helped him up and back to the bedroom. He helped Ennis get dressed and then got dressed himself, before leading the way downstairs. They got themselves some orange juice and Jack set about making pancakes, the way his mother had taught him. Ennis watched him work, happy to just observe. He could still hear Jack's words in his head, reassuring him that he loved him and didn't care how long it might be before they had sex again. He was very touched by Jack's declaration and didn't know what he would do without him. He was optimistic about his chances of getting through the mess in his head as long as he had Jack.

They were soon joined by Rose, Becky and Lily, the two women smiling to see them down here, together. They all looked like a family and that was how it was going to be from now on.

* * *

><p>Later that afternoon, their friends came by one by one to visit them, and to see how Ennis was doing. Jack knew that they had all been concerned about Ennis over the last six months, and had always been glad for news of him. That morning after breakfast, with Ennis's agreement, Jack had called around to tell them that he was back home and ready to see them. Jack thought that Ennis seemed to be faring a little better after their talk in the bathroom. He hoped that Ennis would be okay; that the effects of the attack wouldn't be too severe, but there was still a niggling thought in the back of his mind that something was about to happen to trigger all the bad effects he'd read about in war veterans.<p>

They started to arrive around two; the hands were the first to drop by, all giving greetings to their other boss and talking about the ranch. Jack could tell that talking about work and normal stuff was doing Ennis a world of good, and he was glad that they were here to distract Ennis. They were all sat in the kitchen; luckily it was big enough to accommodate them and all their friends, thanks to the island. Rose had put together a lunch for them all and they ate as they talked.

"So, what's goin' on with the ranch, boss?" asked Dave. "What've we got comin' up?"

"Uh, well, we got this big-shot rancher in Texas who's interested in a breedin' deal with our bull. I wanna do a check on him first, though. Make sure he ain't like that Peterson guy we had before." Jack glanced at Michael as he said this.

"Good idea, boss. Don't want none of that." They went back to their food and it wasn't long before their other friends from town arrived. Rick was working but Kate said he sent his best wishes, along with a bottle of wine for them. The kitchen was full of people and Jack kept a close eye on Ennis for signs that it was becoming too much for him, but there didn't seem to be any just yet.

"Hey," said Kate at one point. "You guys still thinkin' of renewin' yer vows sometime? I know you said you was thinkin' about it when Ennis got back..."

Jack looked at Ennis. "Uh, well...I dunno 'bout that just yet. We got some things to work through before we can start plannin' stuff like that, you know?"

Ennis nodded in agreement. "Yeah. I, uh...got issues to work out. Gonna be a while before I can...get back to normal stuff, ya know?"

"Oh, sure Ennis. Ain't no rush," Kate said, looking a little stricken at her lack of tact. "You guys have gotta take things at yer own pace. We all understand that." She smiled at him and he half-smiled back. His hand found Jack's and their fingers laced together tightly.

After a few more minutes of talking and laughing, Jack could tell that Ennis was starting to grow agitated with all the people in the room, no matter how much he liked them. He knew that after returning from World War Two, Bill had grown to dislike large crowds, so maybe Ennis was starting to experience something similar.

"You wanna get some fresh air?" he murmured in Ennis's ear. He saw Ennis nod.

"Yeah. Could ya come with me?" Jack could hear the plea in his voice, needing company.

"Sure." He then addressed the group. "Hey, guys, me an' Ennis could do with some fresh air for a bit. Don't mind, do ya?"

They all shook their heads, so the two of them pulled their boots on and headed out the back door, blinking in the bright sunlight.

"Gets kinda stuffy in there with everyone around, huh?" Jack commented, looking at Ennis. He could see his cowboy relaxing now that they were alone in the fresh air.

"Yeah. You know I like 'em all, but...need time alone right now. 'Cept with you." He smiled at Jack, who grinned back.

"You always got me, Ennis. Come on." He led Ennis over to the wicker chairs and they sat down, getting comfortable and listening to the buzz of conversation from the open window. It was cool here in the shade and Ennis had his eyes closed, looking more relaxed than Jack had seen him since his return.

"You okay now, bud?" he asked softly, leaning his head back to look at him. He saw Ennis smile.

"Yeah. Real nice an' quiet here, always was." He sighed. "Was quiet there most days, but...was never relaxed. Always somethin' to do, an'...once we got out there, was always the danger..."

Jack reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Don't think on it, Ennis. Ain't gonna do ya no good. Just try an' relax, okay?"

Ennis sighed. "I know. Hard not to think on it. Can't help it. Like last night...that nightmare..."

"Hey...don't think on it," Jack repeated. He let go of Ennis's hand and got up, heading for Ennis's chair. He sat on the arm and looked down at Ennis, putting his arm around his shoulders.

"You gonna be okay, baby?" he asked, stroking the curls at the base of Ennis's neck. The brown eyes gazed up at him, into his bright blue ones.

"Think so, long as I got you." They smiled at each other and Jack leaned down to kiss him. Their previous kisses had been short, with Jack careful not to take things too far so soon. He was surprised when Ennis kept the kiss going, pressing their lips together firmly for longer than a few seconds. Jack didn't move, just let Ennis take what he needed right now. They broke apart and Jack was happy to see a glint in Ennis's eyes, smiling up at him. Jack smiled back and caressed his face; this was a good sign as far as he was concerned, that Ennis was actively seeking more. Maybe he was healing.

* * *

><p>The next day, one of the wheels in Jack's truck had a puncture, so he had to take it to the local garage to have it seen to. Unwilling to leave Ennis alone, he brought him along and spun the head mechanic a tale of them out to see a potential buyer. They waited around outside, smoking and talking.<p>

"Last thing we needed, huh?" said Jack, glancing at Ennis. "Hadn't planned on this happenin'. Ain't cheap an' we gotta watch things."

Ennis looked at him. "Still doin' okay, ain't we? Money's alright?"

"Sure. But still...pays to be careful."

"Sure does. We'll be okay, right?" Ennis asked him.

"Yeah, should be. Anyway...how you doin' today?" he asked, looking over him.

Ennis nodded. "Alright, I guess. Didn't have a nightmare last night, woke up feelin' okay..."

Jack smiled. "Yep. Let's hope it stays that way, huh?" They continued to wait around, scuffing their feet around and waiting to be called back to the garage.

For Jack, what happened next was like something out of a nightmare, in slow motion. A truck backfired nearby and Ennis's reaction was imminent.

_A loud noise...a blast...bombs going off...blood everywhere...Adam...Earl...Jack..._

His cigarette fell from his fingers as he clamped his hands to his head, staring down at the ground as his mind flashed with images; memories and nightmares rolled up into one. Jack grew alarmed and threw his own cigarette away.

"Shit...Ennis?" He tried to walk over to him, tried to put his hands on his shoulders, but Ennis pulled away, eyes now wide with fear, unable to stop the images in his mind. He continued to shy away from Jack, turning and staggering into the alleyway. Jack had a flashback of that day in Signal, so long ago, when Ennis had done the same thing then. Just like then, he had to try and help him.

"Ennis..." He followed him slowly, not wanting to scare him. Ennis was standing in the shadows of the alleyway, breathing raggedly and making strained noises in his throat. Jack tried a calmer approach.

"Ennis? Bud, are you okay?" He was terrified by this change in Ennis, and had no idea what to do. He very slowly inched forward, trying not to spook him. He tentatively laid a hand on Ennis's shoulder.

"Ennis, look at me. It's okay...shh..." Throwing caution to the winds, he brought up his other hand and placed them both over Ennis's, slowly prising them away from his face.

"It's alright...it's alright..." Ennis made a noise that could only be described as a whimper, and Jack's heart nearly broke.

"Jack..."

"It's okay, Ennis. I'm here. It's okay...come on, calm down..."

"What...?"

"It was just a truck backfirin', that's all. Ain't nothin' bad, yer safe." A thought then came to mind as he remembered Ennis's nightmare. "We're both safe. Nothin' happened." He felt Ennis's hand press against his chest, searching for his beating heart. It seemed to give him reassurance that Jack was okay, so Jack let him find it, sensing him relax when he did. He heard Ennis's breathing slow down and his own heart rate returned to normal.

"Ennis?" he said softly. The deep brown eyes looked up to meet his, still fearful and seeking comfort.

"Jack...I...when I heard that..."

Jack placed his hands fully on Ennis's cheeks. "I know, I know...it's alright. Nothin' happened. We're gonna get the truck an' get back home, alright? We can even spend the day sleepin' in bed if ya want."

He saw Ennis nod, trying to calm himself down. "Alright. Thanks, Jack."

As Jack promised, the truck was swiftly dealt with and they were soon heading home, their hands clasped together on the seat between them. Jack had a quick word with his mother and Becky, explaining what had happened at the garage, and they agreed that he should stay with Ennis for the rest of the day. Rose gave them some sandwiches and drinks to take up, which reminded Jack of all those days they'd spent in motels trying to find a place to live. Despite how uncertain those days had been, Jack had loved spending all that time with Ennis in bed.

He went upstairs to find Ennis standing in their room, looking antsy. His face relaxed when he saw Jack. "Hey."

Jack smiled warmly at him. "Hey, bud. My mama gave us some food in case we get hungry. You wanna sleep first or what?"

"Yeah, sounds good. You comin'?"

"Sure." Jack put the food down and they undressed, crawling under the warm sheets and huddling close, their legs tangling together. Jack looked at Ennis.

"You okay now? You really freaked me out back there. What happened?"

Ennis sighed. "Heard that truck...made me think of that damn bomb, an' then I remembered Adam lyin' there...that got me thinkin' on Earl, an'..." He paused, looking at Jack, who got the message.

"It's okay," he said quietly. "I know. Try not to think on it, alright? Just relax. Wanna try fer some sleep? I'll hold ya if ya want..."

He watched Ennis smile. "Yeah, okay." He turned onto his side and Jack spooned up around him, rubbing his stomach until he fell asleep. He was awake for a little longer, thinking about what had happened earlier. He wasn't sure that he'd ever been so scared in his life, not even when his father had been beating him up. He'd been scared for Ennis and whether or not he would have been able to help him. He'd never seen Ennis lose it like that before and hoped that it wouldn't happen again. But he'd had the feeling that Ennis would have to get worse before he got better, and now it seemed to have started.

_Here's the test, _he thought to himself. _I promised I'd help him no matter what. Guess it's time to try an' see that through._

He sighed inwardly and closed his eyes, praying with all his heart that he had the strength to help Ennis through this difficult time.

* * *

><p>A little later, Jack crept back from the bathroom to find Ennis just waking up. Luckily, he hadn't noticed Jack leaving, so he was able to slip back into bed without scaring Ennis. He watched Ennis slowly opening his eyes and smiled to himself, full of love for his partner, despite his issues.<p>

Ennis's deep brown eyes blinked sleepily at him. "Hey."

Jack smiled at him and twirled a curl around his finger. "Hey, cowboy. How'd you sleep?" Ennis hadn't stirred the whole while that they'd been up here, so he assumed that nothing had happened.

"Okay, I guess. No nightmares. Maybe you chased 'em away." He gave a drowsy smile as he said this, and even though he was making light of it, Jack could see in his eyes that there could be a grain of truth there. Maybe he had chased the nightmares away.

"Maybe so. You hungry?"

"Mmm, a little. What we got?"

"My mama gave us some sandwiches. Just like old times, huh?" Jack replied with a grin. Ennis smiled.

"Okay." Jack got out of bed and grabbed the bag of food, bringing it back to bed with him as Ennis sat up. Jack handed him a sandwich and a bottle of Coke, also handing over the bottle opener. It did feel like all those days they'd spent in motels during those first five months of their relationship.

They sat there for a while in comfortable silence, eating the delicious sandwiches that Rose had given them. Jack had always loved his mother's food, and after living with her for so long, Ennis did too.

Ennis happened to glance up at their bedroom door, and he tilted his head, trying to figure out what was different. "Hey, Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Uh...did you...do somethin'?" Jack followed his gaze to the door, and he swallowed nervously.

"Yeah, I did." He got out of bed and headed to the door, lifting the shirts off the hanger and turning back around to face Ennis, looking a little nervous.

"I switched 'em," he said quietly. "About an hour ago, when you was still asleep. Was lyin' there awake, thinkin' 'bout what happened earlier. Just...was tryin' to think of some way to protect ya, keep ya safe, you know?" He ran a hand along his denim shirt, now on the outside. "So...I got thinkin' on one of our first days here, when you brought me up here an' showed me how you put these on the hanger."

Ennis looked blown away by Jack's words, realising what he meant. "Jack..."

Jack came closer, sitting on the end of the bed and facing him. "So...I remembered how you said you wanted to keep me safe, no matter what. You admitted that you couldn't have yer arms around me all the time, so..." He thought back and recalled Ennis's words. "This is my way of showin' you...that up here, I got my arms around you all the time, bud. I'm always holdin' you, right here." He smiled at Ennis. "Hopin' to keep ya safe."

"God...Jack, I...I dunno what to say..." He was starting to look quite emotional and Jack's heart was yearning for him. He crawled back up the bed towards Ennis and sat near him, letting Ennis trail a hand over the shirts.

"You don't gotta say nothin', cowboy. You've been to hell an' back, but yer gonna be okay. I'm here, an' I'm gonna help ya. I promise." He looked down at the shirts. "This is just a way of showin' ya that I care, that I wanna help ya. I just...hope I can. Hope it ain't so bad that I can't help ya." He brought a hand up to Ennis's cheek. "Really wanna help ya, Ennis. An' not just 'cos we're married, an' it's like some kinda obligation. 'Cos I love ya, an' I wanna do whatever I can."

After a few moments, Ennis shifted forward and Jack took him in his arms, holding him close. He felt Ennis's arms around his back, clutching at him tightly. "Thanks, Jack..."

"Ain't no problem, cowboy. Just doin' what I can." He pulled away to look at Ennis's face. "I'd do anythin' to help ya," he said softly, tilting up Ennis's cheek. "Yer everythin' to me, Ennis, an' I can't just sit by an' watch ya suffer the way you are. I feel like I gotta do somethin', anythin' I can. Just...if there's anythin' ya need, just tell me, alright? No matter what it is."

Tears had gathered in Ennis's eyes; Jack knew that his emotions were just underneath the surface lately, likely to manifest at any time, so he knew that he had to be there to wipe the tears away. "Jack...you...you're bein' so good to me, an' I'm all messed up..." He shook his head and the tears started leaking out.

Jack wiped them away with his thumbs and gently kissed him. "Shh...it's alright. You know I'll love ya no matter what, an' it don't matter how messed up ya get. All that means is that I gotta work a bit harder to get ya back on track," he said simply. "I don't mind a little extra work."

Ennis was lost for words at this; to hear Jack declare so openly how much he loved him and would do anything to help him. He'd never felt so loved in his life as when Jack was with him, being like this. He felt incredibly lucky to have someone like Jack in his life, with his unconditional love. He didn't know what he'd do without him and was glad that this wasn't the case.

Jack laid them both down on the bed, and coaxed Ennis to shuffle down a little. "Here..." He cupped Ennis's cheek and brought it to his chest, letting him listen to his beating heart. It seemed to give Ennis comfort, and soon he was closing his eyes, finally relaxing in his arms. Jack sighed and kissed his forehead, closing his own eyes and drifting off.

* * *

><p>A couple of hours later, they rose again, seeking to stretch their legs and get some air. They left their room in time to see Becky coming back from the bathroom. They all smiled simultaneously to see each other.<p>

"Hey, guys," she said, looking pale and gaunt, but happy. That seemed to be the way lately. "You been sleepin' a while, everythin' okay?" She looked at Ennis; Jack had told her and Rose what had happened in town, and while they had both been alarmed, they trusted Jack to be able to handle it and calm Ennis down. He could well be the only person that Ennis felt truly safe with for the time being. Considering the connection between them, it wasn't surprising. Somehow, their bond seemed to run deeper than it normally did between lovers. They were soulmates; two halves of a whole.

They both nodded. "Yeah, we're okay. Just needed the rest. You doin' okay?"

She coughed a little and rubbed her forehead. "I guess. Threw up a little earlier, but I'm okay now. Feelin' a little sleepy an' kinda groggy. Thinkin' I might go look for some food, you comin'?"

"Yeah, we are. Need to stretch our legs." No sooner had Jack said this than Becky had clamped a hand over her mouth and rushed back to the bathroom, quickly followed by the sound of retching.

Jack winced. "Shit..." They both strode down the hall to make sure that she was okay. She was on the floor, grasping the toilet bowl and shuddering.

"Becky, you alright?" Jack asked, crouching down beside her and putting a hand on her back. Ennis got her a glass of water and hovered nearby, hoping that she would be okay. He could remember those months when she'd been pregnant and they'd helped her. Unfortunately, there wasn't likely to be any reprieve from this for her. Jack had told him that the only thing they could really do was be there for her and look after her. He'd admitted to Ennis that he felt helpless, wanted to do more, but Ennis had told him that things were beyond his control now. He knew how much it hurt Jack to just stand by, unable to do anything, but it wasn't his fault.

After a few tense minutes, she finally stopped retching and started gasping for breath. Jack helped her up off the floor and Ennis handed her the water. They both put a hand on one of her shoulders as she drank it down, her shuddering starting to stop.

"You okay?" Jack asked, looking sympathetically at her.

"Yeah. Don't know where that came from."

Jack rubbed her shoulder. "S'alright. Don't worry 'bout it. Look, I been tellin' Ennis that...I'm here for him, no matter what." He clapped Ennis on the shoulder as he said this. "That no matter what happens to him, I'm always gonna be there for him, do whatever I can to help him, ya know? That goes for you too."

She smiled up at him. "Aw, Jack...what would we ever do without ya, huh?" She nudged his shoulder and he ruffled her bed hair.

"Ain't never gonna hafta worry 'bout that. You guys ain't never gonna be without me. I'm here an' me an' my mama are gonna look after you both. So...if yer both feelin' up to it, whaddaya say we go get some food? You know my mama loves feedin' us."

"Sounds good, Jack. I'll go get dressed an' be down in a bit." She kissed them both on the cheek and left the bathroom, leaving them alone. Jack rubbed the back of his neck.

"She's lookin' real bad these days, ain't she?" he said, looking a little worried.

"Probably all that throwin' up," Ennis replied, shrugging helplessly. "Doin' that so much has gotta have a bad effect on her. Wasn't that bad when she was pregnant, was it? She never looked like that..."

"No, but throwin' up was just part of it back then. Just a thing that happens when a girl's expectin'. But...this is different," Jack reasoned. "This is a disease...somethin' that's...gonna..." He swallowed and Ennis could see what he had been about to say.

"Yeah...real bad. But...it's like ya said, Jack. We got you, we'll be okay." He tried to smile. "Know I can count on you, bud."

Jack looked at him, love in his eyes. "Come here..." They moved towards each other and wrapped their arms around each other, holding each other tightly and nuzzling their cheeks together.

"Mmm..." Jack moaned softly. "Love you, Ennis. Yer gonna be okay, you hear me?"

"I know, Jack. Long as I got you..."

"Yer always gonna have me, baby...promise ya that." Jack kissed Ennis's neck and inhaled his scent. "Sure did miss this when you was out there...thought it was gonna be years before I felt this again..."

"I know. Wanted to see yer face again so much...missed ya somethin' awful..." He buried his face in Jack's neck for comfort.

Jack pulled back and looked into his eyes. "Don't get me wrong, Ennis. I wish it hadn't come to this. Didn't want ya gettin' hurt just to come back home. Never wanted that for ya."

"I know. Ain't yer fault, Jack. Just happened." Ennis sighed and ran his hands up and down Jack's arms. "But...if it got me back here...guess we just gotta deal with it. Least I'm home..."

"Yeah. Good to have ya back, cowboy. An' we'll get through this, can promise ya that. Becky might not have long left, but I'm gonna make sure she's happy for however long she has left. An'...okay, yer kinda messed up right now, but I'm gonna make sure yer gonna be okay, that yer gonna get back on track. You hear me? Whatever it takes to stop those nightmares an' stop ya bein' so scared. You'll be fine, I swear." He kissed Ennis on the lips for a few seconds and then hugged him again, swaying a little and feeling their hearts beat in unison.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

_July 20th, 1966_

One afternoon, Jack was making his way back downstairs from the bathroom, finding Ennis sat on the sofa and looking dejected. Jack made his way over to him.

"Hey, bud," he said softly, sitting down next to him and putting an arm around him "You okay?"

Ennis shook his head. "Not really. Somethin' I been thinkin' about."

"What?"

He looked at Jack, eyes full of sorrow. "Just...can't stop thinkin' 'bout that day. When Adam..." He had a lump in his throat.

"Hey..." Jack whispered. "Don't think on it, cowboy. Ain't gonna do ya no good."

"I know, but...there's somethin' buggin' me."

"What is it?"

"I...we was both in that attack. Adam died, but...I didn't. An'...Pete's lost everythin'. It don't seem fair. Why'd he have to die? We both had that risk..."

Jack shook his shoulder. "Ennis...it's okay. Things just happened that way. Ain't yer fault. Don't be blamin' yerself, cowboy..."

Ennis shook his head again, still looking down. "Can't help it. He didn't deserve to die, Jack. He was only 'bout our age, had his whole life ahead of him. He an' Pete was gonna get hitched, like we did...they had their bar an' all. Had so much to look forward to, an'...he had it all taken away from him. Pete too."

Jack listened to him in silence, sensing that Ennis needed to get this off his chest. He'd heard about survivor guilt in war veterans, and it seemed that Ennis was experiencing this. Just another thing to help him out with, he figured. Just hope I can. Hope I can help him get through this.

"So...whenever I start feelin' happy that I'm back home an' back with you...start feelin' guilty all over again. Don't seem fair that we can get back to normal, an' Pete never can. He's always gonna be torn up over Adam, but..."

"Ennis..." Jack wasn't sure what he could say to him to make him feel better, so just held him. He allowed Ennis to lean into him for comfort, kissing the top of his head.

"Can't stop feelin' guilty, Jack. We can get our lives back, one day. Pete's always gonna have this hangin' over him. It ain't fair."

Jack rubbed his back and buried his nose in Ennis's hair. "I know, baby. I know. Yer right, it ain't fair. Adam didn't deserve to die, Pete didn't deserve to lose him...but ya know what? Neither of ya deserved to hafta go out there. You shouldn't have been there. You both shoulda been at home, where ya belong. Me an' Pete talked a lot over the phone, over those months. We both missed ya real bad an' wanted nothin' more than to have ya back. None of this was fair, on any of us. Or anyone else who got called up. We've had it real bad, cowboy."

He could hear Ennis sniffing. "Yeah...wish it hadn't happened, Jack. Missed ya so much an'...I was scared all the time. Of gettin' hurt, gettin' killed an' leavin' you on yer own. Hated the thought of what it might be like fer you if I was killed out there."

"Woulda torn me up," Jack admitted. "Don't know what I woulda done. Probably woulda fallen apart."

Ennis sat up and looked at him. "Jack...ain't no way you could fall apart. Yer always so...together. You get pissed about things an' you can get scared too, but...you always manage to cope. Like when I got the letter. You freaked out at first but you calmed down an' admitted there wasn't nothin' we could do. Same thing when you found out Becky was ill. You pulled everythin' together. Always admired ya for bein' able to do that."

Jack smiled at him. "Well...I dunno 'bout that. Just...always wanted to be there for you guys. I love you all, an'..." He thought for a moment. "You know how it was with my dad, an' between Becky leavin' an' Brokeback, I only had my mama to love me. So...I always wanted a family around me, a house full of love. An' I figure you musta felt the same, huh?" He saw Ennis nodding. "So...I got it now. I got everythin' I ever wanted, cowboy. Can't just sit back an' watch it all fall apart. I gotta do everythin' I can to keep it all together. That's my focus now."

He continued to rub Ennis's shoulders as he spoke, trying to inject some comfort to him. He loved his family and it was like he said; he didn't want to lose any of them, so he was doing everything he could to prevent that. It might be too late for him to save Becky, but he at least wanted to make her happy during the time she had left. And there was still so much to concentrate on; helping his mother as she approached old age, bringing up Lily, and enjoying his life with Ennis; the life he never thought he would have.

After a while, Ennis looked up at him, half-smiling and looking quite emotional. "Thanks, bud. Don't know what I'd do without ya."

Jack cupped Ennis's cheek. "You won't never hafta worry 'bout that, okay? Yer always gonna have me, you hear? I ain't goin' nowhere, I promise." He leaned forward and they kissed softly, feeling their bond between them. They drew apart and Jack played with Ennis's curls.

"Gonna be okay, sweetheart? It ain't yer fault, you know it ain't..."

Ennis took a deep breath and nodded, his forehead colliding with Jack's. "I know...but I can't help it. Just feel so guilty all the time. Ain't fair..."

Jack pulled him back into his arms. "I know, I know. Don't go blamin' yerself, alright? Nobody else does, I promise. We all love ya an' just want ya to get better." He kissed Ennis's hair. "Love ya."

"Love ya too, darlin'." Jack held him close and hoped that he'd gotten through to him. He didn't know how long it might be before Ennis got his head sorted out, but as he held him and heard him breathing deeply against him, he realised that he didn't care.

* * *

><p>A little later, after some encouragement from Jack, Ennis decided to call Pete to talk about what happened. He knew that he would have to eventually, given what Pete had lost and how it connected them. He was still feeling very guilty for having survived the attack when Adam didn't, but he'd tried to listen to Jack's assurances that nobody blamed him or held him responsible for what had happened. He knew that Jack wasn't just saying it to make him feel better; he truly believed it. Jack had never told him anything just to make him feel better.<p>

They were sat on the sofa, where they had been earlier. Rose was in town with Lily and Becky was sleeping upstairs, so it was the perfect opportunity. Ennis was sat next to the phone and Jack had hold of his hand, fingers laced together.

"You okay?" he asked softly. "If you ain't ready yet, I'm sure Pete'll understand."

Ennis took a deep breath and nodded. "I'm okay. Gotta do it sometime. You'll stay with me?" he asked, looking at Jack, who smiled and pressed his lips to his cheek.

"You know it. I'm right here, cowboy." Ennis smiled back and reached for the phone, bringing the phone between them, and they put their heads together.

"Pete Richards." The voice was weak and he sounded like he had a cold.

"Hey, Pete. It's Ennis an' Jack. From Brokeback Ranch."

"Oh, hey guys. How are ya?" He didn't sound at all surprised that they were on the phone together.

"We're okay," Jack said softly, squeezing Ennis's fingers.

"Yeah. How are ya holdin' up, Pete?" Ennis asked, looking nervous.

They heard him sigh. "Alright, I guess. I decided to sell the bar. Can't bear to keep it, it was ours..."

"Aw, shit...ain't ya gonna keep it goin'?" Jack asked, looking crestfallen.

"Don't think so. I can't..." Pete sounded choked up. "Can't do it without him."

Jack knew how that felt; if he had lost Ennis, he wasn't sure if he would be able to keep the ranch going either. "Oh...well...what are ya gonna do now?"

"I, uh...I thought 'bout sellin' the house an' movin. Can't go back home, my daddy don't want me an' my mama's gone. Brothers an' sisters all got their own lives."

"So where you gonna go?"

"Thought 'bout movin' down to Georgia, if it's alright with you guys. You live out near Sandersville, right?"

"Yeah, we do. But...you should know we got a full house. Can't put ya up here, bud."

"It's okay, Jack. You don't gotta do that fer me. Already done enough. I could find my own place in town. Get a job somewhere..."

"Well, you got ranchin' experience, doncha?" Jack asked, an idea forming in his head.

"Yeah, worked on my daddy's ranch some, an' I worked on some since. How I met Adam..." He trailed off.

"Yeah, I remember ya sayin'. So...if ya do come down here, why don't ya get a job with us? We can always use the staff, an' you could do with work."

"Oh, Jack...that's real nice of ya. Are ya sure you don't mind?"

"'Course not. Yer a friend an' you need some help. Don't worry 'bout it. You still wanna come?"

"Well...might be a good idea. Ain't really got nowhere else to go. I guess I could move down there. I'll have to think on it."

"Sure, ain't no rush. You need time to think on it. If you need any advice, we could talk to our lawyer, Greg. He handled the whole thing with signin' the ranch over to me when we got down here. I'm sure he'd help ya."

"That'd be great. Thanks, Jack. How are you doin', Ennis?"

Ennis swallowed. "Uh...okay, I guess. Pete, I...I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Well...me an' Adam was both there, in that attack. I lived an'...he died. It don't seem fair on you. Me an' Jack can get back to how we was, but...you lost Adam. Yer thinkin' of sellin' yer business an' movin'. You've lost all that..."

"Ennis...it's okay. I...I don't blame you or nothin'. You know that, right?"

"I've been tellin' him that," Jack replied.

"You sure? I just..."

"I'm sure. It wasn't yer fault, Ennis. Just happened. Things do an' we can't always stop 'em."

Ennis sighed. He wasn't exactly sure yet if he could believe it himself, even if others did. "Alright. Just...wanted to say sorry anyway. Take care, yeah?"

"Yep, you too."

"Let us know how you go on with sellin' up, an' we'll talk to Greg," Jack said into the receiver.

"Will do. Thanks, guys."

"No problem, bud. Bye." They put the phone back and Jack nudged Ennis's shoulder. "You okay?"

"I guess. Just...findin' it hard to believe...that you don't blame me fer what happened. I couldn't save him..." He looked down at his hands, twisting them together nervously.

Jack looked at him, full of sympathy. He looked so lost and scared and he just wanted to hold him so close that nothing could hurt him ever again. He wondered how many times over the last few years Ennis had wanted to do that for him.

He shuffled closer and put an arm around him. "C'mere..." He pulled Ennis into his arms and laid them both down so that Ennis was gazing up at him.

"It wasn't your fault," Jack whispered, his hands gripping Ennis's shoulders. "Nobody blames you..."

Ennis searched his face for reassurance, chewing his lip. "I just...dunno how to stop feelin' like this. Can't help it."

"I know, baby. It's alright. You won't always feel like this, I promise. Eventually you'll realise it wasn't yer fault, an' you'll stop feelin' guilty. Might take a while, but...I promise I'm gonna be there for ya. Alright?"

Ennis nodded, sniffing a little. "Thanks, Jack. Dunno what I'd do without ya." He smiled a little.

Jack buried his face in Ennis's neck. "You ain't never gonna hafta find out. Ain't ever gonna be without me." He felt Ennis's arms wrap around his back and they lay there, breathing in unison and basking in the comfortable silence.

* * *

><p><em>August 1st, 1966<em>

Jack was working in the office one afternoon, sorting out the books and trying to take his mind off things. He'd been reluctant to leave Ennis at the house, but Ennis needed some rest and Jack needed to work. Unbeknownst to Ennis, Jack had hidden one of the baby monitors in their bedroom, keeping the other with him. If Ennis got distressed in his sleep, Jack would hear. Rose had Lily in the living room and Becky was also sleeping. It was a quiet day, perfect for getting some work done.

His mind kept wandering, slowing the process down considerably. He was worried about Ennis, and Becky too. He wasn't entirely sure what was going to happen. It still looked like Becky was going to die, for although Rick was working to find a cure for her, he hadn't had any luck. Jack had tried to tell him not to worry about it, that it wasn't his fault. A lot of things had happened over the last six months that were beyond their control, and they all knew that they would just have to deal with it, one day at a time.

The phone ringing shook him from his thoughts. "Brokeback Ranch, Jack speakin'."

"Hey, Jack. It's Greg."

"Oh, hey. How's it goin'?"

"Alright. I called your friend Pete, about him wanting to sell. You were right, he sounded a little choked up. How's he doing?"

Jack sighed. "Ain't doin' too well. Misses Adam somethin' awful an'...I know he didn't wanna sell. He loved havin' a business but...he says he can't deal with it on his own. I know how that feels; if it had been Ennis, I'd feel the same. Ain't sure I could run this place on my own."

"I see. How is Ennis, Jack? How's he coping with everything?"

"Not much better than Pete. Thinks it's all his fault that Adam died an' he didn't, just 'cos they was both in the attack."

"Survivor guilt, Jack. Happens to a lot of war veterans."

"I know. Bill warned me 'bout that. I tried tellin' him it ain't his fault, but...I dunno if I got through to him."

"I'm sure you did, Jack. You know he listens to you, and he trusts you."

Jack fiddled with his jeans. "I know, but...aw, hell, I dunno. He's really down. Been havin' nightmares an' his stomach's all stitched up...he's been to hell an' back. I just wanna help him, but...I dunno how. What more can I do?"

"Jack...I'm sure you're doing enough for him. You're his partner, and you're doing everything you can to help him, like you should. You look after him, make sure he knows it wasn't his fault. What do you do when he has nightmares?"

"Uh...well, I get him awake proper, an' get him to tell me what happened. Rick says it's important for him to get it out. Then, um...I hold him 'til he calms down, an' then he goes back to sleep."

"Well, there you go. You're doing so much for him, Jack. You're so dedicated and devoted to him and I'm sure he appreciates it greatly. You know he loves you."

Jack smiled to himself. "I know. Thanks, Greg. I'm doin' everythin' I can. Just tryin' to get through one day at a time, ya know?"

"I know, Jack. I'm sure you're doing a great job. You know that everybody's thinking about you guys. How's Becky?"

"Still sick. Rick reckons she ain't got long left..." Jack trailed off, biting his lip. "Ain't nothin' we can do for her but make her happy while she's still here."

"I'm sure she is, Jack. Like you said, you just have to get through it one day at a time. It'll be fine, Jack. I'm sure everything will work out. Becky...will probably die, like you said, and it could be a while before Ennis gets his head sorted out, but...they've got you. They know that you can look after them and help them get through it. That's the best you can do for them, Jack."

"I guess. Anyway, I better get back to work or the books ain't never gonna get done. Will ya let me know how things go with Pete?"

"Will do. Let me know if you need anything."

"Okay. Bye, Greg."

"Bye, Jack." They hung up and Jack went back to his work, thinking about what Greg had said to him; that he was doing all that could be expected of him and more for Ennis and Becky, making sure that they were okay. He hoped that it was true, but he would always look for more ways to look after them. He just figured that he would continue to work at it until it was over, if it ever was.

After about half an hour, he heard a strange sound coming from within the room. He looked around; it sounded like an injured animal. He briefly wondered if one of the barn cats had gotten in, but then his eyes fell on the baby monitor; the sound was coming from there.

_Ennis. He's up there..._

Jack was up and out of his seat and out the door in record time. He ran at breakneck speed to the house and up the stairs, passing his bewildered mother. He tried not to wake Becky as he passed, and he was soon in their bedroom, waking Ennis up properly and holding him.

"Shh...it's okay, Ennis...it's okay..."

Ennis clung to him and buried his face in Jack's chest. "Jack...I..."

Jack rubbed his back and made shushing noises. "Shh...it's alright. I'm here an' I ain't ever goin' away. Yer gonna be okay."

He felt Ennis sniff and slowly calm down. By the time he was asleep again, Jack was emotionally drained, but happy that he was sleeping again, at least for a little while. He sat on the bed and watched him sleep, lightly tracing a hand over his chest so as not to wake him. Despite the nightmares, Jack figured that sleep was good for Ennis; he could recuperate and get his energy back. That was the most crucial part for him to be able to heal.

* * *

><p>A couple of nights later, Ennis and Jack were getting into bed after another long day. They had been in the office together, Jack filling Ennis in on everything that was going on with the ranch. Luckily, everything was running smoothly, so that was one less thing to worry about. They were still making good money and getting good business, so they could at least concentrate on themselves. The less they had to worry about, the better.<p>

They got in and stretched until they were comfortable. As far as intimacy went, they had only hugged and kissed a little while before settling down to sleep. Jack knew that Ennis probably wasn't ready for any more yet, and that was fine by him. He respected Ennis and his feelings, especially now.

Jack looked over at Ennis; he hadn't had any more nightmares since the other day, and seemed okay otherwise. That was always a good thing as far as he was concerned. "Hey," he said softly. Ennis looked back at him.

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

Ennis nodded. "Yeah." He then leaned over a little and their lips met, kissing softly until Jack brought a hand to Ennis's head. He was about to pull back, but then Ennis raised his own hand and held him there. Jack was surprised but stayed where he was. If this was what Ennis needed, he was happy to give.

After a moment, they pulled apart. Jack could see that Ennis was full of need, but also that it was too soon for them to do anything. "Ennis, you okay?"

He was breathing deeply, looking down at the bed between them. "Jack...I need ya, but...I can't..." His breath hitched.

Jack ran a hand through Ennis's curls. "I know, baby. It's okay. I told you, there ain't no rush. We don't gotta do nothin' until yer ready. There anythin' else I can do to make ya feel better? Whatever ya want."

Ennis thought for a moment. "I dunno..." He looked up at Jack. "I dunno what I want..."

"Well...you just wanna kiss for a while? Promise I won't take it too far," Jack replied softly, stroking his cheek. The deep brown eyes bore into him.

"Yeah, that'd be good." With no more words, they leaned back in and kissed again, hands coming around to each other's backs. They held onto each other as they let their tongues find each other at last; they had missed this. Maybe it was too soon for Jack to give Ennis what he truly needed right now, but he could at least give him this; the most precious part of their connection. He tried to convey his love through their slow kisses, reminding Ennis that he was here and wasn't ever going to leave him to deal with his issues on his own.

After several more minutes of leisurely kisses, they pulled apart again. Jack was pleased to see that Ennis's eyes were sparkling at him in the light coming from the lampshade. This was probably the happiest he'd seen Ennis since his return. Maybe he had found another way to help Ennis, on top of everything else he was doing for him. His mother had always said that love was one of the best medicines for pain, and she had been right.

"Baby..." Jack whispered, playing with Ennis's curls. "You look kinda happy," he said with a smile. Ennis's smile widened.

"Thanks to you," he replied. "You always made me happy when I needed it. Like...whenever I need somethin', you always seem to know what, even if I don't. You know me better than anyone, Jack."

"I love you," Jack said, looking over his face. "I wanna help ya whenever ya need it. After how long we been together, I guess it's only right that I know ya. You know me real well too, ya know. Guess we're a good match, huh?"

Ennis nodded, shuffling further towards him and letting their cheeks nuzzle together; a feeling that always gave him comfort. "Yeah. You...you're everythin' I need, Jack." The words came out quickly, like an exhalation, and Jack could see how emotional he was getting. He pulled Ennis into his arms and rubbed his back, feeling how he was shaking slightly.

"Back atcha, bud. I promise to be all ya need, an'...I promise I'll help ya get through this. You've always done right by me, an' now it's my turn. Just...trust me, sweetheart. You'll be okay."

He felt Ennis nodding against him, his own arms coming around his back. "I trust ya, Jack. Please...promise me you'll be there, that you won't never leave me..."

"I swear. I know it's gonna be hard, but...just remember one thing. When we met, you was already kinda messed up. But I picked you anyway, didn't I? Hell, I shacked up with ya, an' married ya, as best I could. We're here, together. We've come too far together for me to just give up now. Gonna be real hard for us to get through this, but I promise we will. Ain't never leavin' ya, cowboy..." He kissed the top of Ennis's head and continued to rub his back.

Ennis pulled out of his embrace and smiled at him, lifting up his left hand. "Least we got these..." He indicated his wedding ring and Jack smiled back, lifting up his own hand.

"Yep. These remind us of what we got, what we're always gonna have. Love you."

"Love you too, Jack." They kissed again for a few seconds, and then Ennis rolled over onto his other side. Jack spooned up around him and slipped an arm around his stomach, mindful not to touch the stitches. Hopefully they would heal soon, but he knew that the mental scars would last a lot longer. He gently pressed his lips to the back of Ennis's neck and settled down, hoping against hope that his lover wouldn't have any nightmares tonight. He didn't want to see him hurting anymore; it caused him pain too.

* * *

><p>Sometime in the night, Ennis was plagued by another nightmare. It was pretty much the same as the previous ones. It started off back in the jungle, where he had to watch Adam die all over again, and his body turned into Earl's, before finally turning into Jack's. By the time this happened, he was somewhere between sleeping and waking, and starting to shake. He wasn't fully awake so was unable to control himself.<p>

This time, it took Jack a little longer than normal to wake up, and by the time he did, Ennis was moaning loudly and starting to move around, straining in his arms. Jack shook himself into wakefulness and leaned up on his elbow.

"Ennis...Ennis, wake up..." he urged him, knowing that if he didn't get Ennis awake soon, there could be real damage.

Ennis groaned and started shifting around even more restlessly. Jack managed to get him on his back before he started thrashing too much. He took hold of Ennis's shoulders and tried to shake him awake. "Ennis, wake up! Come on..."

"No, don't...leave him...Jack..."

Jack had no idea what was going on, but he had to get Ennis awake. He straddled him and pinned his hands down. He didn't want Ennis to cause any harm to himself. "Ennis, wake up!"

Without warning, one of Ennis's hands broke free of his grip and whacked him on his cheek as he started to thrash. "Jack!"

Jack winced at the pain on his face but carried on, shaking Ennis to try and wake him. "Ennis!"

At last, he managed to shake him awake, and he lay there, panting for breath and staring up into Jack's face. His eyes were wide with fear and Jack figured that Ennis looked as terrified as he felt.

"Ennis, you okay? Talk to me..." He searched Ennis's face for signs of recognition. Something changed in Ennis's eyes and he sucked in a breath.

"Jack..." His eyes filled with tears and Jack cupped his cheeks.

"Hey, what's wrong? What happened?"

"Had that nightmare again," he choked out, starting to tremble again. "But...turned into that dream I used to have, of you in the field..." He didn't have to elaborate; Jack knew exactly what he was referring to and how much it scared him. He was nearly in tears himself.

"Ennis...it's alright. I'm okay. Here..." He brought Ennis's hand to his beating heart, hoping that it would calm him down. It seemed to work; his shaking was starting to subside.

"Jack...there was blood everywhere..."

"I know, baby, it's okay. It wasn't real, don't worry...shh..." He leaned in and gently kissed him on the lips, and when he pulled away, he wiped the tears from Ennis's eyes. "You gonna be okay?"

"I dunno, Jack. Thought I would be after earlier, but...I..." He could barely think straight right now and was completely dependent on Jack.

"It's okay. Just a setback, that's all. Yer gonna be alright, I promise."

Ennis nodded, and then his brow furrowed. "Jack...yer cheek..."

Jack knew he had to head him off before he started feeling guilty about it. "Don't worry 'bout it, Ennis. Was an accident. It's okay."

Panic overtook Ennis's features. "Did I do that? I hit you? I..."

"Ennis, listen to me. It's okay. You was asleep an' you didn't know what you was doin'."

"I swore I wouldn't never hit ya again, not after Brokeback..." His eyes were wider than ever and Jack was starting to fear that he might not be able to calm him down.

"Baby, it's okay. I know you didn't mean it, it was an accident. You ain't never hit me in yer right mind an' that's okay. You was still asleep an' havin' a nightmare, wasn't yer fault."

Ennis looked up into his eyes, searching for the reassurance he needed. He'd been horrified to realise that he'd hit Jack, the one thing that he had sworn never to do ever again. "Jack...I'm so sorry..."

"Shh...shh...it's okay...please, cowboy, don't worry 'bout it. You didn't mean it, was an accident. Please, don't go feelin' guilty."

As they stared at each other, Ennis finally seemed to calm down, and his arms came up around Jack's back. "I didn't do it on purpose?" he asked, looking up at him hopefully.

"No, cowboy, you didn't. It's okay. You had a nightmare..." He leaned down to press their foreheads together. Ennis's eyes closed and he started breathing deeply.

"Jack...I'm real sorry..." he said, eyes screwing up, looking pained.

"Don't worry 'bout it. It's alright. I'm here an' I ain't ever goin' away. You wanna try for some more sleep?"

Ennis looked doubtful. "I dunno...what if it happens again?" he asked fearfully, touching Jack's cheek.

Jack ran his tongue along his bottom lip, thinking. Then an idea came to mind. "Hang on." He got out of bed and retrieved the reversed shirts from the bedroom door, running a finger across the bloodstains. He had always marvelled at how much these shirts meant to them and what they represented.

"These always stopped the nightmares for me, maybe they could help you. 'Specially since I switched 'em. Whaddaya think?" he asked, looking over at Ennis.

Ennis nodded, feeling tired once more. "Worth a shot..." Jack brought the shirts back to bed with him and settled down next to Ennis. He bundled the shirts up and handed them to Ennis.

"Here..." Ennis took them gratefully and rolled back onto his side. Jack spooned up around him once more and Ennis held the shirts to his chest, clutching them tightly as if his life depended on it.

"Thanks, Jack. Sorry 'bout yer cheek..."

Jack leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Don't worry 'bout it. Just get some sleep. I'm right here an' I always will be. Night, baby."

"Night, darlin'." They settled down again and Jack hoped that the presence of the shirts would prevent Ennis from having nightmares. Ennis was right; it was worth a shot. Anything to help him with his healing was worth a try.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

_August 10th, 1966_

That morning, Ennis and Jack were having an early breakfast by themselves. Ennis had had another nightmare the night before, quite close to dawn, so they decided to get down here early, while it was still quiet.

Jack was nervous. There was just over a week to go until their wedding anniversary, but he wasn't sure what might happen. They still hadn't had sex yet, or even made out for a prolonged amount of time. There was a little passion between them in their intimate moments, but not much. That wasn't because they didn't want to, but because Jack knew Ennis wasn't yet ready for it, and he respected that. He'd had to jerk off a number of times in the shower, and that was okay. He was willing to wait until Ennis was ready.

But as for now, he wasn't sure about their anniversary. A romantic dinner wasn't out of the question, but that would probably be it. He tried to swallow down his disappointment and remind himself that he was putting Ennis's needs before his own, and that was a good thing.

"Hey, Ennis?" he said, looking up at him across the table as they ate. Ennis looked up.

"Yeah?"

Jack grew even more nervous. "Uh...you know it's our weddin' anniversary in just over a week, right?"

Ennis's eyes lowered. "Right...um...you wanna do somethin'?"

"Well...if you don't wanna, it ain't the end of the world..."

To his surprise, Ennis covered his hand with his own. "It's okay, Jack. We could do somethin'. Thought I was gonna miss it altogether when I was out there, so...now I'm here, I wanna do somethin'. Don't want ya missin' out. Special day fer us, right?"

Jack smiled and laced their fingers together. "Sure is. Uh...you wanna have dinner or somethin'? I'll cook ya somethin' real nice."

Ennis nodded. "That'd be good. Um...could we go camp up on our hill after?"

"Yeah, okay. Whatever ya want, sweetheart. We can do that." He smiled warmly at him. "We don't gotta do nothin' that you ain't ready for, but...if you wanna do all that, I ain't got no problem with it."

He saw Ennis smiling back at him and his heart filled with love. Little by little, they were getting back on track. They could still have a good anniversary, even without sex. Their relationship transcended far beyond that anyway, so it wasn't a complete loss. Jack had a suspicion that when they did have sex again, it would be very special and meaningful. It was something for him to look forward to, and he was.

"So, uh...anythin' you want fer dinner that night? I ain't such a bad cook these days," he said with a grin.

Ennis smiled. "Long as it ain't beans. You're still pretty good with a can opener, ain't ya?" Jack couldn't help but laugh.

"I guess. You want a load of beans, just say the word. But since it's our anniversary, I would hope that you'd want more than that. What about a steak or somethin'? Well done, just how ya like it."

"Sounds good, bud." He squeezed Jack's hand. "Just wanna say thanks, Jack. For everythin'. Those nightmares really shook me up an'...you been so great. Don't know what I woulda done if you hadn't been there."

Jack brought their free hands together across the table. "Don't worry 'bout it, cowboy. I promised I would look after ya while you needed me to, so that's what I'm tryin' to do. An' don't worry 'bout hittin' me while yer in a nightmare. It's okay. I know you don't do it on purpose, an' that's okay. Just...don't go feelin' guilty fer things, okay? None of this is yer fault, an' all we want is for ya to get better. We love ya an' want the best for ya, alright?"

Ennis nodded and looked at their joined hands. "I know, Jack. I'm tryin' to get my head screwed on properly, an'...I'm real glad yer here to help me. So long as I got you...I think I'll be okay."

"You will, baby. I'll make sure of it. Gonna look after ya the best I can. You know I love you, so much...more than anythin' else. All I want is to make sure yer happy an' safe." He leaned up out of his chair and kissed Ennis on the mouth, feeling Ennis free his hands and bring them around the back of his head. They kissed for a few minutes, until they heard footsteps.

"Oh," came Becky's voice, full of surprise. "Mornin', guys." They broke apart and Jack grinned sheepishly at her.

"Hey, Becky. Just havin' a moment." He looked back at Ennis, who was going red as he sat back down. Jack cleared his throat. "We woke up early, so..."

"I see," she replied, grinning as she went to the fridge. "Well, I'm glad to see you doin' okay, Ennis."

He smiled up at her. "Thanks. Glad I got Jack here."

"Know what ya mean," she said, bringing over a glass of juice and stealing a piece of toast from Jack's plate. "You've been so great, Jack. Pullin' us all together the way you have been. You've stopped yer mama from worryin' too much 'bout me an' Ennis."

Jack looked slightly embarrassed by all the praise. "Well, uh...I just...you guys are my family. My job to look after ya when ya need it, so...that's what I'm gonna do. You need me, so I'm here." He looked between them. "You don't ever need to worry, okay?"

They both smiled at him. "Thanks, Jack."

Rose heard the whole thing from the stairs, and she smiled to herself at the conversation. She loved all of them very much and had long hoped that they could come through this. She was doing her best to take care of them, and she knew that she could count on Jack to do his part where she couldn't. He could hold Ennis when he had nightmares and send him back to sleep. That was the absolute best that a loving partner could do, and she was proud of Jack for standing up and doing right by his family. As long as Jack was around, she knew that everything would be alright.

* * *

><p>That night, after an uneventful day, Jack went into the shower alone before going to bed. Ennis was already asleep, holding the shirts close to him, as had become a habit. They certainly seemed to be having an effect; he seemed to sleep more peacefully with them. Jack was happy that he'd managed to find a way to help Ennis even in his sleep.<p>

He stood in the shower, soaping himself and letting his mind wander. Ennis had barely been back home for a month and Jack already felt drained with everything they'd had to deal with. He knew that it was his duty to look after Ennis as needed, and he was happy to do it, but he had to admit he was feeling lonely. He'd jerked off a number of times over the last few months, but it could never compare to the real thing. Not that he would ever cheat on Ennis, not even for a swift relief, but he missed his lover a whole lot.

Becky was still as ill as ever, alternating between good days and bad days, but now with more bad days. She spent a lot of the day in bed, only leaving her room to rush to the bathroom. Rose spent a lot of time with her, sitting with her, Lily in her arms. Jack could see that it hurt Becky not to be able to look after her daughter. She was still only very young and Becky wanted to look after her; she'd sworn to do that upon finding herself pregnant, but now she couldn't. She could barely leave her bed, much less take care of an infant.

He sighed to himself as he started to wash, letting his hands wander further down. He felt a little guilty, fantasising about Ennis while he was in this kind of state, but he didn't have much choice. He started to grow hard as images filled his mind.

_Ennis lying in bed, waiting for him, clearly naked under the covers. _He shivered a little at the thought of what lay beneath those sheets.

_Ennis looking up at him with those shy brown eyes, laced with desire. "You wanna join me?" he whispered, looking over his body. He got closer to the bed and knelt on the end._

"_You want me to?" he whispered back, glancing down at the sheets. He reached out a hand and slowly peeled them back from Ennis's stomach, slowly revealing the rest._

He was getting a good rhythm now, eyes closed and holding onto the bar with his free hand. "Uhh..."

"_If you want..." Ennis took his hand and pulled him nearer, onto his side of the bed. All of a sudden, he himself was naked and being pushed down onto his back. Ennis leaned over him and kissed his way down his neck._

"_Ennis..." Jack breathed. "God..."_

"_You want me inside ya?" came the soft murmur. Jack nodded, unable to speak._

"_Mmhmm."_

Jack was starting to breathe heavily, head hanging forward as he kept stroking.

"_You got it." Ennis was ready in a flash, preparing himself and pushing Jack's legs up and over his shoulders, running his hands along them._

"_You ready, darlin'?" he whispered, leaning low over Jack's body. Jack opened his eyes and gazed up at him._

"_Yeah...do it, Ennis...come on..."_

"_You sure?" he teased, grazing his teeth over Jack's skin, lightly nipping at it. Jack bucked upwards and made contact. He nearly shot right there._

Jack stroked faster and faster, unable to stop himself. He was so close and way too gone to stop now.

"_Please, Ennis...please..." His neck arched and his moans were silenced by Ennis's lips on his._

"_Say it," Ennis whispered, brushing his groin against Jack's ass, making him moan again._

"_Please...fuck me..." Jack groaned. "Please..."_

_Ennis slid into him almost immediately, making him gasp and then sigh in relief. "Oh God..."_

"_That good, rodeo?" came the low rumble above him._

"_You know it...come on, move..."_

_His lover did as he was asked, moving inside him in a steady rhythm and gripping his hips. Jack held onto him and moved with him, eyes closed and mouth open._

"_Ennis...don't stop...don't ever stop..." he whispered, feeling Ennis inside him and all around him._

Jack was starting to shake as he neared his release, gasping out loud and gritting his teeth.

_Ennis thrust faster and faster into him, making the bed squeak. "Come on, darlin'...come on..."_

"_Uhh..." Jack murmured dizzily, bucking upwards against Ennis and feeling the end grow closer. Ennis pressed their mouths together, pushing his tongue deep into Jack's mouth, where it was warmly welcomed. _

_After several more thrusts, Ennis shot deep into him, groaning loudly and holding onto him for dear life. Jack wasn't far behind, shooting between them and giving a yell._

As Jack reached his dream-climax, he reached his real one. He moaned aloud as he shot at the tiles, gripping the bar as his knees buckled. He leaned against the wall, panting for breath and waiting for his heart rate to return to normal. That had been good, despite the reality of his life right now. He had plenty of memories of Ennis to do the job, but that hadn't even been a memory. That had been a completely made-up vision in his head. Still, it was just like his memories, full of love and lust between him and his lover.

He sighed and washed himself properly, before turning off the shower and pulling on his pyjama bottoms. He switched the bathroom light off and crept into bed, hoping not to disturb Ennis. He didn't stir, so Jack was able to slip in and get comfortable. Ennis was facing his side, so Jack turned to face him as he slept. He looked so peaceful and free of worry as he held the shirts, and Jack hoped that one day he could look like that while awake. It would take some time, but Jack had to keep his faith that it would happen. It was all he had.

* * *

><p><em>August 19th, 1966<em>

It was their anniversary, and Jack was busy in the kitchen putting the finishing touches to their steaks before washing up. Ennis was upstairs in their room taking a shower and the girls were all upstairs in their rooms. It was a warm evening and he'd placed a few candles here and there through the kitchen, making it glow with a soft light as the main light was off. He was looking forward to it, even if they couldn't do much besides eat and get some sleep. The tent was packed up by the back door, along with their supplies. They had decided that since Ennis still couldn't ride yet, they would walk up to their hill to camp out.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of feet behind him. "Hey."

He turned to see Ennis, looking a little shyly at him. He was wearing a plain white shirt and his best jeans. Jack was wearing a deep red shirt that he'd bought for himself last year. He smiled at the sight of his other half.

"Hey, bud. You look good. How ya feelin'?"

Ennis nodded, smiling back at him. "Alright. Smells good in here." Jack finished what he was doing and walked over to him.

"Thanks, cowboy. Ain't such a bad cook these days, huh?" He put his arms up around Ennis's neck and played with his curls. Ennis smiled fully at him.

"Nah, guess you'll do. Yer pretty good these days." He leaned down and they kissed softly, their lips gently touching. Ennis's arms came around Jack's waist and he locked his fingers together.

After a few moments, they pulled apart. Jack's eyes were sparkling up at Ennis happily and there was a heart-melting smile on his face.

"Um...better wash up," he said, a sheepish grin on his face. "Uh..." He looked over his shoulder. "Got some wine in the fridge, if you wanna...?"

Ennis nodded. "Sure." They prised themselves apart and both of them looked a little embarrassed. Ennis got the wine and poured it out while Jack washed his hands and started to get the food ready. He brought two heaping plates of food over to the table while Ennis brought the wine over, and they settled down opposite each other. Despite everything going on with their lives, Jack was very happy to be here with Ennis. He felt complete while Ennis was around.

"So, um..." Jack started, twirling his fork in his fingers as his mind cast around for a topic. "You thought 'bout callin' yer brother an' sister yet?" Ennis hadn't done so yet; he'd been too cut up over what had happened. Jack knew he felt guilty for not having called them yet, but he'd tried to tell him that they understood, and just wanted him to get better.

Ennis thought for a moment. "Yeah, I guess. Thinkin' I might be able to cope with it. Been back over a month now, probably about time."

"Yeah...but...you know there ain't no rush, right? They just want ya to call when yer ready." He smiled encouragingly at him. "We all just want ya to get back on track."

"I know. An'...I will. Long as I got you." He smiled back, making Jack's heart swell with love for him. Their left hands found their way to each other and clasped together on the table. They finished their food and sat back in their chairs.

"That was real good, Jack. Outdone yerself."

Jack grinned back at him. "Thanks, cowboy. Glad you liked it. Tell you what, I'll leave these here tonight an' tackle 'em in the mornin'. Wanna go camp out now?"

"Sure. I'll get the candles." They exchanged a quick kiss and busied themselves, Jack clearing the dishes away and Ennis snuffing out the candles. In a few minutes, they were ready to go. Jack picked up the bag and the tent and turned to Ennis.

"Ready?"

"Yep." They left the kitchen and walked out into the evening. It was still a little light, so hopefully they would make it to the hill before it got too dark. They walked across the land, holding hands and talking softly.

They reached the hill and got the tent up, occasionally glancing over at the lights from the city. Jack was growing nervous again; he always did these days when the idea of sex came up. He knew that Ennis wasn't yet ready, and would let him know when he was, but he was starting to feel very lonely. Still, Ennis was here, where he should be, and he wasn't going anywhere. That was more than enough cause for celebration.

They got into the tent and stripped down to their jeans, crawling under the sheets and turned towards each other. Jack sighed a little and tried not to feel too disappointed.

"You have a good day, sweetheart?" he murmured. Ennis nodded, looking peaceful.

"Yeah. Thanks, bud." There was a moment of awkward silence as they looked at each other.

"So, um...night," Jack said softly. He leaned in and they kissed again a couple of times. He was about to settle back down when Ennis stopped him.

"Wait..." Jack looked back at him. Ennis tentatively leaned in and kissed him properly, holding the back of his head with one hand. Jack stayed still, not wanting to make a wrong move, but let himself be kissed. Ennis's tongue slowly slid into his mouth and he moaned quietly. They lay down on their sides, still kissing, and now Jack was responding, certain that Ennis knew what he was doing. His own hand came around Ennis's waist as they kissed; the most passionate they had done so since before his departure six months ago.

After several heavenly moments, they broke apart again. Ennis smiled at him, nervously, but his eyes were full of happiness. Jack smiled back and kissed him one last time.

"Night, baby," he whispered. He pulled Ennis into his arms and felt him get settled against his body.

"Night, Jack."

* * *

><p>Four days later, things started to change. Ennis was experiencing what could only be described as mood swings. If he felt like Jack was fussing over him too much, he would snap at him, ignoring the look of hurt on his face. But before the day was over, he would have mellowed, seeking Jack out to apologise. Jack knew that he was suffering from trauma and wasn't exactly equipped to deal with it, so he had to swallow his hurt and remind himself that Ennis still loved him.<p>

That morning, they had been eating breakfast as a family. Ennis had already had a setback in his temper two days before, losing it with Jack and telling him to fuck off. Jack had stood there with his mouth hanging open in shock; it had been a long time since Ennis had been like that with him.

As they ate breakfast, Jack noticed that both his mother and Becky were casting nervous looks at Ennis, and he honestly couldn't blame them. They hadn't experienced Ennis's temper before, but Jack knew all too well how it could be. Even though he had long since forgiven Ennis for his punch on Brokeback, he would never forget it. But since they'd moved in together, Ennis had mellowed a significant amount, not even coming close to losing his temper. He'd been attentive and loving and everything Jack wanted. So for Ennis to regress back into his old self, prone to mood swings, was a real shock for Jack.

At the moment, though, he seemed okay, so Jack took a chance. He noticed that Ennis didn't have a lot of food on his plate, so decided to try and offer him some more.

"Hey, Ennis? You want some more bacon?" he offered. Becky glanced up, eyes wide and watching.

Ennis shook his head. "Nah. Got enough, thanks."

Jack sighed, wishing Ennis would eat more and keep his strength up. "You sure? Got plenty."

Ennis snapped his head up. "I said no, Jack. Don't you listen no more or somethin'? You want it, you eat it. Don't go forcin' it on me, though."

"I ain't-" Jack tried to reign in his hurt. Ennis glared at him and his heart nearly broke.

"Just...back off, Jack. I don't want it an' I don't want ya tellin' me I need to eat more, alright?"

Jack sighed. "Fine. Don't come moanin' to me in about an hour that yer hungry, it's yer own damn fault."

Becky and Rose exchanged glances as Ennis got out of his chair and headed upstairs. Jack muttered something and stormed out, heading outside.

"Shit," Becky muttered, rubbing her forehead. "What the hell brought this on?"

"I dunno, honey...came up all sudden. Just gets these mood swings, I dunno what brings 'em on. Jack don't know how to deal with it. For a long time he wasn't like this, was kind an' lovin'. They was real happy an' all...Ennis ain't been like this since Brokeback, Jack said."

Becky sighed and looked at her daughter, who hadn't been at all fazed by the scene. "Hope it don't last too long. They need to stick together, not fight." Rose nodded and they fell into silence.

Jack sat in the office, his head in one hand. He hadn't meant to retaliate to Ennis the way he had, but it had just slipped out. He was feeling lonely, they hadn't had sex in what felt like forever, and now Ennis was getting nasty with him. He couldn't help but feel slightly resentful.

The phone ringing interrupted his thoughts; it was Mary. He spent the next few minutes telling her what was going on and how Ennis was starting to experience mood swings.

"I know what you mean, Jack. Bill was the same when he came back. Alright one minute an' snappin' the next."

"What did you do?" he asked, biting his lip.

"I just did the best I could. Tried not to make him too mad, didn't push. I gave him his space an' he was alright. He had a little bit of counsellin' an' that helped."

Jack gave this thought. Maybe Rick could put them in touch with someone to help if it became too much. "Right...but...until then, what do I do? I just wanna help him...but...I don't know how far to go before I push him too much."

"There ain't no way of tellin', Jack. Just depends on his mood an' how touchy he's feelin'. Could be at any level at any time an'...there ain't no way to know."

"Okay...you know what? I...I'm gonna go find him. Let him know I'm sorry fer snappin' back. I know he don't really mean it, that it's just somethin' goin' on in his head."

"That's right. He still loves you, Jack, no matter what. Just remember that. An' remember that he still needs you to help him with this. Don't you go givin' up on him, alright?"

Jack knew that she was right; he couldn't afford to give up on Ennis; he still needed him. "Right. Thanks, Mary, I better go."

"Bye, Jack."

He hung up and headed for the door, opening it just in time to see Ennis standing there, clearly about to knock. "Oh..."

Jack snapped back to his senses. "Hey, uh..."

"Look, Jack..."

"Ennis, I..." They both laughed a little and then apologised at the same time.

"I'm sorry, Jack. Don't mean to treat ya like shit," Ennis said, looking ashamed of himself. Jack shook his head.

"It's alright, Ennis. I know yer all messed up, an' I know you want me to help ya, an' I...I didn't mean to snap back."

"It's okay, Jack...I..."

"Ennis..." As they looked at each other, they realised that no words were needed. They were both sorry for the situation, but knew that they were stuck with it for the time being. They needed to band together now, and not fight. They couldn't promise that they wouldn't fight again, but they didn't need to dwell on it. They would deal with it and move on, focus on getting back on track. As they stood there, holding each other, they knew in their hearts that they would be alright.

* * *

><p>The next day, Jack was waiting at the hospital to talk to Rick. He'd made an appointment yesterday after his reconciliation with Ennis. He'd realised that maybe Ennis's mental scars were too severe for them to handle on their own, and that they would need professional help. He hoped that Rick would be able to come up with something. Ennis was back at the ranch sleeping, as was Becky, and Rose was looking after Lily.<p>

He had hoped that he would be able to look after Ennis; that his unconditional love for him would give him something to hold on to for support. But after yesterday's events, he'd been forced to admit to himself and the girls that they needed help; this was getting beyond their control.

He sat in the plastic chair, staring at the floor and wondering what Rick might be able to do for them. Maybe there was some kind of counselling they could go to.

Finally, he was called to Rick's office. He smiled wearily when he went in. "Hey, Rick."

"Hey, Jack. Have a seat." Jack did so and leaned on the desk.

"So, what's up?" Rick asked, looking at him. "Somethin' wrong with Becky?"

Jack shook his head. "No, apart from what's already goin' on. She's still sick an' everythin', but...that ain't why I'm here."

"So what is it?"

Jack sighed. "It's Ennis. I thought he was gonna be fine, so long as I looked after him, but...now..."

"Go on, Jack. I'm your friend as well as your doctor. You can tell me."

"He keeps havin' these nightmares. It ain't my place to say what happened to him as a kid, but...he's already had some bad stuff happen to him. He's seen some bad stuff, an' he's had nightmares in the past 'bout me gettin' hurt. He's woken up a few times in the middle of the night and wantin' me to hold him. An'...all this, seein' Adam die like that...brought it all back for him. He has nightmares of that, an' it always comes back to nightmares of seein' me dyin' like that."

Rick looked stricken. "Oh...that's awful, Jack."

"Yeah, an'...over the past couple of days, he's been gettin' a little snappy, losin' his temper now an' then. I try not to push him, but...he's on a short fuse. I dunno what to do. He's scared all the time, he's barely left the ranch. Last time we did, he heard this truck backfire an' got this flashback of the attack." Jack looked off to the side, feeling helpless. "I dunno what to do, Rick. I tried to help him, but..." He sighed. "I don't like to just give up..."

"Jack, you wouldn't be givin' up. It takes a lot of guts to admit that you need help. As much as you love Ennis an' want to help him, he's been through a lot an' needs more help. You can do as much as you can, but he's goin' to need more on top of that."

Jack nodded. "Yeah. So, um...what can ya suggest?"

Rick thought for a moment. "Well, there are options." He got up and went to a filing cabinet, rifling through it until he found what he was looking for. He came back with a file.

"Well, um...there are several things we could try. Antidepressants, drugs to help him sleep, things like that."

Jack considered this. "That might be worth a try. If they help him sleep an' all...what else?"

"Well...there is one thing. There's this hospital up in Atlanta. They've been specialisin' in war veterans since World War Two. Those damaged by things they've seen in war, when nobody else can help 'em."

Jack's heart clenched at what Rick was suggesting. "A mental hospital?"

"Some call it that, I think it-"

"No," he said immediately. "I can't do that. I'm sorry, Rick, it can't happen."

"Jack, you just said it's becomin' too much..."

"I know, but...I can't do that to him. It ain't right." He sat up straighter. "Those places...they're just...cold. To them, he's just another patient, a record on their files. They don't know him or what he's been through. An' he won't be wantin' to tell a bunch of strangers what he's been through, I know he won't. He'd be a lot better off here, where he knows an' trusts people."

"Jack...if it becomes too much...what if he gets violent?"

"We'll deal with it," Jack said firmly. "Look, there's gotta be some way for him to get help while keepin' him here where he feels safe. Rick...I know him, he's gonna wanna stay here with me. He told me himself I know him better than anyone else. I can't send him off to one of them places. He'll never forgive me; he'll think I'm givin' up on him."

Rick sighed. "I'll try to find somethin' else, Jack, if that's how you feel. But...as your friend, I have to ask you to at least consider it."

"Rick...I just can't do it. Because of this." He held up his left hand, showing his wedding ring. "I promised him that I would stand by him no matter what, an' I plan to stick to that. I can't go breakin' my weddin' vows, Rick. It's real to us, an' that's what matters. I ain't havin' him carted off to one of them places. I'm sorry, Rick, but...I can't do that. He's gotta stay here with us, I know it."

After a moment, Rick nodded. "Alright. I see how you feel, Jack. An'...I guess you're right. Look, let me ask around an' see if there's anythin' else. I could still prescribe him some drugs, if you want. Somethin' to help take the edge off. They'll take care of the effects, but he will need somethin' else to take care of the underlyin' cause. Just...give me a couple of days to find somethin' an' I'll call you, okay?"

Jack nodded, satisfied at last. "Thanks, Rick. I appreciate it. Let me know how things go, alright?" They shook hands and Jack left, feeling certain that Ennis was going to get the help he needed.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Jack returned to the ranch and sat in the truck for a while, thinking over his conversation with Rick. He had a very bad feeling about sending Ennis off to a special hospital; he knew that those places were cold and impersonal. They wouldn't know about Ennis's past, about Earl and Rich, and he couldn't see Ennis being able to tell them. He wouldn't know them and wouldn't trust them, so it just wouldn't work. He knew that Ennis would be better of here, with people that he knew and loved. That was the key to his recovery, to be surrounded by love. They just needed a little help; that was all.

He sighed to himself and got out of the truck, wondering where everybody was by now. He went up the steps and walked into the living room, where his mother was with Lily.

"Hey, mama."

She turned and smiled at him. "Hey, Jack. How'd it go?"

"Well, uh...there was somethin' he suggested to me. A mental hospital."

"What did you say?" she asked, her eyes a little wide. He shook his head and went for the sofa, kissing the top of Lily's head as he passed.

"Told him no. Those people don't know what he's been through or how it affects him. They'd probably just tie him to a bed an' leave him there for all I know. I really think he's better off here with us, people he trusts." He looked at her earnestly. "You think I did the right thing?"

"Yeah, Jack. You were right. He's better off where he feels safe. What did Rick say?"

"He said alright, that he'll try an' find somethin' else, like drugs or somethin'. But he's gonna need some kinda therapy or somethin'. He said he'd call when he finds somethin'."

"Right. You gonna tell Ennis then?"

"Yeah. Gonna hafta make it clear that I ain't givin' up on him. That we're gonna get through this together. He can stay with us but get the help he needs. That'll be better for him, right?"

"It sure will, Jack." Their attention was drawn by Becky rushing down the stairs.

"Jack!" They both looked at her in alarm.

"What's up? What's wrong?"

She looked hysterical. "It's Ennis, he...in the main bathroom...he..."

Whatever was wrong, Jack could tell it was very bad. He got up and ran up the stairs, leaving Becky to relay what had happened.

Jack rushed into the bathroom and froze in his tracks. "Ennis..."

He was sat on the toilet lid, staring at his forearms. There were several cuts on each one, bleeding. Jack could see one of their disposable razors in the sink. _Shit_. "Ennis?"

Ennis looked up at him. "I...I didn't mean to...I just..." There were tear tracks on his cheeks and he looked horrified by what he'd done. "Jack..."

Jack grabbed a towel and ran it under the sink, thoroughly wetting it and bringing it over. "Hold yer arms out..." he instructed. Ennis did so and Jack laid the wet towel across them, pressing them to his skin and making Ennis draw in a breath at the stinging. "Hold still, alright?"

Ennis nodded, unable to speak. Jack got the first aid kit from the corner and brought out the antibacterial cream. He sat on the floor at Ennis's feet and then removed the towel. "Alright..." He started to rub the cream into the cuts.

"I'm sorry, Jack..." He looked up into Ennis's eyes; they were full of sorrow. Jack shook his head; it didn't matter to him. All that mattered was helping him.

"It's okay..." He finished with the cream and tossed it back into the kit. "You'll be alright, they ain't deep. What happened?" he asked softly, gazing up at him.

"I...I had another nightmare, Jack. Woke up an' you weren't there, an'...I just lost it..." Tears were filling his eyes and Jack rose up onto his knees, placing his hands on Ennis's cheeks.

"It's okay, baby. Don't worry 'bout it. I know you're feelin' bad..." He wiped the tears with his thumbs. "It's okay, I'm here now." He leaned up and kissed Ennis gently.

"Jack...I'm so sorry..." he whispered, looking scared and lost.

"You don't got nothin' to be sorry for." Jack stood up and took Ennis's hands, leading him to their room. They sat on the end of the bed, Jack caressing Ennis's hands.

"Listen, I went to see Rick today. I been worried about you an' I asked him what he thought. Told him 'bout yer nightmares an' everythin'."

Ennis nodded. "Right. What did he say?"

"He talked 'bout this hospital up in Atlanta. But...you know what them places are like. Cold, unfeelin'. I don't wanna put ya through that, cowboy. You're better off here, with what ya know. Rick's gonna try to find a way for ya to stay here but still get the help you need. An' I promise, I'm gonna be right here with ya."

Ennis's eyes were filling up again. "Jack...I just...I don't deserve you..."

Jack pulled him close. "Yeah, you do...you deserve so much more than what yer goin' through. You didn't deserve to go through all that, an' Earl an' everythin'...you've been through a lot of shit that you didn't deserve. But...you deserve some help, as much as we can get ya. An' you do deserve me, you know I love ya. I'll do whatever I can, I promise." He kissed him again and pulled him into his arms. He felt Ennis weave his arms around his back and clutch at him.

"I love you, Jack...I need you so much...please...help me..."

"I will, I will...you need help an' I'm gonna do everythin' I can to give ya that. Ain't never gonna leave ya on yer own, Ennis." He hugged him tighter and rubbed his back. He had promised to stick by his vows and stand by Ennis as he needed him to. Ennis had given a cry for help and Jack swore to respond as best he could.

* * *

><p>A couple of days later, Rick called to say that he had found an alternative solution for Ennis. He had sounded confident about it, so Jack had run it by Ennis, and now they were driving towards town, hoping that the solution would work.<p>

Jack looked over at Ennis; he seemed relaxed right now, and they hadn't had any more fights over the last few days. He'd been freaked out over what had happened in the bathroom a few days ago. He'd never seen Ennis in that kind of state before and sincerely hoped that he never would again. He hadn't been able to think properly, had just concentrated on helping him. That was his utmost priority.

"You okay?" he said softly. Ennis looked at him and smiled slightly.

Yeah, bud." Their hands linked together across the seat. They reached the hospital and Jack parked the truck. He spent a few moments talking quietly to Ennis, letting him know that he loved him and would stand by him no matter what.

They went up and took their seats, wanting to hold hands again but knowing that they couldn't. After about ten minutes, they were finally called to Rick's office. They walked down the hall and went into his office. He smiled when he saw them.

"Hey, guys. Come on in." They sat down opposite him and were finally comfortable to hold hands again. "Glad you could come in so soon."

Jack shrugged. "Well, I figure the sooner we get this sorted, the better off we'll be. Listen, Rick...I'm sorry 'bout the other day, didn't mean to get short with ya. I just..."

Rick shook his head. "It's alright, Jack. I understand why you were like that. You're just worried about Ennis, an' that's okay. You should get a say in what happens."

Jack looked at Ennis. "I just want him to get better." Ennis looked at him gratefully.

"An' he will," Rick said firmly. "I think I've found somethin'. A solution that works for both of ya. Jack, you said that you wanted somethin' where Ennis can get the help he needs, but can still stay at home where you can be there for him."

"Right. I think it'd be the best for him." Ennis was nodding in agreement, holding tightly onto Jack's hand.

Rick smiled. "Well, I think I've found what you're lookin' for." Their eyes lit up.

"Really? What?"

Rick went into his desk and pulled out a file. He opened it up and they could see a picture of a woman with dark hair. He turned it around.

"This is Dr Anna Richardson. She works right here at the hospital as a counsellor. She's about twice your age and has some experience with war veterans. She's very good an' very nice. I think she's exactly what you need."

Jack was nodding as Rick spoke. "So...how would it go? Would I be able to sit in?"

"Yeah. I know her an' I spoke to her about you two. She said she'd be happy to help if you're interested. If you are an' we arrange sessions, it will all be confidential. Both of you will be able to attend sessions together an' work through this with her. You can tell her how you're feelin' about things, get everythin' out there. She'll be able to help you make sense of it all an' get through it. How does that sound?"

Jack nodded; it seemed like a perfect solution. "Sounds good to me. Whaddaya think, bud?" he said to Ennis. He looked back at him and was starting to smile.

"Sounds okay. She sounds alright, an'...if you can sit in with us..."

Rick looked between them. "I guess that's a yes?" They both looked back at him.

"Sure is, Rick. Thanks a lot. When can we meet her?"

Rick looked at the clock. "Well, uh...how about right now? I could see if she's free. How's that?"

"Thanks, Rick. We ain't in no rush." Rick got up and left the room, and Jack looked back at Ennis.

"She sounds okay, don't she?" he said encouragingly. Ennis smiled at him.

"Yeah. An' Jack...I want ya there when I talk to her. Gonna need ya there, bud."

Jack squeezed his hand. "Don't worry none, Ennis. I'll be there, I promise." After about half an hour, they heard Rick coming back, followed by the sound of heels. Rick came in, followed by a middle-aged woman with red hair and the same calm face that they had seen in the picture. She looked like somebody they would want to talk to.

"Guys, this is Dr Anna Richardson. One of the top counsellors at the hospital. Anna, this is Ennis Del Mar an' Jack Twist."

She smiled and they got up to shake her hand. "Nice to meet ya, ma'am," Jack said, nodding at her. Ennis did the same.

"Likewise. Rick told me all about you guys. I just have to say, I admire what you're doing with your lives. It must have taken a lot of guts for you to decide to live together, and I've heard all about your ranch. Sounds like you're doing well."

They smiled at her. "Thank you, ma'am. We're doin' okay, but...apart from this..." Jack looked at Ennis dubiously.

"I know. Rick told me about your conversation a few days ago. You made a valid point, Jack. About certain hospitals. I happen to agree with you about how cold they are. I don't think that such a place is suitable for someone going through trauma, especially if there's someone at home that they trust. If Ennis is of the opinion that he needs you for his recovery, then that's fine with me. You are more than welcome to sit in on the sessions, in fact, I'd encourage it."

Jack put an arm around Ennis, shaking his shoulders. "Well...I'd do anythin' for him, so...I'd be more than happy to do whatever I can." Anna smiled at him and by the time they left, they felt more confident that everything was going to work out.

* * *

><p>While Ennis and Jack were out, Becky and Rose talked about what was going on. Becky would never forget walking in on Ennis in the bathroom like that, but she was glad that Jack had taken care of it. But Jack had been forced to admit that they needed more help, from a professional. It was their only chance of making sure that Ennis got back on track.<p>

Both she and Rose agreed with Jack; it wouldn't do any good to send him off to a special hospital. She'd heard about those places; they really were cold and unfeeling. Ennis needed to stay with people that he knew and trusted; people who knew what he had been through and how it was affecting him now. They knew that Ennis trusted Jack beyond anyone else and would need him if he could ever recover. It was just that Ennis would also need professional help.

Becky went downstairs to find Rose knitting in her chair while Lily played with her toys. "Hey, mama," she said wearily.

Rose looked up and smiled. "Hey, sweetie. You sleep okay?"

"Yeah, pretty good." She sat down in her chair and curled up, yawning. "They still out?"

"Yeah. I'm hopin' Rick can figure somethin' out for Ennis, it's gettin' out of control now. After what happened in the bathroom..."

"I know," Becky said quietly, images flashing in her mind of Ennis sat there with blood on his arms. "Ain't never gonna forget that...how'd it even happen?"

"Jack just said that he had another nightmare an' lost it when he saw Jack wasn't there. Just...had a breakdown."

"Oh...what do you think they're gonna do? Jack told Rick he didn't wanna send Ennis off to of them hospitals..."

"An' he was right. You know 'bout them places, they ain't right for Ennis. He needs to stay here, where he feels safe."

Becky nodded. "Yeah, he does. But...mama, I'm scared."

"What of?" she asked, looking concerned. Becky bit her lip.

"Well...those mood swings he had...they could just come out of nowhere without warnin'. An'...what if he gets violent? I...what if he snaps, an' Lily..." She met her mother's eyes, and understanding passed between them.

"Oh, honey..." Rose got up and sat on the arm of Becky's chair. "I know how yer thinkin', but...I'm sure that won't happen."

"You don't know that, mama. I know he'd never hurt Lily in his right mind, but...that's just it. He ain't in his right mind. He could get violent, an' if she provokes him, cryin' or somethin'..."

"Becky," Rose said quietly. "You know he'd never do that." She put an arm around Becky. "He ain't your daddy, you know."

Becky folded her arms uncomfortably. "I know, but...I dunno. I just...seein' him snap like that...made me think of those years growin' up in Lightnin' Flat, an' seein' him. He was so mean to Jack, so to find out who he really was to me was bad enough, but...then to find out what he did to me..." Unbidden, tears welled up in her eyes and she wiped them away.

"Honey...don't go thinkin' on it. You know it won't do you no good. It happened a long time ago...you never made yer peace with him. He died knowin' that both his children hated him."

"An' now it's too late," Becky said helplessly. "He's dead, I'm followin' behind. Too late for Jack to make his peace too. He ain't never gonna forgive him, an'...can't say I blame him. gonna be worse when he finds out what he did."

Rose nodded and she fell silent, holding onto Becky and thinking about the day when she'd made her decision.

"_How could you do this?" she hissed, trying to shush her wailing daughter. She gently pressed a cold rag to the angry welt on her baby's cheek._

_John took another swig from the bottle. "Just happened. She's always cryin' an' I was sick of hearin' it."_

"_Babies cry all the time, it's what they do. You was never like this before, only after what happened with yer daddy."_

"_That old queer ain't nothin' to me," he snarled. "Can't you shut her up?"_

"_Be quiet, John." She walked around the kitchen with Becky, trying to calm her down. "It's okay, honey, it's okay...shh..."_

_Jack came downstairs, looking confused. "Mama? Why's Becky cryin'?" He looked up at her with his big blue eyes, looking at his sister._

"_It's nothin', honey. She's okay. Just...ain't feelin' too well. She'll be fine. You wanna go play in the livin' room?" Jack nodded and left the room, leaving Rose to glare at her husband._

"_I can't believe you did this, John. Hittin' yer own baby girl. You're the one who's an abomination, not yer daddy." She followed Jack into the living room, leaving her husband to stare angrily at the wall._

"Mama?" Becky said now, looking up at her with her bright green eyes. "Why did he do it? Was it really just 'cos of my grandfather an' everythin'?"

"Yeah, honey. He'd been drinkin' an' was angry...so when you started cryin'...he just lost it. I'm sorry I wasn't there to stop him..." She looked sorrowfully at her.

Becky shook her head. "It ain't yer fault. I know I was angry with ya at first, when I found all this out, but...I don't blame you for what happened. He was the one with a problem."

"Yeah...don't worry, though. Ennis ain't like that. Without all this war stuff, he's a good man. Jack says he's mellowed since they got together, an' wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone a baby. He ain't got no drinkin' problem an' they're settin' out to get him some help. Trust me, it'll be fine." She kissed the top of Becky's head and felt her relax. She had never forgiven John for what he'd done, and for the fact she'd felt forced to give up their daughter for her own safety. But what was done was done, and she now had to focus on the present.

* * *

><p><em>September 1st, 1966<em>

Today was their first scheduled appointment with Anna, to try and get Ennis on the road to recovery. After having met her, Jack was optimistic about their chances and a small part of him had the hope that she would be able to help.

Rick was around and nodded at them as he passed them in the corridor; he had prescribed medication to help Ennis sleep at night, and also antidepressants for good measure. They went into Anna's office and she smiled when she saw them.

"Hey, guys. Take a seat." They did so and Ennis nervously clasped Jack's hand. Jack squeezed back in response. She finished her paperwork and then turned to face them.

"Okay," she started. "As we said the other day, my purpose is to help you with the trauma you've been suffering since the attack. You rejected the idea of a special hospital, understandably. Fortunately, though, this route has options that are probably more suitable." They listened intently; she was the kind of person that drew you in.

"What like?" asked Jack.

"Well, as you know, Rick told me about what you're going through, with your consent. So I already have a good idea of what may work for you. There are two kinds of therapy I'd like to try with you. Ennis, these options are things that only you can do, but Jack is your support system, which is vital." They nodded back at her.

"So, the first is called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy," she started, pulling out a file. "It's basically taking your thoughts about what happened and trying to change them." At their confused looks, she went on. "The thoughts you have of the attack are extremely negative, based on your thought that it was somehow your fault that your comrade died. CBT aims to change those thoughts and make you realise that this isn't the case."

Jack looked at Ennis; this certainly seemed like a viable option. Changing Ennis's thinking about the attack would probably make a difference in how he perceived it, and his role in it.

"What's the other one?"

"Well...the other is one that may or may not be appealing to you. It's called exposure therapy. Basically, it'll be me encouraging you to think about the bad events you've suffered through, and not just the attack. If there are traumatic childhood events in your past that are somehow affecting your ability to move on, then they need to be explored. You would basically be forced to think about your bad memories, Ennis, so...it's entirely up to you whether or not you want to do it. In my opinion, the ideal way to do this is desensitisation, in which you would first think about the less upsetting memories you hold, gradually building up to the worse ones."

"So..." Jack started. "He'd have to start with things that ain't that bad, then build up to his really bad memories?"

She nodded. "Yes. Personally, I think it would help you immensely. Considering what you've been through, I think it's important for you to get all of this out. Bad memories can fester inside us if not unleashed, and can eat away at us like poison. There is also flooding, which would be you remembering a lot of bad memories at once, but I wouldn't recommend that for someone in your situation."

Ennis was nodding as he thought about what she was saying. "Okay. How could Jack help with this?"

"Well, like I said, he can provide the love and support you need. If dredging up the bad memories overwhelms you, which it will at first, then he's here to help. As these sessions go on, you should eventually be able to look back on what happened, and not only accept that it happened, but also realise that it wasn't your fault, and you will be able to remember it without being as badly affected as you are now."

It sounded like a miracle solution, and they could hardly believe how much sense she was making. This was exactly what they had been looking for and if this would work, Jack knew that Anna would have his eternal gratitude. "Anna, that...that sounds great. Could that really work?"

She smiled. "It has worked. Rick told you I've worked with World War Two veterans. I helped them by using these methods and it's worked every time. I'm very optimistic about your chances of recovery, Ennis."

He looked up at her. "If it does work...I wouldn't be able to thank ya enough..."

"It's okay, Ennis. It's my job, and I like helping people, always have. In the meantime, keep taking the medication Rick prescribed, and just carry on as you are when you're at home. If at any time you find yourself thinking about your bad memories, and you start feeling overwhelmed, just try some simple breathing exercises. Just breathe steadily in and out for several seconds. Have a focal point if you need one, even if it's just a mark on the wall or something. Concentrate on that as you breathe."

They nodded and Jack squeezed Ennis's hand again. "So...how often do we come in?"

"Well, I'd say that we need to get started on this as soon as possible. Once a week would be ideal, with both of you. As time goes on, you should start to see a difference in how you react to your memories."

"Alright. Thanks, Anna, you've been a real big help," said Jack earnestly. She smiled.

"Don't worry, guys. I'm sure everything will be okay. We can get started on this in a few days, if you like, since this was just the consultation. After that we can arrange weekly sessions to suit you. How does that sound?"

"Sounds great, Anna. So...a couple of days? The third okay?"

"Yes, that's fine. Same time. Take care of yourselves, okay?"

They stood up and shook her hand. "Will do. Thank ya, ma'am." They left the room, Jack squeezing Ennis's shoulder and whispering encouraging words in his ear.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, they were both back home and seeking rest. They had decided to take it easy for the rest of the day, discussing with Rose and Becky what Anna had talked to them about. They both agreed that it sounded like the perfect solution to their problems, a way for Ennis to come to terms with what had happened to him. Jack was all for it if it meant he could have the Ennis he knew back. He still loved him, always would, but he felt as if Ennis was a different person right now; damaged and messed up inside. But that didn't matter to him; he was still in love with him and wanted to help him.<p>

As for Becky, she was getting worse. She had developed a high fever and was now spending most of her time in bed. She was having more bad days than good days and Jack was growing worried about her. There wasn't much they could do for her right now. It was surely only a matter of time before she died, and Jack hoped that they could get Ennis back on track before it happened; he knew that he would be a mess when they lost her and he needed to keep his head together for Ennis.

Pete was due to arrive in Georgia soon, to find a place of his own, and Greg was keeping them up to date on his progress. Ennis hadn't spoken to Pete since that one phone call; he was still feeling guilty over the whole thing; something which Jack hadn't fully figured out. He couldn't understand why Ennis blamed himself so much for Adam's death, since the attack had been beyond his control.

But he tried not to think on it too much; he had faith in Anna's methods of therapy, since they sounded like everything they needed. Ennis seemed to be all for it, too, eager to give it a try. He'd started taking the medication that Rick had prescribed, and he was feeling drowsy a lot of the time so was also spending a lot of time in bed. Jack had lain with him a few times, mainly just to hold him until he drifted off.

He had to admit that everything was starting to get to him, and he felt overwhelmed by all of his responsibilities. He was doing his best to cope, and so far had done a good job, but he felt like he was being attacked from all sides.

That afternoon, he went downstairs to find his mother knitting in her chair. She took one look at his face and frowned. "Jack? What's wrong?"

He sighed and flopped onto the sofa. "Everythin', mama."

Ennis slowly woke up and rubbed his eyes. He hadn't had any nightmares, thankfully, but he was eager to find Jack now that he was awake. It was strange; whenever they were apart, they always yearned back to each other and wanted to be in the same space. He got dressed and headed out into the hall, looking in on a sleeping Becky as he did so. She seemed alright, so he carried on. As he neared the top of the stairs, he could hear Jack's distraught voice.

"I just dunno what to do, mama...I'm tryin' my best with it all, but..."

"Sweetie...you're doin' a real good job with everythin'. You've been so great at holdin' us all together. Becky an' Ennis depend on you to help them, an' they know you can. They got faith in you, Jack, an' so do I."

"But...I just...I miss the old days when nothin' bad was happenin' to us. When me an' Ennis was just startin' out here, an' buildin' the ranch up. Don't get me wrong, mama, I love havin' you an' Becky an' Lily here, but...I miss those old days somethin' awful."

"I know, Jack...but there ain't much you can do."

He could hear Jack sniffing. "I...most of all...I miss Ennis. I still love him, more than anythin', but...he's different right now. He's damaged, an'...he's all messed up. I just wanna help him, an'...it's all just kinda gettin' to me now. I dunno how to help him...I just want my husband back, mama...my best friend..." There were no more words, but he could hear Jack crying, probably into his mother's shoulder.

He leaned against the wall in shock, digesting what he had just heard. He'd been caught up in his own internal battle over what had happened, and to his horror he realised that he'd barely spared a thought for everything Jack was having to cope with. He sank to the floor, staring at the wall. He was suddenly struck by how much Jack was doing to try and help him, as well as looking after Becky and everything else. He had a lot on his plate and Ennis could tell that it was all starting to get to him now.

After several moments of thinking, he got up and went back to their room, sitting on the end of the bed and staring at the shirts on the back of the door. He thought back on his memories of their time together and how it compared to how they were now. He felt ashamed of himself as he thought about how little he was doing for his own recovery.

_Jack...I'm so sorry...you're doin' so much for me...an' I ain't doin' nothin'...I'm so sorry...you deserve more than that...an' you're gonna get it._

This decided, he took a deep breath. He would do whatever Anna recommended, and find a way to heal from what had happened to him. Jack was also going through a lot right now, and he needed someone to hold him up and support him. He needed, no, _wanted _to be that person, be the man that Jack needed him to be. And he was determined to be that man; to learn to accept what had happened and move on. He could do that; for Jack, he'd do anything.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Two days later, they were starting their first real appointment with Anna. They had talked over her ideas for therapy and were both eager to get started on them. As they lay in bed that morning, Jack had reassured Ennis that he was there to support him and always would be no matter what. Ennis hadn't talked to him about his resolution to work harder at his recovery and try to learn to accept what had happened. He knew that as much as Jack would support him, only he could look inside his own head and sort out his thoughts, and that was what the therapy was supposed to help with.

They were a little early for their session, so they sat in her office, holding hands while they waited. Jack looked at Ennis. "You okay, bud?"

Ennis nodded. "Yeah. I think...I think this just might work, Jack. Sounds real good, all that stuff 'bout gettin' the bad stuff outta my head, talkin' 'bout it...gonna be hard, though. I know I've talked to yer mama an' Becky 'bout stuff, but...yer the only one who knows how bad it gets to me. Like when I have a nightmare..."

Jack squeezed his hand. "It's okay. Yer gonna hafta get it out to Anna too, if you wanna move on. But it's like I said, Ennis, just this mornin'. I'm always gonna be here for ya, okay? If it ever gets too much for ya, I'm right here." Ennis smiled in gratitude just as Anna walked in.

"Hey, guys. How are you both?" She went around the desk and sat down. They both took a breath and smiled nervously.

"Pretty good," Jack said. "Um...Ennis ain't really had any nightmares, have ya?" Ennis shook his head.

"No, been okay. Feelin' a little better."

Anna smiled. "That's great. So...today we're starting your therapy. As I said two days ago, these methods aim to change your thinking about what happened to you, and to help you come to terms with it, as well as anything else that's happened to you. So, Ennis...the first step is for you to get out those bad memories, so that you can sort them out. Now, you're to start with the least painful ones, the ones that cause you the least distress. Can you think of anything that might fit that?"

Jack looked at Ennis, who started to search his memory for anything like that which he might not have made peace with yet. "Um...well...I dunno. There's a lot of bad stuff...dunno what you'd count as...not that bad..." He looked confused and Jack felt sorry for him; Ennis shouldn't have so many bad memories as far as he was concerned.

"Alright, let's try a different tactic," said Anna, looking sympathetically at him. "Think as far back as you can and work forward until the more recent memories." Jack had a funny feeling that he knew what might come first.

Ennis's eyes lowered as he started to tell Anna his memories. As Jack predicted, he started with seeing Earl's body in the ditch, moving through his parents' deaths and how hard it had been for him and his siblings while trying to find their places in the world. After that, his memories had mostly been good, thanks to his relationship with Jack. He ended up finishing with the attack in Vietnam. By the time he was done, Jack couldn't feel his fingers, but he hardly noticed.

"Ennis...you've been through a lot. But the first step is to get those memories out, and the second is to admit you need help. You've already done that, so you've taken a big step. Now, we have to explore your feelings about those memories. Let's take your memory of Earl. What are your feelings about it?"

"I...I had nightmares 'bout it for a long time. An'...when I met Jack, I nearly didn't have anythin' with him, 'cos I thought the same thing would happen to one of us. Thought if anybody found out about us..."

"But it's alright," Jack said quietly. "People know 'bout us, an' we're still here. Yeah, we've had trouble with Aguirre, an' those guys in Texas, an' even one of our own hands. But...we got through it, an'...we're okay."

"That's right, Jack. People found out about you, and the world didn't end. That proves that not everybody is like your fathers," Anna said gently. Ennis nodding, seeing the logic behind this. "And as for your parents' deaths...that was beyond your control. You were just a kid, and there was nothing you could do about it. And afterwards...things were bound to be tough for three kids without parents. That wasn't your fault, either."

Jack looked at Ennis and could see something in his eyes. Anna's method seemed to be working. He squeezed Ennis's fingers again. "I guess...so...why do I still feel bad about it all?"

"I don't know, Ennis. You obviously haven't let go of your past and that's what you need to do. You need to learn to accept that it happened. And remember, it hasn't affected you now, not really. You still managed to find love, and have a good life. You have a lot to be happy about and a lot to be proud of. Look at everything you've built up with Jack." The pair of them looked at each other, eyes full of love.

Anna smiled at them both. "As for what happened in Vietnam...that will be harder to tackle. It will take longer for you to get through that. It seems to me like you need to find some kind of closure."

"How do I do that?" he asked her.

"Your friend...he was buried in Ohio, right?" They nodded. "I want you to go up there, both of you. I'd like you to visit Adam's grave and explore your feelings. Talk about what happened. Ennis, if you feel the need to break down, don't be afraid to do so. It won't make you any less of a man if you need Jack to hold you up, alright?"

They both nodded. "So...when should we go?"

"As soon as you can, I'd say. And when you come back, come see me to talk about what you've learnt. Trust me, it will do you good."

Jack glanced at Ennis and smiled again. "Sure thing, Anna. Thanks."

* * *

><p>Later that day, when they were back home, Becky took a turn for the worst. Her fever had skyrocketed and she barely had the energy to even move out of bed to use the bathroom. Jack had to place a bucket by the side of her bed in case she needed to throw up. He also called Rick for advice, and he was due to come by with something for the fever. Rose was taking care of Lily and Ennis and Jack were now lying on their own bed, talking softly.<p>

They had decided to take the trip to Ohio as Anna had suggested. Jack could see the logic in it; Ennis would be able to have a focal point for his thoughts. He could get out everything he felt and Jack would be there to comfort him.

"So, when are we gonna go?" Jack asked, lying on his side and gazing at Ennis. His lover looked back at him unsurely. He was determined to keep to his vow of doing his part in his recovery.

"Dunno. Couple of days, I guess. Gotta make sure Becky's alright first. Can't believe this. She's gettin' worse..."

Jack's eyes lowered. "Yeah...I guess...she ain't got long left..."

Ennis raised his hand and touched Jack's cheek, stroking it softly. "S'okay, Jack...I'm sure she's been happy to have you helpin' her. You've been so great for her." Jack smiled at him. "I know how that feels..."

"Oh, cowboy..." Jack sighed, shuffling closer and feeling Ennis put an arm around him, holding him tightly. "I'm doin' my best for ya...hope I'm doin' somethin' right."

"You are, Jack...we're real lucky to have ya." Jack smiled and closed his eyes, snuggling closer to Ennis. They were warm and comfortable, and Jack was confident that Ennis wasn't about to have any nightmares, so he was happy to just lie here with him. The only sound in the room was their breathing and the house was quiet.

A little later, there was a knocking on their door, rousing them from their doze. "Ennis? Jack?" It was Rose. They looked around the room with bleary eyes and then sat up.

"Yeah, mama?" Jack called, managing to get off the bed and go to the door. She had Lily in her arms.

"Just so ya know, Rick's here. He's givin' Becky somethin' for her fever, thought you might wanna say hi."

Jack nodded. "Alright. We'll be right there." Rose smiled and walked back down the hall. Jack turned to Ennis. "Wanna go see Rick?"

"Sure." Jack pulled Ennis up by the hand and they walked down the hall to Becky's room. She was lying in bed with Rick, who was giving her medication. Rose was standing by the door.

"Hey, how's it goin'?" said Jack, putting an arm around Ennis's shoulders. Rick turned and smiled at them.

"Hey, guys. Just givin' Becky this for her fever. How are you guys?"

"Okay. Anna said we should take a trip to Ohio, you know?" Rick nodded in understanding.

"Right. When are you goin'?"

"Couple of days. We'll be about a week. She's been a real help already." Ennis nodded in agreement.

"Good. I'm glad things are workin' out. Anyway..." He finished with Becky and packed up his bag. "Just give her the medication every three hours to keep the fever down, alright?"

They nodded and Becky sighed. "Rick, tell me...how long have I got left?"

He looked at her, full of sympathy. "I have to be honest, Becky...I don't think you've got long. You've been steadily gettin' worse, so this...it's definitely gonna be soon. I'm thinkin' maybe a month or so."

Jack's heart sank. "A month...?" Ennis put his arm up and around Jack in comfort. "God..."

"I'm sorry, guys...she's really bad right now. Will you be okay?"

"Yeah," said Becky. "Got it all sorted with Greg. My will an' everythin'." Rick nodded.

"Alright. I better get goin', call me if you need anythin' an' take care of yourselves." He clapped Ennis on the shoulder and left the others to look at each other.

"Well...I guess that's that," Jack said quietly. "I'm sorry, Becky..."

She shook her head. "Ain't yer fault, Jack. Nothin' we can do now. At least Lily's gonna be okay." She smiled at her sleeping daughter.

Ennis and Jack looked at each other and left the room. They went back to their room and lay down again, facing each other and leaning on their elbows. Jack's blue eyes looked over Ennis's face.

"Can't believe all this," he whispered, running a finger along the quilt. Ennis covered Jack's hand with his own.

"I know. Been through a lot, huh?"

"Yeah...anyway...shouldn't Pete be arrivin' here soon? He said he was movin'..."

"Yeah, he did. We gonna talk to him once he's here?" Ennis asked, looking into his eyes.

"If you want. I'm sure he'd wanna talk to you," Jack said, rubbing his arm.

Ennis took a breath. "He really don't blame me, does he?"

Jack's eyes lit up; Ennis seemed to finally understand what he was being told, that nobody blamed him for what had happened to Adam, and that it wasn't his fault. The sooner that Ennis came to terms with everything that had happened to him, the better off he would be. He shuffled forward and their lips met softly, Jack gently kissing Ennis and running a hand through his curls. They drew apart after a few seconds and smiled at each other.

"You okay, baby?" Jack whispered as he nuzzled their noses together, making Ennis smile and make a contented noise.

"Yeah, Jack. Could we stay here a while?"

"Sure, we can stay as long as you want. You want me to hold ya or anythin'?" Jack offered.

"Yeah, thanks." Ennis smiled at him once more and then turned onto his other side, letting Jack spoon around him, rubbing his stomach.

"Gonna be okay, Ennis," Jack whispered. Ennis took a deep breath and closed his eyes, losing himself to Jack's loving embrace.

"I know, Jack."

* * *

><p>Two days later, Ennis and Jack were preparing to leave for Ohio. They would be gone for about a week, and they were nervous about leaving Becky in the state she was in. If she really did have just a month left to live, they wanted to be around as much as possible. Ennis knew that Jack would never forgive himself if she died and they weren't there. But they would only be gone for about a week; they would most likely be back in time.<p>

Jack went into their bedroom to find Ennis sitting on the bed, looking at the shirts. He sat next to him and put an arm around him, shaking him slightly.

"You alright?" he said softly. Ennis nodded and took a deep breath.

"Yeah. Hope this trip works. Where's he buried again?"

"Pete said the church on the outskirts of Mansfield, near where they lived. Quiet place, we ain't gonna be disturbed, I reckon. There's motels close by an' everythin'..." Jack's voice trailed off and he squeezed Ennis's side.

Ennis nodded again. "Okay. We all packed?"

Jack looked over their bed; they had a pair of bags packed with everything they would need and were due to leave in an hour. "Yep, all good to go. You wanna look in on Becky before we go?"

"Yeah. Jack, I...I'm sure nothin's gonna happen while we're gone. I'm sure she'll be okay." Their eyes met and they leaned in, letting their foreheads collide. They stayed that way for a while, with their eyes closed. They eventually roused themselves and got ready to leave, exchanging a brief kiss before grabbing their bags.

They went down the hall and into Becky's room; her eyes had been closed but they opened when they poked their heads around the door. "Hey, Becky. Just wanted to look in on ya before we go."

She smiled and tried to sit up, but they moved forward. "Hey, don't strain yourself. Sit back." They sat near her on the bed and took one of her hands. "We'll be back in a week, okay? So don't go overdoin' it, alright?" He looked at her seriously and smiled at little.

Becky nodded. "I won't. You guys gonna be okay up there?" She looked between them, squeezing their hands.

"Yeah, we'll be fine," said Jack. "I think this'll do us good, to go up there." He looked at Ennis; he smiled back at him. "Anyway...just look after yerself, okay?"

She squeezed their hands. "I'll be fine. You just go on up there an' do whatever you gotta do. I'll see ya in a week." They both kissed her forehead and got up, clasping their hands together and leaving her to sleep again. They made their way downstairs, where Rose was waiting with Lily.

"You guys off, then?" she said, looking sympathetically at them. They nodded and Jack ruffled Lily's hair; it was starting to grow properly by now, just like her mother's.

"Yep. Sooner we go, the sooner we can get back. We got Dave lookin' after the ranch an' everythin'll be okay." Jack was glad that they had such good friends that they could count on when they needed them.

"Yeah, we'll be fine. I can look after Becky an' Lily. Don't go worryin' about nothin'. Just concentrate on what you gotta do."

Jack smiled at her. "We will, mama. Well..." He looked around and swung their clasped hands a little. "Guess we better hit the road." They went out the front door and turned to Rose, kissing her cheek and then Lily's. They went down the steps and threw their bags in the back of the truck. They waved to Rose and got in the truck, Jack sighing a little and stretching.

"You ready, bud?" he said to Ennis, looking at him. Ennis looked back, seeming like he was looking forward to this; finding some sort of closure to what had happened to him. Jack had the feeling that this trip would be good for Ennis. Anna did seem to know what she was talking about and Jack trusted her judgement.

"Yeah. Lookin' forward to this. Where we stoppin' tonight?" He looked over at Jack.

Jack pulled out their map and spread it across the dashboard. "I figure we drive to Asheville, up in Tennessee, an' spend the night there. In the mornin', I figure we could do the rest in a whole day, go all the way up to Mansfield an' spend the night there. We can go to the...graveyard in the mornin'. That sound alright?"

Ennis nodded. "Sounds good." He was glad that Jack had everything planned out for their trip; he was just thinking about what would happen when they got there. "We gonna get goin'?"

Jack nodded and folded up the map, tossing it onto the seat between them. He started the truck and he felt Ennis's hand find his, their fingers lacing together. They backed out of the drive and headed north, wondering what they might find at the other end.

Rose watched them leave, thinking about what they had been through already and hoping that nothing else was about to happen. She loved them and wanted them to be happy, and she knew that since they had gotten together and Jack had brought Ennis home to Lightning Flat all that time ago, she'd never seen him as happy as he'd been then. She would always be grateful to Ennis for making her son happy, especially after everything his father had done to him. Jack was safe and loved now, as was Becky. They had a house full of love and Rose wasn't looking forward to the day when it would fall apart; when Becky died, it would take a long time for them to get through it. Hopefully, Ennis would be back to normal by then and could help Jack with his emotions. They would all need to be there for each other and Rose had a feeling that everything would be alright.

* * *

><p>That night, they reached a motel just outside of Asheville, eager for some sleep and to stretch their legs a little. They got a room and stood outside for a few minutes, smoking and leaning against the wall. When they were done, they went inside; it wasn't the cleanest place they'd ever been in, but it was a place to sleep and be close. Jack turned to Ennis. "You wanna get a shower? You can go in first if ya want." Ennis's stitches had improved greatly by now and he was capable of taking a shower without aggravating them.<p>

Ennis thought for a moment, and then shook his head. "Um...could you join me?" Jack raised his eyebrows in surprise. He hadn't expected that, given everything that they were going through at the moment. They hadn't had a great deal of intimacy since Ennis's arrival home and he was scared of taking things too far with him; what if they started doing something and Ennis pulled away, or Jack scared him? He would feel awful if he freaked Ennis out because of a lack of self-control.

"You sure?" Ennis nodded, twining his hands together.

"Yeah. Just a shower, though. No offense, bud..." Jack shook his head and moved forward, placing his hands on Ennis's shoulders and gripping them. He looked up into his eyes.

"S'alright. I said that we'd go at whatever pace you wanted, an' that's what we'll do. We don't gotta do nothin' you ain't ready for. Come on." He took Ennis's hand and they went into the bathroom, which was at least acceptable for them. They stripped and squeezed into the stall, Jack turning the shower on and grabbing the soap.

"Kay, cowboy, lemme wash yer back." Ennis turned and leaned against the stall, closing his eyes as Jack slowly washed him, running his hands along his back and gently kissing his skin as he was done. He could feel Ennis relax under his loving touch. He knew he'd made the right decision in not wanting to send Ennis to a mental hospital; Ennis was much better off here with him. He could look after him as needed and always seemed to know what Ennis needed.

"That feel good, sweetheart?" Jack whispered, nuzzling against the back of his neck. Ennis nodded, his head leaning forward.

"Yeah. Thanks, Jack..." He turned around and they kissed, hands on each others' faces. They washed and showered properly before the water ran cold. As they dried themselves off, Jack looked at Ennis; he seemed a little stronger than when he'd returned. Jack still felt very protective of him, but he had the feeling that Ennis was getting better. He hadn't had any nightmares for about a week now, and Jack didn't know whether it was the drugs or the presence of the shirts in their bed, but he was happy that Ennis was improving. Jack had asked him if they should take the shirts with them, but Ennis had declined, saying that he felt okay to sleep without them, as long as Jack was there.

They left the bathroom and crawled into bed; the sheets were thin and not particularly warm, but they could huddle together. They moved in close and Jack sighed as they leaned on their elbows so they could talk. His eyes raked over Ennis's face; he looked tired after their day of driving.

"We better get some sleep. Got a full day of drivin' tomorrow." Ennis nodded and picked at the sheet, his eyes lowered.

"Yeah." He then raised his eyes to Jack and slowly leaned in. Jack let himself be kissed, moaning softly as their tongues met. They just kissed and kept their hands to themselves; Jack was unwilling to push too far and scare Ennis.

After a few seconds of kissing, he could feel Ennis pushing close against him and wrap an arm around his back. "Mmm..." Their bodies pressed together and, to his horror, Jack could feel himself getting hard. A feeling in his leg told him that Ennis was feeling the same. Jack pulled away, starting to panic about taking things too far.

"Ennis, I..." He looked fearfully at him. Ennis's eyes were dark.

"Jack...I dunno..." Jack touched his cheek.

"It's okay...shoulda seen that comin', I guess. Bein' attracted to each other an' all. Was bound to happen eventually. Don't mean nothin' if you don't want it to." Ennis was looking hesistant and unsure of himself.

"I do wanna, Jack...want ya so much. But..." He trailed off.

"You ain't ready. I know that, an' it's okay." Jack kissed Ennis lightly and ran a hand through his curls. "I can wait. I want you too, but I don't wanna rush ya. Yer doin' so well with yer recovery, I don't wanna give ya a setback."

Ennis nodded. "Thanks, Jack. I think..." He took a breath. "I think it might not be that long before I can...feelin' real good right now."

Jack smiled. "Glad to hear it. Lookin' forward to bein' with ya, an' I don't mind waitin'. Just...let me know when yer ready, okay? Ain't no rush." They kissed again and settled down, facing each other. "You want me to hold ya or anythin'?" Ennis nodded and moved forward into his arms.

"Yeah. Thanks, Jack." He buried his face in Jack's chest, and Jack wrapped his arms around him, kissing his forehead.

"Yer welcome, Ennis. Get some sleep an' don't worry about nothin'. I'm right here an' I always will be." He held Ennis close and stared into the darkness, knowing that he would do everything he could to make it all okay for him. He would always be here for Ennis; he knew that Ennis had long since felt a duty to him, to do right by him no matter what, and Jack knew in his heart that he felt the same. He would do right by Ennis as he was on the road to recovery and make sure he was there when Ennis needed him.

* * *

><p>Two days later, Ennis and Jack had arrived in Mansfield and were now on their way to the church where Adam was buried. Pete had told them where to find it; it was on the outskirts and they were unlikely to be disturbed. Jack had a feeling that Ennis might need to be comforted by the time they were done.<p>

They arrived at the graveyard and parked the truck. Jack turned to Ennis. "You alright?" He saw his lover take a deep breath as he looked out of the windscreen.

"Yeah. Just need a minute." He sought Jack's hand and their fingers clasped together. Jack stroked Ennis's hand with his thumb while he gathered himself. When he was ready, he nodded to Jack. "I'm ready." Jack nodded back and they got out of the truck, breathing in the fresh air. They looked out across the graveyard; they had always given Jack the creeps.

They went through the gate and looked around; Pete had told them that Adam was buried under an elm tree that was impossible to miss. They thought they could see it in the distance so started walking. The place was empty, but Jack still didn't like it. But he reminded himself that he was here for Ennis, as promised.

They reached their destination and saw the grave; it was made from a soft grey stone. They looked down at it and Jack drew in a breath.

_Adam Wilson_

_June 15th, 1942 - June 26th, 1966_

_Beloved friend, missed always_

Jack looked at Ennis; his eyes were fixed on the grave and his arms folded across his chest in defence. Jack stuck his thumbs in his belt loops and waited patiently. After several moments, Ennis let out a breath.

"Can't believe it...right here...I..." He shook his head and Jack could see him getting emotional. With a quick glance around, he put his arm around him and squeezed him gently.

"It's okay...I'm here...if you wanna say anythin', now's yer chance."

Ennis nodded. "I just...I just hope he knows how sorry I am...for what happened...that I couldn't..."

Jack looked sympathetically at him. "Ennis...you couldn't save him, but that ain't yer fault. It ain't like you knew it was gonna happen. Wasn't nothin' you coulda done, baby." He gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and Ennis sighed.

"I know, but...I dunno..." His throat was painfully tight and Jack could tell that there was something troubling him. He turned Ennis to face him.

"What's wrong, cowboy? Ever since we started talkin' 'bout all this stuff, it's like...there's somethin' you ain't tellin' me. Somethin' deep down that's buggin' ya. Please tell me, Ennis. You know how bad things get when ya don't tell me stuff. Let me in, Ennis. I just wanna help ya get better, that's all I ever wanted." Ennis's eyes were lowered and full of sadness, so Jack placed his hands on Ennis's cheeks, trying to get him to meet his gaze.

"Jack, I...there is somethin'...somethin' that's botherin' me...I'm tryin' to tell ya...I just..." He shook his head and was unable to go on, so Jack looked around them; this clearly wasn't the best environment for Ennis to reveal his feelings.

"Alright, tell ya what. We'll go back to the motel, an' you can tell me there, okay? Come on." He put his arm around Ennis again and led him out of the graveyard. They got back in the truck and were back at the motel soon enough. They sat on the end of the bed and Jack took Ennis's hands, looking into his eyes.

"Okay. You ready to tell me now?" He waited a few moments, and then Ennis started to speak, unsurely and shakily.

"I...when we got to the area...the place where it happened...right away, Adam was havin' his doubts about it. Said it didn't feel right, that we should go back to somewhere safe. But...I just said it was our job, that we should keep goin'..."

Then it hit Jack; Ennis had been the one to keep them moving, back in that jungle. He'd told Adam that they should keep going and now he felt that it was his fault. He didn't just feel guilty about being unable to prevent Adam from dying, he actually felt responsible for the whole thing. Jack was at a loss for words.

"Ennis...it wasn't yer fault. It ain't like you knew it was gonna happen." He touched Ennis's cheek and stroked it softly, but it wasn't having much effect.

"But I..." Ennis's eyes were downcast again. "We knew it was gonna be dangerous out there an' I knew somethin' like this could happen. It's all my fault..." At this, Jack brought his hands up around Ennis's head and made him meet his eyes.

"No, baby, no...it ain't your fault. You knew it was dangerous, an' it coulda happened at any time. Even if you guys hadn't been out there together, it still coulda happened. He coulda been out there on his own an' he still coulda been attacked. Listen to me," he said, bringing his face up to meet his. "It wasn't your fault. Please don't blame yerself, Ennis. Nobody blames you, an' I'm sure Adam didn't. You ain't responsible, you hear me?"

Ennis nodded and his eyes closed, trying to believe in Jack's words. "Jack...I...I'm tryin' not to feel guilty an' all, but..." Jack sighed and pulled him into his arms, rocking him slightly.

"It's alright, Ennis. I know it's gonna take a little while for ya to get over what happened, but it's gonna happen. I think this has done ya some good. You've told me what's wrong an' now we can fix it. It'll be okay." He felt Ennis cling to him, burying his face in his shoulder.

"Hope so, Jack...glad yer here..."

"I'm always gonna be here, Ennis," Jack promised, holding him close and rubbing his back. He could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel; an end to their misery and hope for the future.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

_September 10th, 1966_

Ennis and Jack returned that afternoon, unaware of what had occurred in their absence. Becky had been struck down by pneumonia that morning, and the effects on her were made even worse by her syphilis. Rick had been by and had been forced to admit that she only had a month to live, which didn't do anything for her morale. Rose remembered when her brother Harold had been hit by it and he'd been admitted to hospital. Rick had agreed that Becky could die at home, for her own comfort. At least she could die with her family around.

When the two cowboys returned, they couldn't find Rose or Lily anywhere, and looked around unsurely. "Wonder where my mama is?" Jack mused. "I'll check the office. Could ya check upstairs?" he said to Ennis, putting a hand on his shoulder. Ennis nodded.

"Sure." Jack smiled and left; he was more confident about leaving Ennis on his own now after their trip. He hadn't had any nightmares since their visit to Adam's grave and he seemed different. He seemed calmer and less frightened about being outside. Jack was sure that Ennis was now on the mend and was working towards his recovery.

He checked in the office, but it was empty. He even went into the barn and stables, but the hands hadn't seen his mother, so he went back to the house. He went up the stairs to find Ennis in the hallway, looking agitated. "Ennis? You okay?"

Ennis looked at him sadly. "It's Becky, she..." Jack's heart skipped a beat.

"What?" He walked down the hall to Ennis, who put a hand on his shoulder. Jack looked into the room, where his mother was sat on Becky's bed, holding Lily. They walked in and Jack breathed a sigh of relief to see that Becky was still alive, but she looked awful. She was pale and kept coughing as she talked to Rose.

"Rick says it won't be long," Becky said quietly, holding onto Lily's hand. "'Cos of my body bein' all weak from the syphilis, it ain't so good at fightin' off infections, so..."

"I know, honey," said Rose sympathetically. "Wish there was somethin' I could do."

Becky shook her head. "Ain't yer fault." She then noticed Jack and Ennis by the door, and smiled. "Hey, guys."

Jack smiled and they moved forward into the room, holding hands. "Hey, Becky. You okay?"

She shook her head. "Caught pneumonia." Jack's heart sank, remembering how it had been when his Uncle Harold had caught it and died. It had given him this ranch, and a life he loved, but he wished that it hadn't cost his uncle his life. And now Becky had caught it, and was unable to fight it off due to her illness. They both moved forward and sat on the bed.

"Aw, Becky...I'm sorry...what did Rick say?"

"Said I've only got about a month to go," she said quietly. Ennis could see the effect this was having on Jack. He put his arm around him and squeezed him gently.

"Anyway..." she said, waving a hand. "How are you guys? How'd it go?"

Ennis nodded. "Alright. Think it did us some good. Think we're gonna be okay." Jack nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. But, Becky..." Jack took her other hand and held it tightly. "I'm sorry..."

She shook her head. "It's alright, Jack. Ain't yer fault." She then yawned. "Think I'm gonna get some more sleep, if that's alright." They nodded and pulled away.

"Sure, honey. You get as much sleep as ya need. We could do with some too," said Jack, looking at Ennis. They all kissed her on the forehead and left the room. Outside, they all turned to each other.

"Can't believe this," said Jack quietly, fiddling with Ennis's fingers in his hand.

"I know, Jack, but...there ain't nothin' we can do. All we can do is wait an' just make sure she's comfortable when...it happens." Jack nodded.

"I know, mama. Anyway...we think this trip has done us some good, but...I think we could do with some shut-eye." She nodded.

"Okay. Let me know if ya get hungry." She went downstairs and they went along the hall to their room. Once inside, Ennis turned to Jack; his face was in his hands.

"Jack?" He moved forward and placed his hands on Jack's shoulders. Jack raised his head and looked into his eyes; his own were threatening to fill with tears.

"Gonna kill me to lose her, Ennis. I loved her to bits when we was growin' up back in Wyomin', but...since she came to live with us, I...I've loved her even more. She's like a sister to me..." He bit his lip and was unable to go on.

Ennis rubbed Jack's arm. "I know, bud. I feel the same 'bout her. We've been there for her through everythin', since she got pregnant, an'...havin' it all end like this..." Jack nodded and moved forward into Ennis's arms. They held onto each other tightly and were soon kissing softly, trying to find comfort in each other. Jack pulled away after a few moments, looking a little happier.

"How 'bout you, Ennis? How're you feelin' after goin' up there?"

He could see Ennis slowly nodding. "Alright, I guess. Feel a little better after seein' his grave. Like...he was there an'...you know..." His voice trailed off.

Jack nodded. "I know. An' I'm glad you told me what's really goin' on in yer head. I think it does ya some good to get it all out, what yer feelin'...keepin' it all bottled up can't be good for ya. I'm here an' I wanna help ya, okay?"

Their foreheads collided and they stared into each other's eyes, as if it was just the two of them in the whole world right there. Jack leaned up and kissed Ennis again, gently pressing their lips together and feeling Ennis wrap his arms fully around him. They got onto the bed and kicked their boots off, stretching and sighing after their day of travelling. Jack scooted up to Ennis, who put an arm around him as they looked up at the ceiling. Despite all of the problems they were having in their lives right now, both of them knew that there was no place on earth that they would rather be right now.

* * *

><p>Four days later, they were lying in bed in the morning. Ennis's nightmares had stopped by now, and he was sleeping better, to Jack's delight. He'd done his best to help Ennis through the last couple of months, and something seemed to have worked, for Ennis seemed to be faring a good deal better than he had been. After their visit to Ohio, there seemed to be a change in him; he was more open to talking about what had happened. Jack could tell that Ennis was trying to have faith in his words from before; that none of it was his fault and nobody blamed him for it.<p>

That morning, Jack rolled onto his back and groaned as he remembered what day it was. Exactly two years ago to this day, he and Ennis had been in Lightning Flat for his father's funeral. He'd been very torn up and confused over how he was supposed to feel about it, and Ennis had been there for him. He'd held his hand as they'd paid their respects and hadn't let go, despite the presence of several members of Jack's family. Ennis hadn't seemed to care about what they might say, especially Jack's uncle. And that night, he'd encouraged Jack to tell him everything he could remember about his father's abuse. He'd held his hand again and been there for him as he'd dredged up his worst memories. And when Jack was done, Ennis had held him close and comforted him as needed. Jack would never forget that.

He rubbed his hands over his face, staring up at the ceiling. He tried not to think about his father if he could help it; he knew that there would always be bad blood between them. Jack had lost any chance of reconciliation with him, and he would now always have to live with the fact that they could never repair their relationship. It was just a fact of life that he would have to live with.

After several moments, he looked over at Ennis; he was still asleep on his side, facing him. Jack loved to watch him sleep; he looked so peaceful and untroubled, especially now that his nightmares had stopped. Jack was happy that he was on the road to recovery. He was looking forward to being with him again physically, and he knew that when it happened it would be special and a moment he would always remember. But he was willing to wait until Ennis was ready for it, and he knew that it would be worth the wait.

Jack lay there for a while, just watching Ennis as he slept. He gingerly reached out and gently ran his fingers along Ennis's arm, lightly so as not to wake him. He sighed to himself, feeling his heart fill up with love for the man beside him. He and Ennis had been together for three years now, and had spent the majority of it in close proximity to each other. He'd heard about couples who spent all of their time together and got sick of each other because the other was always there. He was very happy that this wasn't the case for him and Ennis; they would never tire of each other.

After about ten minutes, Jack could see Ennis starting to wake, his eyelids fluttering and face muscles moving as he woke up. Jack smiled to himself as Ennis opened his eyes. Ennis met his eyes and he smiled back. "Hey."

Jack reached out and cupped his cheek, stroking with his thumb. "Mornin', cowboy. Sleep alright?" He saw Ennis nod and yawn, his eyes scrunching a little.

"Yeah. Ain't had no nightmares for a while now, right?" he said, looking at Jack. He smiled warmly at him and lay his head on the pillow.

"Yep. I gotta say, Ennis...yer doin' real well. You had me real worried when you got back...all torn up an' messed up...I gotta say, I wasn't sure if we could make it. I really wanted to, but...I was scared..." He bit his lip; he had been really scared that they wouldn't find a way to work through what had happened, and that something bad would happen.

"I know, Jack. I was too, but...I knew I'd be alright, 'cos...I had you," Ennis said simply. "I figured I'd get through it so long as I had you. An'...I was right. Wouldn't have been able to get through it without you, Jack." His deep brown eyes gazed at him, full of love and trust.

Jack smiled and leaned in close, shuffling towards him. Their lips met in soft kisses, hands in each other's hair. The only sounds in the room were their kissing and breathing as they lay there together. After a few minutes, they pulled apart. Jack rubbed Ennis's arm.

"Don't mean to go spoilin' this, but...you know what day it is today, right?" he whispered. Ennis thought but nothing came to mind. He shook his head.

"What?" Jack sighed and picked at the sheet, eyes downcast.

"My dad's funeral, two years ago..." Ennis's eyes widened at this and his mouth opened in surprise.

"Oh...you okay?" Jack shook his head, unsure of how to feel about it all.

"I dunno. Don't like thinkin' on him if I can help it. Anyway...I'm past it. Ain't gonna change nothin' now, he's gone. Always hated him an' nothin' coulda changed that." That was the truth as far as he was concerned. His father had lost all chance of making up with him, with all the abuse he had thrown at him over the years.

Ennis was watching him sadly, not knowing how to react to this. "Dunno what to say, Jack...you gonna be alright?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah. I'll be fine. Just...gotta concentrate on you guys now. That's more important to me." He kissed Ennis again and they wrapped their arms around each other, feeling warm and contented. Everything would be alright as long as they held onto each other, never letting go.

* * *

><p>The day after, Pete came by the ranch, having moved into an apartment in the city. He wanted to talk to Ennis and Jack properly about everything, something which Ennis wasn't sure about. He was doing better with his feelings about Adam's death, thanks to Jack's love and Anna's help, but he was about to face Pete for the first time. He still felt a little guilty over the whole thing, despite what he was told, but he had to try and swallow those feelings.<p>

It was ten in the morning, and Pete was due to visit at noon, so they could all have lunch together. At the moment, Ennis and Jack were in the office, just talking and holding hands across the desk. Jack had his head leaning on his hand, his elbow on the desk as he looked at Ennis.

"So...how you feelin' about today?" he asked softly, squeezing Ennis's hand. Ennis took a deep breath.

"Dunno. Ain't really sure what to expect, to be honest. Ain't seen him in ages, an'...after everythin' that happened..." He shook his head and Jack took his other hand.

"It's okay, Ennis...you know Pete don't blame ya for what happened, nobody does...you don't got no reason to worry." Ennis nodded and sighed.

"I know..." He looked downcast and Jack wanted to comfort him. "I just..."

Jack got up and went around the desk, sitting in Ennis's lap and putting his arms around his neck. "Come here..." He held him and felt Ennis putting his own arms around his waist. "It's okay, Ennis." He kissed the top of his head.

"I know, Jack."

Two hours later, Pete had arrived and they were sitting down to lunch. Becky was unable to leave her bed now, and they hated leaving her on her own, but there was nothing they could do about it. She was asleep right now, and they had the baby monitors between them so that they would know if she needed them.

As they started eating, Pete turned to Ennis. "So how you doin'?" he asked, unsure of how to be around him. He knew from Jack that Ennis was still feeling guilty over everything, and that no matter how many times he was told that nobody blamed him, it was still very hard for him to get through his thoughts.

Ennis nodded, feeling nervous. "Okay. Doin' better since we got back from Ohio..." He looked at Jack, seeming to draw strength from his presence. "I, uh...used to have nightmares, but...they've stopped now."

Pete half-smiled in understanding. "Good. Ain't fair to you to hafta suffer like that. Never wanted that for ya."

"I know. Pete...you gotta know somethin'. When me an' Adam was out in that jungle, he had the feelin' that somethin' bad was gonna happen, that we shouldn't be there. He said we should go back, but...I said we should keep on goin'. I was the one who said we should keep walkin'...an' if I hadn't..." His throat worked and Jack put a hand on his shoulder.

"Ennis..."

Pete shook his head. "It ain't yer fault, Ennis. Coulda happened anyway in a place like that. I sure as hell don't blame ya."

"I keep tellin' him that," Jack said quietly. Rose was silent as she watched them, helping Lily with her food.

Ennis looked unsure. "But, Pete...you lost the love of yer life, an' I coulda stopped it if I hadn't..." He took a few breaths. "You had to give up yer business an' everythin' you built up with him...all 'cos of me..." He was becoming emotional and wasn't able to stop it. Jack saw it coming and stood up, whispering in Ennis's ear.

"C'mon, cowboy...out here..." Ennis allowed himself to be pulled up and led outside onto the back porch. He was soon in Jack's arms, being held tightly as he finally let out all of his feelings; all the despair he felt at being unable to save Adam, the feeling that he was responsible for his comrade's death, and the idea that everybody blamed him for it. He felt useless at being unable to help Jack through Becky's illness and with looking after the ranch. He had wanted to be here, when Jack had needed him, and he hadn't been.

"I'm so sorry, Jack," he mumbled into Jack's shoulder as he shook in his arms, unable to stop his tears. Jack just held him closer and rubbed his back.

"It's alright, Ennis...it's alright...you don't gotta feel sorry for nothin'. Ain't none of this yer fault, you hear me?" He looked out over the land, knowing that this had been coming for a long time. It had surely only been a matter of time before Ennis had a breakdown. Jack was determined to try and make him feel better. "It's okay..."

After a few minutes, Ennis finally calmed down and Jack pulled away to see his face. His eyes were red and there were tear tracks on his cheeks. "Ennis..." He wiped his eyes with his thumbs and kissed him gently. "It's okay...you ain't got nothin' to apologise for, you hear me?" He lifted up Ennis's chin to meet his eyes. Ennis's eyes were full of sadness.

"Jack, I...I just..."

"Shh..." Jack whispered, holding Ennis's face in his hands. "It's okay. Don't go feelin' sorry, nobody blames ya for what happened. Come here..." He pulled Ennis into his arms again and they swayed slightly. What Ennis whispered into his ear next surprised him.

"Jack...tonight...can we, um..."

"What, baby?" he murmured, holding the back of his head. He felt Ennis take a deep breath against him.

"I...I'm ready..." Jack froze, unsure of what he had just heard. _Did I hear him right? He's ready for...that?_

"You sure?" he asked slowly, hoping that Ennis really was ready.

"Yeah. I...I need ya..." Then it hit Jack; he needed comfort, in the best and most effective way possible. He smiled to himself, happy to provide whatever Ennis needed.

"Okay, sweetheart. You got it."

* * *

><p>Later that day, after Ennis had calmed down, he had decided that it was time to call his brother and sister, to update them on how he was doing. He hadn't spoken to them in so long and he wanted to hear their voices again.<p>

After his breakdown, he'd spoken some more to Pete about everything, and Pete had tried once more to reassure him that he didn't blame him for any of it. He seemed to be able to tell that Ennis was feeling fragile at the moment, so after looking in on Becky he'd left. Jack had then spent half an hour on the sofa with Ennis, holding his hand and talking softly to him. He'd agreed that tonight they could try to have sex again for the first time in months, and he hoped that they would succeed. He wanted to be with Ennis again, and missed him. But he didn't want to push Ennis into anything.

Then again, Ennis had asked him outright, and said that he was ready. That had to be a good sign, he figured. Ennis had reached out to him and Jack thought that there was a good chance of them being able to make that connection again.

After a while, they went to the office to make the calls to Cecilia and K.E., and Jack had promised to be there for Ennis if he needed him. They sat on either side of the desk and Jack took Ennis's hand.

"I'm right here, remember," he said gently. "Ain't got nothin' to worry about, okay?" Ennis nodded and took the receiver, letting Jack dial with his free hand. After a few moments, Ennis heard his sister's voice.

"Cecilia Wilson."

"Hey sis, it's me," he said shakily, squeezing Jack's hand. He heard an intake of breath.

"Oh, Ennis...how are you? I've been worryin' about you."

"I know...sorry I didn't call sooner..."

"It's okay, sweetie. I know you've been through a lot over the last few months, an' it's okay that you needed time to sort your head out. How are you doin'?"

"Better than I was when I got back," he admitted. "Me an' Jack are seein' this counsellor at the hospital where our doctor works. She's real nice an' I think it's workin'."

"Oh, that's great. Have you talked to Pete?"

"Yeah, he was here earlier. Moved down to the city, lives in an apartment. He's kinda torn up right now...dunno how to talk to him, really."

"Ennis...I'm sure everythin'll be okay. You've got Jack, right? I know he loves you, an' he'll stand by you, I'm sure."

Ennis smiled to himself, looking up at Jack. "I know. I'm real lucky to have him." Jack smiled back. "How's Tom?"

Cecilia sighed. "He's copin'. Hurt him bad to lose Adam, they'd got real close since you an' Jack brought us all together."

"I know. Tell him we're thinkin' on him."

"I will. Anyway, I better go. I gotta pick the kids up from school soon. You take care, okay?"

"Yeah, will do, sis. You too."

"Bye, Ennis," she said softly.

"Bye, Cecilia." He hung up and took a deep breath, looking up at Jack. "Guess that wasn't so bad."

Jack nodded, playing with Ennis's fingers. "Yeah. Just one more an' that'll be it, cowboy. Then we can go for a walk, alright?" Ennis nodded and picked up the phone again, letting Jack dial for him.

"K.E. Del Mar."

"Hey, K.E. It's Ennis."

"Oh...hey little brother. How you doin'? Been a couple months since ya got back, right?"

"Yeah. Sorry I didn't call earlier...had a lot to deal with."

"It's okay, Ennis. I've been callin' Cecilia now an' then to talk about it all, an' we know how messed up yer feelin' right now. Don't worry about it, okay?"

Ennis nodded. "I know. Just wanted to call you guys. Been in therapy lately an' it seems to be workin'."

"That's good. Hope you get yerself back on track, Ennis. An' I'm sure Jack can help ya, right?"

"Yeah, he's been great." He felt Jack squeezing his hand again. "How are you guys?"

"Fine, everythin's okay. All been thinkin' about you. Just...concentrate on healin', alright?"

"Yeah...anyway, I'm gonna go. Need a walk."

"Sure. We'll talk soon. Bye, Ennis."

"Bye." He put the phone back and sighed, rubbing his forehead. Jack was soon tugging on his hand.

"C'mon, bud. Let's get outta here." He led him out of the office and they started walking, with no real destination in mind. They held hands as they walked together, enjoying the late summer sunshine and the fresh air. They nodded to the hands as they passed, knowing that they were okay to leave the ranch in their care. It took a great deal of pressure off them to know that they didn't have to worry about their business.

They kept walking and eventually found a spot of grass underneath a tall tree. They sat down in the shadow cast by the tree, leaning against the trunk. Jack shifted a little so that he was lying against Ennis's shoulder. He held Ennis's hand in both of his, running a finger along his lover's wedding ring.

"You doin' okay, Ennis?" he said softly.

Ennis kissed the back of his neck and squeezed him tightly. "Yeah. Thanks for everythin', Jack."

Jack smiled to himself. "No problem, Ennis. You still sure 'bout tonight?"

"Yeah. I'm ready, Jack. Been missin' ya real bad, an'...I'm thinkin' that I'd start feelin' better if we...you know?"

"I know, Ennis. An' I'm happy to do it, you know I am. Just don't want ya feelin' no pressure that we gotta do it."

Ennis shook his head. "Ain't that, Jack. I know you'd never do that. I want ya to do it."

Jack turned his head to lean against Ennis's chest. "Alright, Ennis. Lookin' forward to it." They fell silent, now thinking about tonight and how great it would be for them to connect physically again after so long. They both knew that it would be a night to remember.

* * *

><p>That night, after a quiet evening, they finally went upstairs to their bed. Jack had caught Ennis giving him one or two looks during the evening, looks that had a hint of lust in them. Jack had gulped and tried not to grin too widely. He mentally reminded himself not to go too far with Ennis; he didn't want Ennis to get scared, considering that sex for them always contained a mental and emotional connection. He wanted to be sure that Ennis was ready.<p>

They went into their room and Jack turned to Ennis, running his hands up Ennis's arms. "So, um...how do ya wanna do this? You just wanna get in an' let it happen as it does?"

Ennis nodded. "Yeah, sounds good." Maybe they would start off with just kissing and see how it progressed.

Jack lowered his hands to Ennis's shirt buttons, his eyes on Ennis's face as he slowly undid them. To his relief, he felt Ennis's hands reaching for his buttons too. They slowly took each other's shirts off, throwing them to the floor. Jack ran his hands along Ennis's chest; the stitches had healed by now, but as he ran his hands over the smooth chest and in the fine hair, he bit his lip.

"Hope I can make ya feel better, Ennis..." he whispered. Ennis put his arms around Jack's neck.

"Yer already doin' it, darlin'..." Jack raised his head and they smiled at each other. With a deep kiss, they turned to the bed and went to their respective sides, climbing in and getting under the warm sheets. They leaned on their elbows and Jack ran a finger along Ennis's shoulder.

"You ready?" he whispered, looking into Ennis's eyes. Ennis nodded.

"Yeah..." They leaned in and kissed again, finding each other's tongues and bringing their hands to each other's necks. They kissed for about a minute, and when the passion started to rise, they pulled apart. Jack could see that Ennis's eyes were dark with desire. He slowly slid his hand down Ennis's body, nervous about what might happen when he reached further down.

But to his relief, Ennis didn't tense up when Jack touched him. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Jack..."

Jack smiled softly. "This okay?" Ennis nodded.

"Yeah..." He tentatively reached out a hand to touch Jack, feeling his body properly for the first time in months. They felt each other's muscles and explored each other, remembering how this felt. They leaned in and kissed again as they touched each other, feeling as they grew hard in each other's hands. Ennis shuffled closer to Jack as they kissed even more passionately. "Mmm...Jack..."

Jack pressed in close too and soon he was rolling on top of him, slowly pushing him down onto his back. Ennis seemed to be confident in what he was doing, so he took that as a sign to continue. He straddled Ennis and continued to kiss him, probing his mouth with his tongue. Ennis weaved his arms around Jack's back and for several moments they kissed, until Jack finally pulled away again.

"You ready, cowboy?" he said softly, looking down into his eyes. Ennis took a deep breath and nodded.

"Yeah, Jack...please..."

Jack kissed him again. "Okay." He rose up onto his knees and grabbed the lube from the bedside table, unused after so long. He prepared himself and put it back, feeling Ennis's eyes on him, watching his every move. Jack leaned over him, his hands on either side of Ennis's head.

"Just relax, okay? I ain't gonna hurt ya, I promise. Remember, I'm here for ya, an' I love ya." He saw Ennis nod up at him, taking deep breaths. Jack took hold of his legs and gently slid them over his shoulders, running his hands along them as he looked down at Ennis; he looked very vulnerable and Jack just wanted to wrap him up and keep him safe.

He very slowly pushed in, inch by inch and giving Ennis time to get used to the feeling after so long. He watched Ennis's face as he tried to get used to the sensation. "Jack..."

"It's okay, Ennis...it's okay..." he whispered, finally sliding in all the way. He breathed out a sigh of relief, remembering how it felt to be inside Ennis. All of his memories came flooding back as he felt Ennis around him. He looked down; Ennis too was clearly remembering how this felt. "Ennis, you okay?"

Ennis opened his eyes. "Yeah." He took hold of Jack's shoulders. "Jack, I...I need ya..."

Jack leaned in low and kissed him as he began to thrust into him, deep thrusts that took him in all the way and made him gasp a little. "God...Jack..."

"Feel good, baby?" Jack said softly, moving his lips down to Ennis's neck. Ennis locked his ankles around Jack's neck and pulled him even closer.

"Yeah...come on, darlin'..." Jack continued to thrust into him, and when he finally found the right spot, Ennis's eyes scrunched up and he gasped. "God, Jack...love you..."

"Love you too, Ennis..." Jack thrust into him again and again, not enough to hurt him but enough to drive them both crazy. Ennis tried to find a way to pull him in even closer, and was moving along with him as Jack rocked into him. He let out a groan as he reached the edge, finally having his release between them and letting out all of his tension. Jack trembled and soon followed him, releasing into him and gasping for breath. He braced himself on his hands so that he wouldn't collapse onto Ennis's chest; he didn't want to cause any damage to him. He leaned over and collapsed onto his side of the bed.

He looked at Ennis, who was staring up at the ceiling. "Ennis, you alright?" Ennis turned to look at him, and Jack could see something new in his eyes, a light that he hadn't seen in months.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks so much, Jack..." He smiled, and this time it reached his eyes. Jack shuffled up to him and curled up next to him, wrapping an arm around his chest. Ennis put an arm around him and they settled down, feeling warm and happy, just as they should be.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

_26th September 1966_

It was Ennis's birthday, and he and Jack were currently lying in bed and kissing slowly, enjoying the early morning quiet. He'd just opened his gift from Jack; a new pair of boots that he'd been admiring before he'd left.

Things had been going a lot better over the last couple of weeks, since they had finally had sex again. It had been a breakthrough in Ennis's recovery, to be intimate with Jack, and now he felt liberated, free. It was an incredible feeling and he knew that he had Jack to thank for it. He would be eternally grateful to him for this.

Jack pulled away, looking relaxed and happy. "Mmm..." he moaned softly. "Happy birthday, cowboy." Ennis lay his head on his pillow, looking into Jack's eyes.

"Thanks, darlin'. What are we doin' today?" Jack copied his position, one hand underneath his head.

"Well, we got some work to do, I'm afraid. But...I wanna clock off early an' take ya out for somethin' to eat, if that's okay." His eyes were wide and hopeful. Ennis smiled at this.

"Sounds great. Um...you need any help out there today?" He was feeling a lot stronger these days and he figured he could pull his weight on the ranch if needed.

Jack's face took on a surprised look. "Uh...dunno really. You sure yer up to it?" Ennis nodded.

"Yeah, I reckon so. Maybe spend some time with the horses or somethin'. Brush 'em down or somethin', you know?" Jack nodded at this.

"Sounds okay. But...promise me you won't overdo it, alright? Still gotta be careful with yer stitches."

"I will." They kissed again and then Jack sighed.

"Guess we better get a move on, get breakfast goin'. You wanna use the shower first or what?"

"Uh...you mind if we take one together?" Ennis asked, looking at him hopefully. Jack grinned.

"Not at all, cowboy." Half an hour later, they made their way downstairs, happy and satisfied. They went into the kitchen to find Rose making breakfast already.

"Mornin', mama," said Jack cheerfully, kissing her on the cheek. She gave him an amused glance, knowing exactly how things had improved lately. She was very happy that Ennis was truly recovering now. If only Becky could do the same.

"Mornin', boys. Happy birthday, Ennis. You got any plans for today?"

Ennis smiled at her. "Thanks, Rose. Um...Jack says he wants to go for a meal in town later, but we're gonna go get some work done outside today."

She nodded. "Well, here you go. This is from me an' Becky, since she ain't had the energy to go shoppin'." She brought over a small package; it turned out to be a pair of belts, which he was grateful for since his was wearing thin.

"Thanks, Rose," he said, leaning over the table and kissing her cheek. "I'll go an' thank Becky, if she's awake." He left the room and Jack smiled at his mother.

"Real nice of ya, mama."

She smiled back. "I'm glad to see you boys back on track after so long. Make sure he takes it easy, won't you?" He nodded.

"I will, mama."

They spent the day outside, as planned. They tended to the horses and mucked out the stalls together, just the two of them. They had both missed this over the last few months, just working on their land together. It was a constant reminder of what they had and how much they loved their life together. The hands were pleased to have their bosses out here, and to see that Ennis was doing okay.

That evening, the two of them went out to their favourite restaurant in Sandersville, ordering large steaks and enjoying the cool air. It was a lovely evening and Jack couldn't have been happier.

As they ate, Jack watched Ennis. He too seemed relaxed and calm, a far cry from when they had been at the garage to get the truck fixed, and Ennis had reacted to a backfire. He had come a long way.

He took a breath. "You doin' okay, Ennis?" he asked, looking into his eyes. Ennis nodded.

"Yeah. Thanks to you," he said, looking at him shyly. Jack smiled.

"S'alright. Ain't no trouble when I love ya like I do." Ennis looked down, and then back up at him.

"Jack, I...I gotta say...you've been so good to me over the last couple months. You didn't hafta be...it coulda been too much for ya an'...you coulda left..."

Jack shook his head. "Maybe. But...I couldn't have done it, even if I'd wanted to. No way I coulda just left ya alone to deal with it. I'd never forgive myself." Ennis still looked troubled, so he carried on. With a glance around, he leaned in.

"Look...let's say for a moment that...there's this other universe out there, runnin' alongside this one. An'...there's these two guys, just like us. Livin' together. But...they live in a world where that's okay, an' nobody would hurt 'em for it, or say nasty things to 'em. An'...their life is all hearts an' roses, an' they ain't got no troubles. The only things they have to deal with is...I dunno...how they spend their money or somethin', or the kinda car they drive or whatever. Thing is, Ennis...I don't wanna be those guys."

Ennis was staring at him. "You don't?"

"Nope. I want this. Us. We ain't got a perfect life, I know that. But...it's still a damn good one if you ask me. We're in love, an' we got a business an' everythin'. Ever since that first night on Brokeback, all I ever wanted was a life with you, an' I got that. Yeah, we got troubles, but...I ain't never been this happy. All I want is this," he said softly, looking into Ennis's eyes. "So...no matter what happens, I ain't gonna walk away from the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you, cowboy." He smiled warmly at Ennis, who looked blown away by his words. There was really only one thing he could say back.

"I love you too, Jack."

* * *

><p>A few days later, they were in another session with Anna at the hospital. Despite the fact that Ennis was doing a lot better than he had been, they thought it would be for the best to keep meeting with her until he was completely past it.<p>

Unfortunately, they knew that time was running out for Becky. They were keeping a close eye on her just in case something happened, even though they were dreading it. Jack was glad that Ennis was recovering now; he knew that he would need him by his side when she died.

They held hands and talked in low voices as they waited for her, Jack smiling widely at Ennis as he looked into his eyes. He was more in love than ever now that Ennis was back to normal. They had done a few things over the last week or so, and Jack was happy that their sex life was almost back to normal. The only thing that hadn't happened was Ennis being inside him, but he was prepared to wait for that until Ennis was feeling up to it.

Anna came into the room, noting how they seemed different to when she'd first met them. Ennis seemed more relaxed and happier, which seemed to affect Jack too. She wondered what might have happened since their first visit to do this.

"Hey, guys," she said, walking around the desk and sitting in her chair. They smiled at her. "How are you guys doing?"

Jack nodded. "Real good, Anna. Since we got back from Ohio...things have got a lot better."

She smiled. "That's great. Ennis, have you been thinking about everything we discussed?"

He nodded, breathing deeply. "Yeah. Was hard at first, thinkin' that everybody blamed me, an' that it was my fault that Adam died. An'...it got me thinkin' about everythin' else that happened...can't deny that it was gettin' to me."

"I see. So...what did you decide?"

Ennis looked at Jack. "I...after everythin' Jack's been tellin' me...an' talkin' to you...I'm thinkin'...none of it was my fault. I didn't have nothin' to do with Earl dyin'...that was my father, an' Jack's too. They did it, not us. We didn't do anythin'." Jack was smiling at Ennis as he spoke, seeing that he was finding closure at last.

"That's right, Ennis," encouraged Anna. "It wasn't your fault."

He carried on, feeling the need to get this out. "An'...with Adam..." He took a deep breath, feeling Jack's hand squeeze his. "That wasn't my fault either. Even if we had gone back like he suggested...it still mighta happened. Like...they mighta seen us turnin' back an' attacked us anyway. So...he still coulda died."

"Yeah, bud," Jack said softly, playing with his fingers. "It still coulda happened even if you hadn't been there. It ain't like you made 'em attack ya...an' from what you said, they got him good. Ain't like you coulda saved him from somethin' like that."

"I know. Took me a while to believe that, no matter how many times people told me. An'...after visitin' his grave...Jack made me realise that it wasn't my fault, an' that nobody blamed me for it."

"That's right, Ennis," Anna said, looking between them and smiling. "So...how do you feel, knowing all that?"

He ran his tongue along his bottom lip. "Better. Like...I've been carryin' this around with me for over ten years, since I saw Earl's body...an' Jack's tried his best to help me with it all. He's been really great, but...talkin' to you helped a lot. An'...I think I'm gonna be okay." Jack breathed a sigh of relief.

Anna sat back, looking happy. "That's great, Ennis. I'm really glad you've sorted your head out. So...what happens now?"

"Um...I guess we just carry on with stuff. Lookin' after Becky an' all. Jack needs me now, an'...I'm gonna be there for him." He smiled at Jack, whose eyes were alight with happiness.

"Good. You have to stick together now, and I'm really glad you're getting better. So...do you want to come back some time, or will you be okay?"

They looked at each other. "Uh...wouldn't hurt to talk once in a while, I guess," said Jack, and Ennis nodded. "Could do some good."

She nodded. "Alright. Just give me a call anytime you want, let me know if you want to talk. So...are you guys okay?"

"Yep. Uh...we gonna go, bud?" asked Jack, looking at Ennis, who nodded.

"Yeah, okay." They turned to Anna, who nodded.

"Okay. Take care, you two." They both got up and left, reluctantly letting go of each other as they reached the waiting room. They got back into Jack's truck and sighed in unison. Jack turned to Ennis.

"Hey, cowboy..." Ennis looked at him and Jack took his hand again. "I'm real proud of ya, you know. All that in there...you realisin' that none of it was yer fault...I've been hopin' for a while that you'd start to believe it. I'm real glad to see ya doin' better."

Ennis smiled back, and then cleared his throat. "Jack...there's somethin' I wanna tell ya. A few weeks ago, I was in bed an'...I woke up...started to go downstairs an'...I heard you talkin' to yer mama." He looked meaningfully at Jack, who realised exactly what Ennis had heard.

"Oh...cowboy...I dunno what to say..." He turned fully to face Ennis, looking apologetic. "I just..."

Ennis shook his head. "It's okay, Jack. I know you've been feelin' bad an' I just...I hated the thought of you dealin' with all this shit on yer own, so...I decided to work harder at gettin' better. Make more of an effort, you know? I wanted to help ya, with Becky an' everythin'. Thought I'd have a better chance if I worked harder."

Jack shuffled over and into his arms, wrapping his own around him. "God, Ennis...we seem to be takin' it in turns to look after each other, don't we?"

Ennis kissed his hair. "Guess so. I reckon it's just 'cos we love each other, right?"

Jack nodded and breathed deeply. "Sure do, Ennis."

* * *

><p><em>October 12th, 1966<em>

It was now Jack's birthday, and he and Ennis were, to his delight, rolling around on their bed, pinning each other down and kissing deeply. It was actually the middle of the day, but since it was a special day, they had decided to spend it together. Jack couldn't believe how far they had come over the last few weeks, and how much happier they were now. He felt a great sense of peace overtake him at how Ennis was now.

Unfortunately, Becky was getting worse. Jack had awoken in the middle of the night more than once to hear her retching and coughing in her room. He'd been unable to sleep until she had stopped, and he'd often turned onto his side to see Ennis watching him, also listening to her. They felt awful at not being able to help her, despite the fact that she kept telling them not to worry about it. There was never anything that they could have done about it.

Ennis finally managed to get Jack on his back, eyes glittering in a way that Jack loved, that he had missed. They were dark with desire and Jack shuddered in anticipation. "Ennis...come on..." Ennis hadn't yet topped him, in spite of everything else they'd done, so he was looking forward to it. "You wanna...?"

He gazed up into Ennis's eyes, seeing the lust there. He could see it in Ennis's eyes that he was wanted, and he wanted Ennis very much himself. Ennis took a deep breath. "Yeah. But...don't wanna aggravate them stitches..." He looked down at Jack, looking nervous.

Jack thought for a moment, and then an idea came to mind. "Tell you what, you get on yer back an' I'll ride ya. How's that sound?" Ennis grinned at this notion; he had always loved this position whenever they did it like this.

"Sounds pretty damn good to me." He got off of Jack and rolled onto his side, on his back. Jack crawled on top of him and straddled him, getting comfortable.

"You ready?" he whispered softly, biting his lip. Ennis nodded, full of anticipation.

"Yeah. Come on, darlin'..." Jack grabbed the lube and slicked him up, feeling Ennis tremble slightly at his touch. Jack put the tub back and then got into position, spreading his cheeks and lowering himself onto Ennis, his mouth opening slightly as he remembered how this felt. Nothing could ever compare to this feeling as far as he knew.

"Oh God...Ennis..." he gasped out, feeling his lover fill him up. His heart swelled with love for the man below him and he looked down; Ennis was staring up at him, eyes fixed on his face. Once Ennis was fully inside him, Jack leaned over him, hands on either side of his head. They looked at each other, and then kissed again, their tongues finding each other and twining together. Ennis's arms weaved around Jack's back and pulled him closer. Their bodies tangled up and Ennis began to slowly thrust up into Jack, deep strokes that Jack loved and lived for.

"Jack...I love you..." Ennis whispered, burying his face in Jack's neck. "Love you so much..."

"I love you too, cowboy, always will..." Jack breathed into his ear before gently biting it. "Come on, baby..."

They rocked together for several moments, hearing the bed squeak but not caring. All that mattered was the two of them, right here in the moment. All of a sudden, as they were lost in their passion, they rolled over so that Ennis was on top. Jack pulled his mouth away and looked up at Ennis in alarm.

"Ennis...your stitches...you shouldn't..." But Ennis shook his head.

"It's okay, Jack...I'm okay...I wanna..." He was feeling alright in his stomach and he wanted to feel Jack beneath him; he had missed that terribly. Jack could only nod and go along with it, trust in Ennis's assessment of his injuries. He was too far gone by now to protest.

He let Ennis thrust into him again and again, reaching that place inside him to make him go crazy. He was starting to shake at the familiar feeling, and when he pressed his lips to Ennis's neck, he felt Ennis thrusting even further. He gasped out loud and clung to Ennis with his legs. At last, with one last brush against that place, he gave an almighty shudder and erupted between them, the warmth spreading between their chests. Ennis wasn't far behind, spilling into him and groaning into his ear.

Jack took hold of his shoulders so that he wouldn't collapse onto him. "Easy, easy..." He brought Ennis into his arms and rolled him over onto his back; he was breathing deeply and looked peaceful. "Bud, you okay?" Jack asked softly, leaning over him and touching his cheek.

Ennis opened his eyes and looked up at him, smiling peacefully at him. "Just fine, rodeo," he whispered. "Happy birthday." Jack grinned and shuffled close to him, curling up next to his warmth and revelling in their love.

"Thanks, cowboy. You wanna go out for some dinner later or somethin'? Get us some of those steaks?" Ennis put an arm around him and kissed his hair.

"Yeah, okay." He then sighed. "Can we go for a walk in a bit? Wanna get some fresh air..."

"Mmm...in a minute," Jack said, stretching and kissing Ennis's neck. "Wanna stay here for a while...just gettin' comfy..."

Ennis smiled to himself. "Alright. Love ya Jack."

Jack kissed his chest and snuggled closer to him. "I love you too, Ennis."

After a while, they finally roused themselves and went for a walk up to their hill. They sat there for a while, holding each other and talking softly. They went for a wonderful meal at their favourite restaurant in town and finished the evening by spending it with Rose in front of the TV and then going back upstairs for more love. They then curled up in each other's arms, Jack knowing that everything would be okay.

* * *

><p>The day after, Jack was walking along the hall to their bedroom to check on Ennis, who was just waking up after a nap. He got about halfway along when his mother came out of the room, looking distressed.<p>

"What's wrong, mama?" he asked, looking concerned. Her lip trembled.

"It's Becky...I think she..." He saw it in her eyes and his heart sank, knowing that the worst was coming.

"Oh God...no..." He rushed into the room to find Becky holding Lily, looking full of sadness as she looked at her daughter. She was looking at her intently.

"I love you, baby...don't you ever forget that, okay? Jack an' Ennis will look after ya, I know that. But I'm always gonna look down on ya, okay? I'm always gonna be here, I promise." Her voice broke and Jack felt like there was a heavy weight in his stomach. Becky sniffed and hugged her daughter close to her, before starting to cough again. Rose rushed forward and took Lily from her.

"Honey...I don't know what to say..." Jack turned from the room to see Ennis walking towards him, looking confused. Without a word, Jack moved forward into his arms and let Ennis hold him.

"Ennis...she..." After a moment, they finally went back into Becky's room. She was struggling to breathe and all three of them sat on her bed. They hated having to watch her die like this, but there was nothing they could do.

Jack's lip trembled and he took her hand. "Becky...I love you...you know that, right?"

She nodded and smiled. "I know, Jack. I love you guys too. You guys...you've given me so much...a home, a life...I owe you so much." She coughed again. "Look after Lily, okay?"

They both nodded. "We will, I promise. You've given us a lot too, Becky."

Becky gestured to her nightstand. "In there...there's a letter. For both of you..." Jack and Ennis looked at each other, and then Jack reached into the nightstand, pulling out the letter that Rose knew she'd written. It was the one that explained everything to them; about their father, and about how they were truly related. This letter could change everything. She didn't want to see Jack's face when he found out what his father had done. "Rose knows what it says...so...it's for you..."

Jack looked at the letter in his hand. "Uh...what's this about?" he asked, confused.

"I wrote it...when I got sick. There's...some things you should know. Things I shoulda told ya a long time ago, but...I thought it'd be better for you if I didn't. Some bad things about...yer daddy, Jack..."

Jack exchanged a surprised glance with Ennis; he hadn't expected that. "My daddy? What about him?"

She waved a hand. "Just...some things that happened. Bad things that...I thought would be better for you if you didn't know. I'm sorry, Jack...I shoulda told ya before...but..." She started coughing again and she could feel a tightening in her chest. She couldn't talk anymore, and they all leaned over her in alarm, knowing that this was the moment.

"Becky, we love you...we ain't never gonna forget ya..." Jack promised, feeling Ennis's hand on his back. She smiled.

"I know...love you..." She took a few ragged breaths, looking strained. Jack hated having to watch this, but he knew that she wanted them there, wanted to say goodbye.

"Love you too..." With a few final breaths and a look at them all, her eyelids fluttered, slowly closing and then falling closed. Her hand went limp in Jack's, and he felt like he'd been punched in the gut. His blood was pounding in his ears and he was in shock.

"Becky? Becky!" he cried out, looking at her in a panic. "Becky..." He could feel both of Ennis's hands on his shoulders, rubbing them gently.

"Jack...she's gone, bud..." he said softly. Jack's shoulders sagged as he looked at her, feeling defeated. He'd been unable to do anything to help her, and he felt useless.

"I...she..." He felt Ennis wrap his arms around him from behind, and he gripped them where they encircled his chest, trying to draw comfort from him. All they could do was sit and stare, unable to do anything but think about Becky and what they had just lost. They had all loved her and they felt that they had just lost an integral part of their family.

What they didn't know was that Becky had been having visions for the last few hours, which she had figured was a case of seeing her life flashing before her eyes. She could remember growing up on Lightning Flat, and spending time with Jack when she'd thought he was her cousin. She could remember meeting Ennis in Texas when Jack had brought him; he had been so full of love and she'd enjoyed seeing him so happy. And she had many memories of being here on the ranch. Ennis and Jack had been so great to her, looking after her when she'd been pregnant and then helping her to bring Lily up. She knew that she was leaving her daughter in very capable hands; they were sure to look after her and help her to have a good life.

There was one vision that recurred, both in her dreams and when she was awake. She had wondered if it was a memory, but she wasn't sure. It involved her father, _their_ father, so she wasn't entirely sure what it was. If it was a memory, then it must have occurred before the fiasco surrounding their grandfather, before their father had changed.

_You're my baby girl...you an' Jack are my pride an' joy. My two kids, you an' yer mama are everythin' to me. I'm always gonna love you an' won't never let ya down, I promise._

She knew that voice, but had always associated it with anger and hate, never love. But as she lay dying, she began to hear it again, in these visions and dreams. She could hear her father's voice.

* * *

><p>After several minutes of silence, during which they tried to make sense of what had just happened, Rose finally roused the other two.<p>

"I better call somebody...get the...the funeral arranged..."

Jack nodded, still gripping Ennis's arms where they held him. "Yeah, mama...uh..."

She looked at him sympathetically. "Jack...you an' Ennis go on back to yer room. Read that letter, like she wanted." She shooed them out of the room and Ennis started to pull Jack away.

"Come on, bud...come on..." Jack let Ennis lead him out of the room and to their own. Ennis closed the door behind them and looked at Jack, who was now staring at the letter.

"Wonder what it says?" he said softly. "She said...it was about my daddy...wonder what...?"

Ennis came over to him and put an arm around him. "Only one way to find out...you wanna read it?" Jack took a deep breath.

"Musta been pretty bad...that she couldn't tell me before..." He looked up at Ennis. "I just...what if it makes me feel even worse? We've only just lost her..."

Ennis rubbed his shoulders. "I know...but...she wanted you to know this stuff...whatever it is. Must be important, right?"

After several moments, Jack nodded. "Yeah...will you read it with me, Ennis? It's for both of us, after all..."

"Yeah, okay." They sat down and Jack unfolded the mysterious letter. They shuffled closer together and began to read.

_Dear Ennis and Jack,_

_If you're reading this, then that means I'm no longer with you, unfortunately. You have to know that by the time you read this, I'll be watching you and wishing that I was still with you. I love you both and I hope that this letter clears up anything you wanted to know._

_You know by now that Earl was our grandfather, Jack, and that he was killed by several men, including Ennis's and yours. You know that when Earl and Rich tried to visit us in Lightning Flat, your father grew angry and turned them away. You should know that your mother did everything she could._

_There is one final piece of the puzzle, the one that brings everything together. I had many thoughts over the years about telling you this, but I knew that if I did, it would make you hate your father even more. I didn't want to cause you that pain._

_The truth is...your parents are my parents, Jack. I'm your little sister. I know that this may come as a shock to you, but I can explain everything. I know the dates don't exactly make much sense, but I was prematurely born the year after you. I was conceived in December 1943, and was two months early. They weren't sure that I would make it. _

_The year after, as you know, our grandfather tried to visit us with Rich, but he was turned away by our father. That was August 1945. What happened then was the worst part. Our father...became abusive, and aggressive. He began to drink and bully our mother. He took it out on us, too. He hit me, Jack. Across the cheek, and our mother was livid. I don't know if he ever hit you, you'd have to ask our mother. I know what he did to you when we were growing up, so it wouldn't surprise me if he did. _

_You probably remember that during the first few months of your relationship, when you had contact with me, that myself and our mother were uneasy when the other was mentioned. The day after my 18th birthday, when I was told the truth by our Aunt Maria, I called our mother to talk to her. I was angry that she stood by him even after everything he'd done, and our relationship was rocky back then. That's why things were shaky between me and her. But you should know that things have improved greatly. We made up and during the last couple of years, I honestly don't know what I would have done without her. Same goes for you and Ennis._

_Please, Jack, don't be angry at her for not telling her. She asked me if I wanted her to and I said no, that I didn't want to cause you more pain. It was my decision. I'm telling you now, even though it hurts. I know you have Ennis with you to help you through this, and I know you need him. Just...lean on him, Jack. You two have been so amazing all the time I've known you, and I feel privileged to have been part of your life together. _

_Please look after Lily for me, and each other. I wish you all the success possible in the ranch, and I hope you have a wonderful life together. Remember that I love you both, and I'll always be with you._

_Just do me one favour. In my jewellery box, you'll find the horseshoe earrings, necklace and bracelet that you two and Kate gave me for my 21st birthday. I want you to hold onto them, and give them to Lily when she gets married. I long to be there when it happens, so this is my way of making sure that I'm there. I want her to have them._

_So...I love you, and will always be with you. Take good care of each other, and have a good life, like you deserve._

_All my love,_

_Becky_

Ennis finished and looked at Jack in shock; his eyes were wide. "Ennis, she...she was my little sister...my..." The letter fell from his limp hands and he placed them over his mouth. "An'...our daddy...he..."

"I know, I know," Ennis whispered, putting his arms around Jack and pulling him close. "It's okay..." He bit his lip and didn't know what to say. Becky had been Jack's sister, and Rose's daughter. That would make Lily...Rose's granddaughter. He was at a loss of what to say to Jack; he could only hold him. Jack clung to him and started to sob into his shoulder, finally mourning their loss.


	24. Chapter 24

_Author's notes_

_Hey guys :) I'm sad to say that this is the penultimate chapter, with the epilogue being posted tomorrow. My next big project will be an AU/AU story, and after that will be a fourth instalment. I want to thank all of my readers for reading along, and thank you to everybody who has helped me with this. Hope you've enjoyed this story :)_

_Kathryn xxx_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 24<strong>

They sat there for what felt like an eternity, Ennis holding Jack and feeling his own tears pricking his eyes. They were still in shock over losing Becky, and from everything they'd just read in her letter. Becky had been Jack's _sister_, his closest relative apart from his mother. Ennis knew that Jack had always loved her like a sister, so this felt like a cruel irony to him. Jack had lost her and Ennis knew his grief would cut into him.

He felt Jack pulling away, still sniffing. His face was lowered and he was trembling. Ennis lifted his chin and made him meet his eyes. "Darlin'...it's okay...look at me..." Jack lifted his eyes, looking distressed.

"My little sister, Ennis...I never knew..."

"I know, I know. I dunno what to tell ya, Jack. Don't know if there's anythin' I can say..."

Jack shook his head. "There ain't, not right now. Dunno what to think...just..." He moved into Ennis's arms again and burrowed close, needing comfort. Ennis wrapped his arms around him again and held him tightly, rocking him slightly. He was immensely grateful that he had more or less recovered from his mental and physical scars, just in time to be here for Jack when he was needed. He had needed Jack to help him with trauma, and he had been there. Now their roles had been reversed, and he swore to be here for Jack.

After a few minutes, he started rubbing Jack's back, and he felt his trembling lessen. He pulled away again, finally gaining some control over himself. He sniffed and wiped his eyes.

"Just...can't believe this," he said shakily. "All those years, an' I never knew..."

Ennis nodded. "I know. Can't believe it myself, to be honest. I know you loved her like a sister, so..." He took Jack's hands. "I'm so sorry, bud. I know this was the last thing you needed right now, what with lookin' out for me an' all..." Jack's eyes were red and puffy and he was staring at Ennis's chest as Ennis held his hands.

"I know, Ennis. But...we knew this was comin'. We knew she was gonna die..."

"But we didn't know about all that," Ennis whispered, looking at the letter on the floor. "We didn't know she was yer sister, or all that 'bout yer daddy an' what he did. God...he hit her, Jack," he said softly. "She was just a baby, an'..."

"That's right," Rose said from the doorway, holding Lily in her arms. They both looked over at her. "He did hit her. He'd been drinkin', an'...Becky was cryin' about somethin'. I think she was teethin' or somethin', can't remember. She just kept cryin', an'...he lost it."

Jack's eyes screwed up and he leaned into Ennis again. "God...all that stuff he did to me growin' up...I hated him as it was. But with this..."

Rose came over and sat on Jack's other side. Jack shifted and ruffled Lily's hair. "Well...I can promise we're gonna look after this little one." Ennis nodded and rubbed his back again.

"Yeah, you bet." Rose smiled at them.

"I know you will, an' I promise to help ya. Especially since she's my granddaughter," she said softly, kissing the top of her head. Jack nodded.

"Yeah...God, mama...she was yer little girl..."

"She was. An' I loved her. I never wanted to give her away, you know. I never got on with Joe much, but I needed to do somethin'. I thought that if I gave her to him an' Maria, she'd still have the Twist name an'...I thought nobody would ever know, until I wanted 'em to."

Jack sniffed. "So...that's why the newspapers 'bout Earl said that she was Joe's daughter...they didn't know."

"That's right. I did it for Maria too, she always wanted kids, an'...she an' Joe..." She gave them a meaningful look and they nodded in understanding.

"Right. Mama...it musta been real hard for ya, all those years. Like when we was growin' up an' I brought her over to our house. An' you knew..."

Rose nodded. "Yeah. It tore me up to see her growin' up like that. Maria kept me up to date on how she was doin'. But even though it hurt me to see her growin' up without me, I still loved seein' her. I still got to see her plenty of times. An' that's thanks to you, Jack." She smiled at him. Jack nodded and started playing with Ennis's fingers absentmindedly.

"Right. Um..." He looked around. "So, did ya call someone?"

"Yeah. I called Rick an' Greg, told 'em what happened. Greg says he'll be here tomorrow to talk about her will. Rick's comin' by soon, with the guys from the undertaker's. They'll take her body an' we can arrange the funeral. Where are we buryin' her?"

Jack looked at Ennis. "Um...I thought maybe we could have her here, at the ranch. There's some real nice spots on the land. We know this willow tree, near the hill; that might be a good place."

Rose nodded and squeezed his shoulder. "That sounds real good, Jack. I'm sure she'd like that." Jack smiled at her, and then rubbed his eyes.

"Mama...if it's alright...could we get some sleep? Feelin' kinda drained."

"Sure, honey. I'll put Lily down too. Get some sleep, you two." She left the room and Jack flopped back on the bed, hands over his eyes. Ennis retrieved the letter and put it on Jack's nightstand, and then he took hold of Jack's hand, pulling him up from the bed.

"Come on, bud. Let's get under an' get some sleep, alright?" Jack let Ennis lead him into bed, kicking off their boots and removing their clothes. Ennis lay on his side and watched as Jack shuffled close to him, curling up against him. Ennis wrapped an arm around him and kissed his hair.

"Get some sleep, Jack. I'm right here." Jack made a small sigh and closed his eyes, glad that he had Ennis here to look after him.

* * *

><p>The day after, Greg came by to talk to them about Becky's will. Shortly after their conversation yesterday, Rick had been by with people from the undertakers to take Becky's body to the morgue. The funeral was due to take place in two days, hopefully giving their aunt and uncle from Texas enough time to get there. They had raised Becky for almost all of her life and for many years, she had considered them her parents. They had a right to be here for her funeral, so long as their uncle was civil.<p>

Jack was still struggling to get his head around the fact that Becky had been his sister all along. For so long he had thought of her as his cousin, and that had been fine. He had loved her like a sister. And he had always thought of Lily as his niece, so nothing had really changed. He didn't feel any different now that he knew the truth.

He was very angry about what their father had done to Becky as a baby, and for the first time he found himself wishing that his father was alive, just so that he could confront him about it. He felt hopeless about the whole thing and he wished that he could have helped her. But all he could do for her now was look after Lily, with Ennis and his mother's help. They would bring her up and help her to become a credit to her mother. That was the best thing they could do for Becky.

As they sat at the table that morning, waiting for Greg, Ennis and Jack held hands as they talked. Jack was running a finger over Ennis's wedding band, trying to draw comfort from this symbol of their connection. Their two blue heelers, Lucky and Smokey, were sat by Jack's feet.

"So, how are things gonna go at the funeral? Could we get a pastor or somethin'?" he asked, looking at the other two. "Would anybody wanna come here?"

Rose sighed. "I dunno, Jack. We could try to find one. But we gotta be careful, don't want you guys gettin' outed."

"Yeah. I bet we could find one if we ask around." There was a knock at the door. "Guess that's Greg."

Jack got up and went to the door; Greg was there with a briefcase and a sorrowful look on his face. "Jack, I'm so sorry. You know we all loved her and didn't want this to happen."

He nodded. "I know. Thanks, Greg, come on in." He led Greg inside and through to the kitchen, where Rose and Ennis both gave him small smiles.

"Hey, Greg." He sat down and Jack took his place next to Ennis, once more taking his hand.

"Like I said to Jack just now, I'm so sorry about all of this. None of us wanted this to happen."

Ennis nodded. "Yeah. So...what happens now?"

Greg opened up his briefcase and took out some documents. "This is Becky's will. This states that upon her death, you two are Lily's legal guardians."

"What about her father?" Jack asked in a low voice, despising the idea of him turning up and trying to lay a claim to her. He was the reason that Becky was dead.

Greg shook his head. "Becky told me the situation. How he wanted nothing to do with her when she was pregnant, and never once came to see Lily or offered any kind of child support."

"Not to mention that he's the reason Lily's gonna grow up without a mama," Jack muttered. Ennis squeezed his hand.

"Well...there's no definite proof of that, but...I understand how you feel. But don't worry, he may be her father, but he has no claims to her. You two will have legal rights to custody, and he won't be able to do a thing."

Jack nodded and felt relieved. "Thanks, Greg. We'll look after her, you know we will."

"I know. And...I'm guessing you read a letter from her?"

"Yeah, we did. About her bein' my sister. Did you know?"

Greg nodded. "I did. She told me when she was sorting out her will. I have to admit I was shocked. I never would have guessed it. I guess that since Becky was given to your uncle, it would throw you off, with her having the Twist name and everything..."

"Yeah. So...is there anything else she wanted us to know?"

"That was it. Her money came from the ranch, and she wanted all of her personal possessions to be given to Lily."

"Yeah, her letter said to pass on all her jewellery an' everythin'. We'll do that, no problem." Jack then sighed. "I just...can't believe all this. She was my little sister..." Ennis slipped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed him gently. "I...I'd miss her a whole lot anyway if she really was my cousin, but...I miss her even more..."

"I know, Jack. Um...I just need you to sign this. Ennis too; it's to confirm that you accept your new role as Lily's legal guardians." He handed over a document and they signed it, happy to be able to do this for Becky.

When they were finally done, Greg put all of the documents away and looked sympathetically at them. "Sorry you had to go through all of this. How are you doing, Ennis?"

Ennis nodded. "I'm fine. Gettin' better all the time. Just glad I got my head straightened out in time to help Jack with this." Jack smiled at him, feeling happy that he was here.

"Well...that's everything I needed to do. When's the funeral?"

"In a couple of days," Jack said, sniffing. "Our aunt an' uncle in Texas brought her up, an'...I know they'd wanna be here to say goodbye."

"Alright. Um...I'll see you in a couple of days, alright?" After more condolences, Greg left and they were left alone. Ennis held Jack as they sat on the sofa, trying to comfort him and help him through this. It was all he could do.

* * *

><p>That afternoon, Ennis and Jack were sat on their hill, lying on a blanket and looking into each other's eyes. Ennis had suggested this as a way to get Jack to relax, and it seemed to be working. He could feel the tension in Jack's muscles lessening as he rubbed his back.<p>

"You okay, darlin'? he whispered, looking over Jack's face. Jack sighed and closed his eyes.

"I dunno, Ennis...dunno what to think 'bout all this. I...I miss her so much already...an' she was my little sister an' all." Ennis could see a tear running from Jack's eye towards his ear, and he wiped it away.

"It's okay, Jack...you don't gotta feel bad 'bout it. Just let it all out...I'm here." He stroked Jack's cheek and watched his face.

Jack smiled and opened his eyes. "Thanks, Ennis. Love ya so much..." He shuffled forward and into Ennis's arms. Ennis kissed his hair and held him close.

"I love you, too, Jack. So glad I'm here to help you with all this...dunno what we woulda done if I was still all messed up..."

"I'm glad you ain't, Ennis, an' not just for this," Jack mumbled into his chest.

Ennis rubbed his back. "It's okay, Jack. You was there for me when I needed ya, so...now it's my turn. I'm right here, darlin'..."

Jack slipped an arm around Ennis, pulling him closer. "Thanks, cowboy. I, um..." He pulled his head up and looked into Ennis's eyes. "Can we, um...?" He bit his lip and Ennis understood what he was asking.

"Sure." He leaned in and kissed Jack, holding the back of his head and gently probing Jack's mouth with his tongue.

"Mmm..." Jack moaned softly, enjoying their closeness. "Ennis...want ya inside me..."

The words struck a chord in Ennis, and he realised that he wanted to do this for Jack; to comfort him and make him feel better, if only for a few minutes. He rose up and slid on top of Jack, pressing him down onto the blanket and tangling his hands in Jack's dark hair. Jack lifted his arms and wrapped them around Ennis's neck. They kissed deeply and Jack could feel himself getting hard.

He pulled his mouth away. "Ennis...come on...need ya..." Ennis nodded and they began to remove their clothes. Their shirts came away and they ran their hands over each other's muscles, feeling the warm skin. Their hands slipped down to each other's belt buckles and they undid them, pushing their jeans down as far as they could. They managed to kick their jeans off and held each other close again. Jack brought his legs up so that his knees were up near his chest and Ennis got into position over him, looking down into his eyes.

"Just relax, darlin'...it's alright..." Jack nodded, breathing deeply. With one hand between them, Ennis slowly pushed into him, filling him up and making him sigh in contentment.

"Ennis...love this...more than anythin'..."

"I know, Jack. I do too..." Ennis slid into him and laced their fingers together. "Come on..." They started to rock together, slowly and easily. Ennis thrust into Jack and buried his face in his neck, kissing and nibbling at it. Jack responded by lowering his hands down to Ennis's ass to pull him closer. He started to give little gasps as he started to tremble underneath Ennis.

"Ennis...God...love you..."

"Love you too..." He changed his angle and hit the sweet spot, making Jack moan aloud in his ear. He felt his legs shaking as he spilled between them, feeling as Ennis followed him swiftly, holding onto him as they rode it out. Ennis collapsed onto Jack's chest and panted a little to get his breath back.

"Damn, that was good," he breathed. "Love you, Jack."

Jack wound his arms around Ennis's back, feeling happy and loved. "Love you too, cowboy. So glad I got you here with me...don't know what I'd do without ya."

"You ain't never gonna hafta worry about that. I'm always gonna be here."

"I almost lost ya, Ennis. You coulda...died out there, an'...even when ya got back, you was a mess. So glad we got ya sorted out before we lost Becky. I just...I really need ya here with me, an'...I'm glad yer here."

Ennis rose up and kissed him, hands on either side of his face. "I am too. I wanna help ya, Jack, an' I will." He leaned on his elbows and looked down into Jack's face. "Look...I know yer feelin' real bad about the whole thing, an'...I understand. I miss her too, but...we gotta pull together. We gotta look after Lily now, she needs us."

Jack nodded. "I know. An' we are. We're her guardians an' all now...we gotta take care of her."

"We will, darlin', I promise. We're gonna do whatever we can." They kissed again and held each other close.

After a while, they got dressed and got back on the horses, heading back towards the stables. They looked in on the cattle as they passed, seeing the hands working and making sure that everything was alright. They saw the willow tree that they had earmarked as the spot for Becky's grave. They would make sure that Lily grew up knowing her mother and who she'd been. Becky's spirit would never be forgotten and would always be there.

As Jack closed the stall door on Signal, he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist. Ennis held him close just as he had done during their dozy embrace on Brokeback. He nuzzled their cheeks together and Jack gripped his arms, enjoying the warmth from his lover's presence.

"Mmm...love you, Ennis." He felt Ennis kiss his cheek.

"Love you too, Jack. It's gonna be okay, you hear me?"

Jack sighed and closed his eyes. "I know, I know." He felt Ennis rock him in his arms and hum in his ear, and he was very grateful that Ennis was here to comfort him and help him through this pain.

* * *

><p>Two days later, they were holding Becky's funeral. Jack's aunt and uncle from Texas were staying at a nearby motel; Joe had been warned not to say anything derogatory about Ennis or Jack, and they knew that Maria would keep an eye on him. They were supposed to be here to bid Becky farewell, and that would be it.<p>

The night before, Ennis had awoken to find that Jack was no longer in bed. He'd searched the house to find it empty. When he'd gone outside, he'd seen a light in the distance. Upon arriving there, he'd found Jack digging the grave by himself. Ennis hadn't said a word, just picked up another shovel and joined him. When they'd returned, Ennis had held Jack until he'd dropped off to sleep.

This morning, they were eating breakfast when there was a knock at the door. Jack answered it and was surprised by who was there. "Andy?"

The young cowboy smiled wearily. "Hey, Jack. Long time no see, huh?" Jack shook his head and held out his hand for him to shake.

"I'll say. What are ya doin' here?"

"Maria Twist tracked me down an' called me, told me what happened to Becky. She told me everythin', Jack. 'Bout Becky bein' yer sister..."

Jack's heart sank. "Oh...right. So...I'm guessin' yer here for the funeral, right?"

Andy nodded. "Yeah, if that's alright. Can I come in?"

"Uh, sure..." Jack let him in and they went through to the kitchen. Ennis looked surprised and Rose looked puzzled.

"Mama, this is Andy Buchanan, Becky's ex-boyfriend. Ennis, you remember him, right?" Greetings were exchanged and Andy sat down. He was handed a cup of coffee and he gripped it tightly.

"I couldn't believe it when I heard. Never woulda thought this'd happen. I just...can't believe she's gone."

"I know. I dunno why she didn't call ya when she found out. But...it was always up to her..."

"Yeah. Andy looked up and his eyes fell on Lily. "So...this is her little girl, huh?"

Rose patted Lily's hair, making her giggle. "Yeah. Her name's Lily."

Andy sighed. "I ain't proud of the way I reacted when I found out she was expectin'. Just came as a real shock. I was hopin' to have a family with her myself one day, when I had the money. That's why I came to visit her...so we could talk 'bout it. I, um...I was hopin' to propose to her. Had a ring an' everythin'." He pulled out a small box and opened it; it contained a beautiful diamond ring.

"Oh...that's a real nice ring, Andy. I'm sure she woulda said yes. Maybe, um...when her body gets here...you could..."

Andy looked down at the ring. "You sure?"

Jack nodded. "I'm sure she'd like to be buried with it. She always loved you, ya know. She only had a thing with that guy 'cos she was missin' you." Andy sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"I guess. I always loved her too. I ain't met anyone over in Kentucky yet, couldn't bear to be without her." They all fell silent and continued their breakfast.

An hour later, the undertakers came by with Becky's body. Ennis tightly held Jack's hand as they looked at her. Neither of them could believe that she'd actually gone. They had managed to find a pastor who was willing to carry out the service. They had been honest with him about their relationship, and nervously so, but he had told them that he believed God loved everyone, despite whatever sins they might commit. He also said that it wasn't in his nature to condemn anyone during a personal loss. They had been satisfied by this, so were happy to have him perform the funeral.

At noon, they were all stood around her coffin. Andy had placed his ring on her ring finger, kissing her cold hand as he did so. He promised to love her forever and always remember her.

All of their friends were here; they had all loved Becky and felt sorry for Ennis and Jack for losing her. It was a warm day and there was a slight breeze blowing.

"Friends, family, we are all here today to commemorate the life of Rebecca Twist. She was loved by many and a bright spark during hard times for those she loved. Her life was prematurely taken from her through no fault of her own and she has left a hole which cannot be filled. We stand here today to remember her and hope that she finds peace at last. Would anybody like to say a few words?"

Jack stepped forward and took a breath. "Ain't much I can say that she didn't already know. She was my little sister an' I loved her. When Ennis was away...I wouldn't have got through it if she hadn't been here, with our mama. Just...I hope that she's happier now. We'll never forget her an' we'll always love her." He stepped back and Ennis put his arm back around him.

Everybody else all gave their condolences and dropped roses onto the coffin as it was lowered. The pastor gave a final prayer and they all bid goodbye. The men all stepped forward and filled up the grave again. Jack wiped at his eyes and gave a smile.

"Love ya, Becky." He looked at her headstone; it was made of white stone and an inscription had been placed there by Kate at short notice.

_Rebecca Twist_

_July 10th 1944 - October 13th 1966_

_Beloved daughter, sister, mother and friend_

_Always loved, never forgotten _

Jack sniffed and felt Ennis's arm around him again. He turned to him and leaned his head against him with his eyes closed. They all stood there in silence, thinking of Becky and hoping that she was at peace now. The breeze picked up a few leaves from the willow tree and they blew away, as if they were Becky's spirit. Ennis and Jack watched them, seeing them disappear into the deep blue sky, where Becky would now always be, watching over them.

* * *

><p>That night, Ennis and Jack retired to their bed, feeling weary and needing sleep. It had been a long day and they needed to relax. After the service, Rose had put out some food for everybody and they had all sat around talking and eating. Their uncle had been civil enough to them, and Maria had loved seeing Lily for the first time. They had all talked about Becky and the truth surrounding her birth. Their friends had been shocked by the truth and offered their condolences to Jack for losing his little sister. Ennis was glad that they had their friends all around them; he knew that Jack needed a good support system to help him with this.<p>

They had done their best to console Andy, and it had worked, to some extent. He'd seemed a little better once they had said goodbye to Becky, and he had left feeling a little lighter. All of their friends had bid them goodbye one by one and promised to call soon. They had talked to Kate about renewing their vows and she agreed to come by to discuss a new pair of rings with them once they were ready. They had at least agreed to wear a new pair alongside their existing ones. They had talked about having similar ones to what they had, but this time in gold. They figured they would complement their silver rings, and she agreed that they could get started on it as soon as they were ready. But right now, they had to concentrate on what was going on.

Afterwards, he had taken Jack up to their hill and they had sat there, watching the city and breathing in the fresh air. Ennis knew that it had relaxed him to be out here, just the two of them. Jack had laid his head on Ennis's shoulder and talked to him about everything. Ennis knew that it did him good to get it all out and he was happy to sit there and listen. When they had returned to the house, they had called Anna together to talk and she had offered them her condolences.

They had spent the rest of the day in the living room, watching TV and trying to inject some normality back into their lives. Jack had held Lily, his last tie to Becky, and that had seemed to relax him further. As he'd looked at Becky's coffin earlier, he'd silently sworn to her that he would look after Lily as best he could, and that he and Ennis would do everything they could for her.

After taking a shower together, with Ennis soaping his lover's back and easing the tension out of his muscles. He had done his best to get Jack to relax and it seemed to have worked. He had kissed him and held him close, whispering in his ear that everything would be alright. Jack had leaned against the shower stall with Ennis pressed up against him, letting him take over.

Right now, they were slipping into bed, under the warm sheets. Ennis could see that Jack was looking more relaxed than he had been, and he was glad that he was able to help him.

Once they were under the sheets, Ennis turned to face Jack, eyes raking over his glowing skin. He realised that he wanted to do more; he wanted to make love to Jack and make him forget everything for a few minutes. He wanted to make Jack feel better, just as he always had done.

He saw Jack turn his deep blue eyes to him, and he was struck by their intensity. He had always felt that if he looked into those eyes long enough, he could drown in them. That wouldn't be such a hardship, he figured. He sighed and lifted a hand to Jack's cheek.

"You doin' okay, darlin'?" he said softly, looking into his eyes. Jack smiled at him and nodded.

"Yeah, I guess. Was hard to say goodbye to her, but...it's gonna be okay. It ain't like we're gonna forget her. An' we'll make sure that Lily knows her, right?"

"Yeah, we sure will, Jack. She'll always be with us." He sighed and ran a hand down Jack's arm. "You want me to make ya feel better?"

Jack smiled and his eyes sparkled. "Sounds good to me." Within a few minutes, they were on their sides and Ennis was slowly moving inside Jack from behind, a hand gently holding onto his hip. Jack was making soft moaning noises and had his eyes closed. Every so often, he tilted his head back and they kissed, his hand holding the back of Ennis's head. He could feel Ennis kissing the back of his neck and he was in heaven. Ennis was being so gentle and tender with him and he was extremely thankful for it.

They made love very slowly and their release came slow and sweet, Ennis spilling into Jack and Jack releasing onto the sheets. Jack laid his head on his pillow and sighed.

"Thanks, Ennis," he said softly, turning his head back and meeting Ennis's lips. Ennis pulled him onto his back and held him in his arms, kissing his forehead.

"No problem, Jack. Just wanna help ya."

Jack smiled against Ennis's chest. "You've done that more than once over the last few weeks, Ennis. So glad we got ya sorted out before all this happened. Don't know what I'd do without ya." He wrapped an arm around Ennis's waist and squeezed him.

"Me neither, darlin'." He lifted Jack's chin and kissed him, feeling him smile against his lips. Jack's eyes were full of happiness and it was a sight that he loved. They settled down again with Jack's head against Ennis's chest and an arm around his waist. Ennis stroked his arm as he looked up at the ceiling, feeling that once more, a chapter of their lives was over, and they were heading towards the future, one that they would be facing together.


	25. Epilogue

_Author's notes_

_Hey guys, again :) Here's the epilogue. As of now, Hearts Intertwined is finished. Thank you to everybody who has been reading along, and I hope you've enjoyed it. Next week I'll be posting some drabbles for this universe, so keep an eye out for them. And on April 1st, I'll be posting the first chapter of a brand new story, Lessons In Love. It's an AU/AU story set in modern times, with Ennis and Jack as college roommates. The fourth instalment of the current series will be posted after that one finishes, later this summer._

_Kathryn xxx_

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

Over the next few days, they slowly adjusted to life without Becky. It was very hard at first, and more than once Jack awoke in the middle of the night, having had a nightmare of Becky dying all over again. It was all Ennis could do to hold him and rub his back, or occasionally his stomach. He told him that it was okay and tried to make him feel better, and in time the nightmares stopped. They talked to Anna a few times about the whole thing, and Jack gradually came to terms with Becky's death.

Becky's death marked a change in the lives of the residents of Brokeback Ranch. It hit them, for certain this time, that nothing was permanent, and could be taken away at any moment. They realised that they had to make the most of each day and live life to the full.

As a result, they strived to make each day special, reminding each other every day that they were loved. Ennis and Jack, in particular, went out of their way to show each other they cared.

The following spring, they renewed their wedding vows, as they had planned. They invited all of their friends and family from across the various areas of the country, and stood up in front of them to re-establish their everlasting bond and confirm for all to hear that this was how it was going to be. Kate made them rings in gold, identical to the ones they had, and they wore them with their silver rings with pride. They knew in their hearts that they would be together forever.

That night, they kissed and made out until they were hard, and then made love long into the night, holding each other close and enjoying the haze of love.

"Love you, Ennis," Jack murmured. "More than anythin'." He looked down at his rings, and then at Ennis's. The gold and silver looked striking next to each other. Ennis looked down into his deep blue eyes and smiled, his heart swelling with love for the man in his arms.

"Right back atcha, bud."

The ranch steadily made good money, and by the end of 1967 they were well known throughout the state as reliable ranchers. If anybody had suspicions about their relationship, they kept it to themselves and it didn't hurt their business. They were left well enough alone and that was how they liked it.

As for Lily, she grew under their watchful eyes into a lively young lady, very reminiscent of her mother. As soon as she was old enough to understand about death, Ennis, Jack and Rose sat her down and explained to her where her mother was. They showed her Becky's grave and every Sunday from then on, as well as Becky's birthday, Lily would go to the grave and lay fresh flowers for her. She talked to her and seemed to draw comfort from being near to her mother.

By 1970, things were pretty much back to normal. They were having a good life here in Georgia and knew that they were very lucky to be so happy. None of them ever took it for granted. They sent Lily to a good school in the city, where she proved to be very bright, and they were proud of her.

The following year, Pete Dawson's jail term ended, and he was ordered to stay away from the ranch and its inhabitants. He seemed to have learnt his lesson, so for the most part they were able to relax. The last thing they needed when trying to bring up a child was someone threatening them.

They always spent their wedding anniversary on Brokeback, just the two of them, but they spent each anniversary of being together by doing something as a family. In 1973, for their ten year anniversary, they took Rose and Lily to Disneyland, Florida. They spent a week walking around, and oddly enough, they didn't receive any stares. Maybe things were just different out here.

As the years passed, Ennis and Jack made some changes. The year they turned 30, they decided to stop smoking, and were quite dependent on each other to help them get through it. They managed it together and celebrated by buying themselves a Jacuzzi for their bathroom, which they christened the very day they bought it.

Back in Wyoming, Cecilia and K.E. went through their own lives. They each had two more kids over the next 22 years, and even had a couple of grandchildren from their firstborn. Every Thanksgiving was hosted by one of them on a rotation; they took it in turns with Ennis and Jack to host and it was always a wonderful occasion when they got together. Jack could see it in Ennis's eyes that he loved being close to his brother and sister again, after drifting apart following their parents' deaths.

Another thing that changed over the years was attitudes to homosexuality. As the years passed, they started noticing that people didn't just tolerate gay people, they started to _accept_ them. The events of Stonewall seemed to make people sit up and take notice that people like Ennis and Jack weren't about to go away, no matter how much prejudice they faced. There was still a hate crime now and then, but that was to be expected. Not everybody would be inclined to show acceptance towards a certain group, especially one that the church spoke out against.

Still, as they watched, they began to notice things changing. It would be a long time before they would have the same kinds of rights that straight, legally married couples had, but it was a start. There were more and more stories in the news about people fighting for gay rights all the time, and over the years, things improved. They both knew that if it ever became possible for them to marry legally, they would do it in a heartbeat, but they had long since gotten around that by being business partners. They had at least most of the benefits that other gay couples were not permitted, so they were happy with what they had. And they didn't feel a need to go around telling people about their relationship; they had a close circle of friends here who knew and accepted them.

In 1975, the Vietnam War finally ended, giving peace at last to those who had fought. Jack noticed that Ennis seemed a lot more at ease to hear this, and he was glad that Ennis had been returned home before things became worse than they had been.

By 1980, they had seen many changes in the world around them, including moon landings, science breakthroughs, civil rights movements, the beginnings and ends of wars, new presidents and scandals to go with them. They heard about natural disasters and assassinations, and they watched the world with interest.

In the early 80s, they bought themselves a very early computer and all of the books were now done on there. For many a night they had stayed up late, utterly fascinated by all of it and remembering fondly when everything was done on paper. Jack, for one, was glad for the change.

However, the 80s also brought them an event that made them think; the AIDS pandemic. They knew that if anything would increase the stigma towards people like themselves, this would be it. Concerned about all the unprotected sex they'd had over the years, they asked to be tested. Rick Hardeman agreed, and their results came back negative. Jack had been more concerned, having been with one other person besides Ennis, but Rick had assured him that it had been too long ago for him to have become infected. The pair of them talked it over, and admitted that they didn't want to make any changes to their activities. They read up on all the possible causes of HIV and AIDs, apart from sexual transfusion, and they were determined to make sure that they looked after themselves. They figured that as long as they stayed faithful to each other, they would be alright. And they were particularly careful whenever blood was involved.

But during the day-to-day running of the ranch and their lives, nothing much changed. They were very successful and even though they were interested in the world around them, they were happy to stay out of it and just get on with their life together. What they had here was all they'd ever wanted, and they were determined to hold onto it. They were more in love than ever, after everything they'd been through, and their bond grew stronger with each passing year.

As they grew older, they learnt not to let themselves get too caught up in things that were beyond their control. Ennis had long since accepted that Adam's death wasn't his fault, and he knew that it was thanks to Jack and his support that he had managed to move past it. Jack had been so great to him and he would always be thankful for it. The pair of them went for a ride a few times a week up to their hill, talking softly and looking out towards Sandersville.

In 1983, they celebrated their fortieth birthdays by taking a trip to Las Vegas and enjoying themselves. They loved the vibrant nightlife and the energy of the area, as it was so different from what they knew. And Jack particularly loved the large bed in their suite; he and Ennis had a lot of fun there.

One night, Jack walked into the bathroom to find Ennis, buck naked and waiting for him in the Jacuzzi, and he immediately felt himself getting hard. "Well now, ain't that a fine sight?" Ennis opened his eyes and smiled at him, looking very inviting.

"Would be better if you was here, darlin'." He glanced down at the space between his legs and then back up at Jack. "Wanna join me?"

Jack grinned and swiftly undressed, eager to join him. He slid into the tub in front of Ennis, who wrapped his arms around him. "This is real nice," he murmured against Jack's ear, and Jack sighed in contentment. According to him, this was the best feeling in the world; to be held by Ennis and made to feel loved.

"Sure is."

In September of that year, Lily went off to college in Nashville, Tennessee, studying Art. She wanted to take over the ranch one day, or maybe pass it on to a child of her own, so Ennis and Jack were very proud of her. The day she was accepted into the university was a momentous day for all of them. Ennis and Jack had always wanted the very best for her.

"Congratulations, honey," Jack said as he hugged her tightly, grinning from ear to ear. "We're all real proud of ya." He knew that wherever Becky was, she would be smiling down on her daughter.

Lily smiled and hugged him back. "Thanks, Uncle Jack." She went off to college, taking a room on campus and coming home during vacations. Rose taught her how to do her own laundry and how to cook, and she swiftly became very independent. She was very much missed when she was away, but they had twenty years of memories to keep them going. She emailed them every other day and called them every week, keeping them updated on her progress. They loved to hear from her and knew that they had done a good job in bringing her up.

In her second year, she met a young man named Ben Slater who lived in the same dorm building; he was from Nashville. They started to see each other and soon Lily was calling her uncles in a frenzy, telling them excitedly about her new boyfriend and how great he was. They invited him to come and visit the ranch whenever they wanted. That summer, she brought him to the ranch, where he was warmly welcomed. He hadn't been troubled at all by the relationship between Ennis and Jack, for his brother was gay and he was living with a partner of his own. He spent a week at the ranch, helping out with the work and getting into their good books. By the time he left, he had Ennis and Jack's full approval, which made Lily very happy.

In their spring of their fourth year, Ennis and Jack received a surprise visit from Ben asking for Lily's hand in marriage. Jack had looked gleefully at Ennis and when Ben produced the ring that was it. They agreed that he could marry Lily, but not until they had graduated. They would need to concentrate on their studies first, and Ben agreed to this. He could at least propose to her and they would be engaged. Jack knew all too well how great it felt to be engaged to somebody you loved.

When he left, Jack turned to Ennis and grinned. "Our little girl's gettin' married, Ennis...I can't believe it..." Ennis smiled and coaxed Jack into his arms, locking his fingers in the small of Jack's back.

"I know. Her mama would be real proud of her. An' I know we are too." They kissed softly and then broke apart, Jack's eyes sparkling.

"Can you believe we've been together nearly 24 years, Ennis?" Jack murmured, looking up into the familiar brown eyes that he'd become accustomed to over so many years. He found it incredible that they had been together for so long. He could still remember that fateful day in Signal when he had started to drive away from the love of his life, only to see him break down. And he had gone back to make sure that he was alright, and look what had happened. They had gotten together and declared their love for each other. They had managed to find a home of their own, and had started up a successful business. They had merged their families together into one and brought them together. Jack couldn't believe how lucky he was.

"I know, darlin'. I gotta say...I never thought I'd be this happy. Just...lookin' at all we got...can't believe it's all ours. An'...we got everythin' we ever wanted outta life, right?" He looked down into Jack's eyes; those blue eyes that he loved so much.

Jack nodded, running his hands up and down Ennis's back. "Sure did. Got all I need right here." He leaned up and kissed Ennis again, their tongues curling around each other. They stood there kissing for what could have been several sunlit days, totally oblivious to the world around them. All that mattered right now was the two of them, happy in their home and knowing that they still had so much more to look forward to from the coming years. Everything had come full circle for them and this was how it was supposed to be, and how it always would be.


End file.
